Author: Mike Fenton <mpfenton@hotmail.com>
Title: MST OF NO NEED FOR RYOKO
Notes: Misc./MST
Summary: A wicked satire of the tear-jerking TU climax.

[Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its characters are the property of Best Brains Inc. Tenchi Muyo! and its characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc. "No Need For Ryoko" was written by Ryoe Tsukimura and directed by Hiroshi Negishi. "Toonami" is the property of The Cartoon Network. The Magna Carta was approved in 1215 by King John (which may have no connection with this story, but better safe than sorry).]

***

Deep 13:

Mike Nelson looks under the console of the control panel, as Achika and the 'bots begin to glower at him-- looking through the display just ahead of him.

MIKE: Wait a minute! I've got it.

He brandishes a small book and looks in it, scowling in disappointment.

MIKE: No, that's not it. Sorry, everybody!

Achika sighs, as the 'bots shake their heads, irritated.

CROW: Mike, you idiot! Get us down, already!

TOM: Yeah, Mike. How hard can it be?

MIKE: Well...

ACHIKA: Okay, let's give the poor guy a break, huh? He's doing his best. Aren't you, Mike?

MIKE: I don't know. Sorry. I can't operate all this. This is all just Dr. Forrester's invention.

TOM: Oh, this is just great!

***

Satellite of Love:

The 'bots skulk away in disgust as Achika folds her arms, pondering.

ACHIKA: Hey, Mike. What's that book?

MIKE: This? Oh, it's just a list of recordings.

ACHIKA: Not those awful movies, is it?

MIKE: Hmm... (looking in the book) No. I think this is something TV's Frank kept. Some kind of journal.

ACHIKA: Interesting...

MIKE: Hey, yeah. I'll give you guys something to do while I look for a way to get you all down.

ACHIKA: Really?

MIKE: Yeah. (pointing at something) Here we go... "No Need For Ryoko..." Hmm...

ACHIKA: This is very nice of you, Mike, but you don't need to bother.

MIKE: It's no bother. I hope you don't mind the quality, though. It seems these recordings are all bootlegs.

ACHIKA: Stolen?

MIKE: More like borrowed--

Tom appears, still a little disgusted.

TOM: Hey, Mike! What's the matter with you? Don't you realize that Achika--?

ACHIKA: Now, Tom, let's not be rude. He's trying to help us.

TOM: Yeah, but--

ACHIKA: This will give us something to do until he can figure out a way to get us down.

Crow suddenly appears again, wickedly amused.

CROW: Yeah, Tom. Don't be rude! Let's go watch something, while Mike gets a clue, huh?

TOM: (groaning) Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you...

***

Theater:

Achika and the 'bots take a seat, making a nice silhouette.

>Fade in to a descending spaceship, stopping to pick up Ayeka
>in a red tractor beam. Ayeka calls out while ascending.

TOM: (as Ayeka) Taxi!

>AYEKA: Tenchi!
>
>TENCHI: No! Ayeka!

CROW: (as Tenchi) Hey! You've still got my wallet!

>KATSUHITO: (shakily offering the sword) Here, Tenchi.
>Take this.

CROW: (as Tenchi) Your Mickey Mouse cuff links? Why would
I want that?

>TENCHI: What is it, Grandpa?
>
>KATSUHITO: The sword Tenchi. The magical sword that
>transforms Jurai's power into a blade...

TOM: (as Katsuhito) It can also transform Jurai's power
into balloon animals, but that's not important, right now.

>TENCHI: (OC) Sword Tenchi?

CROW: (as Tenchi) You mean, all this time I was named
after a sword?
ACHIKA: Well, actually--
TOM: Uh... Maybe we should discuss this later.

>KATSUHITO: Tenchi, you are the only one who can destroy
>Kagato.

TOM: (as Tenchi) Oh, so what's the sword for?
CROW: (as Katsuhito) It's for Ayeka. If you end up
married to her, you're going to need it.

>TENCHI: (gasping) Huh?
>
>KATSUHITO: Go, Tenchi. It is all up to you, now.

TOM: He suddenly notices that Tenchi is holding it
backwards and groans in disgust.
CROW: (as Tenchi) Don't worry, Grandpa-- Argh!

>Rain starts to fall. Mihoshi and Noboyuki are looking after
>Ryoko who is laying, wounded.
>
>MIHOSHI: (strained) Ryoko, you'll be fine.

TOM: That's the kiss of death.
CROW: (as Ryoko) Oh, crap! I'm dead meat!

>TITLE: "Episode 24 No Need For Ryoko"
>
>Yagami in the patch of trees. Tenchi sits in a chamber of
>the engine room, considering the sword.
>
>Katsuhito lies on a gurney, supported by several glowing
>rings.

CROW: Getting that tan just right.

>TENCHI: (OC) Is he going to be all right? Is he going to
>make it?
>
>WASHU: (OC) Don't know, yet.

TOM: (as Washu) I haven't figured out where the liver
goes, yet.

>TENCHI: (OC) Come on, Grandpa.

CROW: (as Tenchi) Uh, Washu... What about Ryoko?
TOM: (as Washu) Bah, just let her walk it off.

>A passageway just outside a door. Tenchi faces Washu,
>looking somewhat defeated.
>
>WASHU: (stern) Get a hold of yourself! We have to pay a
>visit to Jurai's royal palace now!

CROW: (as Washu) And we mustn't forget to bring a nice
gift! Something that says we care!
TOM: (as Tenchi) All right, but only if we don't stay too
long.

>TENCHI: But Washu, I can't--

TOM: (as Tenchi) I have an important hair massage to go
to. And after that, my schedule's booked solid!

>WASHU: Hey, listen to me! There's no need to be
>discouraged. I'm dying to see Kagato dead--and for that,
>I'm counting on you, Tenchi!

CROW: (as Washu) That dirtbag owes me twenty bucks! You
gotta kill him, Tenchi!

>TENCHI: (looking up) No, I can't.
>
>Back in the engine room.
>
>TENCHI: (OC) Not even Grandpa was a match for him.
>And besides, I don't possess this "Jurai power" he was
>talking about.

CROW: (as Tenchi) I gave all my Jurai power to Mihoshi.
TOM: (as Tenchi) And she spent it all on bubble gum.

>WASHU: (OC) I say, you can, Tenchi. You doubt my
>judgment?

TOM: (as Washu) Name one time I've ever been wrong... Uh,
just trust me, anyway...

>He stands and seriously considers the sword.
>
>TENCHI: (OC) Your judgment?

CROW: (as Tenchi) What's so special about you? You a
genius or something?

>WASHU: (OC) I could feel it ever since I first saw you--

TOM: (as Washu) When you flew down and caught Lois Lane--
Oh, wait a minute--that was Superman. My bad!

>Tenchi holds up the sword.
>
>WASHU: (OC) I knew you had great potential within you--

CROW: (as Washu) For square dancing! Yee-haw! Promenade
left and do-si-do!

>The sword hilt starts to spark.
>
>WASHU: (OC) Since you were unaware of your capability, I
>wasn't a hundred-percent sure...

TOM: (as Washu) In fact, you were so unaware that I
initially thought that you were growing an extra arm.

>The sword begins to seriously glow.
>
>WASHU: (OC) But now, I can see it clearly.

CROW: (as Tenchi) Oh, that's just a little--
TOM: (clearing his throat) Uh, Crow. Achika is sitting
right here.
CROW: Whoa! Almost made a huge faux pas!
ACHIKA: Huh?
TOM: It's the way Tenchi's holding the sword. Crow gets
these ideas pretty easily.

>The sword forms, springing to life.
>
>WASHU: (OC) Tenchi, you do have a force surpassing that
>of your grandfather!

TOM: (as Washu) And the sword's pretty big, too!
CROW: Funny how Washu is such an expert. Just how well did
she knew his grandfather?

>Holding out the sword, confidently.

CROW: So, how did he know how to form the sword?
TOM: It started when she complimented him. Evidently,
Tenchi is a sucker for flattery, and that's what gets the
sword going.

>Quick cut to main hall, tilting up to the door of Ryoko's
>room. Ryoko lies on her sofa, holding her wound, looking
>upward in contemplation.

TOM: (as Ryoko) Boy, I'd love some sake right about now!

>RYOKO: (VO) The Jurai... power...
>
>(POV) Kagato looks up and blasts away. Ryoko makes a
>couple dodges and gets hit, falling away. She shrieks in
>terror.

CROW: (as Ryoko) Hmm... He wasn't all that bad. I think
I'll let Tenchi deal with him.

>She scowls and looks at her bloody hand, ruefully amused.
>
>RYOKO: (VO) It's a whole new game, now. What are you
>going to do, Tenchi?

TOM: Yeah, Tenchi's such a puzzle. I wonder what he'll do?

>The rest of them are assembled in the cockpit, watching a
>gloomy tactical display.
>
>KIYONE: All of Jurai's military is attacking us.

CROW: Including their Coast Guard--go figure!
TOM: Must be a pretty small military if it fits in one
little display.

>A space shot of several Jurai battleships, menacing.
>
>COMMANDER: (OC) All ships, ready to attack! Their target
>is the old royal palace of Jurai!

TOM: (as commander) Their goal is to bring down the cruel
tyrant, posing as Yosho! They must be destroyed!

>They ready their laser cannons.
>
>COMMANDER: (OC) Fire!
>
>They blast away. Yagami launches, amidst explosions and
>gasps from others in the cockpit.
>
>KIYONE: Hang on! I'm taking us to the back of the palace!

CROW: (as Kiyone) Where no one would ever think to look
for us...

>Yagami descends past the roots of the massive structure,
>surprised by a couple of battleships.
>
>ALL: Huh?
>
>The battleships start blasting, and they cringe, crying out
>in alarm. Suddenly, one of the battleships gets smoked--
>Ken-Ohki suddenly flying to the rescue.

TOM: Oh, yeah. Forgot all about Ken-Ohki.
CROW: Nagi just loves to hang around.

>The other battleship turns and fires at Ken-Ohki, who
>quickly dispatches that battleship, also.
>
>MIHOSHI: It's Ken-Ohki!
>
>RYO-OHKI: (on Mihoshi's shoulder) Miya!

TOM: Uh... I'm confused.
CROW: They're simpatico, Tom. Ken-Ohki and Ryo-Ohki are
lovers, remember?
TOM: Oh yeah!

>Yagami hides among a field of huge pieces of debris.
>
>Back in the main hall, Ryo-Ohki is snuggling with Ken-Ohki,
>as the others sit with Nagi--her back proudly turned.

ACHIKA: How cute!
CROW: (as Nagi) I'll sit with you, but you can't make me
face you. That would be uncool.

>TENCHI: Thanks very much, Nagi! You just saved us!

TOM: (as Tenchi) Of course, we're lucky we don't get
killed all the time, with Kiyone flying.
CROW: (as Kiyone) What did you say?!

>NAGI: Don't get the wrong idea. The only reason you're
>here is because I don't want anybody else to take Ryoko's
>life.

TOM: (as Nagi) That, and I just placed a big bet on this
whole adventure. You're up to ten-thousand-to-one against,
by the way.

>TENCHI: Oh, I see.
>
>Nagi takes a moment to consider Sasami's downcast
>expression.
>
>NAGI: Hmm... You've got a nice place, here.

ACHIKA: Uh... Who is Nagi, by the way?
CROW: Just a bounty hunter that's been trying to beat
Ryoko.
TOM: Ayeka always messes it up, though.

>NOBOYUKI: We don't have much to offer you, but please make
>yourself at home, won't you, Nagi?

CROW: (as Noboyuki) He he, another hen in the henhouse--
ACHIKA: (clearing her throat)
CROW: Oh! Excuse me. I got carried away.

>WASHU: Could you excuse us please? We're kind of in the
>middle of something, you know?

TOM: (as Washu) We were just swapping recipes.

>Nagi deigns to glance aside.
>
>WASHU: Well, really, it's no big deal. We just have to
>sneak into Jurai's royal palace and do a little rescuing of
>the princess, that's all.

CROW: (as Washu) Then stop and pick up our pizza. We just
ordered it, so we'd better hurry before it gets cold!

>NAGI: Yeah, I see you've got your hands full, don't you?
>
>SASAMI: (OC, offering a cup) Here--
>
>Nagi turns to her.
>
>SASAMI: Would you like some tea?
>
>Nagi takes a sip.
>
>NAGI: Mmm... Good. Little girl, this tea is excellent.
>Now, you are a professional--am I right about that?
>
>Sasami chuckles, quite flattered.

CROW: (as Sasami) Actually, I spiked it!
TOM: (as Nagi) What?!

>Tenchi stands next to Katsuhito's gurney, considering.
>
>KATSUHITO: (flashback) Listen, Tenchi. Whatever happens
>from now on, you stand firm and face your destiny, without
>fear, but with courage.

CROW: (as Tenchi) I'm not afraid of Kagato!
TOM: (as Katsuhito) You idiot! I meant Ayeka!
CROW: (as Tenchi) Oh! Sorry, Grandpa, but I'm scared!

>Tenchi looks at the sword again and calmly walks away.
>
>TENCHI: (VO) I won't let you down, Grandpa.

TOM: (as Tenchi) Not as long as I have Ryoko to do
something stupid for me.

>He approaches Ryoko in the passageway--who is leaning next
>to a door.
>
>RYOKO: Are you going now, Tenchi?
>
>TENCHI: Yeah.

CROW: (as Tenchi) Uh... Where do you mean?

>RYOKO: You could die. You know that?
>
>TENCHI: Possibly.

TOM: It's possible that he knows.

>Ryoko blocks his way and faces him.
>
>RYOKO: Tenchi, you should choose me! (looking down again)
>Forget Ayeka, can't you?

TOM: Ayeka can adjust. She just needs to get to know
Kagato a little better.
CROW: No, Tenchi, pick Pikachu! You want to win, don't
you?

>Tenchi gapes in shock.
>
>TENCHI: Huh?
>
>RYOKO: You and I could leave right now, Tenchi. We'd have
>no worries--just you and I, together!
>
>TENCHI: Ryoko--
>
>RYOKO: Sort of like a honeymoon in deep space, you know
>what I mean? It would be... fun.

TOM: (as Ryoko) You'd just love to be buried in disgrace,
while being chased by police.

>TENCHI: (curiously amused) It sounds fun.
>
>Ryoko gasps a bit in surprise.
>
>TENCHI: I'd love to go on a trip with you.
>
>RYOKO: (softly) Wow!

CROW: I guess Ryoko doesn't know sarcasm when she hears it.

>Tenchi looks down again, a little sullen, then shakes his
>head--wryly amused.
>
>RYOKO: (upset) I'm a space pirate--and a powerful one!
>
>She points her palm at Tenchi's face.

TOM: (as Ryoko) I've got tons of loot, and I just love
robbing people blind! I like to say "arr--" all the time!

>RYOKO: (a little pale) I could just steal you away, if I
>wanted to!
>
>She hugs him a little melodramatically.
>
>RYOKO: Oh! Don't go, Tenchi! (sobbing) Please! Don't, I
>beg you! I can't bear... the thought of losing you. Don't
>go! Don't go!

CROW: (as Tenchi) Yeah, you're right. I won't go.
TOM: (as Ryoko) Really?
CROW: (as Tenchi) Ha ha! Psych! Got you again!

>He gently pushes her away.
>
>TENCHI: But I won't forsake Ayeka. (pleasantly) I can't
>do that!

CROW: She's the token snob. We'd never pull off another
stupid gag on this show without her!

>RYOKO: Tenchi--
>
>TENCHI: And, you see--this is my battle, as well, now.

TOM: (as Tenchi) It's a man thing.

>He continues down the passageway, leaving Ryoko sobbing.
>She turns.
>
>RYOKO: Tenchi!
>
>He looks back, as Ryoko reaches out briefly--a little
>hesitant.
>
>RYOKO: I can give you a lift. Let me help you. I know the
>way there.

TOM: (as Ryoko) It's that big planet right over there.
CROW: (as Tenchi) Really?

>Back in her room, Ryoko has on her battle outfit. She gets
>up and groans in pain as Nagi enters. She sits back down as
>Nagi approaches.
>
>RYOKO: (cheerfully) What's up?

CROW: (as Nagi) We're about to find out how good the
Juraian defense system is. Washu thinks she can knock out
the whole fleet with a virus.
TOM: Isn't that in the next episode?
CROW: Oh, right! Don't want to make it too easy for Ryoko!

>NAGI: So... You are going with him, aren't you?
>
>RYOKO: I'm giving him a ride one-way, that's all.

TOM: (as Ryoko) He can find his own getaway ship!

>NAGI: Is that all? What about our fight, Ryoko? Huh?
>
>RYOKO: I haven't forgotten. We can get it over with right
>now, if you like, Nagi.
>
>Nagi pokes her in the side and Ryoko falls over onto the
>sofa, grimacing in pain.

CROW: (as Nagi) Still using that old "football" injury
excuse, eh?

>NAGI: I thought so. What do you think you are doing? With
>a serious injury like that, you may not even make it to the
>palace.

TOM: (as Nagi) Much less get away, after that.

>RYOKO: (grim) Shut up! You want to fight with me now, or
>not?
>
>NAGI: (stern) I don't take advantage of the wounded.

TOM: (as Nagi) I rely on luck. I think fate is on my
side.

>Ryoko gets up.
>
>RYOKO: If that's your choice, then I guess I'm going. You
>just wait here. I'll catch you later.
>
>Ryoko exits, as Nagi turns and watches.
>
>NAGI: (VO) Good luck.

CROW: (as Nagi) I mean, break a leg! I've got to
remember... "Good luck" always brings bad luck. Oh,
well...

>Commercial break. A montage of scenes from Dragonball Z and
>Sailor Moon appear.

Achika and the 'bots get up and leave the theater.

***

Satellite of Love:

ACHIKA: This story is engrossing. I can't wait to see what happens next.

TOM: Hmm? Oh yeah. Me too. Hey, Mike! Can we go home, now?

CROW: Yeah, I'm ready right now. Let's go, already!

MIKE: Well, I think I have the transporter figured out, but I really think I should test it, first.

CROW: C'mon, Mike! Where's your spirit of adventure? Test it out on Tom!

TOM: Hey--

ACHIKA: It's okay, Mike. You keep testing. We'll wait till the end of this show, at least. I, for one, find it very intriguing.

MIKE: (pressing a few buttons) Let's see what happens when I do this--

A lamp on the console of the satellite vanishes. Mike holds a strange, corkscrew-looking thing, frowning.

MIKE: Hmm... I don't think I have the bugs worked out quite yet. Let me keep testing this, okay?

TOM: (groaning) Hurry up, already!

ACHIKA: (sigh) It's all right, Mike. Take your time. We'll just go back and watch the rest of the show.

***

Theater:

Achika and the 'bots sit back down, watching an advertisement.

TOM: Hey, Mike! Could you fast-forward through this stuff?

MIKE: (via intercom) Oh! Okay. Got it.

>The picture blurs and zips through a few crude attempts to
>brainwash unwary children, and resolves into a rotating
>graphic, showing the program schedule. A brief bumper then
>proclaims the continuation.

CROW: "Toonami?"
TOM: (a little less than enthusiastic) Oh, great. We
would have the Toonami version.

>Space shot of the Yagami connected to Ryo-Ohki. Inside,
>Tenchi, Ryoko and the guardians face Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu,
>Sasami, Noboyuki and Nagi, just outside the entrance to the
>tube.
>
>WASHU: We'll take care of the main fleet. You just
>concentrate on getting to the palace.
>
>TENCHI: I got it.
>
>WASHU: I really don't know how long we can keep them busy,
>Tenchi, but you know that. The rest is going to be up to
>you.

CROW: (as Washu) Oh, and I guess Ryoko will help a bit.

>SASAMI: Be careful, Tenchi.
>
>TENCHI: (cheerful) Don't you worry, Sasami. I'll bring
>Ayeka back safely, and everything will be just fine.
>Really.
>
>SASAMI: (doubtful) I know it will.

TOM: (as Sasami) It's the part where Ryoko nearly gets
killed that's worrying me.

>NOBOYUKI: (approaching) Tenchi, I know your grandpa has
>great faith in you, and so do I.
>
>TENCHI: (pleasant) Dad--

CROW: (as Noboyuki) I guess now is as good a time as any
to tell you... Son, you were adopted.
ACHIKA: What?
TOM: Never mind. Crow's just being silly again.
ACHIKA: Oh.

>NOBOYUKI: You know we'll take good care of Grandpa. So,
>you take care.
>
>TENCHI: Yeah. All right.
>
>RYOKO: (a little irritated) That's enough goodbyes. Let's
>go.
>
>TENCHI: Right. (bowing) Wish us luck.
>
>MIHOSHI: (waving) Good luck! And have fun, okay, Tenchi?

TOM: Mihoshi said good luck...
CROW: I know. It's like a double-kiss-of-death...

>The portal to the tube closes, and from space, the tube
>retracts to the Yagami. Ryo-Ohki heads off.
>
>Nagi and Washu watch them leave, along with the others.
>
>WASHU: (to Nagi) Okay. I think you'd better go before
>things get a little too nasty.

CROW: (as Washu) We wouldn't want to cause you
indigestion.
TOM: (as Nagi) Oh, yeah. Thanks. I just had a big
breakfast.

>NAGI: I was just leaving.
>
>Nagi starts to leave, and Ken-Ohki appears, looking a little
>outraged, growling. Nagi looks back, a little amused.
>
>NAGI: Yeah, I know.

TOM: (as Nagi) You have the hots for Ryo-Ohki.
CROW: (as Washu) Better play hard-to-get. You don't want
to seem too eager.

>Back on Ryo-Ohki, Tenchi looks casually serious as they
>approach the Juraian defense grid. Several battleships
>appear ready to block their way. On Soja, the commander
>sits, watching a tactical display. At the palace, Kagato
>waits patiently, as Ayeka--held suspended between rings of
>small logs--looks downward, prayerfully.
>
>AYEKA: (VO) Tenchi...

TOM: (as Ayeka) Go back! It's a trap!

>Ryo-Ohki swoops into the shot toward the grid.
>
>COMM: A message from the front line. They've just spotted
>Ryo-Ohki around the fourth defensive line.
>
>COMMANDER: Transfer fleet to that site, immediately!

CROW: (as commander) In flanking-formation, just in case
they try some funny maneuvers.
TOM: (as comm) Huh? Flanking what?

>The battleships pursue Ryo-Ohki. The commander considers
>the tactical display, again.
>
>COMM: We've chased Ryo-Ohki down to the seventh satellite
>area. They will intercept Ryo-Ohki in two minutes.
>
>The battleships converge their laser fire on Ryo-Ohki. Pan
>over to the planet--where a streak of red appears.
>
>COMM: (shocked) What? What?!
>
>COMMANDER: What is it?

CROW: (as comm) Oh, nothing! Just a smudge on the
display.

>COMM: It looks like there are... two Ryo-Ohkis!
>
>COMMANDER: What? Impossible!

TOM: (as comm) No, I read about this once. It's called a
"decoy."
CROW: (as commander) A what? What's a decoy?

>Laser fire converges on the first Ryo-Ohki, blowing away a
>bit of its shell. It trembles for a moment and breaks away
>the entire shell--revealing Ken-Ohki.
>
>COMM: No! The first ship wasn't Ryo-Ohki. It was its
>shadow!
>
>COMMANDER: Ah... Clever!

TOM: (as comm) They might not even be on Ryo-Ohki!
CROW: (as commander) Wow! That would be even more clever!

>The tactical display switches to a view of the planet.
>
>Back in the Yagami, the others are in the cockpit again.
>
>KIYONE: Looks like they fell for our trick.

TOM: (as Kiyone) Hey, Mihoshi. I think we just found
someone even more gullible than you.

>WASHU: We all have our own parts to play.
>
>MIHOSHI: (typing) Right!

CROW: (as Washu) Except for Tenchi, of course. He just
has to fight with Kagato.
TOM: Not in this episode, though.

>NOBOYUKI: (to Sasami) Well, thank goodness that Nagi
>decided to help us!
>
>SASAMI: (nodding) Um-hmm...
>
>MIHOSHI: Now! Engines, fire!

CROW: (as Mihoshi) Whoops! Had it in reverse!

>Yagami leaps into action, as Ken-Ohki approaches the fleet.
>
>NAGI: Now, let's go, Ken-Ohki!
>
>Ken-Ohki acknowledges her command.
>
>NAGI: Come back alive, Ryoko.

CROW: (as Nagi) Cause, if you don't, I'll have to admit
that chasing you all this time was just a moronic waste of
my talents.

>Ryo-Ohki approaches the defense system, Ryoko at the helm,
>looking a little grim. The spheres of the defense system
>rotate, firing laser blasts from their barrels.
>
>They cringe in terror, as Ryo-Ohki gets hit repeatedly by
>the blasts, Ryoko grunts--straining at the helm--then
>vanishes. Tenchi gasps in shock.
>
>TENCHI: Hey! Ryoko!

CROW: (as Tenchi) Make yourself useful, Ryoko! Geez!

>Ryoko confronts one sphere, teleporting inside it. She
>promptly gets caught by several lines, and they zap her with
>a big charge of electricity. She cries out, painfully, as
>she musters an attack on the center of the device, blasting
>it. The other spheres erupt in a chain-reaction of
>explosions.

TOM: Hmm... They all go like dominoes.
CROW: Yeah. I guess they were designed to defend until
proven vulnerable to some silly attack.
TOM: I'll bet the Juraians feel a lot safer, now.

>Tenchi gasps, and Ryoko returns to the helm, a little out of
>breath.
>
>TENCHI: Ryoko?

CROW: (as Tenchi) This is so like you. Here we are
getting shot up, and you go goofing off!

>RYOKO: Sorry for the delay. (looking around) Well, let's
>go.
>
>Ryo-Ohki descends toward the planet and immediately gets hit
>by mines. Inside, Ryo-Ohki fills with smoke and flame.
>
>RYOKO: Get out of my way!
>
>Ryo-Ohki unleashes a monstrous attack on the mines. Another
>group of mines appears and strikes back, knocking Ryoko flat
>on her back. Tenchi goes to help her.
>
>TENCHI: (alarmed) Ryoko!

CROW: (as Tenchi) This is no time to be sleeping!

>RYOKO: Oh, Tenchi. (getting up) Don't you worry about
>anything. I swear, I will make sure you get to Jurai's
>royal palace. I swear it!

TOM: (as Ryoko) Oh! You remembered to bring the sword,
didn't you, Tenchi?
CROW: (as Tenchi) D'Oh!

>Ryo-Ohki descends and gets pummeled again by mines. Some
>more mines loom up ahead. Ryoko gets to the helm again.
>
>RYOKO: Don't be a chicken, Ryo-Ohki! We're not cowards!
>Let's show them what we can do!
>
>Ryo-Ohki swoops toward the mass of mines, and Ryoko falters,
>alerting Kamidake--who looks about ready to help until Azaka
>pulls him gently back.
>
>Ryoko shrieks her challenge as the mines start to collide
>again. Ryo-Ohki starts leaving a smoke trail as they
>approach an immense tree.
>
>RYOKO: (looking at the display) That's it.

TOM: (as Ryoko) A big tree. Who'd have guessed?

>Ryo-Ohki spirals down and lands. Ryoko grunts painfully for
>a moment.
>
>RYOKO: (looking around again) So, we're here.

CROW: (as Tenchi) Yeah, but I wanted to land on the
landing pad.
TOM: (as Ryoko) Fine. You get out and push on the way
back.

>Kagato opens his eyes, casually pleased.
>
>KAGATO: They're here.

TOM: (as Kagato) All this, just to have the paper
delivered. Boy, who knew being a tyrant could be so
inconvenient?

>Ayeka gasps, still looking prayerfully glum. Back at Ryo-
>Ohki, they emerge from the ship.
>
>RYOKO: From this point, you're on your own, Tenchi. I
>hope you know I wasn't planning on helping you rescue that
>other woman. After all, I am a pirate.

CROW: (as Ryoko) We pirates have a code of jealousy.

>TENCHI: I owe you one. Thank you.
>
>Ryoko looks briefly surprised, then annoyed.

TOM: (as Ryoko) Just one? Are you crazy?!

>RYOKO: You ain't got all day, you know! You're wasting
>time!
>
>Tenchi nods, slowly backs away, then starts running toward
>the palace. The guardians turn to Ryoko.
>
>AZAKA: We thank you for the escort.
>
>KAMIDAKE: Not even one thousand knights could match your
>spirit, Ryoko.
>
>BOTH: (bowing) Goodbye.
>
>The guards then chase after Tenchi. Ryoko trembles and
>collapses, choking up again.
>
>RYOKO: Tenchi...

ACHIKA: Wow, that's so sad.
TOM: Yeah, it makes you wonder about the next part.

>Ryo-Ohki takes off, as Tenchi and the guardians continue
>running down the palace hallway. Kagato and Ayeka continue
>waiting. Back on Ryo-Ohki, music swells as Ryoko looks up,
>ruefully amused again.
>
>RYOKO: Well, Ryo-Ohki. It seems like it's just you and me,
>again... All alone.
>
>Ryo-Ohki appears in a crystal and meows mournfully.

CROW: (as Ryoko) Except for Nagi, who's getting ready to
waste me, big time.
ACHIKA: (wiping her face) That's so beautiful.
TOM: (looking at Achika) Huh?

>RYOKO: Hmm... It's been fun, though. We've had a blast,
>since we fell on the Earth, haven't we?
>
>RYO-OHKI: Miya?
>
>RYOKO: I'm lonely... I sound silly, don't I?
>
>Her eyes close and then her hand drops--a curious lack of
>blood, in spite of the sound of it dripping.

CROW: Invisible blood!
TOM: I know. It's the magic of Toonami.
CROW: More like the curse of Cartoon Network.

>RYOKO: (VO) So, where shall we go, next? What do you
>think, Ryo-Ohki?
>
>The crystals cluster a little closer, as Ryo-Ohki responds,
>somewhat lugubriously.

ACHIKA: (sobbing) Oh, that's so sad!
TOM: It's okay.
CROW: Don't worry. She survives. This is all just a big
tease.

Achika and the 'bots get up and leave, just as the credits
start to roll.

***

Satellite of Love:

Achika still looks a little sad as she and the 'bots watch Mike in the display.

MIKE: Okay, I think I've got it. I just tested it a few more times, to be sure. Sorry about all the hassle.

ACHIKA: There's no need for you to apologize. You're alone down there, so I understand. I feel as if I'm alone, right at the moment.

CROW: Ouch...

TOM: (sigh) Sorry, if we ruined it for you, Achika.

CROW: Yeah. I guess we're creatures of habit. We can't help but make fun--even if it's a good show.

ACHIKA: (smiling) I know. We are all making the best of our situation--each in our own way. If I have learned nothing else from this experience, it is that. We're ready, Mike.

***

Deep 13:

Mike watches as Achika and the 'bots materialize nearby.

MIKE: Hey! All right!

CROW: Oh, yeah. This is more like it.

TOM: Hey, Mike. Way to go!

MIKE: Who's the man? Huh?

ACHIKA: Yes, this is all well and good, but I wish I could return to my own time.

MIKE: Huh?

CROW: Oh, you mean before Kain abducted you from the past?

ACHIKA: Yes.

TOM: Well, this is a little awkward.

ACHIKA: Huh?

MIKE: Yeah. In the story of that series, you've been dead for years--at least, we've been led to believe you were dead.

ACHIKA: Oh, my!

MIKE: Anyway, I'm not sure you could even go back.

ACHIKA: So, now what?

CROW: We could all hang out here.

TOM: Yeah. We could have one big party.

MIKE: Huh... I don't know.

ACHIKA: Live in the future? That sounds dreadful. I'd almost rather be dead.

TOM: Really? That doesn't sound like the Achika we know.

ACHIKA: Well, I guess you just don't know the real me, do you?

MIKE: We can fix that. Hey, you want to see "No Need For a Showdown?"

THE END

***

Stinger:

WASHU: I'm dying to see Kagato dead--and for that, I'm counting on you, Tenchi!