Pee -Wee Football

Pee-Wee Football

By Scheherazade

A Gundam Wing fanfic. All Gundam Wing characters are property of their creators and such. They do not belong to me and I am not making any money off of this little story. Do not sue me, I mean no harm!

AU, Humor, implied 13+6 and 3+4, Relena bashing, Chibiness

Archive: if you would like to, just e-mail and ask.

E-mail: with comments & criticism Alicit@aol.com

Today’s word of the day is: Pee-Wee Football

* * *

The setting is a football field somewhere near a school building. 7-year-old Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei are sitting on a wood bench in little blue and red football uniforms with the respective numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 on the backs along with their respective last names. There is no one else on the field that they can see

Chibi Quatre: *looks at watch* Why aren’t they here yet?

Chibi Wufei: Those weaklings! They are afraid to challenge my strength! They have backed out of this fair duel between our forces... (he keeps rambling but the rest of the G-boys ignore him)

Chibi Heero: They will be here...

Chibi Duo: Yea! And then we can play football!

Chibi Trowa: ... Ummm...

CQ: Trowa, what’s wrong?

CT: I don’t... know how to play football

CD: You don’t?!?!?! Football is the best! Football is the greatest and you get to throw around this ball thing and run and tackle people and knock ‘em down and you get to kick the ball except it isn’t really a ball ‘cause it’d kinda long and it’d got stitchin’’ on it!

Now both Chibi Wufei and Chibi Duo are babbling incessantly and incoherently. This seriously ticks Chibi Heero off so he shove’s Chibi Duo’s braid into his mouth. Chibi Wufei, however, continues his rant, unaware of the tall, dark figure looming behind him.

CW: ... These weaklings cannot respect my justice, *I* define justice...

CT: ... Ummm...

CQ: Trowa, what’s wrong?

CD: Whoa, deja vu!

Not So Chibi Treize: Hello, young man.

CW: *jumps about a mile into the air and comes down SD and bristling*

NSCT: I sincerely apologize for our lateness, but it took a while to assemble all seven members of our team.

CH: Seven? but, I thought it was five. *turns to chibi duo* Duo! you said we had enough!

CD: yeah, we gots seven right? I’m seven, you’re seven, we’re all seven.

CH: *deathglare at chibi duo*

CQ: *sigh* Well, where are we going to get two more players?

Just then, Chibi Hilde and Kinda Chibi Sally walk by.

CD: hey! Hilde! Do you and Sally wanna come play football with us? We need two more players.

Chibi Hilde: Ummm... we would but...

Kinda Chibi Sally: We already told Treize that we’d play on his team.

CW: Nani?!?! Onna! Why are you betraying me?

KCS: Hey! *I* want to be on the *Winning* team.

CD: Nuh-huh, we’re gonna kick your butts.

CT: So who *Are* we going to have on our team?

CD, Heero, Q, & W: ... ... ... ...

Suddenly, a figure runs up and glomps Chibi Heero.

Chibi Relena: Oh Heero, Can I help you? Can I play? Please, please, please, please? *bats eyelashes sickeningly*

CHeero: *deathglare at chibi relena*

CQ: OK, Miss Relena, now we only need one more person on our team.

CD: OK. Hey Trowa, what about that sister of yours? She’s got a great arm!

CT: *shrugs* OK.

Just then, Almost Chibi Catherine shows up.

Almost Chibi Catherine: Hello little brother, hello other people.

CT: Hi Cathy... *looks at a cloud*

CW: Argh! Why must we ally ourselves with such weak women?

A knife flies through the air and buries itself in the bench next to Chibi Wufei. Almost Chibi Cathrine looks at him innocently.

CHeero: Good. we have our team now. *turns to not so chibi treize* Where is the rest of your team?

NSCT: ... *waves hand carelessly, kind of gesturing towards the opposite bench where kinda chibi sally and chibi hilde are sitting* They will arrive shortly.

Before he can stop talking, Kinda Chibi Un has appeared by his elbow. When he lowers his hand, he barely misses jabbing her. He turns to look at her and blinks.

Kinda Chibi Un: I am here as you asked your excel-... I mean, Treize... *Mr.* Treize.

NSCT: Very good, Lady.

CW: Humph. now you have four players, three of which are women. So, do you have any more weaklings to fight for you?

Chibi Dorothy skips up behind Not So Chibi Treize.

Chibi Dorothy: Hello, Mr. Treize. I am ready to play.

NSCT: *slight pained look* Alright Dorothy.

Chibi Dorothy skips over to the bench where Kinda Chibi Sally and Chibi Hilde are sitting. They are soon joined by Kinda Chibi Noin.

CW: Are there *No* men on your team, baka? They are all weak women...

Yet another tall dark figure appears behind Chibi Wufei. He again does not notice it and continues ranting.

Kinda Chibi Zechs: Hello Treize, I hope I am not too late.

CW: *jumps another mile and comes down sd and bristling again*

CDuo: Well, I guess that answered your question Wu-chan.

CW: *is too startled to reproach chibi duo*

NSCT: Well then, shall we start?

CHeero: Alright, you can do the kick off. *he throws the ball at treize*

NSCT: No, you have to flip a coin for it.

CHeero: *shrugs* OK.

CQ: *digs around in his pockets and pulls out a quarter* Here.

CHeero: *flips coin into the air* Call it.

NSCT: Heads.

CHeero: *catches it and flips it over* Heads.

Not So Chibi Treize takes the ball and walks to one side of the field while the G-boy team goes to the other side. Chibi Trowa follows quietly because he still doesn’t know how to play football and no one bothered to explain it to him, save for Chibi Duo’s rapid

jabbering. Chibi Hilde holds the ball on the other side of the field while Chibi Dorothy rushes up to kick it. The ball sailed towards the waiting G-boys and co. who rush towards it. It falls directly into Chibi Trowa’s arms. Chibi Trowa looks at it bewilderedly. From somewhere among his teammates he hears, "Run with it!" Seeing the rapidly approaching offending team, Chibi Trowa promptly turns on his heels and runs with the ball. Chibi Heero, Duo, Quatre, Wufei, Relena (Yes, she knows enough about football to know this. She spent enough time stalking that really cute quarterback for the high school team, ya know.) & Almost Chibi Catherine all yell, "You’re going the wrong way!!!" But it is too late. Chibi Trowa has just scored a touchdown for the Ozies. Chibi Trowa just shrugs and tosses the ball into the air. It beans Kinda Chibi Sally on the head.

KCS: Ow. *rubs head*

Meanwhile, Chibi Wufei is arguing with Not So Chibi Treize about the six points.

CW: This is not just. How can you take those points? What kind of man are you?

NSCT: Your friend chose...

CW: Baka! you tricked him!

NSCT: Tricked him? I don’t think he even knows how to play this game...

KCZ: *puts his arm over not so chibi treize’s sholders* He is just a little distraught because his girlfriend got her head bumped

CW: !!! *nosebleed*

While Chibi Wufei recovers the OZ team prepares to kick off the ball again. This time Kinda Chibi Sally, recovered from her head injury, kicks the ball that Kinda Chibi Noin held. This time Almost Chibi Cathrine catches it and is promptly tackled by Kinda Chibi Un at the 50 yard line. Then Chibi Heero, the G-boy’s quarterback, throws the ball to Chibi Wufei. Chibi Wufei isn’t looking where he is going and runs smack into Chibi Quatre while the pigskin flies over their heads and into the grasp of Kinda Chibi Noin. She then runs back to the 50 yard line, leaping over the sprawled Chibi Quatre and Chibi Wufei in the process before being tackled by Chibi Duo.

CR: Oh Heero, That was a wonderful throw!

CHeero: It was a pass. And it got inercepted.

CR: Oh Heero, don’t tease, *You* threw it so it *Must* be perfect.

CHeero: Omae o Korosu.

Meanwhile the Ozies had already huddled, broke, and now they were set up on the line of scrimmage.

NSCT: Are you ready yet?

CHeero: Hn.

The G-boy team lines up opposite the Ozies. Kinda Chibi Zechs bends over to hike the ball. He waited for Not So Chibi Treize to yell, "Hike." He waits and waits. The others on his team also waits, as do the opposing team. In fact, they wait for about five minutes before Kinda Chibi Un clears her throat.

KCU: Mr. Treize, do you not intend to ask Col-... Er... Mr. Milliardo to hike the ball?

NSCT: Hum? Oh, yes... (he had been very busy staring at Kinda Chibi Zech’s butt, of which he had a very nice view.) Hike!

Not So Chibi Treize backs up and lets the ball go soaring in a huge arc downfield to where Chibi Hilde is running to catch it. While the ball is at it’s highest point Chibi Trowa springs up and does his famous tripleflip and snags the football, landing in back of all the Ozies (except Treize, of course.) He then runs down the field to the endzone where he stands, blinking at everybody. They blink back.

ACC: Trowa! I thought you couldn’t play football!

CW: I explained the basics of the game while we were waiting for certain people *glares at not so chibi treize and kinda chibi zechs* to hike the ball.

CT: *nods*

CW: We cannot afford to have a weak link in our team.

CR: Ooh! We have a point now!

CQ: Six, actually, Miss Relena.

CR: Really? How’d we get *Them*?

CQ: Trowa got a touchdown.

CR: Trowa touched down where?

CQ: *turns red*

CDuo: He means that Trowa scored.

CQ: *redder*

CDuo: The sis points that is *sweatdropps*

CR: But Heero’s supposed to score the points. *pouts*

CQ & CDuo: *walk away*

ACC: *gives the ball to chibi relena*

CR: *looks at the ball confusedly* What am I supposed to do with this?

ACC: just hold it when Heero comes to kick it.

CR: OK, anything to help Heero!

The other G-boys line up behind Chibi Heero, ready to run after the kickoff. Chibi Heero is directly in back of Chibi Relena, a bit removed from the line.

CR: Heero! Come kick the ball!

CHeero: *groans*

He runs up to her and kicks, hard.

CR: OWWWWWW! Wahhhh *cries*

CDuo: Oi! Heero, looks like you missed!

CHeero: *to himself* I did not miss

CR: You kicked me in the head, Heero!

By this time the Ozies have come over to see what the commotion is all about.

CDorothy: Miss Relena, are you alright?

CR: *has semi-recovered* Yes, *turns to chibi heero* Heero, I know you didn’t mean to harm me. Here, let me hug you.

CHeero: Treize, do you think that we could finish this game at some other time when we have a, uh, different person in Relena’s place?

NSCT: Certainly. Until we meet again.

----Owari------

PLEASE! C&C, for my first completed fic ever, I need it, desperately! e-mail alicit@aol.com

-Scheherazade