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Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 15
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
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The spokeswoman cried into her microphone...

"TODAY ... KAKUTO SHINTAISO! THE RULES: NO TIME-LIMT ... NO 
BARE-HANDED BLOWS ... THE FIGHTERS MAY MAKE A SUBSTITUTION BY 
TAGGING ONE OF THEIR TEAMMATES OUTSIDE THE RING TO REPLACE 
THEM! THE MATCH ENDS WHEN ONE CONTESTANT IS KNOCKED COMPLETELY 
DOWN ... AND IF EITHER CONTESTANT FALLS FROM THE RING, SHE 
WILL BE AN IMMEDIATE LOSER!"

Kodachi Kuno smirked, seeing the girl she knew as Ranko 
Saotome back away from Akane Tendo. But the two meters of 
steel chain and steel manacles connecting the two kept her 
close, thus limiting Akane's maneuverablilty.

And if Ranko did anything that could be construed by the 
judges as assistance, that would mean a forefit. And since 
Ranko was inside the ring, she couldn't tag out.

Kodachi smirked as she swung her rope at Akane Tendo. Akane 
twisted out of the way, but Kodachi's stiff rope caught the 
chain and jerked upwards. Both Akane and Ranko slammed into 
each other, Ranko, carefully keeping limp.

Nabiki Tendo, watching from the corner, cried out in carefully 
rehearsed outrage. "That's not a rope! It's a rod disguised as 
a rope!" She had to make sure Kodachi didn't suspect there had 
been a leak.

"As long as it's not a bare-handed blow," said the referee.

Kodachi, seeing Akane disoriented, jabbed at her head with 
her Indian clubs. But instead of small jerks, Akane swayed 
from the waist.

Nabiki and Ranko nodded in approval; the poisoned retractable 
spikes in the clubs were mentioned in Kuno's notes.

Kodachi pulled out her disguised rod again and swung - not at 
Akane, but Ranko. Slamming the redhead, Ranko went flying into 
the air, to the limits of the chain. Akane was pulled off
balance, then jerked on the chain. Ranko was yanked back 
toward Akane, but Akane dodged at the last moment, sending her 
partner sprawling.

Nabiki shouted to the referee; "That can't possibly be in the 
rules! Akane's the official fighter!"

"The rules say nothing about attacking a member of the opposing 
team who's inside the ring," the referee replied.

Kodachi sighed. "I do all this just so I may date my beloved 
Soun Tendo! How inspiring is the strength of my devotion!"

Akane grabbed Ranma-onna's ankles. "There's no way my father 
will date a chinsha like you!" Leaping into the air, she swung 
Ranma-onna like a club at Kodachi's head. Kodachi tried to 
parry with her rod, but the girl was more massive than she was 
ready for, and Ranma'onna's shoulder caught her in the head. 
Kodachi went staggering into the ropes.

The announcer was shrill with excitement. "AN INGENIOUS ATTACK 
BY AKANE TENDO, USING HER TEAMMATE RANKO SAOTOME AS A WEAPON!" 
She looked over to the judges. "Is a teammate a valid weapon?"

The judges whispered among themselves. "Since she wasn't 
actively participating, a teammate is a valid weapon!"

Kodachi recovered quickly and had a pair of clubs at the ready. 
Akane was spinning the chain in her hands, Ranma-onna twirling 
above her head like she weighed only a couple of kilos.

"Insolent Girls!" Kodachi hissed. "I'll teach you to try and 
defy ME!" The clubs stabbed out toward Akane's head, but Akane 
spun Ranma-onna like a ribbon, blocking the blows with the 
other girl's body.

Nabiki was horrified. "Oh, Ranma!" she exclaimed silently, 
worried to the core of her being. He had to be alright!

Kodachi was surprised. She didn't think that Akane Tendo would 
so ruthlessly use her lover as a shield. "It seems that I 
underestimated the depths to which a creature like you would 
sink, Akane Tendo."

"Look who's talking!"

Kodachi held out her hand. "HOOP!"

The girl at ringside grabbed the hoop that Kodachi wanted, 
careful to avoid the concealed razor edge, and tossed it into 
the ring.

Kodachi snatched the hoop out of the air and posed in perfect 
style. "Insolent child! For opposing my union with Soun Tendo, 
I shall punish you!" The hoop flew straight toward Akane's 
head.

Akane and Ranma-onna both smiled.

Akane kicked Ranma-onna's head into the canvas, flipping 
upwards, the chain trailing between them. The razor hoop hit 
it ...

... and failed to cut it, instead springing back toward 
Kodachi.

Akane was yanked to the mat, but flipped to her feet. "Kuso!" 
she swore. "I was counting on that to cut the chain!"

Kodachi backflipped away, allowing the hoop to pass within 
millimeters of her abdomen, shaving off some of the intricate 
rose brocade on her leotard. The hoop sheared through one of 
the corner posts before imbedding itself in a wall.

"Flip me out of the ring!" Ranma-onna insisted. "I'll tag you 
out!"

"Get screwed!" Akane replied. "I'm taking the bitch down!" She 
held out a hand. "RIBBON!"

Kodachi was stunned. No one had gotten this close to injuring 
her since she started at the Art! The damaged leotard made her 
suddenly realize how close she'd come to death.

Anger filled Kodachi. That girl had come close to injuring her 
precious personal self!

"Akane Tendo!" she cried out in rage. "Your illegally-rigged 
weapons will avail you naught! I will defeat you and your 
deceitful trickery, no matter how low you stoop!"

"That was *your* hoop, you loon!" Akane cried, whip-snapping 
her ribbon.

Kodachi rushed her, getting inside the defensive limit of the 
ribbon. "Now face my ultimate attack! SENJU KONBO!" 

A flurry of clubs rained down toward Akane, who jerked Ranma-
onna up to catch the blows while she discreetly knotted her 
ribbon around Kodachi's ankle.

"Ranma!" Nabiki cried out in terror.

Akane flipped back, away from Kodachi. Coming to a perfect 
landing, she grinned and said, "Thanks, Bitch!" With a mighty 
heave, she snapped her ribbon, sending Kodachi into the air.

Kodachi was shocked - she hadn't been paying attention while 
attacking. She noticed that her trajectory was carrying her 
out of the ring. Desperately, she got out her whistle and blew.

That was the cue for the rest of Kodachi's team under the ring 
to pick up and carry the ring over to where Kodachi was going 
to land. 

It was also the cue for Nabiki's assistants who were surrounding 
the ring to drop their bags of marbles.

The ring heaved and thumped to a halt with several feminine 
cries of shock, having moved just a few centimeters.

Kodachi flailed in panic. This was not in the plans! Where 
were those stupid girls?!

Her ribbon snapped upward, catching one of the ceiling support 
beams. "HA! Once again, the Black Rose pulls victory from the 
jaws of defeat!"

Akane looked around for a weapon. But the only thing available ...

She yanked off the charm her sister had given her and hurled 
it straight at Kodachi.

The tiny sharp edges of a couple of the charms pricked her 
hand, causing her to let go of the ribbon.

"YAAAAAAAA!!!" Kodachi commented, just before the top of her 
head slammed into the top of her brother's head with a 
resounding hollow sound.

"KODACHI KUNO IS OUT OF THE RING!" the announcer squealed in 
shock.

The referee held up Akane's hand. "THE WINNER - AKANE TENDO!!"

Amid the wild cheering, Nabiki rushed in and began checking 
Ranma's injuries. Kasumi and Soun jumped up and down, hugging.

Kodachi staggered to her feet, stepping on her brother's gut. 
"I'm ... beaten?"

A nearby panda held up a sign. [Yep. Got creamed real good, 
too.]

Akane (now seperated from Ranma-onna) stepped up to her. "Now 
you have to leave my father alone!"

Kodachi looked surprised. "Why do I have to do that?"

Now it was Akane's turn to look surprised. "I - I beat you!"

"I didn't promise anything! I made no wagers! So I am free 
to pursue and win my darling Soun - if not with my skills then 
by ... other means." She ran her hands along her sides.

To those who could see auras, Akane had a small-scale volcano 
erupting out of the top of her head.

As Akane reached for Kodachi, a panda-sign walloped her in 
the back of the head.

As the panda and Ranma-onna hauled off the unconscious Akane, 
Nabiki hopped into the ring. Grabbing the microphone from the 
referee, she began, "AND NOW PRESENTING - AUTHENTIC TENDO GOOD-
LUCK CHARMS! AS USED BY AKANE TENDO IN HER GLORIOUS BATTLE 
AGAINST ST. HEBREKE'S RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS TEAM, HANDING THEM 
THEIR FIRST DEFEAT EVER! THESE HAND-CRAFTED WONDERS CAN NOW BE 
YOURS FOR ONLY ONE THOUSAND YEN APIECE! LIMITED TIME OFFER!"

The crowd swarmed the ring, thousand-yen notes in hand.

* * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, across town, Ryoga Hibiki came out of the bathroom.

The bathroom happened to be in the house of one Nodoka Saotome, 
woman to whom Ryoga had lost his heart, who was also the mother 
of his worst enemy in the world.

Nodoka was out at the moment, so Ryoga took the opportunity 
to turn human and pull up some floorboards in the laundry 
room. He carefully squirreled away his backpack and umbrella, 
so he had both a secret route in and out as well as an 
emergency source of clothes.

Now he was naked in the Saotome house, but he planned to 
change back to Kobuta-san in just a minute anyway.

That thought filled him with a deep melancholy. He sat down 
on the floor and held his head in his hands.

"How can I do this?" he muttered. "I'm taking advantage of 
the sweetest, kindest, loveliest woman in the world. And I'm 
plotting to destroy her son as well! What kind of fiend have 
I become?"

A thought occured to him. "But I'm only this way because of 
my hunt for vengeance against Ranma! Yes! It's Ranma's fault!" 
His resolve hardened. "I'll finish you, Ranma! Nodoka will 
never be forced to be your second, because I'll kill you 
first! To save her, and to avenge myself, you must be destroyed!"

"Who's that?" Nodoka cried from the other room, her quiet 
slippered footsteps approaching. "Is someone there?"

Ryoga froze.

He was in a woman's laundry room.

He was naked.

She was approaching.

As the door began to slide open, he grabbed the washing 
machine and yanked with all of his strength. The pipes were 
torn out of the wall, and water sprayed everywhere.

Nodoka opened the door, just in time to see her little pet 
Kobuta-san pinned underneath the fallen-over washing machine, 
water spraying everywhere.

"Oh, dear!" shge exclaimed. "What could have happened?" She 
pushed over the machine and picked up the piglet, then went 
over and turned off the water. "Are you all right, Kobuta-san? 
You poor dear! How could this have happened?" Then she noticed 
the machine. "Why, there are handprints on the washing machine!"

Kobuta-san's eyes bugged out. There were huge handprints in 
the very metal where he'd grabbed it in human form.

"Oh, my!" she exclaimed again. "Kobuta-san! You know what this 
means?"

[SHE'S FIGURED IT OUT! SHE'S GOING TO CALL ME A PERVERT AND 
CHOP ME INTO MINI-SAUSAGE COCKTAIL LINKS!" He began shivering 
violently.

"It means you're a hero, Kobuta-san!" she exclaimed, hugging 
the piglet tightly to her bosom.

[Eh?] he wondered for a split second before the feeling of her 
bosom pressing against him shut down his brain.

"Some violent thug broke into my house and you valiantly fought 
him off, forcing him to throw the washing machine on top of you 
so he could escape!" She kissed him on his forehead. "You 
wonderful little creature!"

Kobuta-san blushed.

A loud metallic squeal sounded.

"Oh, dear," Nodoka said. "That hot water pipe sounds like it 
might burst any second." She put the piglet down. "I'll go 
call the plumber and get that fixed."

As Nodoka dashed from the room, the pipe sprung a leak, 
splashing the piglet with hot water.

"BWEEEEEEE!!"

"Oh, my! Kobuta-san!" she turned and rushed back into the 
laundry room.

The hot water pipe was squirting, but there was no piglet to 
be found.

"Kobuta-san!" nodoka cried out in alarm. "Where are you?! 
Are you alright?!"

Ryoga (inside the laundry hamper) sweated, and not from the 
tiny space. How does one explain to a woman one's presence 
in her laundry hamper with no clothes on?

"KOBUTA-SAN!" she cried, getting more and more frantic. "Oh 
no! If anything's happened to that dear little piglet, I'll 
never forgive myself! KOBUTA-SAN!"

Peeking out, he noticed Nodoka shutting off the hot water, 
her back to him. (Now's my chance!)

In a burst of adrenalin, Ryoga dashed out of the hamper and 
toward the door.

Pity he failed to notice the puddle of water on the floor. 
The one with the bar of soap in it.

"YAAAAAAHHHHH!!" he cried, his foot sliding out from under 
him. He did a semi-perfect mid-air somersault, spoiled by 
his waving arms and bugged-out eyes.

"Nani?" Nodoka wondered, turning around.

[CRASH!]

The washing-up sink was destroyed, a Ryoga's-head-shaped 
indentation where the cold water tap had been. In the cracked 
and fractured basin was an unconscious piglet.

"KOBUTA-SAN!" Nodoka cried in relief, picking up the tiny out-
cold piglet. "Oh, thank heavens you're all right!" She looked 
at the sink in puzzlement. "But what happened to the sink?"

* * * * * * * * * *

At the Tendo Dojo ...

A party was held, family only. Nabiki paid for most of the 
refreshments (between her betting concessions and the advance 
sales of good-luck charms, she was reasonably flush at the 
moment), but spent most of her time fussing over Ranma's 
injuries, which both annoyed Ranma and made him feel good.

Akane smirked, pride shining on her face. "Well, now that 
I've saved the honor of the School and my family - and kicked 
St. Hebreke's undefeated ass - I think you have something to 
say about how good I am, *sensei*?" She sat back, expecting to 
hear some praise of her ability and talent.

Boy, was she in for a disappointment.

"Oh, it was quite nice," Ranma said. "And just imagine how 
impressive you could have been - IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA OF WHAT 
YOU WERE DOING!"

Akane facefaulted.

"You failed to exploit your opponent's weaknesses!" he 
criticized. "You should have allowed me to tag you out, thus 
getting yourself rested and allowing you to plan. Instead, 
you left me in the ring, a potential hazard to you!"

"But-"

He waved her to silence. "There's always a 'but' to excuse a 
foolish move," he said.

"It wouldn't have mattered if that chain hadn't held!"

"You know why that chain held?" he asked. "Because you were 
concentrating on it so much that your ki infused it and made 
it stronger!"

Akane piku-piku'ed in shock. "I did?"

"In battle, you act without thinking! Conscious thought just 
gets you killed!"

Ranma continued to pick apart her performance, in cold clinical 
detail, until even Akane began to see a pathetic amateurish 
attempt where before she had only had a shining victory.

"And your primary problem," he finally wound down, "Is that 
you WERE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!"

"But I won!" Akane protested feebly. 

"Because of Biki-chan!" he responded. "You were lucky! And as 
the Master Chiun said, 'A man who places his faith in luck 
instead of in his own skills surrenders his well-being to the 
whims of fortune'." He poked her in the chest, causing her to 
fall backwards. "Do NOT trust in luck!"

He got up. "Obviously, the only answer is ... MORE INTENSE 
TRAINING!"

Akane screamed. "But - I've gotten so good! I've improved so 
much!"

"A snail is faster than a daisy," Ranma observed. "That doesn't 
make it a bolt of lightning." He grabbed her by the ear. "C'mon, 
Lazybones! To the dojo!"

Akane grabbed her victory cake and gulped it down while being 
dragged toward the dojo.

Genma shook his head. "My son's become a merciless, inhuman 
ogre," he said softly, "Without a drop of human compassion in 
him." Then he burst into tears. "I'M SO PROUD OF HIM! 
WAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
