Not so long ago, though it felt like years to him now, Orlando had dreamed of someone holding him this way. Back then, it had been Sean's arms he had hoped to have wrapped around him. Sean's eyes to have swept his face with concern. But that dream, like so many others since, had faded. Orlando never expected to be reminded of it, but then again, he never expected Viggo.
He felt like a child as he allowed Viggo to lead him from the ocean. It was weak of him and completely unnecessary, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from Viggo. Just this once, just for a little while, Orlando thought it might be all right to let it happen. He stood, bare arms wrapped around his exposed chest as Viggo removed the tether from his ankle. Fingers stroked his calf, but Orlando didn't pull away.
Viggo straightened and studied him. Orlando's reflexes kicked in, trying to encourage him to grin, flash the pretty smile. But beneath the cleansing sun, with Viggo looking at him with something other than blatant lust, Orlando hadn't the strength to strike his usual pose.
"You're starting to turn blue," Viggo said with a slight smile.
"Someone removed my wetsuit," Orlando retorted.
Viggo's smile disappeared as he raised a hand to Orlando's scalp. Orlando flinched at the contact. Viggo brought away reddened fingers. "You're bleeding. But not too badly. Let's go to Elijah's blanket and I'll clean it for you."
At the bright yellow blanket, Orlando dropped to his knees and sat back on his heels. He could feel the warmth of the sand seeping up against his shins. He welcomed it as he waited for Viggo to settle in front of him. The older man took a clean corner of the blanket and lightly dabbed at the cut behind Orlando's ear. Orlando winced at the pain. He concentrated on the feel of Viggo's fingers, impossibly gentle against his skin. He stared at the stubbled line of jaw that was within kissing distance if he but dared to bridge the gap. He remained still.
"The bleeding's stopped," Viggo said, sitting back. "I don't think you'll need stitches. How do you feel?"
"I'm beginning to get a headache," Orlando admitted.
Viggo nodded. "That's to be expected. Your board must've hit you pretty hard."
He was being kind, trying to cover up for what had happened in the water. Orlando recalled that dark moment beneath the waves and he shivered. He didn't want to think about it.
Instead, he concentrated on Viggo's hands. Hands that had managed to ground Orlando amidst the craziness that had been going on in his life. Viggo's touch had shamed him this morning. Yet those same hands had later saved his life. It seemed fitting.
"What are you thinking about that makes you look like that?"
Orlando raised his head. The same fingers he had been staring at traced the grooves carved between his eyebrows. "What's going on behind those beautiful eyes?"
Orlando blushed. When was the last time he had felt such heat in his face? Oh, yes. When Sean had asked him to strip in that hotel room in London. Lovely memory.
"You're doing it again," Viggo commented, rubbing his thumb across Orlando's wrinkled brow. "What are you thinking about?"
Orlando raised his chin. "Sean."
Viggo's touch turned into a caress. Orlando fought the urge to close his eyes as warm fingers brushed his temple. "He hurt you," Viggo murmured.
Orlando hadn't told anyone about what had happened with Sean. Even Dominic had no idea that they'd ever slept together. Then again, Dom had never asked, either. Orlando wondered why that had never struck him as odd before. He found it strangely funny that the person who knew him the least was the only one to ask.
"There's more you're not telling me, isn't there?" Viggo persisted. "The way he hurt you--"
"I did it to myself," Orlando replied, unwilling to be the victim. "I was stupid. It was--" he took a deep breath "--it was my first time."
Viggo's hand stilled. His mouth parted slightly. "You're kidding."
Orlando dropped his eyes and picked at the fabric of the blanket. "I could have told him I'd never been with a man before. It's my fault for leading him on."
Viggo's hand caught his chin, lifting his face. The steel of his eyes had softened to pewter. "Did he ask you if you'd done it before?"
"No. I thought he..."
Viggo tracked the words he couldn't say. "You thought what?"
Orlando wanted to look away, but that would mean breaking free of Viggo's touch. "I thought he was going to ask me about it when--when I held the pillow over my face so he wouldn't see how much it hurt me." He felt himself going red again. "He sort of paused when I did that. And I thought...I thought he would ask me then. But he didn't."
Emotions flowed like wind-blown sand across Viggo's face, resettling into lines of restrained anger. In a low, clear voice, he said, "If I thought it would make you feel any better, I would hurt him for you."
Orlando was speechless.
"You are the most amazing creature I've ever run across," Viggo continued, his voice carrying all the emotion his face did. "What he did to you was unforgivable. No one should ever hurt you like that."
Orlando swallowed hard. The words touched something lonely inside of him. He wanted to throw himself at Viggo and hide within the circle of his arms. He thought that perhaps Viggo would let him do it.
But if Viggo didn't. If he didn't...well, even the slimmest possibility of rejection was enough to keep Orlando frozen in place.
"It's--it's not entirely Sean's fault," he argued. "I wanted him. I let him think I was experienced because I thought if he knew the truth, he wouldn't go through with it."
Even as he spoke the words, he realized how wrong he had been to think that. It would have been better for them both if he had been forthcoming. Then maybe none of the later bitterness would have happened. But what's done was done. If he had made a mistake, he deserved how he was paying for it.
Orlando pulled his chin free, ignoring the brief flash of hurt in Viggo's eyes. "I did what I did, Viggo. I don't need you to defend my actions. I'm a bloody fool, and I know it. Life will go on."
Viggo sat back, calmly regarding him. "And how will it go on, Orlando? Tell me. Will you find someone new to play with? Someone who thinks you're the sexiest thing in New Zealand and wants only to fuck your brains out? What about when he starts to think he might actually care for you? What then? Dump him and move on to the next victim?"
Orlando resisted the urge to cover his ears with his hands. Viggo's words seared him like acid. Because they were true.
"I take advantage of no one," he shot back, hiding his despair behind anger. "I give them everything they want of me and I never ask--" His eyes widened at what he was about to say. He started to push to his feet.
Viggo caught his arm, pulling him back down to the blanket. "Finish it," Viggo ordered, not ungently. "You give them what they want but you never ask for what *you* want. Isn't that what you were going to say?" When Orlando remained silent, Viggo loosened his grip. "How do you expect to have a real relationship if you don't fulfill your own needs?"
"I don't want a relationship," Orlando said numbly.
Viggo smiled, almost sadly. "On the contrary, my young friend. You want it more than anything." He touched Orlando's lip, making him aware that Viggo knew how it trembled. "It was what you wanted with Sean. Even though you knew he was married and that he had a family. That's why you gave him what you did." When Orlando didn't say anything, Viggo dropped his hand. "You were a romantic once. I think, beneath all the scars, you still are."
If only Viggo realized that he was trying to make a diamond out of coal. Orlando wanted to laugh at him, but somehow couldn't quite manage it.
"I know what's going on," he said instead. "You've fallen for Legolas. Everyone does. You think that's me. But it's not. Don't confuse us, Viggo." He hated the entreaty that crept into his voice. "Don't."
Viggo's brows crossed in confusion. "You said something similar to me the first day I met you. Where did you come up with that?" He shook his head, laughing quietly. "My God, I could spend all day trying to decipher what's going on in your head."
Orlando leaned away. "Yes, make fun at my expense. It's what everyone else seems to do."
Viggo stopped laughing. "Orlando. I wasn't--"
"What the hell happened here?" Elijah exclaimed, dropping onto the blanket beside Orlando. He pointed at the bloodied corner of the blanket. "What's that from? Did somebody get hurt?"
For once, Orlando was grateful for Elijah's timing. "I got knocked about the head with my board," he explained, grinning. His face ached from the effort. . "Guess I'm not the hot shot surfer you thought I was."
Anger rolled off Viggo in waves. "Tell him how you almost drowned, too."
Orlando's grin wavered beneath Viggo's dark words. *Don't lose it now* "Good thing you were there to be my knight in shining armor, eh, old man? Although I was rather hoping for some strapping, young life-guard to..."
The words died in his throat as Viggo turned away in disgust. Orlando suddenly hated himself. He hated the game he couldn't seem to stop playing. He stared at the other man's implacable profile and felt his eyes burn with shame. He had never even thanked Viggo for saving him.
"Jesus, Orli," Elijah blurted. "Are you crying?"
"No, I--"
A sob tore from Orlando's throat before he could stop it. He spun away, prepared to dive back into the ocean if need be, but firm hands caught him by the shoulders. He struggled only briefly before allowing his face to be pressed to Viggo's chest. He clutched at the wetsuit, convulsing silently.
"Elijah, would you mind leaving us?" Viggo said quietly, rocking Orlando against him.
There was a pause. "Does Dominic know--"
"He and Orlando are no longer together," Viggo told him. His voice was a deep rumble against Orlando's ear. "Dominic's probably in need of a sympathetic shoulder, Elijah. So now's your chance."
Lij gasped. There was a flurry of sound as he left. Breath stirred Orlando's hair as Viggo bent down to him. "Orlando?"
He shut his eyes tighter and pressed his cheek to the cool wetsuit, damp now with his tears. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not even knowing if Viggo could hear him. Fresh warmth leaked from his eyes. "I'm sorry for being this way. I'm so sorry."
His shoulders began to shake as a fresh round of sobs bubbled up from his throat. Viggo wrapped his arms tighter around him. His cheek rested atop Orlando's head. "Shhh. It's all right, Orlando. You don't have to be sorry for anything. You're fine now. I'll take care of you."
*I'll take care of you*
How could Viggo say that after all that Orlando had shown him? Viggo had seen him at his absolute worst. Surely no one knew the depths of Orlando's shame as clearly as Viggo. Yet inexplicably, he remained, as if none of it scared him. As if Orlando's problems could be put to rest and he, Viggo, could help him do it.
Orlando's tense body began to relax as Viggo continued to rock him. His sobs subsided. He breathed shallowly against Viggo's chest, listening to the steady throb of the older man's heart. He had made such a mess of things. But held tight to Viggo's body, none of that seemed to matter anymore. Viggo hadn't turned him away at his show of weakness. It was more than he had expected.
*I'll take care of you*
It was frightening to hope. Words could mean so little. But as Viggo began to hum softly, Orlando decided not to care if these words turned out to be as empty as the others. For this little while, he would believe.
"I don't understand," he said faintly. "Why don't you care what all the rumors say about me?"
"I know they're not true," Viggo replied simply. "Am I right?"
Orlando sighed, weary to his bones. "Yes. The Great--" He stopped. He was sick of calling it that. "It didn't quite happen the way everyone thinks it did."
"I never thought so."
Orlando paused, savoring the faith in that simple statement. "That day was the day Sean told me about not wanting to be with another man anymore." Viggo's arms tightened fractionally, but he said nothing. "I was upset and...I sort of lost myself." Orlando laughed weakly.
Viggo hands stroked his back. "You cared for him. It was to be expected."
"I suppose. Anyway, we were still arguing as I was leaving the trailer. I was walking backwards and I tripped." His face flamed at the memory of Sean's hand reaching out to grab him and missing. "I fell onto the ground and some of the crew members saw it. They thought Sean had pushed me out." The familar anger and frustration swept through his body. Viggo seemed to sense his sudden tenseness and bent to kiss his temple. "Sean never told them otherwise. He let everyone believe that we'd never been together. That I was just a kid trying to hook-up with him. He never defended me."
It was what hurt the most, he realized now. That Sean had cared so little about their months together that he hadn't bothered to raise a word on Orlando's behalf. He'd just let the others laugh at him until Orlando, faced with no other choice, had joined in the joke.
Hands pulled gently at his shoulders, moving him back. Orlando looked up blearily, embarrassed at his tear-streaked cheeks. But Viggo didn't laugh at him. His thumbs traced the tracks of his sorrow and wiped them clean.
"What happened with Sean will never happen to you again," Viggo told him in a voice so final it seemed carved in stone. "Not because you won't allow it, but because *I* won't."
Orlando studied his eyes, he studied Viggo's face, and he believed him.
He moved back, awkwardly wiping at his face with the back of his hand. Viggo let him go, recognizing his need to compose himself. Orlando touched the cut on his head and found that it no longer bled.
"Elijah," he said, looking up. "What happened with him? What did you mean when you told him it was his chance?"
Viggo's lips twitched. "However you may think Elijah's rather caustic sense of humor regarding you is all in fun, I saw it differently."
"What do you mean?"
"Elijah resents you," Viggo said. "If you weren't so wrapped up in your crazy ideas about yourself, you would have realized that he takes every opportunity to make your life hell."
"I thought he did that with everyone," Orlando mumbled, unable to grasp the idea of sweet, innocent Elijah holding him any ill will.
Viggo laughed. "Only with people he's jealous of." To Orlando's look of surprise, Viggo nodded. "Elijah wants Dominic. I'll bet he has for some time, though I'm not the person to ask."
Orlando stared at him a moment. He suddenly began to laugh. All this time he had thought Elijah had been fucking with him out of stupidity. Instead, it turns out Lij knew exactly what he was doing. Orlando couldn't even be angry at the Hobbit. He supposed he would have done the same thing.
"I'm going to have a talk with him," he said, when the laughter faded. "That little shit."
"I sent him to see Dominic," Viggo said. He was watching Orlando to see if he cared. Orlando did, but not in the way Viggo supposed.
"Good," he said softly. "Maybe Lij can do what I couldn't. I want them to be happy."
Viggo touched his cheek. "And what about you? What will make you happy?"
Orlando met his eyes and felt all of the lust that had suffused him at their first meeting rush madly through his body once again. He wanted Viggo. There was no doubt about that. But maybe, just maybe, he could risk wanting more.
"I'm still learning that," he answered honestly. "When I find out. I'll let you know."
It wasn't a brush-off and Viggo knew it. The older man stood, extending a hand down to him. "I'll be waiting."
Orlando drove home in a daze. He didn't know how to feel, only that he knew he shouldn't feel bad. When he let himself inside the house, he went straight to the answering machine. The indicator said that he didn't have any messages, but Orlando pressed the rewind button anyway. He knew if he went back five messages, he would find Viggo's call preserved on the tape. When he thought the appropriate amount of time had passed, he pressed Play.
"--would like it very much if you would come," Viggo's familiar rasp drawled through the speaker. Even filtered by the machine, the voice didn't fail to stir Orlando's blood. "I'd like to get to know you better. You and Dominic," he added, as if in afterthought. "If you need directions just give me a call back. Good-bye, Orlando."
He shut his eyes, smiling at the way Viggo said his name. Yes, he could get used to hearing that on a regular basis.
*beep*
"Orli, it's Dom." Orlando's smile disappeared. A heavy weight settled in his stomach. "We need to talk. Last night was..last night was bad. Oh, fuck. Just call me, okay?"
*beep*
"It's me again. Orli, I've been thinking about a lot of things. And you're right about what you said last night." Dominic sighed. "We really need to talk. Call me. Whenever you get this. Just call me."
*beep*
"Orli! It's Lij! I'm gonna be late to the beach 'cause I've got a surprise for you. You're never gonna believe it! See you there."
"Yeah, fuck you, Lij," Orlando said and laughed. He mentally counted. Was that the last message? No, one more.
*beep*
"Please don't erase this when you get it." Orlando's heart stopped. "It's Sean. I need to talk to you..."
