Part 1: Orsus
Section 2: Resolutions

Chapter 11-Looking Back

~Suisei Mitsukai~

If any of us had thought to write a book or just to keep track of the simple events that happened to us over the years, the amount of pages would have been inconceivable. But besides the sheer number of papers that would be included in such a volume, or several volumes, nothing could do justice to what's happened these past five years. Exactly five years since I've come to the Moon–because I, Mizuno Ami or Suisei Mitsukai, am the year marker for each of our years upon the Moon. The senshi of Mercury is always discovered last, and no one knows why.

But even if it had been possible for one to learn every single thing that we have all learned over these years, it wouldn't be the same, whether one of us wrote it or an outsider. Someone who has not gone through the things we have gone through could never fully understand the depth of what we have done.

One day, all eight of us will formally pledge the secrecy and trust of our souls to each other–and to Queen Serenity-sama and Usagi. In truth, we've already done it, silently and completely. No one could go through so many joys, sorrows, hurts, and healings without coming to the same conclusion. And yet, if the writer of such a tome had been one of us...well...I doubt that we'd have had the time to write down everything. Still, there would be more feeling, more judgement, more perceptions. We've changed since we first met each other.

I remember wondering how Minako would ever be a leader, with her abundant cheerfulness and slight airheadedness–but it's a ploy we've all come to love and understand. She does it for us and will continue doing it for us, so we won't see how worried she is. She really is a natural leader, despite her unfounded doubts about herself.

Rei was full of anger and hurt when I met her, and I was both frightened and awed by the suppressed rage she held–and how exquisite the control she exerted over it was. And Rei–dear, dark-haired, fiery-tempered Rei–will never let her spirit, or ours, for that matter, be quenched. Perhaps fire and ice will never mix, but they've managed to form a friendship. We're all so relieved that our fire has come back to us, that it has found fuel to burn with once again.

Makoto was much like myself when I first came to the Moon. She didn't trust any of us, and I could understand why. Now, she's released her suspicion and distrust, and she's so remarkably strong. Without a doubt, she has handled everything that's been shoved at us with no problem at all. In the future, she'll be one of the most important parts of our team, but we'll be there to help her through the coming burdens as she has helped us with ours. There's something very comforting about being able to talk to Makoto when we're alone in the kitchen, about anything and everything. She'll be stirring away at a pot issuing steam in the most cheerful manner or be concentrating on an exact measurement of spices, but you know she'll always be listening. It's wonderful to see the compassion in her forest green eyes, which are never as hard as the emeralds they're sometimes to compared to. It's strange, but I've always been partial to green eyes, which are becoming increasingly rare. But how silly and superficial it sounds to judge by outer appearances.

Haruka will never judge anyone by the way they look–or at least, she'll try not to, because it's been done to her too many times. She's unlike any person I've ever known: quick to react, quick to act, quick to anger...slow to love...and slow to hurt. Haruka is a very human person, and it's comforting to know that none of us are perfect. It would be too overwhelming. But then again, no one really regards senshi as human once they're confirmed and even before. Are we to be acclaimed as goddesses when we have no desire to be ranked among them? Haruka, with her wind-tousled hair and blazing sky-blue eyes, would challenge anything and everything unfair about the world and misconceptions about the senshi. She would defy the highest orders to get her answers but not for herself–for us.

Michiru, dear Michiru, who has become a sister to me as Hotaru has also. I never had any family before, and I must confess that when I first came here, so young and vulnerable, that I was afraid of her. She was a princess, and she will always be a princess at heart. When I was on Mercury, I heard all these stories about the maltreatment of slaves from my mother and the others around us by nobles, particularly princes and princesses, kings and queens, and it frightened me as it was supposed to–a warning. I soon got over it after seeing Michiru for what she really is like: she's the calm before the storm, the settling of the ocean waves afterwards, and the storm itself.

Hotaru, who loves fireflies and healing, has a weak physical form but incredible constitution. We've always watched out for each other, but lately, she's been troubled and turning away from me–or turning to herself and other people who can help her better. Setsuna especially, for they share a likeness. Hotaru will be a Messiah, of Death, of Rebirth, of Destruction, and of Life. Setsuna will be the herald and the deciding hand, and they are the two who will make choices that will affect the course of humanity forever. Kami-sama help them and us, for we will experience these things as if they were our own tasks.

Setsuna, a mystery like her name, holds the wisdom and knowledge we all wish to possess. Her soul will be split unbearably when she becomes the Guardian of Time, and we have all read about the terrible and wonderful deeds of the past guardians. She could sacrifice everything and anything for the world...but then, if everything was give up, what would be left? Such things like this are best left unanswered, she tells me, but I see the answer in her eyes. Setsuna's eyes are so dark, so forbidding, and so unreadable.

I...am an supposedly angel or at least named to be one. Of what? The qualities I hold are nothing compared to what everyone else has. I have studiousness–a reclusive need for solitude that resigns me to the library and methodical memorization of thousands and thousands of volumes. I have healing, but I will always be a substitute for Hotaru. When she isn't around, I'll be second-rate and the "emergency" one to fall back upon. I'm the worst at hand-to-hand combat and around weapons. I make tactical errors and mistakes and recently got twenty men killed. But at least...the least I can do...is learn from my mistakes.
~~~~*~~~~
The first year we came to the Moon, we learned to run up a rather hypothetical mountain that seemed to have no end until you gave up pondering the futility of the task and just ran on and on and on–finally, you'd realize that you were no longer running up the steep incline of the slope that was never-ending but rather on your way down to where Artemis and Luna would be waiting.

We never really understood the lesson until a few years later. But each time we ran the mountain course, something new was added or something else was subtlety altered, and we had to determine the difference while concentrating on conserve breath and strength–and so, the wonderful, frustratingly tiring run was exercise for both mind and body.

Year one was a year for building up muscle tone and discovering flexibility and body limits. That was the year I learned how to swim. We all discovered numerous ways to stretch muscles, all of which were excruciatingly painful when we began and if they weren't done right. That was the year we learned what happened when one pushed herself too hard and faced the consequences. It was a trying year when we were trying to adjust and adapt, to understand exactly what we were in for, and to deal with everything around us and each other. By the end of it, not only were we united in friendly feeling and striving to become senshi, we were brought together in an attempt to survive training by our guardians, who obviously go by the feeling that one must be cruel to be kind.

Just as we had become proficient in hand-to-hand combat against each other and even against the guardians at times, year two arrived. It seemed that one entire year had flown by so quickly, but during those long months, it had seemed to drag on for an eternity. How paradoxical time can be. And more and more years went on, blurring together into a senseless mess. We learned stances, improved endurance, and attempted to perfect balance.

Before long, we had moved to broadswords, taught by Artemis. As of this date, Makoto, Setsuna, and Haruka have chosen this first weapon we've learned as their main defense, although Setsuna still prefers to use her staff at times.

Next, we all learned sabers, taught by Kyuusho. Rei, Michiru, Hotaru, and I have chosen sabers as our main weapons. We were also taught how to use daggers, which I'm told that I'm best at. Wonderful: daggers, being extremely short, are best used when close to the enemy–like a finger-span apart. The end result is usually not pretty for whomever wins, either. Daggers are considered ignoble weapon, often used as throwing knives (although there are particular knives designed to fly better, faster, straighter, and stronger) and found buried in the backs of certain people the populace–or just a few particular people–would like to get rid of.

Last was rapier, which was an offered weapon rather than one that we were required to learn. When we arrived in the training room early one afternoon to give it a try, we found out that the rapier was no easy weapon to learn. Not only are they extremely thin and possessed of two blades, there isn't any reinforcement. When a broadsword is used, it has a strong back that allows defensive postures. It can be backed by the shoulders or arms, and with a double-edged rapier, such a thing just isn't possible unless the wielder is the looking to slice into–or off–his or her own arms. In the end, the only two people even willing to try to master them were Minako, Makoto, and Haruka. Makoto, although she learned how to use it remarkably well, decided it didn't have the feel she was looking for and chose the broadsword. Haruka can use both equally well, but she feels that in battle situations, it's better to have a weapon that's less dangerous to its user. Minako has stayed stubbornly with the rapier, and strangely enough, none of us are very surprised. It seems to suit her.

We still haven't found our life-long weapons yet. What I mean is, although we've chosen the weapons we _want_ to fight with, we haven't picked out the particular one we'll use. We all thought Artemis would present them to us on some special occasion or other, likely to be a holiday or even a birthday, but he told us that we must choose them ourselves and that he can't choose for us, much as he'd like to. I guess that's something else to keep an eye out for along those lonesome journeys.

We've been presented to court, court has been presented to us, and we've each grown accustomed to each other. But the eight of us will always remember that first time we met the most important royals of the Solar System... There was Hotaru's run-in with her parents, Michiru's bumping into her mother (she received the news shortly after that she had a younger half-sister by the name of Tairaka), and the overwhelming feeling of being acknowledged as the future senshi. It was an innovative feeling to be standing beside Queen Serenity-sama's throne, looking out among the nobles gathered. I wish that I could have been one of those onlookers instead of part of the spectacle. Did it look grand and impressive with all of us standing there, four on each side flanking the queen? Or were we really little girls trying to play grown-ups?

Somewhere along the way, we've become musically-inclined, even those of us who thought that we would never touch an instrument, let alone be able to produce sounds. Minako can play the lute, Rei a Martian fire harp, Makoto a woody cello, Setsuna a sober-sounding clarinet, Haruka the piano, Michiru the violin, and Hotaru the flute. Oh, and I myself can play a lyre. Lyres are becoming rather outdated, though. Two instruments I've always particularly liked are the clarinet and the violin. The former has a wonderfully reedy voice, and the violin strings twinkle in the light as the notes shimmer upon them for a few split seconds. Music is the song of the soul. Music is emotion, and emotion is life.

There must be a deeper meaning to all of this, though. Serenity-sama must have a particular reason for introducing us to more musical aspects in education. No other senshi have been told that it's mandatory to learn an instrument, and I don't believe that we'll have enough time in the future to be entertaining court often–nor do I believe that the resident musicians would look kindly upon this rather rude intrusion. Once again, I wonder what the queen is planning...

We've also learned polite manners, how to dress all types of nobility, twenty ways of agreeing with someone without actually meaning it, and how to disguise distaste for someone under flattery and useless words. All very useful. Oh–and we can dance beautifully without tripping over the hems of our dresses or stepping on our partners' shoes, but it's all in five years' work, ne?
~~~~*~~~~
We can fight with or without weapons, play instruments, dance, and interact admirably in court. We've fought with youma for the first time and experienced death close-up and survived the encounter but not unscathed. We've healed from that particular brush with the inevitable messiah, and we're about to journey off into the world all alone without any help from our powers, because two-thirds of us are still unable to transform. But there are other ways of using power without transforming.

Minako, for example, can produce golden light from her fingertips to illuminate her way.

Rei is nearly immune to burns (but not quite), can shoot fire from her fingers (although her aim isn't very good yet), and sees pictures of the past, present, and future in the fire.

Makoto has a green thumb and works well with plants, and the gardeners have begun letting her help them in the formal gardens, because plants react well around her.

Setsuna can store energy in her Time Staff to be used at a later date, but the guardians are extremely mysterious and close-mouthed about that.

Hotaru, of course, can heal. Surprisingly enough, even to Fujiro, her powers are growing stronger and stronger as she gets older. Animals and people with more serious injuries recover more quickly than ever.

Michiru can predict the direction of the tides of the Sea of Serenity, and she is beginning to make them stronger or weaker at will. The first time she tried it, she fainted and scared everyone (including Kaiiki). We thought she had died, and Kaiiki was so furious with her (when she came to, of course) that she was forbidden to try anything again without her guardian present.

Haruka uses the wind to bring her voices, eavesdropping on important events, or just bringing a light little breeze to startle the rest of us when she wants to sneak up on us.

And I...I can freeze water. It takes more effort for me than it seems to take for the others, but so far, I fail to see the usefulness in freezing water. Throwing ice cubes at a youma won't do anything.

I'm eleven years old now, but I feel a lot older. The line between freedom and fate is growing thinner, and we've all been chosen by destiny–or so they say. Who can resist the hand of fate? Hotaru and Makoto are a year older than I, Rei a year older than them at thirteen, and Minako and Michiru are fourteen. Haruka is fifteen, and Setsuna is eighteen. And still I think we're too young to journey the Solar System alone–but what say do we have in this?

They say that eyes are the windows to one's soul. Perhaps I don't try hard enough, but I can never see anything in anyone else's eyes. I've stood in front of a mirror before and thought about happy things and sad things, as well as other thoughts of varying emotions and expression. I have never seen anything in my own eyes. They also say, kami-sama knows who "they" are, that people can read other people like books. Such a statement is ridiculous. As much as I love and cherish the written word, people are not plain paper and ink, bound glossily or with bad craftsmanship. They are made of flesh and bone rather than of trees, with features and unique aspects of personality painted on by fate, destiny, life, and experience rather than a mixing of green, yellow, red, and blue that ink is comprised of. Several copies of books may exist all over the Solar System, but each person has an individual soul that can never be replicated, duplicated, or reproduced in any way. Thank kami-sama.
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AN: People may wonder, those who are in it for the senshi/gen romance or just romance in general, why I bothered starting all the way at the beginning. Why did I just flashback at opportune times and begin with the generals meeting the senshi? It's _old_. I hate being cliche. Anyway, I needed more depth and explanation for what the senshi were. I needed to have reasons and experiences for them to drawn upon, things that would make up their character. They've become real in a way to me (hope you all don't think I'm insane or anything like that). When the generals come, I plan to have the senshi used to a number of things: war, love (going to need major help on this one --;), violence, destruction, hatred, happiness... The generals may not bring anything new with them to introduce the senshi to, but trust me, it'll be interesting (I hope).

I'm not explaining myself very well. So why did I choose to begin this whole thing with Ami talking? Well, I really like Mitsukai/Kai ^^ she's kawaii, but it's not just because she's Mercury. Thank goodness I have less favoritism so far in this story. And by the way, I hope I'm not corrupting senshi characters here or anything. Can you still picture them in your minds' eye, corresponding to Naoko Takeuchi's drawings?? Anyway, she views everything honestly, and she can see their own flaws, because she's extremely harsh about her own. I never intended to make Ami-chan perfect, and I am making her the "weakest" senshi here. She'll cope with it.

In case you're getting bored of the wondrous mountain trial thing...yes, it's going to come up over and over again ^^;;. That's because I'm too tired and unoriginal to come up with anything new.

I know absolutely nothing about weaponry? Don't worry, though, I didn't make anything up. I went to all these helpful websites and learned about stances, kicks, hand-to-hand stuff, broadswords, sabers, and a little about rapiers and daggers. ^.~ Here are a few of the sites (just in case you're interested), and, of course, I don't know them:
http://www.ainamoja.com/catalog/weapons/knive
http://www.key-arts.co.uk/archive/01.htm
http://www.tokyoweb.or.jp/aoi-art/
http://www.vikingsword.com/ethsword/index.html
http://www.crane-mountain.com/
http://www.vikingsword.com/ethsword/koummya/index.html

Caelum