Gundam Wing in Woodshop 101

"Alright, class." Ms. Jameson said. "I know you've all been working really hard on your projects, and now it's time to show them to the rest of the class and give an oral report. Quatre, would you like to go first?"

Quatre stood up, carrying his project up to the front of the class. "This is a spice rack I made for my mother. I rounded off all the corners and edges, and I used a dark stain on it so it looks nice. I hope my mom finds this to be very useful."

Ms. Jameson clapped. "Very good, Quatre. Would anyone like to go next?"

Catherine stood up and went to the head of the class. She held up what appeared to be a lump of wood that was randomly hacked at. "This is the circus elephant I've been working on. Isn't it great?"

"Um," Ms. Jameson said. "Suppose you went into detail about your elephant. Like, where the trunk is, and such."

"Oh, okay." She turned it around and pointed at a slight bulge in the wood. "That there's the trunk, here's the ears, there's the small tusks, I didn't want to make them too long, in case they broke off, and here's the legs."

Treize leaned towards Trowa and said, "Looks like a pile of crap if you ask me."

Trowa glared at him, and the rest of the class looked at him. Catherine starts bawling.

"I tried so hard!" She sobbed as she ran out of the room. Trowa went to follow her, but Ms. Jameson stopped him.

"She'll be alright. I'll talk to Treize here later." She said, glaring at Treize. "Why don't you go next, Trowa?"

"Okay." He said. He picked up his block of wood and went to the front. "This is my project. It is simple. It is a work of art. Thank you." He went to sit down.

"Trowa, are you trying to get out of doing this?" Ms. Jameson said.

"No. I sanded it. I kept it simple." Trowa replied.

Ms. Jameson sighed. "Okay, but that brings your grade down. Um, Wufei, why don't you show us what you made?"

Wufei went up with what looked like two sticks in his hand. "These are my nunchucks. I made them strong, to put up with wear, unlike women. They are not strong. They are weak. As with Catherine earlier, they break down at any given-"

"Alright, enough, mister." Ms. Jameson said. "Sit down right now before I flunk you totally."

Wufei sat, mumbling the whole time about "Taking orders from a woman." Ms. Jameson took a bottle of asprin from her desk drawer and took two pills. After a few deep breaths, she said. "Okay. Okay. Who wants to go next?"

Zechs stood up, carrying what looked like a bowl. "I have made a sculpture dedicated to my one true love."

At this, Noin sighed dreamily.

Zechs turned the bowl upside-down and held it above his head. It is a sculpture of my helmet. I lovingly crafted it out of-"

That was as far as he got before a flying chunk of wood hit him in the face.

"Ms. Noin!" Ms. Jameson exclaimed. "What is the meaning of this?"

"That...that jerk!" She said. She turned away in her seat, arms crossed.

"Unh," Zechs said from the floor. "What'd I do? I'm confused."

"Ms. Noin, you will go next, then you will sit down and stay quiet!" Ms. Jameson said.

Noin reluctantly got up and carried a sculpture with her. "This is a bust of MY one true love, Zechs Marquis. Unlike him, I actually care about him, not his stupid helmet."

"That doesn't look like me at all." Zechs said, finally managing to get up.

Noin grabbed Zechs's helmet off his head and put it on her bust of him.

"Hey! Give that back!" Zechs said.

"Oohh, I see it now." Hilde said.

"Um, good job, Noin. Sit down now." Ms. Jameson said, popping another two asprin and chasing it with liquid Mylanta. "Who wants to go next?"

Duo got up and strode to the front of the class. He held up a scythe. "This is my Shinigami scythe. Of course it's not functional, but it represents me, Shinigami. Because I am Shinigami, God of Death. Thank you."

Duo strode back to his seat, not noticing that Hilde was turning red and looking like she could kill with a glance. "I'" She said between clenched teeth. She got up, gripping a long piece of wood, and went to the front. She brandished the stick, saying, "This is a wooden Samauri sword. It is functional, and Duo, Honey, if you utter the word "Shinigami" in my prescence again, I well come after you with it. Thank you." She sat down.

After taking what looked like a couple of purple Prilosec pills, Ms. Jameson said, "Okay, um, Sally, how about you? Do you have anything normal to show us?"

Sally went up to the front of the class and hoisted a bust. "This is a bust of the gorgeous Wufei. I took extra care in the details-"

"Hey, woman!" Wufei yelled. "Have you no shame, woman? No sense of pride!?"

"Um, forget it, Sally." Ms. Jameson said.

"I can top that!" Treize said. He went up to the front and bumped Sally to the side. He held up a small statue. "This is a nude statue of Wufei. I paid much more attention to the details-"

"Oh, the shame, the dishonor!" Wufei exclaimed. He jumped over to Treize and, wielding his nunchucks, smashed the statue with two blows. Tears welled up in Treize's eyes.

"Wha? But...I...Time...Fantasy...Nude..." He stammered.

"ALL THREE OF YOU, SIT DOWN!!!" Ms. Jameson said. They complied, and, after she mixed up a medicinal Kamikaze consisting of Pepto-Bismol, Mylanta, asprin, Prilosec, and Prozac and Zoloft, and chugging it down, she looked at the class.

"Okay, who else wants to ruin my day?" She looked around. "Heero, why don't you go? You can't possibly be any worse than the others."

Heero got up, but without his project. He had left a block of wood on his table.

"This is my project." He said mechanically. He pulled a gun from his shorts and shot at the block of wood on his table. He stood there for a second, then went back to his seat.

When Ms. Jameson got done praying, she looked up at her class. "Alright, who's left?"

Relena bounced out of her seat, practically screeching, "Heeeerrooooo, I made something for you, oh Heeeeeerrrooooo!"

Instead of going to the front, she went directly to Heero with what seemed to be a pile of pink pieces of wood. "I made this birdhouse for you! It's a pretty pink and it's all for you! Don't you like it?"

She put her "birdhouse" on the table in front of Heero. He stared at it for a few seconds, then he pulled his gun out again and shot it. It exploded into thousands of pink splinters.

"No." Was all he said. Relena returned to her seat, wide-eyed and upset.

By this time Dorothy was the only one left. "Ms. Jameson? I'm going next, you might want to watch."

"I might rregret it, but shure, I'll watchuh." Ms. Jameson said, her Kamikaze taking hold of her.

Dorothy went to the front and held up a statue. "I made a statue of my darling Quatre Raberba Winner, depicting him as Venus rising from the foam of the ocean."

Quatre groaned and leaned his head on his forearms, red with embarassment.

"Since I do not believe in dimming his natural beauty with censorship, he is nude, just like Venus."

"Ohh, nooo..." Quatre moaned, turning redder than anyone thought he could.

"That was my project, thank you for listening." She sat down, next to Quatre, and said, "Isn't this a thing of beauty, Quatre?"

"Please stop stalking me," Quatre whimpered.

Duo spoke up. "Hey, look what happened to the teacher."

Ms. Jameson was slumped over her desk, drooling like a madwoman and making incoherable sounds.

"Um, shouldn't someone do something?" Hilde said.

"I guess I'll get the principal." Noin said. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright, class, listen up. Ms. Jameson is in the hospital recovering after getting her stomach pumped, so I will take over until she gets better." Just then a runner came in and handed the principal a note. After reading the note, he said, "Um, actually, she just put in her letter of resignation. What did you kids do to her?"

Quatre spoke up. "She asked us to share our projects to the class, and we did. Say, does her doctor know she mixes drugs? I think she was an alcoholic before she got this teaching job."

Everyone agreed with him, and the principal just shook his head.

"I don't see what could make her do that. Why don't you show me your projects?"


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