Judas By: Phoenix Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, but since I’m on winter break and I have time to churn something out, I figured I could do this, as well as actually do some work on the huge epic story that I’ve been all talk and no action about for about a year. This story centers around Rei and Darien, but it has nothing, repeat NOTHING to do with A Brother’s Love or its tie ins. I hope you die hard Serena/Darien fans out there don’t tar and feather me, but this has been swimming around in my head for a while, and it’s not the end of the Rei/Darien ideas. So “If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended…” this is just a fanfic out of my little mars-obsessed head. If you’d like to send my compliments, flames, whatever, send them to Marsfire01@aol.com. Judas My hand is bleeding. Not because of a battle, or anything earth shattering, but because, sometimes, I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. Crash. Glass everywhere. I do let my hands get ahead of my head sometimes. But I am a traitor. I did not betray my Queen, or my commander for that matter, but my best friend. That’s the worst. But the circumstances simply could not, cannot, be avoided. I loved him before she did. While Usagi dragged his name through the mud, I was his lover, and he was my universe. But then the clash with Zoicite came, and suddenly, I was seemingly out of the picture, for a while. After the great battle with Beryl, none of us retained any memories of our past, recent or far distant. That’s when it happened. We met on our own. Darien showed up at my shrine, looking for guidance. He was troubled with dreams full of bloody battles, and great shadows. So I counseled him, and we grew very close. Soon, we were lovers again, and more than that, we loved. Then I regained my memories and powers, and prepared for the worst. But he didn’t remember her. So I kept our relationship hidden from her, told him I wanted it a secret from my grandfather so we should keep it hush hush. All the time, I was bracing myself for the coming blow, but I couldn’t bring myself to break it off, I had to savor every moment I had with Darien, before my past, or more accurately, his, ripped him away from me. Eventually, the moment came when he remembered. However, it was nothing like I thought it would be. He told me he was going to leave her, and for a second, or an eternity, I can’t tell which, I was ecstatic. But then my damn conscience caught up with me, and I recalled my friends face, and tears, each time Darien failed to remember their romance. So I actually found the nerve to break it off. I told him that destiny shouldn’t be meddled with, and we had to be over. He agreed hesitantly and we parted ways. The next few weeks were hard, things were awkward. And it never got better, or easier. And eventually, we snapped. It was the day we met the weird sisters. After the skirmish, we all walked home together, each dropping off as we reached our streets. I didn’t notice the route we were taking would leave me next to last, and Darien last. We said good bye to Usagi, then walked in silence for a block and a half. At that point, we were at the park, where we had shared that boat ride. We both stopped to look forlornly at the same moment. Then, I looked at him, and the world froze. I know it sounds like a line form a cheesy romance novel, but truly, the wind stopped blowing, the animals stopped rustling in the bushes, and even the very molecules in the air seemed to stop buzzing. At that moment, Tuxedo Mask (we stayed in fuku’s till we were inside, so no one would see us change) rapped me in his cloak and kissed me. We had never kissed as Sailor Mars and Tuxedo Mask. It was different, not better or worse, but different. And the magic was still there; the spark that had drawn us together in the very beginning was still burning, as much as we had tried to smother it. It would never go away. The maid will be wondering what ever possessed me to break the mirror, but she is accustomed to my flares of temper, and won’t think too much about it. I live here, in the Palace with them, the palace she built, in a wing she had specially designed for me. She put so much thought into its design, and spared no expense; after all, what are best friends for? Through these thousands of years since that night near the park, almost always, they have been together, but I have been behind the scenes. Once more, he told me he would leave her, but I refused him. I may steal kisses, but I could never steal him away from her completely. In that century, before the Great Apocalypse, there was a young man very much in love with me. I thought he was sweet, and I liked him. I never loved him, but I liked him. So I married him. And Darien danced at my wedding, knowing that when the honeymoon was over, he would share my bed again. I did it to keep appearances, I suppose, and because I knew I would never love anyone else, so I married the man I could spend my life with. I made Chad happy, because he never knew, or never let himself believe, the truth. During that life, I had two children, a girl named Tennako, and a boy named Mamoru, Darien’s name passed on in his family. Only his grandmother ever called him that though. I justified the name because, at Chad’s request, our children had Godparents, a western tradition, and Darien was Mamoru’s godfather, so I said he should be his namesake as well. Unbeknownst to all but Darien and myself, he was more than the godfather, he was Mamoru’s real father. Tennako was Chad’s daughter, but Mamoru was Darien’s son, I could feel him at the moment of conception, a tiny spark in my belly. We all aged accordingly, but when we fought, we were restored to our young selves. Eventually, the Apocalypse came. Chad and Tennako died in the chaos. Though I miss them, perhaps it was better this way. Tennako never showed any signs of true power, she could do a few parlor tricks, but nothing extraordinary. She would’ve grown old, (slower than most, however, still aging) while we reveled in the new bodies of the reborn world, which never die. Mamoru, however, had a strong control of the flame and survived the havoc to be reborn into an immortal body. I still train him today. These were not my only children. Darien and I had many children together. It’s easy to pass them off as the daughter or son of one of my flings, the year or so romances I have to save face. They mean nothing to me, but they keep the public, and Usagi, happy. In total, I have four living daughters, and three sons, including Mamoru, all Darien’s children, but luckily, they look more like me. Hichiko, my second daughter, has Darien’s piercing blue eyes, but luckily, my father had blue eyes, so everyone assumed it was a recessive gene. My other two daughters are Kasei and Hotoru. My younger sons are Meihiou and Yako. Hichiko has figured out who her father is, but keeps the secret, so chaos does not ensue. The others still believe that their fathers are interspersed throughout the galaxy. Sometimes I think she knows. The way Usagi, Queen Serenity, looks at me sometimes, I swear she’s looking at my deep dirty secret. But inside that Queen is still my dear Usagi, and if she knows, she pretends. For her, it is easier to still have him to share with me, than nothing at all. If it came down to it, he would stay with her. I don’t know if that is what he would chose, but I would see to it that he did. I could break it off if pushed; I just don’t think I could do it now. He wouldn’t leave her now, without a catalyst. That time has passed. I let opportunity knock twice without taking the chance, and its gone. Sometimes I’m glad, sometimes I wish I could change the past, take the chance. But he belongs with her, most of the time. You see, he loves her madly, she is his love since the Silver Millennium, but what we have is no less. She is bright, and sunny, and sweet and kind. She is the day itself. But Darien is a creature of the night, and as much as he loves her, she will never fulfill him, because he craves the darkness as well as the light. I am the dark side he goes to. I understand that sometimes there are no words, or gestures. She loves him, but does not understand him, or how to heal him. Inside of Darien is a soul that has been scarred and burned and needs to be comforted. So I take his pain away, in the darkness, I simply hold him. With me, he is finally the protected, instead of always the protector. And he shields me too. We give and take. During the day, I am in the shadows waiting, while he plays his part as King, father, and husband, and when he can, he comes to me. It is sometimes in passion, and sometimes just to be with each other. I have had moments, just now, where I haven’t been able to look at myself, because I have betrayed my best friend, but deep down I know that Darien never would make it without me, because her light is wonderful, but there must be a balance. I keep the scales from tipping. This keeps me from running, keeps me strong, gives me faith, faith I can give to him. He will always be hers in the daytime, but he will always be mine when the sun sets.