Hello! So here is chapter 5, one that will answer the mystery behind
Serenity's coldness.

PLEASE email me and tell me what you think of my story.
Critiques, compliments, suggestions, questions, anything would be fine.
Just drop me a line!  My inbox is getting really! lonely!! ^_~

Usual disclaimers:  Sailor Moon and all its characters and likeliness 
belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha/Toei.  English translation is made 
possible by DiC and now Cloverway/Bandai (?).

My email address:  ml_eclipse@hotmail.com

<< >> = thoughts
[ ] = author's note

Rated: PG

Please enjoy!

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    A Shepherd's Kiss    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
========================= << By Cosmos >> ==================================


"I'd like to act through on my feelings but I learned to be like this."
                         Heero Yuy (Gundam Wing)





Chapter 5:  Truths and Freedom

Her eyes suddenly flew open and were met by the intense darkness that 
surrounded them in the cell.  She gazed around wildly as if expecting the 
monsters from her nightmare to abruptly appear before her from the mysterious
shadows looming overhead.

Again, she was haunted by the phantasm of her past's creation.  It was the 
same each night, the terror…the guilt…and the pain of knowing that she was 
truly alone.  Would she never find peace, even in her sleep?

Serenity looked down to the dark form sleeping soundly beside her.  She 
decided not to awaken Hotaru.  The poor child looked so pale under the light 
of the moon.  Her thin arms indicated that she lacked proper nutrition and 
her shallow face revealed a tired soul.  <<How could anyone be so cruel as 
to do this to a mere child?>> she thought.  <<What has this world become?
Is there truly no hope, no love, no kindness to be found anywhere?>>

Unexpected, a deep voice rose in her mind, <<'You may have lost many things, 
but you have not lost my humblest respect for you.'>>

A strange emotion overcame her.  She closed her eyes in confusion as she 
tried to pinpoint the exact meaning of this emotion.  Her heart wrapped its 
arms around the simple phrase as if to gather whatever strength it may hold 
for her.  For most of her life, living in a world where power and greed are 
the only elements she confronted, even a small simple phrase such as this 
one brought untold warmth to her cold soul.

<<Perhaps there may be…>> but her mind would not let her finish the sentence.  
Hope proven false could only bring greater pain.  It was something she could
not risk to encounter.  Her heart was at its brink with grief that another 
drop would cause it to overflow.  No…she could not rely on her emotions.  
It was only a source of weakness that could be used by her enemies.  To be 
in control….of herself…of her actions…of her destiny…that was an advice that
she had painfully gained…and one she would always follow.

<<'You are a sentimental fool, little princess,'>> the hated words resounded 
in her mind once again.

"Perhaps I was back then," the words escaped between her pale lips, "but no 
longer."

[flashback]

His dark amber eyes glared at her from the point of her sword.  His hands 
clenched tight by his side while his own sword lay meters away where it was 
knocked out of his hand by her own.  She knew it was by sheer luck that she 
had him cornered.  He was a soldier far greater than she could ever hope to 
become, but it appeared that fate was by her side on this day…or so she had 
believed.

Even while his life lay within her very palms she could not find it in 
herself to kill him…and he knew this.  A smirk rose on his lips as his amber 
gaze bore into her soul.

"What are you waiting for?" his deep voice dared her.  "Finish it."

Her hands began to tremble as she tensed her arm muscles to give the final 
blow that would end all the misery he had caused by creating this war.

"I trusted you," her trembling voice flowed to him, "why did you betray me? 
Why did you do this?"

He laughed at her with his intense gaze never leaving her mournful face.  
"Do what? Cause this battle? Fight for what I believed in? For what I 
wanted?"

"But it was wrong," she yelled at him.  "What you wanted was absolute 
power.  What you wanted was the destruction of free civilizations.  The 
future you believed in would only be one of oppression and enslavement.  
Can't you see that this is wrong?"

He laughed at her again.  "I see very well what it is.  It is you who do not 
see the promise it would bring.  It would have gone well if you had not 
blown my plan! It was you, not I, whom has caused all this bloodshed.  
Can't *you* see that if you had allowed me to carry out my plan, no one 
would know and no war would be created.  You are the one to blame for all 
this."

"No!" she screamed at him.  "You are trying to twist this around so you 
could put the blame on me.  But I know that it was your treachery and greed 
that developed this war.  All this pain was caused by you."

"Then end it, Princess."

She did not respond.  The sword was still held in her hard grip with its 
deadly point directed at his bare neck.  Just one slash and all would 
end…but she could not bring herself to do it.  She remained in the same 
position as if instilled in a painting, gazing mournfully into his 
passionless eyes.

She could see clearly now, the truth that reflected darkly in his eyes.
At the tender age of sixteen when love just blossomed into understanding, 
she found herself fooled into trusting a man that had cared nothing for her.
All she was led to believed, all she had loved was nothing but a mere 
illusion to trick her young heart in order to conquer her kingdom.  
And so this was the hard lesson she had painfully gained.  Life has now 
taught her that the world was all bitterness and no sweets.  A heart left 
unguarded could easily be mastered, but she was a fast learner and this 
lesson would forever be locked into her memory for years to come.  Once 
tricked, she would not be fooled again.

All around her she could hear her kingdom fight for its very existence.
His soldiers were very skilled in combat that one mistake on her side would
leave an opening to defeat.  How could she have been so blind as to trust
him?  Her friend had warned of his treachery, but she was too stubborn to
believe that the one she loved could harbor such an evil heart.  So this was
the result of her mistake...a war that have taken so many lives...destroyed 
so much of her home...and brought so much unending sorrow.

He was right, all this was brought about because of her.  If she wasn't 
such a stubborn fool she could have stopped him before he had the 
opportunity to invade the Moon. Her gaze remained steady with his.  He 
could see the look in her eyes slowly hardened and what little emotions 
there were was soon erased from those liquid blue spheres.  Well this was 
her chance, the mistake she made she could now rectify by killing him.  Her 
grip on the hilt became tighter as she fought with her emotions to do what
was needed, or to do what was right.

She chose the latter.  Hence, he found the sword gradually being 
lowered as she stepped back and whispered, "Even a low-life like you do not 
deserve to die.  I will let you live if you order your men to retreat from 
my kingdom and leave this galaxy in peace never to return again."

He did not respond.

She mistakenly took his silence as submission but it was not.  As she slowly 
turned her back on him, he launched at her with a small dagger pulled from 
his dark leather boot.

"Serenity!" a trill voice screamed out in warning, "watch out!"

She turned around to find him jumping at her with his dagger directed 
straight for her heart.  Her eyes widen in fear for she knew it was too late 
to dodge the attack.  Unexpectedly, the owner of the voice jumped in front 
of her taking the attack on herself and in turn saved Serenity from her 
untimely fate.

"Molly!" she screamed out in anguish as the body of her friend crumbled to 
the ground in a motionless heap.  She kneeled down by the lifeless body as 
tears rained down her pale cheeks.  

"Oh no," she whispered, "no, Molly…"

Through the hard pounding of her bleeding heart she could hear his mocking 
laughter roaring over her.

"You are a sentimental fool, little princess," he sneered.  "Now you see 
what weak emotions of mercy and love eventually do to you…or to the ones you 
care for.  A little advice…emotions are only a weakness to be used and 
manipulated by your enemies.  Those who hold the power and control reigns 
supreme while those who believe in pitiful affairs of the heart shall die 
like the weaklings they are."

Her eyes narrowed at his words.  Cold blue gems glared up at him from 
beneath thick dark eyelashes.  Bonfires of rage consumed her as her grip on 
the hilt of her sword tightened painfully.

"Then tell me," she whispered in a tone that chilled him, "what does the 
emotion of hatred do to you."  And she launched at him, suddenly, shoving 
the greater half of her silver sword deep into his chest.  It was an action 
he did not expect…and it proved to be his undoing.

She gazed into his dying eyes with a look of pure hatred that he never knew 
she could possibly possess.  It was a look that would haunt him even after 
death.

"It…it…will kill…you," he managed to whisper with the last of his breath 
before darkness completely claimed him.

A cold smile rose to her lips…the last true smile she would ever give.  
"Fast learner," she whispered coldly, but the deeper meaning of his words 
escaped her.

The smile quickly faded as her gaze fell on the lifeless body of her 
dearest friend.  The painful memory would never be gone from her mind.  The 
guilt would always haunt her, and it would change her forever.

[end flashback]

"Molly," she whispered, "my dear friend…you saved me…but at the cost of your 
own life.  I'm sorry…if I had not…if I killed him then…you would not have 
died."  The words reverberated from the unseen walls of the dungeon like 
whispers from an audience.  Her apology echoed into silence forever to be 
unanswered.

Serenity looked for the hidden pocket beneath her uniform where she kept her 
mother's gift.  Her hands groped around in the darkness until it felt a hard 
object beneath the soft fabric.  Her fingers immediately curled around the 
smooth surface and pulled it out.  Beneath the dim light of the moon, the 
crystal key sparkled with surprising brilliance.  For a moment, Serenity 
thought it glowed but she knew that could not be.  It was simply a crystal 
element molded into the shape of an ancient key the style of which no longer 
was produced on the moon.  She wondered where her mother could have gotten 
such a spectacular object.

Her mother's last words to her surfaced in her mind, "Guard this carefully 
my dearest.  When the time comes, you'll know what to do."

Confused by her mother's strange words, Serenity continued to observe the 
dazzling object, mesmerized by its beauty and its mysteries.  <<What am I to 
do with this?>> she thought to herself, <<Does it hold any power? Could it 
possibly bring you both back to me?>>

Silence.

<<No,>> she thought with pain stabbing at her lonely heart, <<no, you are 
gone…and nothing could ever bring any of you back.  Your 
deaths…it *is* my entire fault.  Because I am weak, I couldn't protect 
you…I couldn't help any of you.  Oh, Mother, Father, I wish you are here 
with me now.  I wish you all are here.  I wish none of this had ever 
happened and that we were still living in that wonderful past again…a past 
that seems so distant now.  Why did it have to be you, my dear parents? It 
should have been me.  I should be the one in your place, not the other way 
around.  If you were still here our kingdom would still be great, but no it 
is I who is here.  In the end, it is always the coward who survives.>>

So who would be the next unfortunate soul to get entangled in her cursed fate.
It appeared that those who near her would only end up dying by the 
hands of treachery.  Were these all she would ever know: pain and 
loneliness and guilt? Was it her fate to live alone without love or 
friendship?

<<This can't be,>> she thought, <<please Lady Fates, don't let this be my 
destiny.>>

The pale light of her former home floated down to her like a stream of 
stardust.  Her heart cried out for it, but her eyes refused to shed any 
tears; simple droplets of liquid water that might have released her from the 
hatred imprisoning her soul had she allowed them to flow.  She raised a thin 
hand and caressed the light as if it were a kitten.  A great longing surged 
in her heart bringing on such forces of grief that her hand clenched tightly 
by her side as she fought to regain her emotions once again.  Her eyes 
narrowed with concern; her emotions have become chaotic lately, although 
each time she managed to regain control…still…loosing control in the first 
place was a dangerous thing.

<<Why should I cry?>> she thought with frustration at the unwanted liquid 
threatening to spill down her cheeks, <<why should I desire to go back? 
There is nothing there for me, now.  No one is waiting there for me now.>>

<<What about the people of the Moon? Your people,>> a deep inner voice 
questioned her.

<<They are no longer my people,>> she replied in bitterness.  <<They are 
now Radon's.>>

<<They are *your* people,>> the voice spoke again.  <<They will always be 
your people, as the Moon will always be your kingdom…and home.  You are 
their princess and it is your duty to free them from the evil that now 
controls them.>>

<<My duty?>> she cried.  <<Have they ever cared about me? Had there been 
anyone who sought for my companionship, my friendship, when I needed it 
most? Why should I care for people who has no regards for me?>>

<<Foolish, Princess!>> the voice chastised her.  <<Listen to yourself! Are 
these the words of a woman who considered herself as a greater superior to 
those other heartless royalties? How you have changed, Serenity.  By 
listening to you now, I would never thought this selfish person could be the 
same person I once knew.  Where has the old Serenity gone? Where has the 
princess everyone love disappeared to? Has she died beneath all that hatred 
and anger that you now harbor?>>

"Perhaps it would have been best," Serenity whispered to herself, 
"that she did die.  This person who now dwells among the rats in this 
despicable place is surely not the same Serenity."

She gave a mournful sigh as her gaze fell to the dark floor beneath her.  
Silence wrapped around her like a dark cloak that she now realized was not 
so comfortable.  How much more pain could she withstand? How much longer 
could she endure?

Soon the dawn would appear and her day of slavery would begin all over 
again.  With each day she could feel herself falling deeper into the 
oblivion of hopelessness, and she feared this.  There would come a point 
when she could no longer escape…from Lady Snafu…from her pain…and from her 
hatred.  And she feared this.

Now as she sat here with only silence as her awakening companion she 
finally understood what Hotaru meant on the day when they first met.  
<<She said she feared of losing me,>> Serenity contemplated, <<now I finally 
realize what she meant.  I, too, fear Hotaru.  Very much so.>>  

Serenity closed her eyes as she searched deep in her heart for the last 
remnant of light that represented the person she once was.  She searched 
hard, delving ever deeper but all she could find was darkness and hatred.  
<<I fear, Hotaru,>> she cried in earnest alone in her mind, <<I fear to be 
lost.>>

Her eyes, suddenly, snapped open and a single phrase escaped between her 
trembling lips, "Will I ever be found?"

A slight knocking against the brick wall nearest to her caught her 
attention.  Her head snapped instantly toward the direction of the sound. 
Tap, tap, tap…there it was again.  It wasn't very loud, just a quiet 
tapping almost like the scurrying of the rats from without.  At first, she 
thought that was it, rats, but the constant tapping coming from the same 
spot quickly denied that suspicion.

"Hotaru," she whispered, gently nudging the child to awaken.  "Hotaru wake 
up!"

A small sleepy voice drifted up to her from the shadows, "Serenity? 
What's wrong?"

"Ssshhh," she cautioned, "Keep quiet.  I think someone is trying to sneak 
in here"

"You're kidding right? Who in their right minds would want to do a thing 
like that?"

"I don't know, but I am not sitting around to find out.  Quickly Hotaru go 
to that edge and hide behind it."

"But what about you?"

"That edge is too small for both you and me.  Don't worry, I can take care 
of myself.  Now go!"

Hotaru obeyed and soon scurried behind the edge to hide within the shadows.

Soon Serenity could hear bricks and mortar crumble to the hard ground below.
Soft whispering floated to her attentive ears.  Her eyes instinctively 
narrowed while her hands clenched into fists with her body poised to attack 
the unseen intruder.

But they were quick.

Before Serenity could fully comprehend what was happening two of the 
strangers attacked her while the third slid unseen behind her.  The first 
two grabbed her arms while the third hit her from behind knocking her out 
cold.  As she slipped into unconsciousness Serenity whispered, "Hotaru."

These invisible intruders were highly skilled in combat techniques.  
Unbeknownst to Serenity, these three were among one of the best soldiers of 
the Earth Rebellion.  Thus, she had no chance fighting against these great 
warriors.

"Hotaru?" one of them whispered.

"Who's she?"

"There's someone else here guys," the second shadow whispered.

The others glanced around quickly, but they could not make out any forms at 
all.  "You sure?"

"Definitely.  Hang on let me see," the second shadow said as she closed her 
eyes and focused her mind on the small energy of life radiating from the 
hidden person she could sense close by.

"But he only wanted her," the one nearby whispered.  "Let's get out of here 
then."

"If someone saw us it would be very dangerous.  No one else should escape."

"I got it!" the second tallest cried.  "There behind that outcropping!"

The other two quickly responded and, in no time, Hotaru stood between them 
with her arms clasped behind her back.

"A child?"

"But she's…she's just a child!"

"Take her along.  She'd be better off with us anyway.  Come on, lights 
almost up! Let's move it!"

The two tallest soldiers grabbed Serenity's unconscious form and carried 
her out while the third held Hotaru protectively within her arms.

"Don't worry kid," she whispered gently as she followed her other comrades 
out of the cell and into the forest not far away, "it'll be all right."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
[Sorry for leaving everyone hanging like this.
Things are picking up now!  The actions will definitely be coming soon! ^_~

BTW: Thanks to all who have so patiently been following this story, 
and for your wonderful emails!!! I love reading all the great comments 
you people have been sending me.  Keep'em coming folks! ^_^

Chapter six coming next week!  "Strangers of Grace"]

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Copyright (c) 2000, Cosmos.