Whodunnit (A.K.A. Everyone vs Wufei)

Whodunit (A.K.A. Everyone vs. Wufei)

A GW fanfic by Scheherazade

12/10/00

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Gundam Wing... if you are the person who owns them... I hope you thought this was as funny as I did and don’t want to sue me.

Warning: Humor... OOCness... paranoid Wufei (but he’s so cute when he’s paranoid)

Archived: if you really want it… just ask.

C&C to: Alicit@aol.com

Pairings: none

Wufei was having a quiet day at his home. He was sitting on his extremely comfortable sofa, sipping black tea, and reading an old book. Suddenly there was a huge explosion followed by maniacal laughter. The whole front portion of Wufei’s house was blown away and Heero Yuy was standing on Wufei’s front lawn (right in the middle of his flower garden, I might add) gripping a detonation switch and laughing like a maniac. Wufei’s eyes grew large as he reached for his katana. "KISAMA!!!!! Why do you attack me, fool?"

Heero regained his composure almost immediately. "Wufei, I didn’t know this was *your* house," he said with a deadpan expression that Wufei didn’t trust, "I thought this was the address of... Zechs’ house... my mistake."

Wufei dropped his sword down. "Yes, it’s an honest mistake..." Wufei turned to go back into his house, but he swore that he could feel Heero’s eyes digging into the back of his head. ‘I definitely won’t be staying here for a while,’ thought Wufei, ‘Maybe I should warn Maxwell about Heero’s unusual behavior.’

* * *

"So what you’re telling me," said Duo, leaning across the table and staring at Wufei, "is that you think that Heero is trying to kill you."

"When you put it that way I sound crazy," said Wufei. "But I’m telling you, I think that he really meant to blow up my house."

Duo shook his head. "Tell ya what, I’ll go call Heero and clear this whole mess up. I bet it’s all a big misunderstanding."

Duo was gone for about ten minutes in which Wufei tried to mentally reassure himself. When Duo walked back into the room, Wufei looked up expectantly. "Well? What did he say?"

Duo regarded Wufei, "He explained everything to me." Duo moved towards Wufei slowly with measured steps. Only then did Wufei notice that Duo had a steak knife in his hand.

Wufei stood up shakily, "You know... I have something I have to do...." and with hat he ran.

* * *

"Thank you, Quatre, for letting me stay at your house while mine is... incapacitated."

"No problem," said Quatre with a hospitable grin, "I was just about to sit down and eat... would you like to join me?"

The prospect of food and a person who didn’t want to kill him pleased Wufei greatly. "Sure." The two boys sat down and started talking. The food was good and, since Wufei was sure Quatre didn’t want to kill him, Wufei felt more at ease than he had in a while. "You know what we need to complete this feast?" joked Wufei.

"What?" inquired the small blond.

"We need wine... oh wait... you don’t drink, do you?"

Quatre furrowed his brow at his giddy comrade. "Actually, I do believe that we have a cask of wine downstairs in the wine cellar."

Wufei’s eyes went large. "Really? What kind?" Wufei needed alcohol after all he’d been through.

"A cask of the very finest wine, Amontillado. Come down into the Wine cellar with me to retrieve it."

Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) Wufei had read Edgar Allen Poe’s stories one too many times, and, not wanting to face the same fate as Fortuno, ran from the house and to the house of the remaining Gundam pilot.

* * *

Wufei burst through the screen door of the trailer that Trowa shared with his sister. Catherine was standing at a little stove when Wufei burst in, looking like an escaped mental patient. "Where’s Trowa?" asked the escaped mental patient.

"Well," said Catherine carefully, "He went out to feed the lions, even though I told him we didn’t have any meat left. He just said that he’d find some..."

Wufei’s eyes went larger (if that is humanly possible. They were taking up half his face by this time) and he yelled, "Lock all the doors! Shut the windows! They’re all crazy!" He scampered to the door he had entered by and locked it securely.

‘What a strange boy,’ thought Catherine, but she closed the window nearest her anyway. "You look starved," she said to Wufei, "would you like some soup?"

Wufei was starved, (terror can do that to you) so he accepted the bowl of liquid handed to him. He was about to take a sip when he asked, "What kind of soup is it?"

"It’s my own creation. It’s almond soup." Wufei dropped his spoon and went screaming out of the trailer and dashed into the night. ‘*Very* strange boy,’ thought Catherine as she picked up the spoon and took a sip of her soup. "hummm...." she said to herself, "definitely needs more salt."

~Owari~

Hehehe, now, wasn’t that funny?

Wufei: No.

Scheherazade: Shuttup, I wasn’t asking you.

W: Onna!

S: Be quiet or I’ll make a sequel!

W: *mutters to himself about injustice*

S: Sequel anyone?