--------------------
Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 9
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
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"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LITTLE GIRL, RANMA?!?"

Ranma paused the videotape of Akane's fight with Ryoga
Hibiki. (Ranma thought that videotape was the greatest aid
to martial arts training since the invention of sticky band-
aids - he really owed Nabiki for the idea). "What's your
problem, Tendo?"

"Akane was *hurt*!!"

"I know that - I saw it happen." he pointed to the screen.
"See? There it is."

"Why didn't you try to protect her?!?"

Ranma looked at him as if he were an idiot. "She gets
challenged to a duel, and you expect me to jump in the
middle of it and protect her??"

"She's only a helpless little girl!"

"Because you shirked on her training!"

"How dare you -"

<WHAM!!>

Ranma bent down to look under the couch, so he could see
Soun's face. "I think Akane heard you."

"Damn straight I did!"

"Akane?" Soun whimpered as he crawled from under the couch.
"Why?"

"Ranma's right!" Akane shouted. "You held back on my
training - because you didn't take me seriously!"

"But training's hard!" Soun explained. "You could have been
hurt!"

"Screw 'being hurt'! And screw *you*!" she barked.

"Akane!!" Kasumi exclaimed, shocked by her little sister's
language.

Akane looked confused. "What?"

"That's not ladylike," Kasumi chided.

"To hell with 'ladylike'!"

"Boys don't think a potty-mouth is cute," Nabiki opined.

"CUTE?!? Feh!" she replied scornfully.

"What's wrong with being cute?" Kasumi asked.

"*Puppies* are cute! *Dolls* are cute! *Babies* are cute!
And what do all of those have in common? No one takes them
seriously!" Akane growled. "When a boy says 'You're cute',
what he *means* is 'You're too weak and pathetic to be
considered a threat'!

"Well, I *am* a threat! I'm the heir to the Musabetsu Kakuto
Tendo-Ryu, Kempo first dan, Judo and Karate second dan!"
Akane grabbed her father by the collar and pulled him to her
face. "AND I *WILL* BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!" Pulling out a
microphone, Akane strikes a dramatic pose. "I SWEAR BY ALL
MY ANCESTORS THAT I'LL NEVER BE 'CUTE' AGAIN!!"

Soun burst into tears. "WAAAAAHHHHH!!! Akane is scary!!"

"Get stuffed, Oyaji!" Akane complained, then drop-kicked her
father through the roof.

"HEY!!" Ranma complained. "The Doc said to let the leg
rest!"

"I'm fine!" she snarled. "What I need is a workout!"

"Nope," Ranma stated flatly. "What you need is a chance to
rest and heal."

"Make me!"

<WHUMP!!>

Akane looked up from the couch. "How did you do that?"

 * * * * * * * * * *

(The Next Day ...)

Kasumi rushed to answer the doorbell. Opening the door, she
greeted the visitor. "Welcome to the Tendo Dojo. I am Kasumi
Tendo. May I help you?"

The young man in the blue hakama bowed politely. "Good
morning, Tendo-san. I am Tatewaki Kuno, a schoolmate of your
sisters'. I was informed that the Saotomes resided here?'

Kasumi was charmed by the handsome young man's somewhat
archaic way of speaking, like a character in a romance
novel.

"Why, yes - they're out back performing their morning
workout. Shall I announce you?"

"No, I shall wait for them to finish. Arigato, Tendo-san."

As he bowed politely and made his way to the back yard,
Kasumi found her gaze lingering on his form. Quite athletic.
Polite, formal, extremely courteous ... she found it hard to
reconcile this boy with the person her sister Nabiki had
once referred to as a 'perverted chowder-head'.


Kuno heard a splash from the back yard, and a feminine voice
cry out, "Yer gonna pay for that, Old Man!"

"Ha! Try me, little girl!"

Kuno saw Nabiki Tendo sitting on the porch, watching as the
fair maid called (he had recently learned) Ranko Saotome
duelled with an overweight man. Both wore white gi, which
failed to hide the red-haired girl's feminine form.

"Greetings, Nabiki Tendo," Kuno said stiffly.

"Hiya, Kuno-baby," she said. "What are you doing here on a
Sunday?"

"It is none of your concern, but I have come to begin my
courtship of the fair Ranko Saotome."

It's not easy to facefault from a lotus position, but
somehow, Nabiki managed it.

"You've - what - ha - BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

"Please, Nabiki Tendo, cease your laughter," Kuno asked,
then turned his attention to the duel.

He was entranced by the power and speed of Ranko Saotome (as
well as those delicious flashes of skin when her top opened
slightly, and the teasing way the wet pants clung to her
body). Her opponent was not unskilled, but he was slower.
Soon, Ranko's delicate hands seized his wrist and hurled him
over her shoulder into the koi pond.

<SPLASH!!>

"HA! TAKE THAT!!"

Kuno looked with amazement as a panda heaved itself out of
the pond. The beast growled at the young girl.

"What's that, Pop? Can you speak a bit clearer?" she
taunted.

[I'll teach you to disrespect your father!] read the sign
that the panda pulled from nowhere. He began swinging at the
girl, who dodged effortlessly.

"Some tea, Kuno-san?" asked Kasumi from behind him,

"Thank you, Tendo-san. I would ask - I just saw - something
inexplicable."

"I'll tell you for five thousand yen," Nabiki offered.

"You mean Uncle Saotome?" said Kasumi. "He has a curse he
contracted when he was training in China. Whenever he gets
wet, he turns into a panda. Hot water changes him back."

"Kasumi!" Nabiki said sharply. "You ruined a perfectly good
sale!"

"It isn't polite to charge guests for information."

"The man - panda - " Kuno interrupted. "You called him
'Saotome'?"

"Yes - Genma Saotome."

"Ah!" Kuno said in comprehension (of a sort). He noted that
the combat had ended, with the beauteous Ranko perched atop
the panda and slamming his own sign into his head
repeatedly.

"A magnificent bout!" Kuno proclaimed, applauding politely.
Bowing, he asked. "Sir, am I correct in assuming that you
are the father of this fair maiden?"

The panda got up and looked at the formal young man then
pulled out a sign; [Who are you, and what do you want with
my ... er ... child?]

Kasumi brought over a kettle and changed Genma back. She
almost changed Ranma back, too, but the small girl's hand
stopped her.

"Kasumi!" Ranma-onna hissed. "Don't do that! I don't want my
curse to become public knowledge!"

"Sorry," she whispered back.

Kuno, out of politeness (yes, he is capable of it), did not
show any surprise at the change of the panda to a man. "I am
Tatewaki Kuno, scion of ancient samurai lineage, third dan
in Kendo, second dan in Kenjutsu and Iajutsu, Captain of the
Furinken High School Kendo Club, also know as the Blue
Thunder of Furinken High, rising star of the kendo circuit.
I have come to formally present myself as a suitor, and to
begin my courtship of your daughter."

Nabiki just fell over and laughed.

Genma looked blankly at Kuno. "You want to WHAT with my
WHO??"

"No!! Uh-uh!! Forget it! No way! Objection! Not a chance!"
Ranma-onna stated clearly.

"Ah, the delicate flower hides behind shyness," Kuno opined,
"But I have heard of the ardor you feel toward me, and I
would reward your affection with my presence."

"WHAT?!?" Ranma-onna exclaimed. "Who told you that lie??"

"LIE?!?" protested Kuno. "This cannot be! Gosunkugi could
not wish to deceive me about such a thing!"

"Who?"

"Hikaru Gosunkugi," Nabiki stated. "He's in your class.
Founding member of the Camera Club -"

"Skinny, pale-skinned guy? Bags under his eyes? Kinda fades
into the background?"

"That's him."

"THAT'S IT!" Ranma-onna crowed. "That's who's threw that
water balloon at me! And he's probably been taking and
spreading those pictures of me, too!"

"What??" Kuno asked.

"And he has a crush on Akane, too," Nabiki added. <Perfect!
I'd been wondering who to shove this photo mess on.> "So he
might have told Kuno you had a crush on him so he could get
Akane for himself!"

Kuno looked confused. "I do not understand," he asked. "How
can Ranko Saotome dating with me help anyone get Akane
Tendo? And how can *any* woman not be attracted to my
magnificent self?"

"Someone mention my name?" Akane asked, limping out.

"Akane!" Ranma-onna snapped, rushing over to her. "You are
supposed to take it easy! Go back inside!"

"I will *not* sit like a lump, you bastard!"

"Get back in or I'll carry you in!"

"Try it and I'll drop-kick you into the next time zone!'

Ranma-onna sighed and, with a blur of motion, picked up
Akane and carried her back in.

Kuno watched as Ranko carried the struggling Akane back
inside, his mind adding two and two together and getting the
cosine of thirty-five.

"Of course!" he cried out. "It makes sense!"

"What does?" Nabiki asked.

"Why any woman would not be attracted to me! And why Akane
Tendo would be freed if Ranko Saotome would date me!" He
gazed into the portal where the two girls passed. "Ah, poor
misguided ladies, to fall into the confusion of improper
attraction! But fear not - I shall win you back to the
natural path with my virility and manliness!"

Nabiki fell down and started laughing again, which Kuno
ignored.

Ranma came back out (having changed clothes and genders).
"Hiya, Kuno. My ... sister ... told me what you came here
for, and I'm tellin' you she ain't interested."

"I greet you, Ranma Saotome. And I say that you need not
worry. I have deduced the truth."

"BWAAAK!!" Ranma squealed, his eyes bugging out.

"But fear not, I shall save the fair Ranko!"

"Huh?"

Nabiki got back to her feet. "He - hee-hee-hee - has figured
out that - ha-ha-ha - Ranko is a lesbian, and is having an
affair with Akane!"

Ranma looked blank.

Kuno struck a heroic pose. "I shall woo her! I shall gift
her! I shall wine her, dine her, and serenade her! I shall
mesmerize her with my charisma! *And* I shall win her!"

Nabiki shook her head. "Poor Akane - being dumped like
that."

"Fear not, Nabiki Tendo. I shall not depreive the fair Akane
Tendo the gift of my love. Rather, I shall date with them
*both*!!"

As he strode out to begin massive preparations for a full-
scale romantic assault, Genma continued to stare straight
ahead.

"You want to WHAT with my WHO??" he repeated. (Not too
swift, is he?)

"Um, Nabiki?" Ranma asked.

"Yeah?"

"What's a 'lesbian'?"

For the fourth time that morning, Nabiki collapsed in
laughter.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ryoga-buta snuck carefully into the bathroom. All he needed
was an uninterrupted minute, and he would be human and
leave.

Perhaps he could return later and introduce himself properly
to the beautiful Nodoka. She may be a bit older, but she was
so sweet and compassionate, he could overlook that. After
all, love thrives on obstacles.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Kobuta-san!"

Ryoga-buta's eyes bugged out at the sight of Nodoka stepping
out of the furo, water dripping off of her nude - and well-
toned - body.

"BWEEEE!!!" <thud>

Nodoka rushed over to the piglet. "Oh dear! You've fainted!
How did you bloody your nose?" She wrapped the piglet up in
her robe. "I'll have to check you to see if you're all
right."

Ryoga-buta recovered consciousness to the sensations of
having his body probed for injuries.

"You seem to be unharmed, Kobuta-san. I guess you just
slipped on the wet floor."

Ryoga looked up, then squeezed his eyes shut.

Nodoka looked at the shivering, quaking piglet with worry.
Could he be sick? He could have caught a cold in the canal.

Then she noticed the cool air on her skin. She had been so
concerned over the piglet that she forgot to get dressed.

"Oh my! Excuse me a second."

Ryoga-buta carefully opened his eyes. She'd left the room!
Now was his chance! He struggled against the robe she had
wrapped him in, but his piglet body couldn't get free.

Nodoka came back before he could get loose, and took him in
her arms. She hugged him to her bosom, squeezing him tight.
"Don't you worry, Kobuta-san! I'll take good care of you and
give you all the love and affection you could possibly
need!"

Pressed between her breasts as he was, Kobuta-san could
hardly refuse.

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that day ...)

Ranma was carrying home a bag of groceries, so Kasumi could
tend to Akane's injury. And Akane's temper-tantrum (Being
told that Kuno now believed that she and Ranma's imaginary
sister were lesbian lovers ticked her off for some reason).

Ranma thought as he walked home, trying to wrap his mind
around the concept of two girls wanting to kiss (as he
understood Nabiki's explanation). He didn't get it.

(Of course, he didn't quite understand a guy and a girl
wanting to kiss, either.)

The familiar sounds of bodies being slammed into walls
caught Ranma's attention. Curious, he looked into the nearby
alley.

There was a girl in a black school-dress, with a long
ribbon, fighting three other persons disguised with
bandages, who were armed with what looked like exercise
clubs.

And the girl in black was making an impressive showing; her
looping ribbon seemed to be an excellent defense, able to
cover an impressive area and snap into position with
virtually no effort. And the way she both injured her
attackers and diverted their weapons into attacking each
other was remarkable.

<Interesting,> he thought, analyzing the technique. <I
wonder if Akane could learn this?>

A quick twitch, and the three bandaged attackers lay
sprawled on the ground, hardly moving.

"Silly children!" the girl in black said in a haughty tone
of voice. "How dare you seek to sully the beauty of the
Black Rose? Now, drabs, you will pay the price of your
transgression!"

She picked up one of the gym clubs and headed toward one of
the helpless attackers.

A slipper-clad foot snapped up and knocked the club out of
the girl's grasp.

"WHO DARES?!?" she screeched.

"I do," said the muscular young man in the Chinese clothes
holding the bag of groceries. "They're down. You won. Leave
'em alone."

"Who are *you* to tell the Black Rose how to behave, cur?"

"Someone who won't allow you to attack helpless people, even
if they *did* attack you first!"

"Then you'll learn a lesson in humility!" The ribbon snapped
forward -

- then Kodachi found herself on the defensive, as a sudden
flurry of projectiles sailed toward her. Desperately, the
ribbon twisted, blocking each projectile before it hit her.

The air was filled with a cloud of ... bread crumbs??

"Saotome Special Technique - Bread Crust Flurry!!"

Surprised, partially blinded by the bread crumbs, the Black
Rose didn't see the hand that grabbed the end of her ribbon
and yanked it out of her hands.

As the bread crumb cloud settled, she saw her ribbon in the
hands of the young man, a disappointed look on his face.

"A martial art is a way to protect yourself and those who
can't protect themselves. Using it to attack the helpless is
simply wrong."

"You DARE to lecture the Black Rose on proper behavior??"
The seething girl pulled a hoop out of nowhere, posed with
it held up in the air, spun around, and hurled it straight
at him. "HAVE AT YOU!!"

By reflex, Ranma snapped out the ribbon and deflected the
hoop into a wall, where it imbedded itself.

Ranma noted the pieces of ribbon on the ground. <Razor-
edged. I do *not* like this girl!>

"Go home. Now."

The girl leapt into the air, flipped over his head, and
landed on a mailbox across the street. With a quick tear,
she tore off the school uniform, revealing a black leotard
with a rose brocade across the middle. A new black ribbon
twirled about her body, scattering dark flower petals
around.

"Know, commoner, that you face Kodachi Kuno, age sixteen,
called by men the Black Rose of St. Hebreke Girls' School,
champion of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics! And for
interfering in my private affairs, you shall be punished!"

<Kuno?> he wondered. <Another one?> "And I'm Ranma Saotome,
sensei of the School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts. If you
wish to issue a formal challenge, you may do so at the Tendo
Dojo."

Kodachi was outraged. She had made her speech, posed in her
provocative leotard, did her display ... and he wasn't
cowed! "How *DARE* you dismiss me?!? SENJU KONBO!!"

The flurry of clubs took Ranma by surprise. He barely
managed to dodge and twist out of the path of all the
projectiles.

Kodachi looked in awe as he managed to avoid all of the
strikes - then gagged as a stick of butter sailed into her
slightly-open mouth.

"I can't stop and play now," Ranma said calmly, "I have to
get the groceries home."

As she was trying to cough up a stick of butter, Kodachi
failed to reply.

===============================

Note from the author: Yes, I know the meeting with Kodachi
bears very little resemblance to the canon meeting, but I
didn't feel it would be appropriate with the way Ranma's
evolving in this storyline. So there.
