07 July 2001

Is It Murder To Kill Insects?

For the past few days this question has run around in little circles in my mind to the point of giving me an aneurysm. I can't take it anymore, so here goes another insane rant of mine.

About a week ago, I was at work, chasing two crickets with a broom. I have two jobs right now, one for an eye doctor and the other at a pager and cell phone store that's about the size of your living room. (I love the size though! I hate big rooms.) This happened at the pager office. Anyway, for the past two and a half weeks, I've been constantly listening to the continuous screeching of these two crickets. They seem to get even louder when I have a customer. I have chased them out with a broom, seven times and counting, but they always get back in whenever someone opens or closes the door. I have tried the little sticky pads, the roach motels (I know they aren't roaches but the noise was driving me crazy!) and I have even sprayed an entire two cans of Raid to kill them. That didn't work either. I was ready to meet defeat.

Then the past Saturday was the final straw. I could hear them screeching before I even stepped through the door! But since it was a Saturday (and hot enough to heat hell) I decided to get the air conditioner up and going, and eat my lunch before I resumed operation "kill the damn things." This day was especially bad because while I was attempting to kill one of them, the other jumped on my leg.

I was wearing shorts.

I had a damn conniption fit.

That was it! I was going to kill those things even if it meant blowing up the building. I tried my best to get them out without harming them, but they kept coming back in. I took it as their way of saying that they wanted to die by my hands. So I would grant them their wish.

That's when she came in. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against Baptists, or any religion whatsoever (I grew up Catholic) but I'm surprised that I didn't spontaneously combust. She was a very lovely black woman, wearing a dark navy business suit with her shoes and hat matching perfectly, carrying a black bible under her arm. I, on the other hand, was wearing bright orange shorts that went down to my knees but sagged down to the crack of my ass, and my Playboy bunny t--shirt that barely reached my belly button. Let's not forget to mention that I had the door open, so when she came in, I didn't hear her, but she heard my chant of "die god damnit die!" followed by a few well placed swings of my broom. Great first impression, I know.

She politely coughed to let me know that I did have somebody else in the room with me. But since I have no shame whatsoever, I simply put the broom down and attended to her as if I was just sitting there reading a book. Is that skill or what?

We discussed cell phone plans for a bit when she finally broke down and asked what I was doing. I told her that I was trying to kill two crickets. She seemed absolutely appalled that I would want to kill one of God's creatures. I said, "um…okay," and that left the door open for a 20 minute rant on how we needed to treat God's creatures, no matter how gross or disgusting they seem to us. She went on to explain to me that what I was doing was indeed murder: I was killing another living creature just to kill them. She had a few other good points too. I don't remember what they were, but I remember thinking ‘damn, that's a good point.' Anyway, we discussed a few things about where in the bible the passages for murder could be found and depending on how it is interpreted, it can be assumed that killing insects could be viewed as murder.

I must say that I was highly enlightened and grateful that she came into the store that afternoon, because she wasn't rude or ugly about it at all, and I like being challenged in my views and opinions. I want to see things from all different points of life. While she finished up her discussion, one of the crickets came out from where ever it was hiding and was standing in the middle of the floor. She looked down and saw it, smiling at the thing because it was cleaning its legs or something. I smiled at her, then at it, then took off my shoe and squashed the fucker. I did a little victory dance as I took the broom and swept its carcass out the door, before returning to her and apologizing to her for my distraction. She accepted my apology and left the store, but I saw her shaking her head a bit. She didn't understand though. If she had to listen to that crap for nearly three weeks straight, she'd kill them too.

I'm still searching for the other one, but his days are numbered. The question is still on my mind though. She had a sound argument, but I just wasn't convinced. They may be God's creatures, but historically and evolutionarily, everything kills everything else. That's just the way it is. If not, I guess I'll see you guys in hell. I'll be over by the karaoke machine.