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Another Murder of Crows: Part 44
I swept the porch again with the archaic broom, sweeping snow off of the already snow free porch. The cold breeze failed to ruffle my tangle ridden hair as it blew, but did succeed in cooling off my sex heated skin. This had been the fourth time today, and I think it's barely past noon. Huh. No matter. It's of no consequence anymore. I knew I would be subjected to this kind of thing, but I'm still surprised by the turn of it all.
Despite the fact that Krahe went through so much trouble to get me to be with him, and he enjoyed sex as much as the next nymphomaniac, he had pretty much left me up to my own devices quite a bit. In fact, just about all the time. I'm wondering if he would care if I decided to rot right in front of his eyes. It's the most infuriating thing I've ever remembered feeling. Even taking into consideration the fact that he is/was seventeen at the time of his death, he had the impulses of a five year old child. He was temperamental, had tantrums when he didn't get his way with me right away, and was extremely selfish.
To complicate matters further, he showered me with kisses and even gifts. Flowers, food, clothes, whatever I could possibly want has been handed to me on a golden rimmed silver platter. From what I could tell, he has sincerely been trying to make me happy. It was amazing to witness.
But I've also been complicating things for me. I thought that I could accept this, knowing that my friends would forever be safe from harm because I would give him what he wanted, which was me. I have, however, been quite resentful and even irritated by his mere presence. I planned on being docile at all times, maybe crying to myself when I was alone or taking a bath. Instead, when he ‘appears' or whatnot, I would curse him, throw things, and have tantrums myself. I knew that on each occasion I've hurt his feelings, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I never thought I would ever react so violently or ugly towards anyone. I've never acted that way towards my enemies during the wars, but I'm surprising myself it seems.
So all we did now was have sex. It appeared to be the only time when he was not hurting me and I was not hurting him. I didn't know what it was about the action that seemed to be a sign of a truce between us, but it was. He would get that gleam in his eye, and I would feel my body start to react. Or, as has happened on several occasions, I would seek him out. I didn't know how he could tell; maybe it was the way I pronounced my words, or the way I carried myself, but he seemed to appear exactly when I wanted him to.
I continued to sweep the clean porch, letting my mind wander wherever it wanted to. The breeze finally stopped, allowing me to hear the sound of the rotten bristles scraping against the concrete. I didn't stop, allowing myself this mundane task just so that I could be doing something. If he thought that I would lay around this place like some fat king on a treacherous throne then he has been very mistaken. I refused to be lazy. Not only to prevent laziness on my part, but to also prove to myself that I was in fact, alive.
Because I felt pretty dead, otherwise.
It was just something about the silence. Whoever said that ‘silence is golden' hopefully died a painful, noisy death. It was the silence to this place that was making things harder on me, I supposed. I'm used to noise. I'm used to hearing servants bustle around, telephones ringing, voices, the television, and other daily activities. Here, everything was on mute. The fireplace didn't seem to crackle anymore. The crows would fly around, flapping their wings but a sound wouldn't come from anywhere. Even I've noticed that I didn't make noise like I used to. My footsteps seemed to be absorbed through the floor. At night, when I'm laying alone in bed, I don't even hear myself breathe. But I did hear the sound of the broom gliding across the cold ground, and that was a huge comfort to me. Things that didn't make any noise whatsoever were either inanimate objects or dead objects. And I wasn't either.
Hence, I swept to prove to myself that I was, indeed, alive.
A sharp pain from my hand broke my somber thoughts, and I lifted it to find that I had a splinter in my index finger. A really big one. I easily brought my finger to my mouth and pulled the splinter out using my teeth. Pressing my thumb against the wound, I was able to determine that I did get all of it out. At least there was some good news for today.
I stuck my finger into my mouth and sucked on the blood that began to ooze itself out. Bored, as usual, I let my eyes scan the landscape, hoping against hope that I would see something other than snow and the crows. I didn't. Blah.
Sighing to myself, I started to turn back to the house when I spotted the old sled lying against the wall, partially covered by snow. From how I remember it, the last time the sled was used, it was strong enough to support all of our weight as we flopped on and off it.
Our weight...the guys...Trowa...
No. I won't go there.
I kicked the snow off of the sled before tugging it behind me on the way to the pond. I ran as quickly as I could, laughing for the first time in weeks as the crows flew out of my way and around my head in agitation. I continued on my trek, ignoring the pain that radiated from my cold fingers as I held onto the frozen rope. I wanted a moment of joy for myself. I needed to forget where I was for a little while, to be fifteen years old again without the weight of the world on my shoulders. I didn't even remember feeling that when I WAS fifteen. Let me stop. These thoughts weren't helping me one bit.
So I spent the next twenty or thirty minutes pushing the sled and then jumping onto it as it glided across the tiny pond. This didn't keep me entertained for long. That was what I hated the most when I started to think about the others. I would get on that track and then it took me forever to get off it. Especially now.
It's been three weeks. Three weeks since I left them. Not only that, I didn't know how they were doing. Knowing Heero, he would do whatever it took to keep them away, because he would know that would be what I wanted him to do. Knowing Duo though, as hard as Heero would try to pull, he would push, if he wasn't completely devastated by now. I had a feeling he was. Wufei probably contacted the national guard the minute he found out, and Trowa...I didn't know about him. I just hope they don't come here. I hope they stay away.
I figured Relena would've carried out my wishes by now by announcing that Heero was to be the next heir of Winner Enterprise. No one else knew my business as well as he did, not even my sisters. He would be perfect, fair and strong, and have the complete support of every employee there. At least until my son became of age.
My son....
Sitting cross legged on the sled, I broke down and cried at this point. My son, whom I'll never get to see, and whom will never know who his father was. Sure, he will find out through history books and from the other pilots, especially since I figured Heero or Duo would have custody over him, but that's not the same as being there for him. I wanted to be there for him.
"I want to be there!" I shouted to the gray sky. Of course, I didn't get a response in return. I'll never get a response in return, but that won't stop me from talking. So I jumped up from the seated position on the sled, threw my arms wide, and took a deep breath as I attempted to be heard on my colony. "I WANT TO BE THERE!"
Crows flew in different directions as my voice echoed over the area. I let my arms drop to my sides as the tears rolled down my face in absolute grief. I love them so much it's making me sick. Even though we haven't been separated long, the drama of the situation has been getting the best of me. I no longer knew what day it was. I didn't care what month it was. It's been three weeks as far as *I* knew, but that could easily be incorrect. The time could be greater or lesser than that. Sometimes, I felt as though Heero, Duo, Trowa and Wufei didn't really exist. I felt as if I've always been here, and that they were figments of my imagination. I now wore the necklace at all times to prove to myself that they do exist.
I shoved my hands into my pockets and made my way for what remained of the plane. I didn't visit it often, only when I needed to assure myself that I wasn't crazy, and that my friends and lover were real people, not just some sick event in my mind.
I decided on the cockpit. I jumped down, landing on the console before slipping to fall on the windshield. Nothing new. I was used to that happening. Anyway, I kicked away the snow that was blown against the windshield, exposing the frozen blood that was still there since the crash. I remember that. Okay. Then I brushed off the snow that was on the console itself, where I could see how much gas was left, our altitude, our coordinates--
What? Wait a minute....
I started kicking and knocking snow all over the place looking for my map. Duo always kept it right under the console by the copilot's seat, ever since he started teaching Mariemaia how to fly. Once I found it, I closed my eyes and ‘teleported' myself in front of the fireplace in the mansion. Taking one of the dining room chair legs (Krahe can fix it later), I threw it into the fireplace and used a long match stick (it came with my chemistry set present) to start the fire. I sat crossed legged on the floor as I waited for the book to thaw out and dry. It didn't take long, about fifteen minutes or so.
First I flipped to Oslo. "59° 56' N by 10° 41'E." Okay, that checked out. But when I looked at the map, I realized that something was wrong. The coordinates on the plane did not reflect that of Frankfurt. In fact, to get to Sanc, we didn't need to fly over Germany, period! I flipped through the pages, trying to find the latitude and longitude for Frankfurt. There. "50° 07' N by 8° 40' E." Then I looked up the coordinates for Newport City. "47° 45' N by 43° 11' E." I quickly did the math and found out that we were more than two thousand miles off course. [7]
The map slid out of my stilled fingers and fell to the floor. Thinking back to before we had the crash, I remembered the coordinates reading something like 55° 43' N by 12° 27' E, because we were going to pass through Copenhagen [8] before flying over Poland, or so I thought. That meant, the whole time...the whole time we were flying, he was misleading us.
"You bastard," I whispered to the room, even though there wasn't any anger behind my words. Only resignation was in my voice. How could he? How the hell could he? He deliberately put me in this situation, where I would've had to choose between the others and myself, and he KNEW I wouldn't leave them here. This had been a scheme all along.
Stopping my train of thought, I slowly rose to my feet and opened the front door, intending to go back to the pond. I just let my mind remain blank as I walked, staring ahead of me without really seeing anything. I've made this trip so many times over the past few weeks that I could most likely do it while asleep.
I arrived at the pond and settled myself back on the sled, allowing the wind to glide along my skin as I stared at my reflection on the ice. It was slightly distorted, with my nose looking like it should be on a snowman's face instead, but otherwise as good as a reflection in a mirror. I traced my image with my finger, pausing every once in a while as I caught sight of my eyes. I've never seen them look so black, even at night. It was...comforting, in a way. If eyes were mirrors to the soul, I didn't want to be able to see into mine.
"I jumped in the river, what did I see....Black--eyed angels swam with me...."
I stopped tracing for a moment when I started to sing to myself. I remembered a song from a long time ago, one that Duo used to play again and again when he was trying to get over his and Heero's breakup.
"A moon full of stars, an astral car....And all the figures I used to see...."
I often caught myself standing by his door, listening to the song as it played. I can't remember who it was that sang it or when, but I knew it was a classic American band from centuries ago. It had to have been something about music at that time, because Duo would listen to music from that era a lot, and I couldn't help admiring the way the musicians felt. Especially this piece. I didn't know what it was, whether it was the hypnotic quality of the song, or the way the piano was soft and firm, but it would comfort me as it gave him strength. And right now I needed comfort more than ever.
"All my lovers were there with me....All my past and future....And we all went to heaven in a little row boat....There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt...."
I closed my eyes and began to hum the melody, swaying to a beat that only I heard. As I sat there, I felt a presence appear behind me, before an ice cold pair of fingertips touched my neck, lightly grazing the skin there. Just like the other times, he knew when he was needed.
"I jumped into the river....Black--eyed angels swam with me...."
He reached under my arms, stood me up and pressed his chest against my back. Still singing to myself, he pulled the collar of my shirt down, exposing my skin to the air as he started to kiss the side of my neck.
"A moon full of stars, an astral car....And all the figures I used to see...."
I blinked and suddenly found myself in his--well--our room, I should say. He turned me around to face him, and pulled the sweatshirt I was wearing over my head before dropping it to the floor. The necklace with the cross and my ring flopped quietly against my chest.
"All my lovers were there with me....All my past and future...."
Next, he slipped his fingers into the waistband of my pants, and with one strong yank, he had them pooled around my ankles. I stepped out of the shoes I was wearing, thereby allowing myself to slip completely out of my clothes.
"And we all went to heaven in a little row boat....There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt...."
He gave me a gentle shove, causing me to fall on the bed. Climbing on top of me, he pulled his shirt over his head, and threw it in the corner of the room.
"There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt...."
He slid out of his pants and boxers, then placed his knees between my legs to spread them. After that, he lowered himself down on his elbows, where he settled his weight on top of me so that he wasn't suffocating me. Holding my hand, he took my finger, the one that had the splinter, and stuck it in his mouth, sucking on the wound as if that would make it better.
"There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt...."
He silenced my singing with a kiss.
***
The sheet was hanging loosely on my body as I stared at the ceiling. I tried to slow my breathing and was waiting for my heart rate to return to normal. Idly, I wondered if I should put on some night clothes, if not that then at least some boxers. I didn't know why I worried about my nudity. It's only been me and him around here anyway. I didn't think the crows cared much, if they knew any different.
I rolled onto my stomach and let my leg hang over the bed, kicking out every so often in the moonlit room. The movement was making my soreness worse, and I would wince if I kicked too far. But that was something I'd been getting use to. That and Krahe and I just finished about ten minutes ago. Maybe I should give myself some time. What bugged me was that I was awake at what I guessed was three o'clock in the morning. Not only that, I was bored bored bored bored bored. Even though we had sex, I wasn't tired. In fact, I was wide awake. Hooray for me. I was awake, sore and bored. Now all that was missing was the tambourine man.
"Krahe," I said, none to gently. I could hear him start to fall asleep. We were laying side by side, but my back was facing him. "Krahe, wake up."
"Hm?"
"Wake up."
I heard him yawn. "Quatre, I'm sleeping."
"I don't care. Wake up."
He sighed. "Fine. I'm up. What is it?"
"I saw the coordinates on the plane. They don't match up. How did you do that?"
He was silent for a moment. I thought he fell asleep again when he answered. "I'm surprised it took you this long to think of it."
"Of course it took me this long. I wasn't piloting, and when I did it was to stop the plane from crashing, so of course I didn't pay attention to the coordinates! But you still haven't answered my question. I want to know right now."
"All right all right. Don't get upset." He sighed again, this time tiredly. "Quatre, I was on the plane with you all the whole time."
"What?!" I flipped on my side to face him.
"Why are you so surprised? With you and Duo together, you practically tied me to a chair."
"But how could you if Heero and Wufei were on board? I mean, doesn't their presence affect you?"
He pursed his lips, as if he smelled something bad. "They are a buffer against me. Very powerful buffers I must admit, but nothing more."
"Then how were you there with me?"
He sighed. "I wasn't sitting right next to you if that's what you're thinking. I was merely...in the vicinity of you. Like how the air you breathed was dissipated throughout the cabin. Besides, how could I manipulate the reading from your psychotic friend if I wasn't on board?"
I didn't even realize that I had hit him until I blinked, and my rage started to quell a bit. I was sitting up, facing him while holding my hurting fist to my chest. Krahe was sitting up as well, looking at me with something close to hatred in his eyes. Real hatred. The kind that allows you to see flames in somebody's eyes, and did I ever see fire in his. He had the blue flames, the ones that were so hot you'd burn yourself blind if you looked at them.
I knew then that I'd made a mistake. A really big one. From our time together, I have seen Krahe upset with me, angered with me and hurt by me, but he's never looked at me the way he was looking at me now.
I decided to just remain naked. Well, it really wasn't much of a decision. I didn't have a choice, or the time to get dressed. I bolted out of the bed, almost running through the door because I couldn't get it to open up fast enough. I skidded around the corner of the staircase, before flying down the stairs. About halfway down, I missed the step altogether and pitched forward, rolling down the rest of the stairs. Once I landed, I curled myself into a little ball, clutching my shin to my chest as I tried to block out the pain. At that moment, the crows began to caw loudly, slapping their wings together as if cheering for my suffering. At least I managed not to scream.
It was also a futile effort however, as Krahe materialized in front of me. That and I didn't have anywhere else to run to where he couldn't just appear. I looked up at his nude form, trying to keep the tears of pain in check as he peered down on me, with his eyes still aflame.
"I'm through trying to be nice," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "You're going to do what I say because *I* said so." Reaching down, he snagged a fistful of my hair and started dragging me along. I didn't want to be dragged across a cold, wooden floor naked, so I ignored the pain in my leg long enough to at least push myself up to my feet. I walked with a severe limp, trying to stand upright as best as I could while trying to hold onto my hurt leg and being pulled along by my hair. Wasn't the best time I've had.
We went through the rest of the living room and the kitchen when I realized where we were going. Krahe's pace slowed as he started up the attic stairs because I began to pull away from him, despite the hold he had on my hair. He paused and turned to me, giving me a look that said quite plainly that he wasn't in the mood. "Quatre..."
"No," I said shakily. The door was starting to creak and move. "I'm not going there. I'll die if I ever leave it." Krahe smirked at me before facing forward again and starting back up the stairs. The door seemed to bow itself inward, as if taking a breath, then rounded out as if expelling it, before there was a quiet moan whose source I could not place.
I let go of my leg, completely forgetting about the pain, and went all out. I punched Krahe in the side and in the kidney, where he arched his back in pain. Then I kicked him in the back of the knee, nearly dropping him to his knees before punching him in the side again. With a howl of pain, he slammed his fist into the side of my face, knocking me senseless for a second. Unfortunately, he still hadn't released his hold on my hair yet, and we were still going up the stairs. Only one thing left to do.
I punched him right in the balls.
THAT made him let go of my hair, and I ran as best as I could down the stairs and into the kitchen. The crows were cawing louder than ever now, their frantic flapping almost drowning out their screeching. I started back up the stairs to the second floor, and was almost to the top when Krahe appeared again. Using my speed to my advantage, I slammed into him, knocking both of us to the floor. Rolling off of him, I ran into what used to be Duo's room and slammed the door, using a chair that was in the room to tuck underneath the doorknob. I then slid underneath the bed and waited.
I could scream at myself for my stupidity, and there were several reasons why. One: Krahe didn't need to open a door to get into the room. There was a huge ‘duh!' Two: I should've teleported myself instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I shouldn't have ran at all, considering I didn't have any place to run to anyway. Hello Quatre! Three: I had no idea why I was under the bed. Four: I'm lucky he didn't just vanish with me like he did Duo...wait a minute, why didn't he?
That stopped all of my mental rambling. If he was serious about taking me through the portal, why didn't he just sweep me away like he did Duo? We didn't have a chance to stop him before when he did that. Why not now?
My breathing came in short, harsh breaths as a pair of feet suddenly materialized in front of me. The sheets on the bed allowed only his feet up to his ankles to show, and the rest I couldn't see since I was under the bed. I dropped my head down to the floor, holding back a gasp of pain as all of my bodyweight fully pressed down on the cross and my ring, which were trapped under the middle of my chest. I closed my eyes to shield them from the heat of my breath as it blew back in my face. I could also feel Krahe's eyes boring through the bed, as if he could see me underneath.
"I know you beat me Quatre, but that's only because I allowed you to. And because you understand that as well, I will leave you in peace tonight. But understand that there is a price you're going to pay for this, and it will be steep."
Then his feet were gone, and only the moonlight was there in the room for me. I laid my head to the side, relaxing as my heartbeat started to return to normal, as did my breathing. He meant business when he said that there would be a price to pay. I knew it. But at the same time, I refused to be afraid of him, whether he could whisk me away or not. It didn't matter that I ran around the house in a nude frenzy, or reduced myself to be his personal sex slave, but I still did have my pride! My pride as a gundam pilot, a billionaire, and as Quatre Raberba Winner. I will never let that go. It's all I have left. That and Trowa.
/Trowa. I know you'll come for me. I know you'll make him sorry. I just know it./
With that thought, I started to sing to myself as I closed my eyes to drift off to sleep.
"There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt...."
[7] The coordinates are all legit, except for the Sanc one. I imagine it would be in the southern part of Russia though. ^_^
[8] Copenhagen is in Denmark. I want to go there so badly!
Song lyrics from Radiohead's "Pyramid Song," off of their Amnesiac cd.
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