By the time you receive this

Trowa’s Letter

A GW fanfic by Scheherazade

Part 7/8 of the letter series

12/11/00

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam wing. I do not own Trowa. I do not own Quatre. I do not own their world. I do not have any money. I do not want to be sued.

Warning: Shonen-ai, major angst, and death

Pairings: 3+4 (note order change… oh happy day!)

C&C: Welcome, wanted… Alicit@aol.com

Notes: again with the religious implications… gomen, it couldn’t be helped…

~~~~~

Dear Quatre,

By the time you receive this, I will most likely be dead. The doctor says I have about a week left to this world, and you know how slow the postal service is. Please do not be saddened by my death, my friend, it would only cause those who love you pain to see your beautiful face in sorrow.

This is my farewell to you. Please don’t be angered because I said nothing, but I don’t want you to see me like this. The cancer has made me so different from how I was when we last talked; I want you to remember me that way. There was nothing you cold have done; they found the tumor too late for surgery. Don’t trouble your good heart with regret. I don’t want to regret leaving you here alone, so I will try to sum up all I needed to say here.

I love you. I hope that isn’t too much of a surprise to you. I hope I wasn’t too stoic, too silent, and too unemotional for you to see that. I tried to hide my feelings (and, I have the sinking feeling that I did too well on that job) because I didn’t want to cause you pain. I’ve always known that my days were numbered. During the war, it was constant fear of being caught or shot, after the war, it was the cancer that slowly took my life.

I know you love me. Or something to that effect, I could see it in your eyes every time I looked at you. I could see it in your eyes every time I remembered you too. You were so open and caring, it hurt me to act unemotional, but at the time, it seemed like the best thing.

When you get this, don’t be sad. I haven’t left you, I won’t leave you. Even if you are earthbound (or colonybound) and I reside in the afterlife (is there one? Am I worthy of it?) I will be watching over you until the day you die, then we will be together forever, my love. I will wait for however long it takes, what are years compared to eternity? Be happy in your life, knowing that at the end, I will be there.

I love you, forever and always,

Trowa