sIdEkIcK tRoUbLe!

“No, for the tenth time, Goku we did not bring cheetos from home. Shashunk ate them all on the trip.” Growled Quistis in a slightly annoyed tone of voice. Shashunk turns toward Quistis and scowls, “Hey, you ate some too!” The table surrounded by Bulma, and Goku turns to see her reaction. Quistis blushes slightly and signals for her to shut up. Goku ignores their bickering and slaps his forehead. He then whimpers, “But, I am soooo hungry!” Bulma sighs and then quickly supplies Goku with a bottomless bowl of rice. He grins and proceeds to shove several handfuls into his mouth. After the entire table watches Goku eat for a few long, quiet minutes, Shashunk watches in awe, then manages to sputter, “I didn’t realize human beings could eat that much.” Mr. Popo (who has just joined the table) suddenly jumps up and screams, “Where is my watering can?” Goku actually pauses from eating and gazes at the distraught little man. Bulma calms his fears and hands him the (randomly appearing) watering can. Mr. Popo hugs the watering can and coos happily as he pets it. Bulma ‘ahems’ and tries to change the subject. “So, Shashunk and Quistis how long are you planning on staying here at Capsule Corporation?” Quistis opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by the appearance of a familiar spiky haired figure. Vegeta bellows at Bulma, ”WOMAN! I HAVE BEEN TRAINING ALL DAY! WHERE IS MY FOOD?” Bulma starts turning an odd shade of red as she clenches the table in a white-knuckle grip. Quistis and Shashunk, in turn, sweat-drop. Vegeta looks around the table. His eyebrows rise as he watches Mr. Popo sing to his watering can for a few minutes. His eyes then fall on Goku who is still filling his face like a chipmunk. “Kakoroto, are you eating all the rice to fill the void that is your head?” This last comment sets Bulma off. She growls and throws the closest thing to her (which happens to be a randomly appearing iced drink) at his spiky head. Vegeta dodges it easily and cackles, “I see your aim is as good as your cooking.” Bulma looses any control she has as she starts to throw anything at the cocky saiyajin. As Bulma’s temper rants, Quistis and Shashunk begin to think a strategic exit is in order. As they sneak down a nearby hallway, Quistis remarks (in a fake German scientist accent), “This is the perfect opportunity for us to sneak away and discover the secrets of Capsule Corporation.” Shashunk takes on an Igor-like hunch and responds, “Y-E-S Master.” They both take one look back at Bulma, who is now flinging obscenities and plates in Vegeta’s general direction. As Mr. Popo’s watering Can falls victim to her fury, they both agree that now is the time to go.

They both sneak out of the kitchen and head down the mysterious hallway. Shashunk points at a door nearby labeled, ‘proof of alien existence’ and remarks, “Are these the secrets of Capsule Corporation?” Quistis shrugs as she looks at another door labeled, ‘the true ingredients in Spam’. Quistis winces, then gazes at the next door labeled, ‘What Viagra really does’. Her eyebrows rise as she reaches for the doorknob. Both of their searches are suddenly interrupted by the appearance of an ominous shadow toting what appears to be a large wooden sign at the end of the hallway. “It can’t be,” Quistis mumbles in shock. “I think it is.” Shashunk manages to choke out. “The Mongoose?!,” they scream in unison as they are now magically both clothed in absurd fuchsia ninja outfits. The two notice that the FUNimation logo is now present in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. “Oh, NO!” Shashunk comments, only to have it come out as, “The red llama spits out cucumbers at midnight.” “What is the point of the ninja outfits if they are brighter than the sun?” asks Quistis, which is translated as, “cheese is good!” The two shake off the bad dubbing and tiptoe towards where the shadow was last seen. They pause at the doorway titled, 'Solent Green IS People', take a deep breath, and open it. Inside, the small shadow ‘eeks’ its way toward the real focus of the room, Trunks’ time machine. Shashunk, who is now normally clothed again, is puzzled. She turns to Quistis and asks, “What is the time machine doing in the Solent green room?” Quistis shrugs, “I don’t think we want to know.” They are both interrupted by the maniacal squeaking of the shadow as it reaches the machine. Shashunk leaps forward and yells, “Stop right there!” The small figure ‘eeks’ and spins around only to reveal its true identity. Shashunk screams, “It is the Mongoose!” Mr. Mongoose slumps a little in defeat. Shashunk pauses, then growls, “If you are here...who’s watching the site?” The mongoose holds up the large sign he was toting: ‘ Technically the kudzu plants are.’ He then takes a step toward the time machine. Quistis calls to him, “Where are you going?” The little mongoose sniffles, and holds up his sign again: ‘I’m sick of being left behind to watch the site while you two go have fun. I’m going to go have some fun of my own.’ The action that was taking place freeze frames as a large, star wars-estic scrolling message appears across the screen,

The point of this story is yet to be found and is not intended to offend any fool... we mean one who might read it with its obvious gags and worthless plot line. Thank you, Shashunk and Mr. Mongoose Legal Eagle Department

P.S. The full evil intent of what Mr. Mongoose just ‘said’ is meant to be considered and in itself is a warning.

A large question mark floats precariously above Shashunk’s head as she quickly wonders how the Legal Department managed to throw together a disclaimer during a live action moment. Quistis, in an effort to bring Shashunk’s attention back to the present, smashes the floating punctuation with her fist, sending it hurling at the considerately waiting mongoose. As the punctuation mark nearly smacks him, Mr. Mongoose realizes he has fallen for the number one thing a evil villain is NOT to do: he has waited patiently for the good people to regroup and discuss a plan. Not wanting to fall into this rut where SO many villains have fallen before, Mr. Mongoose wastes no time stepping into the time machine and disappearing. Shashunk regains her composure and growls, “We’ve lost him...that’s just GREAT.” Quistis shakes her head gently as she holds a small piece of paper, “Actually, he left us an itinerary.”

Evil Itinerary

That Would Destroy All My Plans If It Fell Into The Wrong Hands

So Isn’t It Convenient That I Wrote It Up?

By Mr. Mongoose

1. Go back home to Ohtori Academy and cause some general havoc involving paste, power tools, and sliced ham

2. Go to FF8 and steal all the hotdogs

3. Go back in time to FF7 and MAKE TIFA WEAR SOME CLOTHES

4. Go scrawl Graffiti on Wayne Manor
Shashunk clears her throat then tries to grasp the current situation, “So the mongoose is using the time machine to cause havoc in most of the awesome places we know?” Suddenly inspiring music begins to fill the air as Shashunk stands with one hand on her hip and the other pointing at nothing-ness, “We must stop my evil-ish sidekick from succeeding at all costs!” As Shashunk continues to drag on about their moral duty blah blah blah, Quistis begins searching in vain for the outlet of this odd music. After a few moments the music fades and Shashunk stands motionlessly with hands on her hips and a VERY wide smile plastered on her face. Quistis sighs and shakes her out of her ‘hero’ stance, “The question is how are we going to follow him?” The two begin ponder the question, then stop after they realize the size of punctuation that would be floating above their heads due to such deep thought. Instead Shashunk sighs, turns and speaks to the guest, “Since we would like to keep this plot actually moving we are going to change this scene just a tiny bit.” Shashunk and Quistis retrace their steps as the filming crew moves forward for another take. Mirai Trunks is pushed into the frame as the crewman hits the marker. (Rewind) After a few moments the music fades and Shashunk stands motionlessly with hands on her hips and a VERY wide smile plastered on her face. Quistis sighs and shakes her out of her ‘hero’ stance, “The question is how are we going to follow him?” Like magic Mirai Trunks appears standing near Quistis looking fairly dazed. Shashunk moves over and gives him a good whack on the shoulder, “Nice to see ya Trunks. How’d you get here?” Trunks rubs the back of his head and shrugs, “I have NO idea.” Quistis glances nervously at the guest then moves toward him, “Well, do you have anything for us Trunks?” The young man shrugs again as he begins to search the room with his eyes (he’s obviously never been in the Solent green room before). Since Trunks is rather distracted Shashunk takes over his lines in a deep Trunks-like voice, “Why yes, Quistis. I have this new time machine capsule here for you from the future.” Shashunk hands Quistis the pill, then clears her throat again loudly. By this time Mirai Trunks is in the far background paying absolutely no attention to them. Quistis coughs slightly then nods her head, “Aaaa.....thanks ‘Trunks’ (cough).” Shashunk simply shrugs. Quistis decides to ignore the strange moment, and throws the capsule into the middle of the room. In a poof of smoke and sound effects a new time machine sits in the room. SPARE is scrawled in black paint across the front of it. Quistis turns to Shashunk (who has still taken over Trunks’ lines), “Thanks ‘Trunks’. This will definitely help with catching the mongoose.” Shashunk fakes a deeper voice, “Um...no problem Quistis. Anything to help Shashunk and yourself.” Trunks still ignores them as he pokes at several strange items in the room. Quistis sighs, then enters the time machine. Shashunk stares at Trunks for a moment then questions Quistis, “Should we really leave him alone in the Solent Green room?” Quistis beckons Shashunk to jump in the machine, “He seems to be happy enough...let’s just leave him alone.” Shashunk nods in agreement then bunny hops into the time machine near the annoyed Quistis. Shashunk gets a very confused look on her face as she begins to poke at some of the buttons inside, “How exactly are we going to get to these places? I mean, I doubt there is one lever that simply and easily takes us there.” Quistis ‘ahems’ as she steps aside to reveal a lever labeled as ‘The Shashunk is wrong lever that easily takes you anywhere.’ Shashunk puts her hands on her hips and stares at the disrespectful lever. Quistis (in an effort to actually move the plot along) decides to glance at the evil itinerary that Mr. Mongoose has carelessly left behind. She shakes her head a little as she re-reads it, “How is that evil sidekick going to operate power tools?” Shashunk shrugs then leans closer to Quistis and whispers, “Who cares Quisty. If we don’t get going soon we are going to lose our audience.” Quistis blinks hard than looks up at the guest. She coughs a little then screams, “First stop Ohtori Academy.” Shashunk tries desperately to shake off Quistis’ high pitched call and grabs ‘The Shashunk is wrong lever that easily takes you anywhere’ and yanks it till the little display reads ‘Ohtori Academy’. (Dramatic Pause) Shashunk’s eyebrows furrow as she pulls the lever again. (Dramatic Pause) Shashunk, irate that they are still located in the ‘Solent Green’ room, utters a few obscenities at the lever. At this point the devilish lever decides that its little joke on Shashunk has pushed her over the edge that she was barely teetering on as is, so with a beep and a click it puts the time machine in gear and off they go.

To be continued...