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Doesn't It Make Sense?
by Jack Staik
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Ranma sat at the Tendo table, glum and speechless as he had been for two weeks.


"Darn it, Ranma," Nabiki finally said. "Face it - Akane's gone! Live with it!"


Ranma glared at Soun, who cringed.


"WAAAAHHHH!!!" Soun cried. "I'm sorry! I should have told you that she was adopted! I never thought that her real parents would show up and take her back! WAAAAHHHH!!"


"In any case," Nabiki continued, "Since she wasn't a real Tendo (which is obvious since she lacked mine and Kasumi's sweet dispositions), she wasn't eligible to be your fiancee anyway. So stop moping and pick Kasumi to be your new fiancee."


"But, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said sweetly, "Wouldn't you be a better choice, seeing as you're a bisexual skank?" She smiled sunnily.


Nabiki smiled back. "But, Kasumi-oneechan, you're the logical choice since you're such a withered old sexless prune that you have no chance of getting a man otherwise -"


As the sisters continued their smiling argument, Soun continued crying, and Genma stole all their food to feed his gaping maw, Akane snuck in the back door.


Ranma almost didn't recognize her, seeing that she was wearing a leather trenchcoat, dark glasses, and a black slouch hat. But when she held up a sign saying, "It's me - Akane", he immediately knew it was her.


He almost cried out, but her mallet on his head silenced him. He had a huge grin on his semi-conscious face as she dragged him out of the house by his pigtail, the others too caught up in their own mental problems to notice.


Outside the Tendo property, Ranma jumped up and hugged her, yelling "AKANE! I MISSED YOU!"


[WHAM!]


"Ow! I missed that, too!"


Akane smiled. "I missed you, too, Ranma." She then hissed "But don't tell a soul I said that!"


"If you don't tell anyone that I missed you."


"Deal."


Ranma grinned like an idiot. "So why'd you really come back, Akane?"


"Because my parents and me have a problem, and we need your help." She smiled her most kawaii smile at him, little sparkles and flowers around her. "Please?"


Ranma's brain instantly turned to mush. "Duh - okay."


She smiled and led him to a black limo. 


"Ranma," she said inside the limo, "These are my real parents. They had to give me up when I was born because of their careers as spies, but now we're together again, one big happy family!"


The tall woman in violet and short man in black both smiled evilly, snickering in a sinister fashion. Ranma backed up, feeling like a mouse undergoing Neko-Ken training.


"Are you being sure he can help?" the woman asked in a thick Eastern European accent.


"Of course!" Akane said. "Ranma can beat anybody! Especially those two idiots!"


The short man cackled in glee. "Then we go - and with our little girl's boyfriend - WE WILL CRUSH MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"


Ranma cringed as Boris, Natasha, and Akane Badenov began to cackle maniacally.


"What have I gotten into?"



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