Written by: Pixie Okay, at long last a sequel to Piccolo Meets the Sailor Scouts! It's probably not as good as the first one but I tried. ^_^ WARNING: This story contains extreme OOC(out of characterness), a complete warping of the SM timeline, characters who already died, and uneccessary capitalization of the word EVIL. Queen Beryl sat upon her throne, head resting in her hand, tapping one finger against her temple. She was frustrated, extremely frustrated. This Sailor Moon, she was a problem. A big problem. “She’s crafty, she pretends to be stupid yet she’s beaten every warrior we’ve thrown at her. She must be a genius,” sighing she moved her head to rest on the other hand. “And not only that, but she has her little friends to help her,” she sighed again, this time in disgust, “Let me see the last battle.” Her crystal ball began to glow. She watched the warrior of bread seem to gain the upper hand, but then as usual was taken out by a huge energy blast. Wait a minute….huge energy blast??? “Who fired that?” she demanded of the crystal. It showed her a figure dressed in the robes of the Moonlight Knight. “Moonlight Knight? He can’t do that! Can he?” she said, starting to get worried. Then the figure turned around revealing a green face. Queen Beryl just about had a heart attack. “Good lord! What happened to him? Some kind of skin disease?” she exclaimed, rubbing her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. If crystal balls could have sweatdropped, hers would have. Next it revealed a picture of Piccolo in his normal outfit. Queen Beryl’s eyes widened. “So, she’s got somebody very powerful helping her out now too. Well that’s just peachy, maybe I should just retire and head to Florida while I’m still good looking,” she moaned banging her head on the armrest of her throne. Then the crystal ball showed Piccolo blowing up Tuxedo Mask and leaving with a small green kid in a pumpkin costume. Her head snapped back up again. “He’s not on her side? Then maybe I could….oh it’s crazy…but I don’t have a better idea….YES! HE’S MINE!” she jumped up and did a little victory dance. She noticed several of her minions staring and she sat down again clearing her throat. “Nameless Minion # 3124! (Okay so I’m not good with names! Sue me!) I have a task for you,” she said. A tall good looking man (Most of her other minions were bishounen, why not this one?) bowed before her. “Yes my Queen?” he asked. She pointed to the picture of Piccolo in the crystal ball. “I want to speak with that er…man. Get him for me,” she said. He nodded. “It will be done my Queen,” he got to his feet and left. “Piccolo, I think maybe we should leave,” Dende said poking the bigger Namek. Piccolo groaned and rubbed his head. “What happened? Where am I?” he said looking around blearily. “We’re at a bar, you got into a margarita drinking contest with one of the other customers,” Dende said helping him to his feet. “Oh, did I win?” he asked. Dende nodded. “Yeah, but I think it’s cause you punched the other guy in the nose,” he said. Piccolo shrugged. “Close enough, where’s the door?” he squinted at a barstool, “Oh never mind, I see it.” Dende sighed and grabbed his cape, pulling him towards the door. “Just follow me,” he said. Piccolo looked down at himself. “Whoa…what am I wearing?” then he looked at Dende, “What are you wearing? Is it Halloween?” “No, we were helping those Sailor Scout people, remember?” Dende said pulling him outside. The sunlight nearly made Piccolo fall over. “All I remember is bagels, blowing up something, and you in a skirt,” Piccolo said. Dende shook his head. “Never mind, let’s just go home. You never let me finish my nap and I’m tired,” he said. “Yeah sure, you drive though,” Piccolo said, feeling pretty damn proud of himself for bringing a designated driver with him. Dende was about to tell him that they didn’t need a car when a young man (Yes, the bishounen minion) stepped out in front of them. “Excuse me Piccolo, there is somebody who would like to speak to you,” he said. “Really?” he asked blinking. “Your assistance is required in a matter of great importance,” he said. “Okay, lead the way,” Piccolo said. “Piccolo, I don’t think we should go with him,” Dende said worriedly. “Why not?” Piccolo asked, if he hadn’t been so drunk he would’ve probably realized that you shouldn’t follow people who practically have EVIL stamped on their forehead. “Because he looks…well EVIL,” Dende replied. “I’ve been EVIL before Dende, it’s not so bad. Come on, join the dark side!” Piccolo exclaimed slapping him on the back, which nearly sent the kid sprawling. Dende regained his balance and chewed on his lower lip. “I don’t know…I’m supposed to be Kami one day,” he said slowly. “Look, you can go with this guy and possibly do something fun. Or, you can go home and watch Popo do his Gloria Gaynor impression,” Piccolo said bluntly. Dende frowned. “Good point, let’s go,” he said. They were led into Queen Beryl’s throne room. Piccolo walking akwardly because Dende had attached himself to his leg. “Would you get off!” he hissed at him. Dende shook his head. “I don’t like it here! It’s scary!” he exclaimed. “I should have known, you get scared watching Flint the Time Detective,” Piccolo muttered. “AHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Dende screamed at the mention of the terrifying cartoon. “What in god’s name is that noise?” a voice snapped. “Nothing, Dende’s just scared of Merlock,” Piccolo said. Dende started shaking like a leaf. “I can’t tell if it’s a girl or a boy!” he exclaimed. Zoycite melted into the shadows, face flushed redder than a tomato. “Who is this? I only wanted to see the green one!” Queen Beryl said. Dende looked down. “I am green,” he said, holding out his arms so she could see. “I meant him!” she said gesturing at Piccolo exasperatedly. Piccolo frowned. “Okay I’m starting to sober up and I have no idea why I’m here,” he squinted and looked around. It was dark, lots of minions…his eyes rested on the crystal ball. “Oh I get it. Look lady, I think I spent all my money on margaritas and anyways I don’t believe in that crap,” he said and turned to leave. “I’m not a fortune teller!” Queen Beryl exclaimed indignantly. “Oh of course not, you’re a future revealer or something like that,” Piccolo waved her off and began to leave again. Several minions blocked his way. “You must listen to the Queen,” one said. “Why?” Dende asked. “Uh…because! We all do,” the minion replied. “Why?” Dende repeated. “Well I guess because I need to follow orders and she gives them to me,” the guy said. (Yeah sure, another bishounen. Why not? Bishounen for all!) “Why?” “When I was a kid my parents never paid any attention to me, never gave me rules or structure. All I ever wanted was a curfew, to get grounded once, anything! Now I crave orders and live to serve!” the minion broke down into tears. “Enough!” Queen Beryl screeched, this was getting beyond embarassing, “Piccolo! I called you here because I would like your help with something.” He paused and looked at her. “And that would be?” he asked, even though this place was practically oozing EVIL he was a little intrigued. And like he had accidentally told Dende earlier, he secretly didn’t think being EVIL was all that bad. “I’d like your help in exterminating the Sailor Scouts,” Queen Beryl said smirking EVILly. “The who?” Piccolo’s memory was still a little fuzzy. “Remember? The bagels and the skirts?” Dende said. Piccolo looked at him like he was on crack. “Bagels and skirts?” he repeated. “Look into the crystal ball it will show you everything,” Queen Beryl said. “I already told you I don’t have any money on me,” Piccolo said. “I DON’T WANT MONEY! JUST LOOK!!!” Florida was starting to look pretty damn good again…Piccolo watched the battle with the bread women again. “You know, if your going to attack them that way you better get some better monsters. I mean come on, bread? What if it rained? She’d get all soft and soggy,” Piccolo said. “I didn’t call you here so you could criticize my monsters! Now will you help me or not?” she asked. Piccolo crossed his arms. “I don’t know, why should I?” he said. Next Queen Beryl showed him an image of himself in the Sailor Scout fuku again and the knee high boots. He stared at it in horror. “Because they did that to you!” Queen Beryl said, “And uh…they have polaroids!” Piccolo’s eyes widened. “I have to get those pictures before they give them to the tabloids…or worse, Pixie,” he said shuddering. “So you’ll do it then?” “Yeah I guess I have to,” Piccolo said sighing. “Excellent,” Queen Beryl said, Mr. Burns style, “Now head into the city and start attacking people.” “Why? I know where they hang out,” Piccolo said. Queen Beryl put her hands on her hips. “Because that’s what we do! Now go!” she shouted pointing at the door.. “Yeah, yeah, okay,” then he muttered under his breath, “What are you Queen of? PMS?” “So we’re really going to do this?” Dende asked. Piccolo frowned. “Yeah, I gotta get those pictures,” he said and looked around for somebody to attack. He charged a small ki blast and aimed it at somebody. “Your actually gonna kill an innocent person?” Dende did not approve. Piccolo shook his head. “Nah, she said attack, not kill. I’ll just miss,” he said and let it fly. It hit Darien who happened to be walking by at the time and blew him up. “Hey!” Dende exclaimed. Piccolo shrugged. “My hand slipped,” he said. “Wasn’t that guy already dead?” Dende asked blinking. “That’s what I thought,” Piccolo didn’t seem too concerned about it so Dende let it drop. Piccolo counted to thirty, sure enough… “I’m Sailor Moon and I fight for love and justice! In the name of the moon I will- AH!!!!! YOU KILLED DARIEN AGAIN!” Serena started wailing when she saw his arm lying on the ground. “Get it together Serena! We gotta trash this guy!” Amy said. Piccolo snorted. “Like you could. Just give me the pictures and we all go home happy,” he said. “What pictures?” Mina asked frowning. “Don’t make me start picking you off one by one until somebody talks,” Piccolo sighed. “Well I’ve got news for you buddy boy! We have a secret weapon!” Lita exclaimed. “What is it? That little wand that blinks?” Piccolo asked looking unimpressed. “IT HEALS NOT BLINKS!” Serena was not having a good day. First he blows up Darien…again, now he was making fun of her wand...next thing he'd start in on the hair. “MOON CRYSTAL POWER!” a voice shouted. There was a flash of light and then a little girl in a fuku appeared. Piccolo roared with laughter. “That’s your secret weapon? A kid?” he exclaimed, rolling on the ground with tears streaming down his face, completely forgetting that he'd been relying on Gohan to get rid of the Saiyajins way back when. Dende got little hearts in his eyes and he sighed dreamily. He floated over to where Chibi Moon was and smiled like an idiot. “Hi I’m Dende. What’s your name?” he asked. She got little hearts in her eyes too. “Rini, wanna get some ice-cream?” she said. Dende’s eyes got all wide and shiny. “Would I!” he exclaimed and they skipped off hand in hand. The Sailor Scouts stared after them dumbfounded. “Okay now that your ‘secret weapon’ has ditched you hand over the pictures,” Piccolo said, he was getting ready to just blow them up and hope he destroyed the polaroids in the process. “We don’t know what your talking about! Seriously!” Rei insisted. Piccolo frowned. “Well okay, but if I see them in even ONE tabloid paper I will lock you all in a closet with Melvin for three hours,” he said. “Deal,” they all shuddered. Dende came shuffling back, head down, a lone tear running down his face. “Something wrong?” Piccolo asked. Dende sniffled. “She broke my heart Piccolo,” he said mournfully. “What happened?” “I ordered a hot fudge sundae and she said they sucked,” Dende said. Piccolo looked up and saw Rini skipping down the street, ice-cream cone in hand. “Oh did she?” he hurled a ki blast at her. A crater in the sidewalk with a melting ice-cream cone in the middle was left. Dende blew his nose. “Thank Piccolo,” he said sounding a little cheerier. A minion appeared in front of them. “Have you destroyed them yet?” he asked. “I got the little one,” Piccolo replied. “How long do you think it will take you to kill the rest of them?” the minion asked getting out a dayplanner and looking at him expectantly. Things were behind schedule enough! Now he'd never fit in his 4:00 manicure! “Oh I’m not doing it anymore,” Piccolo said. The minion dropped his book. “Well your going to have to explain this to Queen Beryl,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Fine, let’s go.” “WHAT??? WHY NOT???” Queen Beryl demanded. “I got bored. They claim they don’t have the pictures anyways,” Piccolo shrugged. “Well go back!” she exclaimed. “Why?” Dende asked. “Because I say so!” “Why?” “They annoy me and I can never win!” “Why?” “Because I’m EVIL! They say good guys finish last but it’s a bunch of bull. They saying shoud go EVIL guys finish dead,” Queen Beryl motioned for a minion to bring her a suitcase and stood up. “What are you doing my Queen?” another minion asked. “I’m going to Florida. I QUIT!” she picked it up and stalked out the door. The minions all shrugged and followed her. Dende yawned. “NOW can I take my nap?” he asked. “Don’t you wanna get some margarita’s?” Piccolo asked. Dende wrinkled his nose. “No, we did that yesterday,” he said. “Okay, let’s steal cars from the BMW showroom then,” Piccolo suggested. Dende sighed. “Fine, but THEN I’m taking a nap,” he said. And once again they walked off into the sunset. SAILOR MOON SAYS: Today that big jerk Piccolo came back. He blew up my boyfriend...again! So now if you see him I want you to kick him extra hard! Remember, Sailor Moon says! *giggle* |
