It took me less than half the time to get home. Abdul already had the gate opened by the time I reached it, and I breezed right past him into the garage, just about teleported into my car, and sped away in destination to headquarters, intent to make my time.

My body worked independently of my brain. It was completely autonomic: let off the gas, move the clutch to third, step on the gas, check my blind spot, move over, let off gas, move to first, turn right, step on the gas. My mind however, was in a complete state of paralysis. I flowed evenly with the traffic without seeing it, I avoided trash in the road without really knowing whether it was a paper or plastic bag. I was only conscious of a loud, long, high, thin note. It sounded as if someone was playing on an electric keyboard, and hit one of the high-pitched keys, but held it down, leaving the note to continue on until released.

I was confused though. I couldn't decipher whether that note was one of anger, either at myself or him, fear, bitterness, confusion, or shock. It was all rolled up into one emotion that left my mind drowning in questions, and suffocating from lack of answers. I couldn't get myself to recognize what happened, but at the same time I screamed for justice, or revenge. It doesn't matter which, they tend to be one and the same. I can't focus on that now though. I have to think about Relena. She may be in danger. Right.

I pulled slowly into the car garage of Preventers headquarters, allowing the guard to do a retinal scan. Once in, I walked unseeing towards the basement door, my movements guided more by instinct than anything else. The loud ‘clang' created by the closing of the metal door woke me up, and I shook my head a little to get back on task. Besides, it wouldn't do good to not be myself when Duo and Wufei see me. They'll know something is up. However, unlike Heero, I can't plaster a mask on my face whenever needed. This is going to be difficult.

The elevator came to an abrupt halt when it reached my floor, almost throwing me against the ceiling. Stepping out, I smiled when I saw Wufei leaning against the wall, hoping it was reaching my eyes. Duo, Noin and Relena must be in the conference room, going over last minute stuff. Wufei and I already knew what to do, and even formulated some strategies of our own. I was to take his bike, and he was to take my car, for the simple fact that my dress would fit better with me riding a bike than driving an expensive car, and that Wufei needed the trunk space to hide the miniature missile launcher. We were set.

"Fei," I said, making sure not to startle him.

His eyes narrowed immediately before he stalked towards me. I checked my watch. I was on time, early even, so that couldn't be it....

"What the hell happened to you?" he said none too gently, examining my face and neck.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

He stepped back and glared harshly at me. "Don't you even THINK about lying to me. It's not only dishonorable, but I'm suppose to be your friend. Your cheek is bruised, red and swollen slightly, and it looks like you were attacked by a vampire. Now unless you're into some kinky stuff, and you decided to do that instead of getting your car like you said you would, something happened, and you're going to tell me what it was."

I opened my mouth to say something, I really didn't know what, when the conference room door swung open. Both of us jumped back, Wufei smoothing out his clothes, while I fingercombed my hair towards my face, trying to hide where I thought the bruise might be.

Noin came out first, took one look at me, and laughed. Relena followed right on her heels, and actually stopped to study me fully.

"Well, Quatre, that is certainly...different for you." She let out a light laugh as well.

"Yeah, I know. Who would suspect me?" I answered, trying to hide the side of my face against my jacket collar.

"Good point. I see I have nothing to worry about." She continued to giggle, before following Noin down the hall. Dorothy came out then, and scurried off after them without so much as a glance. Duo stepped out lastly, with a perplexed look on his face.

"Would you believe me if I told you Dorothy just grabbed my ass?"

He didn't get an answer though; Wufei glared harder at me, while I noticed for the first time the intricate stitching of my boot.

"Guess it was me then," Duo commented, and proceeded to walk past me when he noticed our lack of conversation. "Wufei, Quatre, what's wrong?"

I slowly lifted my face, my eyes reluctantly meeting his. He stepped toward me with an outreached hand when Wufei caught his arm and shook his head no. Duo only looked at me with a worried expression, before nodding to Wufei and walking off to catch up with the girls. Wufei gave me one last glare before saying something that sounded very unfriendly in Chinese and heading off to the garage. I waited, leaning against the wall for a while to collect myself before making my way to the spaceport.

***

"The stripper is on stage."

"Roger that," I said into the wrist com, acknowledging one of Duo's many confirmations. I slumped along the coffee shop of the east gate, watching as colonists rushed to get remaining standby tickets, or complain that a shuttle is late. My route consisted of starting out at the coffee shop, gliding along the wall to the bathroom and scope those out, then once past the metal detectors, I observed the screen monitors for shuttle times before sitting at all of the resting areas for gates 12 through 17. Relena's shuttle was leaving from gate 16. After I completed that, I would repeat the sequence, except maybe pass up the metal detectors. Other people would suspect something if I kept walking through them time and again. I know I would.

I passed through the bathrooms without a problem and proceeded to the main hallway. The guards at the metal detector were busy flirting with some girls, so I easily bypassed them. It did concern me however, that even though they know who I am, they didn't pay me any mind. I could be just as big as an enemy as the next person, and I could've left to get a weapon, and they wouldn't have even noticed me.

I pretended to stare at the monitors, for the umpteenth time, waiting for the signal that Relena's shuttle had taken off. I watched the colonists' body movements, not seeing anything that would lead to me to think that they have had some sort of special training. Of course we are all trained to blend in, but even so, every soldier has a posture about them that their training cannot completely mask. Sometimes it would be the shoulders. The shoulders might be pulled down, and the back arched more so than the average person. Another clue is that they might have their fists balled tightly and down to their sides. The most obvious though, is the eyes. Civilians' eyes tend to be jerky, not seeing the entire picture, just jumping from one thing to the next. A soldier's eyes scan across a room, taking in everything. Details are of the utmost importance.

Sitting down on the hard cushion at gate 13, I pretended to read the paper. There were some kids fighting in a corner, fussing over which action figure was better, a young couple sat to my right, preparing for a honeymoon, and straight ahead of me, a visiting family were ready to return home. It took me sixteen seconds to gather that information. I'm getting slow.

Sitting back, I set the paper down on a little table next to me and allowed myself to stretch, the feel of my spine bones popping almost music to my ears. There was a slight beep in my ear, signaling the desired incoming message, and I checked the time. 7:02 p.m.

"And her top is off!"

Since I was already stretching, I used the hand with the wrist com on it to cover the yawn from my mouth, simultaneously sending my confirmation. "I'm on my way to tip her now," was my reply, and I stood, quickly moving around the newlyweds, and vanished into a stream of travelers.

Mission Complete.

***

"Your turn."

I carefully nudged the block loose, sliding it out from the middle with one hand, and placed it on top. "Whew. It rocked a little that time."

"Yeah, I love Jenga." [1]

"Iria, you only say that because you always win."

"That's because I'm the best." She winked at me.

"The only thing more vain than you is Duo." I smiled weakly at her. She smiled back, but it was forced. Iria is not the type to push people to talk when they don't want to. I'm her baby brother, so of course that doesn't apply to me, but I was just waiting for her to snap and ask. "Your turn."

She skimmed over the wooden structure quickly before making her selection and easily placing it on top. I sighed heavily, browsing over the leaning tower as well, trying to find a weak spot. When I found one, I gently started tugging at the block when she struck. "Quatre, who attacked you? Where did this happen? Were there any witnesses?"

Her sudden outburst of questions made me jump and thus I knocked over the blocks. I sighed again, and checked my watch. She lasted forty two minutes. She broke her old record. "I don't know, on the subway, and no."

She rested her chin in her palm, but her eyes were still locked into mine. I shifted some on the pillow I was sitting on, replacing the ice pack on my cheek. After a minute or two she sat back on her pillow, leaning against a couch behind her, and regarded me very intensely.

"Quatre, look. I love you. Very much. But I'm concerned. Sally called me and mentioned your resignation to me when Heero brought you in because of your heart. Duo told me about you breaking your mirror, and Wufei has left messages for me that he was worried about your mental state, saying that you were having the nightmares again."

"Wufei?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes!" she almost shouted. "They care about you very much. I think you made the right move in quitting, but I would like for you to stay here with me."

I shook my head more out of disbelief than anything else. "Iria--"

"No," she interrupted. "I don't want to hear it. You are strong Quatre. A lot stronger than what people give you credit for. You don't have many equals. The other pilots, Hilde, Relena, Dorothy, they are the only equals you have. Nobody else. So in order for someone to...hurt you the way I think they did, they have to be...I don't know. Stronger than any person has a right to be."

"What are you getting at?" I asked, the question laced with confusion.

"Heero notified me why you stayed at Wufei's."

"Heero?!" I shouted. "If one of them isn't telling on me, the other is."

"Well, they wouldn't have to if you would let me know what's going on! Quatre, think about it, first the incident with the mirror, and now all of a sudden someone appears out of nowhere and," a tear fell from her eye, but she quickly lifted her hand to wipe it away, almost afraid to let it drop, "assaults you. Don't you see what's going on?"

"Nothing is going on. It's all coincidental. He tried to rob me, that's all." The lie tasted very bitter at the back of my tongue, almost cloying. I would've felt better if Sandrock stepped on my foot. This didn't happen, not what she thinks. Men don't assault other men that way. Guys don't...guys don't....

The bitterness at the back of my tongue crawled down into my throat, gagging me. I was up and on my feet before I realized it, heading for the sanctity of the bathroom. I stepped on one of the blocks, stubbing my toe, but I couldn't yell out in pain, because I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, my stomach would jump out and onto the carpet.

I stumbled lightly out into the hallway, limping as I moved as fast as I could towards my destination. The white door called to me, hiding from view the cure for my temporary illness. I grabbed the knob tightly and closed the door, my body trembling from lack of control. Locking it, I fell to my knees, almost dragging my lower body across the floor until I reached the toilet. Once there, I allowed myself to vomit, letting out all of my raw feelings.

How ever many times I nearly died, this beat out all of those times. When I was almost killed, either in battle or that time by Dorothy, I thought it would be quick. I would die with honor. Most of the time, I figured it would happen so fast that I wouldn't even know I was dead. Believe it or not, that was a very comforting thought. This was agony. I was slowly wasting away, and worse yet, the last thing I would see would be the chicken sandwich from lunch landing with a loud ‘plop' in the blue toilet bowl water. In the situation with Dorothy, I didn't really have time to think about my death or my injury, because the colonies were in danger, and then Trowa came to help me....

At that thought I started to retch again, this time extremely hard. I took my jacket off when I first came in, so unfortunately I didn't have my knife. I wanted to take the Bowie and peel the skin right off of my body and throw it away. I wanted to slice myself open and take my organs out, so that I can be as empty on the inside as I feel emotionally. He has no idea how much not seeing him is killing me.

There is nothing left in my stomach, but I can't stop. The fluid is clear as it leaves my mouth, and some is starting to come out of my nose as well. I could hear something close to banging coming from the door, but I didn't want anybody with me. I wanted to wallow in my self-loathing alone. The next thing I thought I heard was a crack, but it wasn't exactly clear to me. The sound of my vomiting and my cries made it difficult to hear anything other than myself.

Suddenly, warm arms encircled my waist and lifted my limp body off the floor and onto my feet. There was also another warm hand rubbing my back as cool water was poured on the base of my neck, which ran behind my ears, into my hair, collected on my forehead, then flowed into the toilet.

I calmed down immediately, the feel of the hand circling my back relaxed my muscles, and the cool water stopped my heaving. My breathing slowed to normal levels, and I could feel the strain of every muscle in my stomach and back. I would really like to crawl under something and stay there for a while.

One of the arms detached itself from around my waist, and a hand was placed on my chest, pulling me up to a standing position. Almost immediately I was blinded with a white towel, where the extra moisture in my hair was squeezed out and my face was dabbled dry. The towel was then pulled off of my head and I was able to see Duo move the empty pitcher out of his way in order to get another towel. He looked back at me with his lop-sided, mischievous grin, not that he was fooling me, but that's how he deals with things.

A dry towel was now wrapped around my hair and I was pulled back against a warm body. Wufei wrapped both arms around me and held me tightly. I might have been standing on my feet, but he was all that held me up. I closed my eyes while Duo checked me over, making sure that I hadn't hurt myself. I know he saw the bruises on me but he didn't say anything. Yet. I know it's coming up as soon as I'm able to rest some.

"How do you feel Cat?" he asked neutrally.

This came out before I was able to think about it. Sometimes, I act like a baby. "Ana gowaan."

Duo's eyes widened in shock before he bursted out laughing. Wufei merely furrowed his eyebrows, trying not to get upset. "What did he say?"

Duo covered his mouth as he coughed out the rest of his laugh. "He said he is hungry," he replied, popping his knuckles. "All the crap he's been through today, plus the fact that he just lost today's feed, and he says he's hungry. You are truly the man after my heart."

Duo walked out of the bathroom, his laugh wafted back to us from the hallway. Wufei stood there for a minute, but I didn't know why.

"Quatre," he said, very tenderly. I knew something was up then. "I don't need to know the details, since you are more than likely not ready to say them but....did he get to you?"

I started to bury my head in his collarbone as he asked. I could feel the muscles in his body tense up in knots almost, as he awaited my answer. I know Wufei doesn't agree with my lifestyle, along with Duo's, but he's never judged us or preached to us, just accepted us as we were. I guess I'm just glad he cares. "No, he didn't get to me, and it's all because of the moves you taught me Fei," I said sleepily.

"Good." His muscles relaxed, and he let out a deep breath. Picking up my legs so that he was carrying me, we made our way out of the bathroom and back into one of the guest room living rooms, where I was placed on the couch. Stretching out on my side, I decided to take a short nap while waiting for some food. It may have been childish the way I said it, but it got the job done. I was hungry after all.

Half an hour later found me still perched on the couch, but I had some lasagna, a small salad, garlic bread sticks, and some fruit to accompany me. Wufei sat on the floor, a little to the side of me, meditating, or better yet trying to meditate. Iria and Duo were making a lot of noise, between them playing Jenga and Duo trying to get Iria to set him up on a date with one of her new cooks.

"Come on Iria, I gotta try him at least once! You know I got a thing for blue eyes. The only pair bluer than his is Heero's."

"Duo, I am not setting you up on a date with him. Besides, I don't know his...orientation."

"And why not?!"

"Because Duo dear, I want him to cook, that's it. I don't need to know other details about his private life. Now go, it's your turn."

Duo crossed his arms across his chest stubbornly. "I am not going to make a move until you hook me up. Come on Re-Re. I would do it myself, but they won't let me in the kitchen."

"That's because," Wufei interrupted, still meditating, "the last time you were in the kitchen, you damn near burnt the house down."

"Well, how the hell was I suppose to know that when you heat up one of those Hawaiian Punch box drinks that it would blow up the microwave?" [2]

Wufei cracked one eye open. "You shouldn't have put them in the freezer to begin with."

"It's always the 'should've could've would've' with you."

Thank Allah that the com unit beeped for an incoming phone call, this argument could've lasted a while. A long while. Iria answered and said something into the speaker, before putting the call on hold and looking at me. "Quatre darling, it's for you."

"What line?"

"Three."

Surprised, I reached over to the vid-phone that was next to me and patched the call through, smiling when I saw Heero's face come on screen.

"Hello Odin. You can't be on Earth yet--"

"What the hell were you thinking?" he practically screamed.

"What? What are you talking about?"

The look he gave me would've scared a bull. "Noin told me about some bruising she saw on you, but she didn't want to bring it up. I know for a fact you went to your house by subway, because Duo told me that's what you were going to do. You didn't want to take a cab. So that means somebody tried to mug you, or they thought you were some bum off the street. You should've taken a cab!"

I glanced to Duo, who suddenly became interested in the ceiling, while whistling. Figures. "You're overreacting, as always. I'm fine now. Don't worry about it."

I saw his eyes narrow further, but I couldn't tell what exactly he was looking at. "What are you doing now? Please don't tell me you're going to glare me into promising you."

"Since when are bruises red?"

"What?"

"The bruises on your neck. They're red, like..." His eyes widened, the realization dawning on him. I began to shake a little, the memories coming back up in my mind. I heard something move, then the screen went blank as Wufei put the call on hold. He must've gotten up while I was trying to keep myself under control.

"Quatre," he said firmly, "calm down. You're going to make yourself sick again. Duo and I will talk to him. You finish your dinner."

"Come with me darling," Iria interrupted, taking me by the hand and pulling me to my feet. Duo picked up my food and followed us into the bedroom, placing it on a small table by the bedside, before leaving to join Wufei. Yeah, it's gonna take the both of them to calm Heero down, once he gets the general idea of what happened. It'll also get pretty bad when Rashid finds out.

At that thought I groaned. This is going to get a lot more complicated by the morning, I'm sure of it. Just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt. "Iria, I'm not hungry anymore."

"Oh, don't worry about it. Just go to sleep little brother, okay?"

I laid down into the thick mattress and said something incoherent, even to me, not realizing how tired I really was. Soon enough I was falling asleep from the ministrations of Iria's fingers running through my hair, while listening to Wufei and Duo tell Heero that yes, blowing up the subway station and killing the guards would be a bad idea.

***

I'm dreaming again. This one is new. I'm in the train station again. Oh no. I'm sitting in the seat, watching and waiting for him to come down the aisle. There is nobody on the cart again, and from the looks of things, there's no one on the train station terminals either. The sound of heavy footfalls gains my attention, and that shadow of a man moves in a straight line towards me, not like before.

I reached for my Bowie and pulled it out. He grabbed my wrists, but this time instead of fighting me, he pulls me out of my seat and down onto the floor. He casually plucks the knife out of my hand, and uses it to tear my shirt open and off of me. Slowly and lightly, he placed the flat end of it against my chest, and started to glide the cold metal across my skin. What do I do? I shiver.

When he reached my pants, he sat on his heels, pulled the waistband of it up, and slashed at it, ripping the fabric in half. He continued with the pants legs, lifting the cloth away from my skin as he violently rips it, pulling apart the slits already there, yanking with force that was more appropriate for removing the skin off of sheep. My clothes were then flung away somewhere behind him, into the recesses of darkness.

I heard rather than saw him remove his clothes, the light that would periodically shine in from the outside never once touching him. I laid there, confused, not wanting to do this but at the same time not wanting to stop. The latter won out, when his head dropped down and he took me in his mouth. This is a dream, I keep telling myself. Just a dream, however, the sensations produced are very real. I threw my head back, my mouth slack, panting and cursing myself at the same time. He is so good, too good. I am so weak, too weak. These thoughts ran in a tight, small circle in my head, as I twisted his hair between my fingers, my ring surprisingly not getting caught, and thrust my hips up from the floor into his comforting mouth.

He pulled up one more time, sucking hard, and that was the end of me. I screamed harshly, the sound reverberated in my head, as I felt the explosion be released from my body. I dropped back to the floor, panting, as the cold tears slowly trickled from my eyes. I was exhausted.

He kissed his way back up my chest, biting and nipping at me. I didn't respond. I was too tired. He then kissed me, stifling my cry when I felt a slick digit enter me. I tried to push him away, but my arms wouldn't move accordingly. Instead, they wrapped around him. My legs betrayed me also, spreading instead of closing.

The initial discomfort passed and once again he picked up the Bowie, rubbing the chilled metal across my nipples. I jumped slightly at the touch, wondering what he intends to do with that. Will he kill me? Is he trying to scare me? I'm not afraid of death. That can't be it. What he did surprised me though. He splayed the knife across my cheek, seeming to outline my face. Leaving it stationary across my forehead, he added another finger. I gasped. He started to trace my face again, this time outlining my lips. As I felt the blade move over them, I opened my mouth slightly and flicked my tongue out, grazing it. He raised the blade and I complied. I opened my mouth and licked the entire length of the knife, feeling strangely aroused by this action. The stinging taste of metal and blood intoxicated me. He added a third finger. I didn't budge.

He finally figured I was prepared enough. Dropping the knife, he slid his fingers out gently, positioned himself between my legs, then gently entered, not very fast but he didn't stop until he was fully sheathed.

My back arched, the splitting pain almost too much to bear. One tear escaped, trailing down the side of my face. In a fluid movement, he lowered himself down, chest to chest with me, and slowly licked the tear away. All of the pain I felt then disappeared, turning into a burning lust I never knew I had. I could feel him smile against my ear as he whispered, "I've come for you Angel. You're mine."

He started pumping in and out then, sending little shrills of pleasure and pain up my spine. I opened my eyes to get a glimpse of my lover, but saw only the outline of a body with a face completely in shadows. It doesn't matter now. It's come to this and I haven't stopped it. Why bother now?

His movements picked up in pace and soon the cart was filled with the mumblings of a man lost in ecstacy. I thrashed my head back and forth, dug my nails into his shoulders, and constantly writhed underneath him. I couldn't stay still for the life of me. The pleasure was accumulating, almost reaching that threshold.

"Say it," he whispered in the air.

"I don't know," I moaned, my mind leaving the confines of my body.

"Say it," he said again, a bit louder.

"I don't know!" I half-shouted, half-cried.

"Say it!" he shouted.

On that thin line between heaven and hell, I remembered, just like I've never forgotten. "KRAHE!"

I sat up fast in bed, flying out from under the covers, and ran to the closet. Closing the door behind me, I enveloped myself in the darkness and latched onto one of my sister's woolen coats, trying to keep from crying out. I grabbed myself, wanting to stop the orgasm, but it was too late. I screamed for the final time that night, where it was absorbed into the coat.

Once I was sure that the heat in my body dissipated, and that the lust was gone, I dropped to my knees and promptly passed out.

(tbc)