-------------------- Ranma 1/2: The Mystery and the Reason Why By Jack Staik -------------------- The Master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts drew himself up to his full height (about the same as a teddy bear), and gazed levelly at his two one-time students. Soun and Genma, blood of his blood (ten generations diluted, but still his blood); the thought depressed him. If he had his choice, he would never have allowed his grandchildren to marry into the Saotome and Tendo families back in the eighteenth century - if for no other reason than to prevent such stupidity from being born. But he had no choice about that. Just as he had no choice but to use these two idiots. "Report," he snapped. "We left the children alone tonight, Master," Soun reported in a grovelling tone, his face in the dirt. "Sake was provided, and the television had every channel locked off except the Romantic Movie Channel and the All-Sex Channel. It was even a stormy night." Genma wailed. "A perfect opportunity for romance, and my worthless son blew it!" "And my stupid dyke daughter didn't even notice!" Soun agreed. Happosai waved his hand, scaring the two men(?) into silence. "We must continue. Ranma and Akane *must* marry! The survival of the world as we know it depends on it!" Genma and Soun grovelled their agreement, thought they did not understand. * * * * * * * * * * Nabiki put down the earpiece. Planting a bug on her father appears to have been a good investment. <'The survival of the world'?> she wondered. "Something screwy's goin' on here," Nabiki whispered to herself, "No one keeps a secret from Nabiki Tendo! I'll find out what it is - *and* make a profit off of it!" Nabiki opened the secret shrine she kept in her closet. It was decked out in Shinto style, but the icon wasn't Shinto. It was the spirit that Nabiki had chosen as her personal patron - the Catholic Christian Saint Dismas, patron of thieves, merchants, and confidence artists. Nabiki sat in lotus position and meditated upon the virtues of her guardian spirit, seeking the inspiration to plan the next step. St Dismas did not fail her. * * * * * * * * * * Nodoka Saotome looked across the restaurant table at Nabiki Tendo, who was currently eating an ice cream cone and looking very innocent and trustworthy (a look she practiced in front of the mirror every night). "You said you wished to speak to me, Nabiki?" Nabiki nodded. "I was wondering if you were interested in this marriage between Ranma and Akane." Nodoka looked primly shocked. "Of course I'm 'interested'! The happiness of my son - and the honor of my clan - is very important to me!" "So you don't know anything about why Happosai is ordering Daddy and Uncle Genma to sabotage their relationship?" Nodoka's face got very calm. "What are you talking about?" "Just what I said," Nabiki said. Nabiki started to tick off points on her fingers. "They know that Ranma and Akane are strong-willed, yet they constantly try to force them together, which makes them reject each other violently." "They're young and shy," Nodoka argued. "Whenever they're alone together, and they try to get romantic, the fathers burst in on them, usually in the most obvious and embarrassing way possible, spoiling any romantic mood." Nodoka looked uncertain. "This has happened before?" "At least twenty times that I know of. And whenever Ranma and Akane fight - which they do frequently - the fathers always both take one side, which makes the other one feel persecuted, which makes the fight worse." Nodoka looked worried. "This can *not* be good." Nabiki nodded her agreement. "The two of them would likely fall in love on their own, but they never have a chance. It seems like every time they go on a date, rivals and suitors jump out of the woodwork. It's as if someone tells them what's happening." Nodoka shook her head in disbelief. "Not to mention," Nabiki prodded. "Both Daddy and Genma arranged *other* engagements for their children years ago - Daddy with the Chardins, and Genma with the Kuonjis." Nodoka went from 'disbelieving' to 'slow burn'. "And they seem to have conveniently forgotten to mention this." "Odd, isn't it?" Nabiki finished, driving the final nail, "And the way Ranma and Genma disappear whenever you show up. Almost like Genma was hiding him from you, so you couldn't remind him of his duty - or give him romantic advice." The look of anger in Nodoka's eyes made cold chills run up and down Nabiki's spine. "And you say Happosai is responsible for this?" "I heard him giving them orders." Nodoka stood up. "Thank you, Nabiki-chan, for bringing this to my attention." "As long as my baby sister is happy, that's all that matters." As Nabiki got up, she handed Nodoka back her katana - now with a listening device attached. As Nodoka departed, Nabiki patted herself on the back. Of course, Soun and Genma were trying to get Ranma and Akane *together*, it was their incompetence that forced the two further apart (if the Old Farts had just asked her, she could have gotten the kids together the night they met, and made them think it was their own idea). Nodoka would get a confession out of either them or Happosai, even if a few innocent bystanders were accidentally fragged. And Nabiki's little bug would pick up every word. "Thank you, St Dismas." * * * * * * * * * * "Suppertime!" Kasumi called out. As usual, Ranma and Genma were the first ones seated, even though they weren't even the first in the room. "Ah, it looks delicious, Kasumi-chan!" Genma said enthusiastically. "I'm so glad you approve, husband," Nodoka said from behind him. Genma turned as white as a ghost and held up a sign that said [I'm just a cute l'il panda]. (Had he been in his panda form, the sign might have been believable.) "Hello, Ranma," Nodoka said evenly. "H-hi, Mom," Ranma stammered, torn between his desire to hug his mother and his desire not to be disemboweled. "Ranma, Akane, I wish to speak to you privately." As the young couple got up, confusion and worry on their faces, Nabiki spoke up. "Hey! What about *them*?" she said, indicating Soun and Genma. "They're next." Nabiki looked at the departing forms. Nabiki wondered how she could reassert control when the answer bounded in the door, a bag of panties over his shoulder. "What a haul!" he crowed. "A shame that Auntie Nodoka showed up, eh, Daddy?" Nabiki commented. "Yes," he agreed absently. "A tragedy." "She'll undo all your work with Ranma and Akane, y'know," she continued. "Who *knows* when they'll fall for each other - if ever." Happosai jerked in shock. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" he exclaimed, zipping toward the den. she thought, adjusting her earpiece. * * * * * * * * * * "It's come to my attention," Nodoka said calmly, that the two of you have been subjected to an unusual amount of bullying concerning your relationship." "We don't *have* a relationship!" they both exclaimed perfectly synchronized. "Precisely," she agreed. "You two don't know how you feel. So, to find out, I'm going to take the two of you away to my place for a month or so." "A *month*?!?" Akane protested. "I've got friends - schoolwork -" "Are you cancelling the engagement, then?" Nodoka asked. "If so, it will be considered final. No second chances. If you do not go, you will no longer be engaged to Ranma, nor will you ever be again." Akane balked. "I- I -" "Well?" Akane silently nodded. "I'll go." "NOOOOOOO!!!" Happosai screamed, grabbing Nodoka by the wrist and zipping through the window. Nodoka screamed as Happosai dragged her into the night, flapping behind him like C-Ko. * * * * * * * * * * Ranma and Akane ran through the dining room, dashing out the back door. "Happosai's kidnapped Auntie Nodoka!" Akane screamed. Soon, four figures were bounding across the rooftops; Ranma and Akane, followed by Soun in full samurai garb and Genma in panda-form, a golf bag of weaponry (normal and improvised) over his shoulder. Akane glanced at the two older men. "Didn't you two always say that a martial artist who relies on weapons is a lesser fighter than a bare-handed one?" Genma-panda held up a sign. [It's taken you all this time to figure out we're hypocrites?!?] it read. "C'mon!" Ranma barked, ignoring the exchange. "They went this way!" * * * * * * * * * * Nodoka only got a glimpse of an old house before Happosai dragged her through a window and tossed her in a corner. "I don't know what you're up to, but you won't stop me! Ranma and Akane *will* get married, no matter what you do!" "I'm trying to prevent *you* from breaking them up, you dishonorable degenerate!" Nodoka snarled, unsheathing her katana. "Wait a second!" Happosai protested. "You want them to marry?!?" "Yes! My family's honor - and my son's happiness - depend on it!" Nodoka paused. "You mean that *you* want them to marry, too?" "Of course! That's why I've had those idiots Genma and Soun try to bring them together!" "Well," Nodoka said, bringing her katana down, "It seems that you've had the opposite effect. They're close to breaking up." "NO! THEY CAN'T!" "That's why I'm taking them to my home - to allow them to fall in love naturally, away from the ... distractions of Nerima." Happosai nodded. "Good. I approve." Nodoka looked into his eyes, and saw that he was speaking the truth. "Why does this marriage matter to you?" she asked. "There are Mysteries in this world, child, that are not for you to know," Happosai said ominously. Then he loomked Nodoka over apprasingly. "But there are *other* mysteries that you're well-suited to learn, my dear." "YAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" "LEGGO OF MY MOTHER, YA SICK LITTLE FREAK!!" * * * * * * * * * * After nearly seven hours of continuous beating, Happosai was in fairly good shape. The doctors said he shouldn't even be alive. (The nurses who tended him were of the same opinion - he *shouldn't* be alive. Especially with two operational hands.) Nabiki snuck into the hospital room, careful not to awaken the traction-harness-ensnared Happosai. A search through his room at home had produced nothing except a feeling of nausea, so she figured that he'd have something on his person. Stopping only to make sure he was drugged enough not to notice her, she carefully went to the closet and began inspect his personal belongings. Most of what she found was disappointing: A few thousand yen, many photos of Ranma-onna (and a few of Akane), several sets of female underwear, and a legal document in English warning him to stay a minimum of five hundred yards from one 'Dolly Parton' or face prison time. Nothing unexpected. Then she noticed a lump in his robe. A hidden pocket? A bit of scouting, and she figured out how to open it. Inside was a flat, rectangular box of polished wood, carved with an ancient Chinese scene of a man climbing a mountain. Nabiki had seen such things before. They usually held old pictures; woodcuts, old ink drawings, and such. Newer ones held photographs, but this one was of great antiquity - too precious for casual use. Hand-carved, with incredibly fine deatil-work, and from the way the wood grain on the two halves matched, carved from a single piece of wood. It practically qualified as a musuem piece. Nabiki carefully opened it and looked at the contents. * * * * * * * * * * When Happosai awoke from his drug-induced slumber, the first thing he saw was Nabiki Tendo. "Why, Nabiki-chan!" he crowed. "Come to see old Grandfather Happosai on his sick-bed! How that warms me! Lean over and give me a kiss!" "Eat shit and die, Old Fart," she said calmly. "No way am I leaning over *you*!" "Oh well, can't blame an old man for trying." "Sure I can. Watch me." "Well, then, sweetie, what brings you by?" Nabiki held up the picture-box she'd found. Happosai became enraged, his battle-aura flaming. "YOU WENT THROUGH MY PRIVATE THINGS?!?" "Stow it, Happi," she said. "Explain!" "Explain what?" "THIS!" she barked, opening the case. The room was silent for several minutes. "Well?" she demanded. "Or should I start fiddling with the traction harness?" Happosai looked her in the face. Somehow, he looked even older than his true age. "I was a ... foundling. I have no memory of my parents. When I was found on a hillside as a child, over three hundred years ago, I had only one thing in my possession - that picture. The people who found me say I looked exactly like the child in that picture when I was found. I assume that the people in the picture with me are my ... my natural parents." "That isn't possible," Nabiki protested. "I know. But it's true." Nabiki looked again at the picture ... An old Polaroid, slightly faded. A pigtailed man and a short-haired woman, smiling and happy, with a toddler. And behind them, a banner reading, "Happy 5th Anniversary Ranma and Akane".