Red's Reviews: For Want of a Nail 

Altaverse Title: For Want of a Nail (Elseworlds #1)
Author: John Biles
Status: Complete
Rating: 6

     With the first glance at the first page of this story, we started off on 
the entirely wrong foot. For Want of a Nail is written in script form. That's 
not a good thing, in my eyes.
     Let me explain. I have never really liked script form. It's too choppy, too 
disconnected. Anytime I read a script-fic, I can't help but get the feeling that 
despite the setting and action descriptions, the entire story is dialogue 
recited by people standing together in a small room. It's almost a constant 
effort to place the dialogue and the settings in the same thought, and that puts 
me right off a story really quick.
     Plot: The basic plot is good, if a little simplistic. A Ranma/Ukyou match 
done nicely. One letdown I had was that there are no real conflicts. Sure, 
there's the gymnastics match, and the skating match, but those have simply been 
slightly rewritten from the original scenes to incorporate Ukyou. The feeling of 
"been there, read that" is very strong in this fic. There is, on the other hand, 
a fairly strong sense of tension between everyone when Soun is involved in 
dialogue concerning the forced Tendou engagement.
     Characters and characterization: These characters are very believable, even 
taking into account the usual and natural character variances involved in 
divergence and Altaverse fics. There was nothing in Biles' versions of these 
characters that would seem out of place.
     Dialogue: This story is almost entirely dialogue, and that has never sat 
well with me. For the most part, the dialogue was OK. Not good, not bad, not 
great... just OK. There are a few instances when more than one character has 
spoken in the same style. The same mannerisms, mode of speech, etc. Look for one 
such instance of two different characters, at two different times, using the 
same angry exclamation of "Not! Not! Not!" Sometimes it was a trifle confusing, 
as I thought one character was speaking, and it turned out to be another.

	Overall: This piece of work is not really a fanfic. It's more like the 
framework of one. The bones are there, but the meat hasn't been added yet. Not 
bad as it is, but with a little more work, and a transition from script to 
prose, it could be something very good indeed.