You’re Not Mine

// Tonight, I couldn’t wait to get with you,
'Cause you really turn me on
I had to do you baby, but I knew that you were wrong //

The smell of sweat and musk hung heavily in the hotel room. It was the only evidence left of what happened earlier that evening, besides the two young men lying in bed. Trowa’s upper back and head were propped up on a pillow, and his fingers played idly with the mass of silk that was Duo’s hair. His eyes stared at the brown, moth-eaten curtains, dreading what he knew would soon rise. Unconsciously, his grip tightened around Duo, bringing the sleeping boy closer.

“Tro, what’s wrong?”

Trowa looked down to his chest, to two violet orbs peering at him. He shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. Why do you ask?”

“Well, if you squeeze me any harder, you’re gonna pop my eyes out.”

“Oh, sorry.” He loosened his hold. “Is that better?”

Duo hummed in content. “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong.”

Duo only rolled his eyes, and sat up to face his lover. “Tro, stop it. I could always tell when you lie to me. Now come on, tell me what’s bothering you.”

Trowa sighed in defeat, and once again turned his attention to the moth eaten-curtain. “The sun is going to be up soon.”

“And?”

“And then it will be day.” He paused. “I hate it when the sun rises,” he whispered. Duo understood immediately, and taking his time, he crawled up Trowa’s long, sun-tanned body. He kissed him savagely, which then lead to hard, fast, desperate sex.

// Don’t stop, your love is feeling good to me
And you can have it all
Come give it to me baby,
'Cause I know you like to bone //

After the shower, Trowa stepped into the outer room and dug around in the drawers for some jeans and a t–shirt. Duo, having finished making coffee, draped a towel around his shoulders and loaded his arms with shampoo and conditioner. He also dug around in another drawer for a toothbrush. “So, what time is Quatre coming home today? Around three or so?”

Trowa, having found his clothes, started to get dressed. “Yeah, four at the latest. Then tomorrow, he wants you and Heero over with Sally and Wufei for a barbeque. Noin and Zechs are also coming.”

“Zechs?! Great! I have this prank I wanna try on Wufei that I’ll need his help with.”

“And what kind of help is that?”

“Huh? Oh. To make sure he doesn’t kill me. I figured you and Heero will be having a staring contest, which will take a VERY long time.” Trowa smiled, he grinned. “Quatre will be yakking away with Sal and Noin, so someone has to make sure he doesn’t choke me to death.” With that said, Duo smiled cheekily and clamped a toothbrush between his teeth on his way to the bathroom. “See ya in an hour.”

Trowa smiled, and shook his head slightly as he poured himself a cup of coffee. It eventually turned cold as he leaned against the dresser, staring at the closed bathroom door.

// How can I love you tonight
When I know that I love somebody else,
And I know that you’re not mine?
How can I love you tonight?
Oh baby, I know you’re not mine //

Soon enough the room was filled with Duo’s chatter, that ranged from recent shows on television to the correct technique of blowing up a glass building. Trowa listened silently as he always did, watching his lover’s facial expressions expand and brighten with each topic change.

// All night, I wanna give my love to you //

“Trowa?”

Trowa found himself staring into Duo’s concerned face. “Hn?”

“I basically shouted 'it’s a gundam' and you didn’t budge. Even Heero twitches an eyebrow when I say stuff like that. What’s up?”

Trowa lifted a hand and gently caressed Duo’s jaw, smoothed back an eyebrow, touched the soft skin of his cheeks, and traced the heart shaped face. “I can’t do this.”

Duo took both of Trowa’s hands in his. “No, WE can’t keep doing this. I know Heero suspects I’m fooling around, but he doesn’t know it’s you. And if he suspects that much, it won’t be long before Quatre does too. Besides, we promised each other that after last night, it would be over. This,” he pointed between the two of them, “would be over.”

Trowa squeezed Duo’s hands gently. “Yeah, but we made that promise when we had the whole night ahead of us. We don’t have that anymore.”

// How can I love you tonight,
When I know that I love somebody else,
And I know that you’re not mine?
How can I love you tonight?
Oh baby, I know you’re not mine //

All too soon the sun started to rise above the horizon, and Trowa stood at the mirror, pretending to comb his hair and straighten his clothes out. Quatre would not be home until later that day, which gave him plenty of time to be where he was supposed to be without worry of an alibi. The servants didn’t pay attention to his whereabouts, or what time he came home and with whom. But Duo was staying an hour away, and by the time he got back, Heero would be there waiting.

Duo looked up from where he was packing to catch Trowa watching him. Both boys continued to stare at each other through the mirror.

“I’m sorry Duo. All of this is my fault. That night, when you and I got drunk at Wufei’s birthday party, I...I shouldn’t have kissed you. That was a mistake.”

Duo chuckled softly and faced the wall, seeing nothing. “No, that wasn’t a mistake. The back seat of the Wrangler, the sandbox at the playground, the movie theater and the parking lot of Target were mistakes. Last night was a mistake...” He turned to face Trowa again, where the latter could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

“Duo?”

“Leave it to you to be the one to make me cry.” He smiled ruefully. “I’m okay though, just taking this harder than I thought I would.”

“Duo...”

“And why am I so upset anyway? It’s not like we’ll never see each other again. You know where I live and hell, you live with Quatre and everybody knows where he is, so we can see each other whenever we want....”

“Duo...”

“And we’re only, what, two colonies apart? You’re on L–4 and I’m on L–2, so it’s not the biggest expanse of space in the universe....”

“Duo, I love you.”

// I shouldn’t say it, 'cause I know you’re not mine //

“No!” he shouted, covering his ears with both hands. “No! Don’t say that ! Take it back Tro, take it back!” There was a pause, before Duo launched himself at Trowa, knocking him against the wall. The kiss was desperate as it was needy, and it was some time before it ended.

“We could go away Tro. We could disappear,” Duo panted, his breaths blowing his hair around his face.

Trowa palmed Duo’s hair down, trying to get it into some semblance of order. “No, we can’t. I’m in love with Quatre, and you love Heero. We...we just couldn’t.” Gently, he pushed the other boy away. Both used the space apart to straighten themselves out. “Besides,” Trowa said at last, “you’re not mine to take away.”

Duo sighed, nodding. “Well, maybe in our next lifetime then.” With a weak smile, he turned his back and grabbed his bag to leave.

// You and me
It’s not the way it’s supposed to be
But I can’t help myself
'Cause I don’t want nobody else //

With a backpack slumped over his shoulder, Duo turned to Trowa. In the doorway of the Motel Six room, both boys stared at each other intimately for the final time, holding hands and enjoying the feel of each others’ closeness. After a few moments, Trowa bent down and kissed Duo gently, while the tears welled up behind his closed eyes. When the need for air was too much, they broke apart. Slowly, Duo started backing up, still holding onto Trowa’s hands until the distance pulled their intertwined fingers apart. With a torn spirit, Duo walked briskly to his car before jumping in and speeding away. Trowa remained in the doorway and watched the sun come up, as its orange glow diffused across the sky.

“I hate it when the sun rises, because that’s when you leave.”

// How can I love you tonight,
When I know that I love somebody else,
And I know that you’re not mine?
How can I love you tonight?
Oh baby, I know you’re not mine //

(the end)