
   Insert Self
   
   Disclaimer: I have no idea of what I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway.
   
   < >: Thoughts
   
   Chapter 2
   
   Are You Sure About This?
   
   <See Ranma? I told you that it wouldn't be hard to find your Mom's
   address. And she's still alive, but your father never told you.
   Surprise, surprise, surprise.> Hung said that last bit in the most
   sarcastic tone he could manage.
   
   Ranma Saotome could only shake his head in disbelief as he and his
   merged companion walked toward a small house that belonged to one
   Nodoka Saotome; wife of Genma Saotome. He was currently in male form
   after stopping by a neighborhood caf for hot water.
   
   <So just how do you know who my Mom is?!>
   
   Hung sighed. <I told you before Ranma, you're past is more or less an
   open book to me. I know your basic background and it was a no-brainer
   to look up your parents' address in the National Register. Of course,
   being raised by that dope Genma, it probably never would have occurred
   to you.>
   
   <Hey!>
   
   <Sorry. I know that living with that idiot was the only life you knew,
   but I can't help myself. I'm really disgusted at how you turned out in
   the original series. I guess that's the main reason why I wrote all
   those fanfics. Now I find myself in a position to actually help you
   and make this life better.>
   
   <Hey! It's my life, you know!>
   
   <Yeah, and so far, you haven't done much with it but let Genma control
   it. According to what I've seen in your memories, you haven't made one
   single decision on your own and you're totally dependent on that
   moron.>
   
   <Huh? My memories?! What are you talking about?!>
   
   Hung shrugged in the figurative sense and replied. <Oh, did I forget
   to mention that in addition to being able to use your body, I also
   have access to all your knowledge and memories? And let me tell you
   one thing. There isn't much variety in here. Most of your mind is
   focused on what Genma had taught you about martial arts, all those
   crappy morals and rules of his and not much else. You've got no
   interests, no hobbies, no plans on what to do with the rest of your
   life, NO ideas on how to be TACTFUL, social skills are a joke, and
   there's almost nothing in here on what to do with girls! All these
   sections are practically empty. It's nothing but martial arts, martial
   arts and martial arts, which doesn't mean squat in situations that
   don't require fighting. There's a LOT of bare areas in here. Maybe I
   should put up a sign that says Space for Rent.>
   
   By this time, Ranma was getting really steamed at being berated at
   this unwanted presence inside of him.
   
   Hung noted the buildup of emotion, but paid it little heed. <You can
   get mad at me as much as you want, but it's the truth. And if you
   think that you can solve everything with your fists and that inflated
   ego of yours, then it's no wonder that Genma was able to control you
   for so long, and why you were such a pushover for Nabiki in the
   original series. In any case, we'll discuss more about how to get you
   to be less of a boor later. Right now, we have to deal with that
   Seppuku Pledge. If we can get your mother to see that you really are a
   'man among men,' then she won't be trying to kill us and Genma will
   have one less way of controlling you.>
   
   Ranma stiffened a bit. After leaving Genma a block away from the Tendo
   dojo and going off to search for Nodoka's house, Hung had told him
   about the suicide pact that Ranma had inadvertently signed when he was
   five. He didn't believe it until Hung coaxed out Ranma's earliest
   childhood memories and made them crystal clear in his mind. Ranma saw
   himself doing some kind of finger painting on a document which had
   Genma's signature on it. When Hung zoomed in on it, Ranma almost had a
   stroke.
   
   <You really don't think my Mom would actually...?>
   
   <Believe me Ranma, it's best to get this out of the way as soon as
   possible. If she's like the canon series, then it shouldn't be too
   hard for us to convince her that you're manly enough, despite the
   curse. About seventy percent of all the fanfics I've read and the
   original series have her as an understanding person, (though I think
   she has some really weird definitions on manliness). However, I can't
   rely on those. So I guess we're going to have to wing it. In any case,
   you haven't seen your mother for over ten years and that's not good
   for you.>
   
   <Yeah, well...>
   
   <Hey, it's okay Ranma. I understand. I'm pretty sure that everything
   will be all right.> Hung then noticed a nearby video arcade. <Hey!
   Great!> Hung then took control and pulled Ranma toward the
   establishment.
   
   <What are you doing?!>
   
   <We're going to go play some games while I figure out how to handle
   your Mom.>
   
   <I don't play that stuff!>
   
   <Well, I do, and some of the best moves in my stories were inspired
   from the arcade. Besides, it could give me some ideas on some new
   moves.> Hung then made a beeline toward a row of games in particular
   with titles like Mortal Kombat 4, Killer Instinct 2, King of Fighters
   2000, and Marvel Vs Capcom 2.
   
   ----------
   
   Later, at Nodoka's home...
   
   "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
   
   THUD!
   
   Ranma-chan and Hung looked down at Nodoka after she had fainted from
   seeing the transformation. When they first arrived at the house,
   Ranma's mother had been overjoyed to be reunited with her son after a
   decade-long separation. Then they showed her the curse.
   
   <Uhhhhh... all things considered, I think she took it rather well,
   don't you think Ranma?>
   
   ----------
   
   "So you see, Mrs. Saotome, in actuality, this curse doesn't make your
   son any less of a man." Hung said while using Ranma's voice. He had
   just told her an abbreviated version of the events that occurred at
   Jusenkyo. "Ranma's just as much a man INSIDE, even though he doesn't
   look like one on the outside right now."
   
   "What are you saying?" Ranma's mother asked as she stared at the
   red-haired girl before her. "You're not my son!"
   
   "Uhhhh... yeah, technically speaking I'm not. I...." <Think of
   something quick, Hung!>
   
   "You're what?"
   
   "I'm.... the spirit of the girl who drowned in that spring fifteen
   hundred years ago."
   
   <SAY WHAT?!> Ranma mentally gasped.
   
   Hung then made Ranma-chan's hands clasp together while bowing her head
   as if praying. "I would have gone to Heaven and become an angel when
   your son's brave and noble spirit freed my soul from that horrible
   spring, but alas! Because of the sins of my past life, I am not
   allowed entrance into Kami-sami's realm until I atone for those
   misdeeds. As such, the Almighty has commanded me to remain within your
   son's body and help Ranma attain true manliness, for your husband had
   failed in his promise to you." <Oh boy! Is this ever corny! I'm
   starting to sound like Kuno!>
   
   <WHO?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!>
   
   However, the act worked as Nodoka's expression became softer, though
   no less shocked. "W-W-What do you mean that Genma had failed?"
   
   <Okay... I got her attention. > "Mrs. Saotome, I am well aware of the
   Pledge of Seppuku that your husband had signed in his promise to make
   Ranma a man among men. However, Genma Saotome had done nothing but
   sell off your son's future on various occasions to feed his fat
   stomach, kept him isolated from others and taught him the values of
   the lowest of criminals."
   
   "What?"
   
   "It is true! I have seen the past through Ranma and know of Genma's
   crimes. When Ranma was no more than an infant, your husband engaged
   him to the daughter of the Daijkoku Clan for a bowl of rice, a fish,
   and two pickles, then stole him back."
   
   "W-W-WHAT?!"
   
   <HUH?!> Ranma mentally gasped.
   
   "It'a all true, and there's more! When your son was six, Genma
   blatantly STOLE the dowry of the daughter of the Kuonji clan despite
   the fact that he promised to engage Ranma to his childhood friend
   Ucchan. Then he went back on his word and abandoned the poor girl on
   the side of the road. Does not a TRUE man among men keep his promises?
   Should not such a man be honorable?"
   
   "W-W-Well, yes he does." Nodkoa agreed. "He should have great honor."
   
   Hung then took a dramatic pose. "Furthermore, your husband had thrown
   your son into a dangerous and deadly training technique called the Cat
   Fist, without first reading the entire manual. He sacrificed his son's
   sanity and safety, all for a technique that was ultimately worthless.
   He stole other people's pets and caused great pain to others as well.
   Should not a TRUE man among men be responsible for his actions and
   uphold the greatest of virtues?"
   
   "Yes, he should."
   
   "Indeed. However, the greatest crime of all was making poor Ranma
   totally ignorant in the ways of feminine beauty. He has been alone all
   of his life. Ranma does not peep, he does not know of the joys and
   intimacies that a TRUE man among men should be aware of with a nice
   and beautiful girl. How can he give you the many grandchildren that
   you so richly deserve after years of loneliness? Alas, we must blame
   your husband in this deficiency, for he has truly FAILED in his duty
   to make Ranma... a MAN AMONG MEN!"
   
   "Is... this all true, Ranma?"
   
   Before Ranma could respond, Animeaddiction took over again and said,
   "Yes. As Kami-sama is my witness, it is ALL true. Genma has dragged
   the family name through the mud with his greedy and careless ways.
   However, all is not lost, for Ranma still can and WILL become a man.
   He has already accepted my help for he has bravely let my spirit
   inhabit his body, though it does cost him a measure of his manly
   appearance. Is that not a great quality of a true man among men; to
   aid others in need and better oneself?"
   
   "Oh Ranma!" Nodoka embraced her 'manly' child as Ranma could only gape
   in silence. "How manly you have become!"
   
   ----------
   
   <You didn't have to lay it on so thick!> Ranma argued as he and his
   mental companion settled down in Ranma's old room. <You LIED to my
   mother!>
   
   <In the words of Mr. Spock, I... exaggerated. Everything I said about
   Genma was true and she's not going to force us to commit ritual
   suicide. We get to stay with her, instead of spending the next two
   years hiding from her at the Tendo Dojo. You get to spend time with
   your Mom, which I know that you're looking forward to. Genma doesn't
   know we're here, and if he did, he won't dare come to this place for
   fear of that pledge. Furthermore, he can't press that stupid promise
   to unite the schools on us, since we're not at the Tendos and I think
   it's best that we never do go there. Your Mom is pretty steamed at
   him, but it's not like he didn't have it coming. You'll get to do
   things on your own, (with my guidance of course), without that idiot
   always trying to run and ruin your life. So all in all, it's not so
   bad, right? Or do you WANT to go back to your father and all that
   crap?>
   
   This stopped Ranma cold. A lot of what Hung had said made sense. He
   did want to spend time with his mother and being away from his father
   wasn't totally undesirable. Maybe this could work out, though Ranma
   still was irritated at all the times Hung had taken control of his
   body. It unnerved him that Animeaddiction knew so much about him, his
   family and what was going to happen.
   
   ----------
   
   Near the Tendo Dojo...
   
   <Now where did that ungrateful son of mine go to?!> The panda thought
   after finally regaining consciousness. He wondered just when Ranma
   could hit THAT hard. He sighed, then heard a familiar rumble in the
   bottomless pit that he called a stomach. He figured that he could find
   the boy later. After all, the boy was totally dependent on his father
   and would eventually return to him. He had Ranma under his complete
   control and knew that his overdeveloped sense of honor would compel
   him to come back and fulfill the pledge.
   
   In the mean time, he figured that he should just see his old friend
   Soun and get his stomach filled.
   
   Of course, as he neared the Tendo residence, he neglected a few
   details, such as the fact that he was still a panda and that his
   friend and his three daughters were anxiously awaiting the arrival of
   said future heir of the Anything Goes.
   
   ----------
   
   That night...
   
   Animeaddiction was once again putting Ranma's body through its paces
   as his host slept. At the moment, he was practicing in the backyard on
   one particular move that he had seen, while playing Mortal Kombat 4.
   
   <I KNOW it's possible to do it! I've just got to concentrate! It's
   like the Chestnut Training. Let the ki boost my movement!>
   
   The district remained silent for several more hours, but a shout was
   heard to break that silence, followed by a small explosion of a wall
   being destroyed.
   
   "ALL RIGHT!"
   
   ----------
   
   A day later, at the Saotome home...
   
   Nodoka had wasted no time in getting Ranma registered for school. To
   Hung's dismay, there was only one school that was available to take
   her son so late in the semester; Furinken High. Typical.
   
   Ranma's mother also made a note to call the house repairman to fix the
   hole in the backyard wall that her son had inadvertently made during
   his late night training session.
   
   "Take care, Ranma!" Nodoka called out as she waved goodbye to her
   offspring. "And make certain that you listen to your... guardian
   angel!"
   
   Ranma shuddered as he hefted his book bag and walked to school.
   <Guardian angel?>
   
   <I think she means me.> Hung said cheerfully. <And you could call me
   that, since I've spent a lot of my time keeping you out of trouble.
   And if I'm right, I'm going to be really busy today.>
   
   <What are you talking about? It's just school.>
   
   <That's what you think.>
   
   Ranma thought for a moment, then changed the subject. <By the way.
   What was Mom talking about when she said that she didn't blame me for
   making that hole in the wall?>
   
   <I guess I went a little overboard last night during training.>
   
   <Huh?>
   
   <You'll see.>
   
   ----------
   
   Meanwhile, coming from another direction...
   
   "I can't believe that Dad did that to us, last night! I HATE BOYS!"
   
   "Oh come on now, Akane." Nabiki soothed. "This Ranma person didn't
   show up so you don't have to worry about it now."
   
   "It would be a lot better if Dad and that friend of his would forget
   about it totally!" The short-tempered girl said in a huff. "It's bad
   enough that we now have a really weird houseguest that changes into a
   panda, but to engage us to someone we never even met?!"
   
   "Save your energy Akane. You're going to need it." Her older sister
   pointed toward the front gate of the school where the Horde of Hentai
   were gathering.
   
   Akane let off a snarl as she charged into the fray.
   
   ----------
   
   <Hey, what's going on?> Ranma wondered as he approached the main gate.
   
   <It's nothing, Ranma. It's just the usual,
   beat-Akane-so-you-can-date-her routine. None of our business.>
   
   <What are you talking about...?> Ranma then noticed that a long-haired
   girl was being attacked by a group of boys armed with various sports
   equipment.
   
   Hung already felt Ranma's body begin to react, but firmly took control
   of the martial artist's voluntary skeletal muscles. <Keep out of it,
   Ranma. You interfere and you'll be getting us into more trouble.>
   
   <But they're attacking her!>
   
   <Take a look, Ranma. Her fighting abilities are nowhere near ours, but
   those guys she's up against have little to no skill and are just
   attacking randomly, not as a team. And when Kuno shows up, he'll
   probably go easy on her, as usual. So keep walking Ranma. This doesn't
   concern us and... whoops!>
   
   Hung then made Ranma's body execute a spin kick to deflect an incoming
   soccer player that had been belted by Akane. This move instantly
   caught the attention of those who were watching the morning brawl and
   especially caught the eye of one Nabiki Tendo.
   
   ----------
   
   The middle daughter of Soun Tendo nodded from her vantage point on the
   second floor of the school. As soon as Akane started fighting off her
   admirers, she had quickly gotten into the school and began setting up
   betting pools on how fast Akane could finish off the mob and Kuno. She
   had noted the newcomer as soon as he came through the gates, but then
   things got interesting when he kicked that soccer player away from
   him... and right back at Akane who had her back turned at the moment.
   
   ----------
   
   <Aw cripes!> Hung moaned as he saw the boy hurtle straight for her.
   
   WHAM!
   
   Akane was now sprawled on the ground and out like a light as the rest
   of the mob and everyone else at school looked on in shock.
   
   Akane Tendo, the best martial artist in Nerima, had just been
   defeated.
   
   <Damn! Well, I think I know where this is going to go.>
   
   ----------
   
   "Did you see that?"
   
   "Akane's out cold!"
   
   "Does that mean that...?"
   
   "Was it Shimada of the soccer team or the new guy?"
   
   "Just when I was about to beat her!"
   
   ----------
   
   Hung could only sigh and shake Ranma's head while pinching the bridge
   of his nose. Since that boy was unconscious and therefore did not
   count, the school was going to think that Ranma had defeated Akane.
   And if that was the case...
   
   <What's going on? Why is everybody staring at us?> Ranma asked in a
   bewildered state.
   
   Hung wasn't even paying attention. <Let's see... Akane had just gotten
   knocked out by me, although by accident. If I'm right, then Kuno
   should be showing up in three... two... one... zero!>
   
   "KNAVE!"
   
   <Bingo!> Hung then resigned himself to the inevitable meeting with the
   so-called Blue Thunder, Shooting Star or whatever he was calling
   himself at the moment. <Oh well. At least this gives me a chance to
   try out that new move.>
   
   <What new move?> Ranma asked.
   
   Stepping out from behind a nearby tree, the wannabe samurai and
   self-proclaimed great master of the blade made his grand appearance.
   Of course, being already familiar with Kuno, Hung was not impressed by
   either his stature or his posturing.
   
   "Who are you cur, that would attack the beauteous Akane Tendo in such
   a cowardly and dishonorable fashion?"
   
   Ranma's witty reply to that was, "Huh?"
   
   Kuno went on with his accusations as he pointed with his bokken. "Know
   this knave! I, Tatewaki Kuno, age 17, the undefeated captain of the
   Kendo Club, the rising star of the fencing world and Blue Thunder of
   Furinken High shall not let this transgression go unpunished! You had
   used dark sorcery and foul methods to have defeated the lovely Akane!"
   
   "What the Hell are you talking about? It was an accident!"
   
   "Silence! For your foul deed, there can be only one result! Prepare to
   feel the Blue Thunder's righteous blade of justice!"
   
   Kuno charged in and swung at Ranma's head. Ranma however, was no
   longer there as he made a lazy backflip and tossed his book bag off to
   one side.
   
   "I STILL don't know what you're talking about, but I'm Ranma Saotome
   of the Saotome School of the Anything Goes Martial Arts..." He then
   landed in a ready stance a few meters away. "... and I accept your
   challenge."
   
   ----------
   
   <So THIS is Ranma Saotome, eh?> Nabiki thought as she assessed the
   young man. <Ooh, he IS cute. This could be extremely interesting.>
   
   ----------
   
   "Hey, look! That new guy who just defeated Akane is taking on Kuno!"
   
   "The guy must have a death wish or something!"
   
   "I don't know. If he beat Akane..."
   
   "Hey, it was just a fluke!"
   
   ----------
   
   <Finish him off fast, Ranma.> Hung warned.
   
   <Hey! Don't go telling me how to fight!>
   
   <In about three minutes, it's going to start raining. Now unless you
   WANT people to see the curse, then you'd better take this idiot out
   now!>
   
   Ranma glanced up at the sky and sure enough, storm clouds were
   rumbling above them. He shrugged. <Heh. I can beat this jerk, no
   problem! I've got plenty of time.>
   
   <No you don't. And if you're not going to take this situation
   seriously, then I am.> With that, Animeaddiction took control.
   
   <Hey! What are you...?>
   
   At that moment, Kuno charged in with bokken raised high, intending to
   cleave his opponent in two.
   
   Hung however, had other ideas. As soon as the wooden blade began its
   downswing, he made Ranma's legs do the splits, causing the top of his
   body to drop low while thrusting out with his right fist.
   
   Guess which part of Kuno's anatomy it connected with?
   
   ----------
   
   WHOMP!
   
   "EYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
   
   Kuno slumped forward as his weapon fell from his hands and clattered
   to the ground.
   
   ----------
   
   "Oooooooooohhhhhhhh!" All the male spectators said at once as their
   legs clenched together in reflex.
   
   ----------
   
   WHABOOM!
   
   ----------
   
   "Oooooooooowwwwwww!" The teens said collectively as Hung added insult
   to injury by sending Kuno flying with a brutal uppercut to the chin.
   As he tracked the kendoist on his downward arc, he tensed up, focused
   his ki and shot forward with his right leg extended. He moved so fast
   that he left several trailing images of Ranma's body behind him.
   
   WHAM!
   
   Kuno was struck in the abdomen, which sent him flying toward the main
   gate. He crashed into the concrete, making a deep depression before
   slumping down into unconsciousness.
   
   ----------
   
   "That was...." One boy gasped in shock.
   
   "...Johnny Cage's Shadow Kick and Ball Breaker from Mortal Kombat!"
   Another one exclaimed.
   
   ----------
   
   Hung couldn't resist as he whipped out a pair of shades from out of
   nowhere and put them on while striking a pose.
   
   "Flawless Victory!"
   
   Inside their head, Ranma could only stare in shock.
   
   <How did he... I... mean, I.... do that?>
   
   Hung shrugged as he then hurried inside the school. Thirty seconds
   later, it began to rain, just as Akane regained consciousness.
   
   "Oooh... what hit me?"
   
   ----------
   
   "Class, we have a new student joining us here at Furinken High. His
   name is Ranma Saotome and he's just come in from China, so let's all
   give him a warm welcome."
   
   Ranma bowed to the class as the teacher finished with the
   introductions.
   
   "However, that does not excuse him or Miss Tendo from coming in late,
   so the two of them will have to stand out in the hall."
   
   Sitting at her desk, Akane growled as she glared at the newcomer.
   After being told by her friends on what had happened earlier, she was
   even more steamed that the boy who had 'defeated' her, was also the
   same person in which her father wanted to engage her or her sisters
   to.
   
   ----------
   
   <C'mon! You have to tell me how you did that move! > Ranma demanded as
   he and Akane stood outside the classroom with buckets of water in
   their hands.
   
   <What? The Ball Breaker? Anyone could do that, even you.>
   
   <Not that! I mean, Johnny Cage's Shadow Kick! I thought Mortal Kombat
   was just a video game that we played yesterday!>
   
   <It was... until I brought it out into reality. That was the move that
   I practiced last night, which caused that hole in your mother's
   backyard wall.>
   
   <How did you do it? I have to know!>
   
   <Why?>
   
   <What do you mean, why?!>
   
   <I mean, why should I? It's not like you were interested before in
   anything I had to offer. You totally disregard any advice I try to
   give to you and scoffed at all the times I saved you from trouble.
   Heck, I even got you back with your mother without so much as one iota
   of appreciation. So why are you interested NOW?>
   
   <Aw come on! Please? That move looked awesome in the game, but it was
   even better in real life! Can't we... make a deal or something?>
   
   Hung smiled a bit. If there was one way to get Ranma motivated, it was
   to appeal to his insatiable desire for martial arts. Animeaddiction
   had just given his host a small taste and now Ranma was hungry for
   more.
   
   <Well.... I guess I could let you in on how I did that move, plus a
   few others that put everything your father taught you to shame.
   However...>
   
   <What?>
   
   <I know you, Ranma. The more moves that you master, then the bigger
   that ego of yours gets, which means that we'll end up in a LOT more
   crap. It's a full-time job just keeping you out of trouble now. And
   there's still all those empty areas in this head of yours that have
   nothing to do with martial arts. All the martial arts moves and every
   arcade in the world aren't going to help you outside of a fight.>
   
   <So what are you saying? That you're not going to show me how you did
   that move?>
   
   <I'm not saying that. Give me some time to think about it, and I'll
   let you know.>
   
   Ranma could only grit his teeth and fume in silence. If what Hung was
   telling him was true, then his head had the secrets of some of the
   most powerful martial arts ever. The problem was that only
   Animeaddiction had the key to unlocking them.
   
   "HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
   
   Ranma then turned to see a very irate Akane Tendo glaring at him.
   
   ----------
   
   If there was one thing that could get Akane riled, it was being
   ignored. As soon as she and Ranma were standing outside, she had
   decided to give him a piece of her mind. However, it seemed that she
   was beneath his notice as he just stood and made some strange facial
   expressions to himself. When he finally turned to her, her temper was
   just about nearing the boiling point.
   
   "Don't you act like I'm not here!"
   Ranma shrugged. "What? I wasn't listening."
   That comment really made Akane steamed. "This all your fault!"
   
   "What are you talking about?"
   
   "If you think I'm going to get engaged to you, then you'd better think
   again! The whole school may think that I have to date a pervert like
   you, but I'm not going to!"
   
   Ranma was just about to retort to the 'pervert' crack, but Hung
   decided to intervene. Now that he was meeting Akane face-to-face, he
   was already disliking her arrogant and bratty attitude. Since she knew
   about the engagement, he could assume that Genma was now at the Tendo
   Dojo.
   
   "You are one rude little girl. Correction... you are one rude, little
   BRAT."
   "What... did... you call me?" Akane's voice became low and dangerous.
   
   "I don't know why you're calling me a pervert, since we've only just
   met, though I guess you categorize all boys as such. And was I
   speaking to you, before? No, I wasn't. I was just thinking to myself
   and there was no reason for me to address you. As for what happened
   this morning, it was all an accident, so I will apologize for that,
   but I won't have anyone speak to me in such a way, especially from a
   spoiled little princess who has to be the center of attention. It's
   considered bad manners, but it seems that you were never taught
   better."
   
   "Just who do you think you are?!" Akane's hands clenched the handles
   of her buckets, as if she was getting ready to throw their contents at
   them.
   
   Hung shrugged Ranma's shoulders. "Someone who doesn't really care what
   you have to say." (1)
   
   ----------
   
   "H-H-He's... her... fiance?!" Kuno stuttered after Nabiki had told
   him of a certain pledge to unit the schools.
   
   "Well, actually..."
   
   "FEAR NOT AKANE TENDO! YOUR TRUE LOVE SHALL SAVE YOU FROM THE CLUTCHES
   OF THAT FOUL SORCERER!"
   
   "... it hasn't been decided who he'll marry..." Nabiki shook her head
   as Kuno ran out of the classroom. <I swear, you and Akane deserve each
   other. Stuff goes in through one ear and out the other!> She also
   noticed that Kuno was running funny and recalled what had happened.
   
   <Well, it's not as if Ranma hit anything important. One might say that
   was his contribution to birth control.> The middle daughter shuddered
   at the thought of Kuno reproducing a lot of little Kunos. (2)
   
   ----------
   
   <Well, let's see now. Since Akane knows about the pledge, then that
   means Nabiki knows and is very likely to have told...>
   
   "NEVER, RANMA SAOTOME!"
   <Bingo!>
   
   <Hey, what's going on?!> Ranma asked.
   
   <It's us versus the Blue Blunder, Round Two. Jump!>
   
   <Huh?> "WHOA!" Ranma jumped out of the way as a bokken sliced through
   one of his pails, sending water splashing all over. He managed to
   avoid getting wet, but Akane, being slower, screamed as her skirt
   became drenched.
   
   "You idiot!" She then threw one of her buckets at him.
   
   Ranma dodged that one as well, then faced off against Kuno. "What's
   your problem?!"
   
   "I SHALL NEVER ACCEPT YOUR ENGAGEMENT TO AKANE TENDO!"
   
   <And here it comes...> Hung sighed as the windows and doors of the
   nearby classrooms opened up with mobs of students.
   
   "AKANE! I THOUGHT YOU HATED BOYS!"
   "WHEN'S THE WEDDING?"
   "SO I GUESS THIS MEANS THAT YOU'RE NOT... YOU KNOW?"
   
   As Akane tried to deny everything, she gave Ranma an especially
   murderous glare. This was all his fault!
   
   Kuno then began swinging his bokken at his foe, who nimbly dodged each
   strike as he moved away from the crowds.
   
   "This isn't the place to fight, Kuno. If you want to fight, then
   follow me!"
   
   "That I shall!"
   
   The two began running through the hall as Ranma spotted an open
   window.
   
   "Here's a nice shortcut..."
   
   <No, you don't!> Hung interrupted as he took over and made Ranma turn
   violently to the right and run down the stairs.
   
   <What are you doing?!>
   
   <There's a pool down there, or have you forgotten about your curse
   already?>
   
   Ranma fumed a bit, though he could see Hung's point. <So what we gonna
   do?>
   
   <You can just sit back and relax. I've been wanting to try out some
   new routines that I picked up yesterday, along with Johnny Cage's
   Shadow Kick and Ball Breaker.>
   
   <You're going to use those Mortal Kombat moves on him again?>
   
   <Nah, I think I'll do Killer Instinct this time. It's time try out my
   new Auto-Combo techniques.>
   
   <Say what?>
   
   ----------
   
   Just as Kuno and Ranma ran out of the school building, the entire
   student population and some of the teaching staff were crowded at the
   outer windows at the second and third floors.
   
   As soon as the two combatants reached an area that was far enough away
   from the pool and any other source of water, Hung turned to face off
   against the insane kendoist.
   
   "At last you have stopped running!" Tatewaki declared as he began
   delivering a series of rapid thrusts at his nimble adversary. However,
   having already trained in the Chestnut Technique and various other
   speed exercises, Hung easily dodged each attack as he closed in on his
   opponent.
   
   He then began focusing the ki into the arms and legs and set off a
   pattern of preprogrammed moves that he had ingrained into Ranma's
   psychomotor control centers.
   
   <TRIPLE COMBO!>
   
   Kuno was abruptly halted in his attack as a spinning backfist slammed
   into his face, followed by an elbow to the gut and then an uppercut to
   the chin.
   
   <SUPER COMBO!>
   
   Before Tatewaki could recover, he then received three, fast jabs to
   the chest, followed by a reverse-spin kick to the temple.
   
   <HYPER COMBO!>
   
   Ranma's body then automatically went into a double spin kick, followed
   by an elbow to Kuno's chest, then a one-two combination to the face.
   
   <BRUTAL COMBO!>
   
   This was four rapid, short kicks to the chest, followed by a double
   slap to the face.
   
   <MASTER COMBO!>
   
   By now, Kuno had a pretty good idea what a punching bag felt like as
   he received three roundhouse kicks, a head butt, and three hard
   straights to the nose.
   
   <AWESOME COMBO!>
   
   This was an eight-hit combination that included five, quick jabs, a
   knee to the groin, and another double slap to the face.
   
   <MONSTER COMBO!>
   Hung decided to forego the nine-hit specialty for one extra shot. Kuno
   received three, rapid kicks to the stomach, two double slaps, two jabs
   to the nose and one roundhouse right.
   
   <KING COMBO!>
   
   Three spin kicks, two roundhouse rights, two spinning backfists, a
   knee to the chin, then another to the groin again, and finishing off
   with an open-palmed strike to the chest that sent Kuno staggering
   back.
   
   "I... fight... on!"
   
   <ULTRA... COMBO!>
   
   Kuno received... twelve roundhouse kicks, eleven jabs to the face, ten
   double slaps, nine body slams, eight spinning backfists, seven rabbit
   punches, six piledrivers... FIVE KNEES TO THE GROIN... four karate
   chops, three airplane spins, two head butts... and an uppercut into a
   tree! (Total: 88 hits!)
   
   ----------
   
   Ranma could only stare anew in shock after seeing Hung totally
   demolish Kuno. Their opponent had bruises on his bruises as he was
   slumped down against the tree he had impacted with.
   <That... was the Auto-Combo Technique?>
   <Yeah. I figured that if the Killer Instinct game could give you
   automatic combinations, just by pressing buttons, then why not have
   some moves preprogrammed into your psychomotor reflexes? Pretty cool,
   huh?>
   <You've GOT to show me how that works!>
   
   ----------
   
   Up on the third floor, Akane was speechless after witnessing Kuno
   being thoroughly, undeniably, without a doubt in anyone's mind...
   defeated.
   
   <Okay... so he knows some moves. I'm still the best martial artist in
   Nerima! We'll see just how he'll do against a TRUE martial artist!>
   
   To be continued...
   
   Author's notes
   
   Well, that takes care of Chapter 2. Sorry about my take on the Twelve
   Days of Christmas, but I couldn't resist describing Kuno being beaten
   that way. As I have said before, this story has no plot or any real
   direction. It's all just for laughs, for me at least.
   
   (1) Yeah, I know that I'm sounding harsh against Akane, but I did warn
   people that Akane is going to be eating lots of crow. In any case,
   it's like Metroanime's story Retake, in which his character also
   dislikes Akane because of her attitude and her tendency for violence.
   I'm just acting the way I think I would act if I were in this
   situation with my knowledge of what she's like.
   
   (2) In this storyline, Nabiki only considers Kuno as an income
   generator and really doesn't like him, like some other authors have
   written her. Some people say that her money-grubbing ways and his vast
   wealth makes them perfect for each other, but I feel that she could do
   a LOT better.
