If I Didn't Have You

By: Quincy Burney

Morning had come, the bright sun poured down on the Digidestined as it rose over the mountains in the distance. Matt woke up first, or so he thought. He got up, stretched, and looked around to see Tai standing in a clearing not too far from the campsite. The clearing had a beautiful view of the sun as it rose over the mountaintops. Matt walked over and stood beside him. "Beautiful morning" he said, "Indeed." said Tai. They both watched as the sun slowly rose into the sky, the warm rays of light soaking their bodies in a heat most comforting. Matt and Tai took hold of each other's hand, and basked in the sun's warmth. A few hours passed, and the Digidestined were once again on the move. While on the way, Matt had a disturbing thought, Did I do the right thing when I fell in love with Tai? I know for a fact that my dad would have a fit if he found out. And what about Mom? How would she react to this? Matt's mind was so deeply imbedded into this thought that he didn't even notice that Tai had wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "Hey Matt, is something wrong?" He asked, "Uh...Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Matt said nervously. "C'mon. I can tell when there's something bugging you. What is it?" Tai asked, "Listen, we can talk about it later." Matt said almost whispering. Tai nodded his head. Something's very wrong.

The sun was setting, and the air grew cold. They group stopped, built a fire, and set up camp. While everyone was eating dinner, Matt couldn't stop thinking about how his love for Tai could ever be accepted among his family, or Tai's family for that matter. "Matt? What's wrong? You've hardly touched your food." said T.K. "I guess I'm not that hungry." Matt said. "If you're not hungry, then could I finish it for you?" asked Gabumon, "Yeah! Sure." Matt said, and handed Gabumon his plate. After everyone finished their dinner, Tai sat next to Matt. "So! You said we could talk later. So what is it that has you so down?" he asked, "Who ever said I was feeling down?" Matt asked trying to hide his worry, "I can see it in your eyes. There's something very wrong, and I don't think it's very good for you to hold it all inside." Matt just continued to stare at the ground. "Matt? What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything." Tai said as he draped his arm over Matt's shoulder. Then, from out of the blue, Matt's eyes started to fill with tears. He began to cry. Tai was shocked. Oh no! He's crying. What could be so upsetting that it makes him cry in front of us all?

Something is very wrong! I know it now!
Tai thought. Joe, Izzy, Sora, T.K., Kari, and Mimi all gathered around to see what was wrong, "Matt! What's the matter? Why are you crying?" asked T.K. innocently. "Hey, Hey. Hey! Back up and give Matt some room!" said Joe rather loudly. They all backed up, and sat down in a semi-circle around the sobbing Matt and a profoundly worried Tai.
Tai now had both his arms around Matt, and was trying desperately to get him to calm down. But it was no use. Then Tai got an idea. He'd try something for Matt that he tried for Izzy, but in the heat of the moment, he could only remember one song. He started to sing.

"Baby Mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part,
Baby of mine.
Little one, when you play,
Don't you mind what they say.
Let those eyes sparkle and shine,
Never a tear,
Baby of mine.
If they knew sweet little you,
They'd end up loving you too.
All those same people who scold you,
What they'd give,
Just for the right to hold you.
From your head, down to your toes,
You're not much goodness knows.
Rest your soul, precious to me,
Sweet as can be,
Baby of mine,
Baby of mine"

By the time Tai finished singing, everyone's jaw had hit the ground, and Matt had cried himself to sleep. Wow! This reminds me of when I sang to Izzy. The look on Matt's face. It's the same as Izzy's was when he fell asleep in my arms. Still fixed in a look of sadness. I half to find out what's wrong. And soon! Tai thought.

Then Mimi piped up in the silence, "Wow, Tai! I never knew you had such a beautiful singing voice. It's as good as mine." She said happily. Tai smiled, "Thanks Mimi! I guess Matt really needed it." Tai looked at Matt's face. It was so sad. Tai himself felt like crying, and he almost did if it weren't for the sound of a Digi-wolf howling to signal the fall of night. Tai carried Matt to his sleeping bag, lightly laid him down, and covered him up. Tai couldn't help but feel scared for Matt. He meant everything in the world to him. There was no way Tai would sit around and watch Matt get worse. He'd find out the problem and try to fix it.

In the middle of the night, Matt's sleep was disturbed by a dream. He was in the same place. He lay in his sleeping bag, but wasn't sleeping. His eyes were open and he was looking at something. Matt looked at the figure that lay beside him. It wasn't Tai. It was Trunks (from Dragonball Z). "Hello Matt!" said Trunks, "Hi Trunks!" Matt replied. "How do you feel?" Trunks asked, "I'm miserable!" Matt said with his eyes half closed. "Do you know why you're miserable?" asked Trunks, "I'm miserable...because I'm afraid I've done something wrong." Matt said, "And what do you think is wrong?" asked Trunks. "I'm afraid falling in love with Tai was wrong." Matt said in a sad monotone voice. "Remember Kari. Remember what she said!" Trunks said, "It doesn't matter who you fall in love with. It only matters that you love them." Matt mimicked Kari's exact words. "That's right! Now, do you know how much you love him?" Trunks asked, "I love him more than life itself." Matt replied, "Do you know how IN love you are with him?" he asked, "Oh I'm so madly in love with him." Matt said. "And what would you do for such a person? What would you do for the one person with whom you are in love so deeply?" Trunks was almost starting to sound romantic, as if he were in a Shakespeare tragedy. "I'd do anything for him." said Matt. "Like what?" asked Trunks, "I'd love him till the day I die!" Matt said, "What else?" asked Trunks, "I'd give up a million dollars just to have him hold me." Matt said with a light smile, "Yes, yes! Go on!" Trunks insisted. "I would give my life for him. I'd die for him." Matt said, "And?..." Trunks asked.

"I'd make love to him." Matt said in a whisper.

"That's it! Don't you see? If you are feel so deeply for him, then there is absolutely no reason for you to fear!" Trunks proclaimed. "Don't you want him to be near you forever?" Trunks asked, "Oh yes! I never wanna be away from him." Matt said. "Then if your love is so strong, and your desire to be with him is so passionate, then why would you worry yourself to the point where you cry out loud? You should know...no...FEEL that there is nothing or no one that can stand in the way of that love." Trunks was making sense. Matt's parents were no longer a factor. And he knew Tai wouldn't care what his parents said. He'd just wanna be with Matt. "I understand now! I love Tai with all of my heart and soul. And nothing will come between us." Matt was now upright, and stood tall and proud. Trunks stood up put his hand on his shoulder. "My dear Matt! It's time for you to share your newfound feelings with Tai." Matt turned his head towards Trunks; "My feelings aren't newfound. They've always been there. I was just afraid of what the consequences might be if my parents found out. But no more. I'm no longer afraid." Matt bravely proclaimed. Trunks smiled. They both turned they're heads to the horizon, and a brilliant flash of morning sunlight...Matt woke up.

It was morning. Matt got up to once again find Tai standing on a rock watching the sun come up. Matt, with his newfound courage walked towards Tai. He stood up in the rock and without warning, took hold of Tai and pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. Wow! I really am no longer afraid. Anything's possible now he thought as he pulled away from the kiss. Tai looked a little surprised. "What was that for?" Tai asked, "For being the one person who would love me no matter what." Matt said in a soft voice. "Tai smiled, and kissed Matt again, and as their lips parted, Matt whispered into Tai's ear, "I love you more than life itself! You're everything in the world to me." Tai was profoundly moved by those few words that meant so much. A couple hours later during lunch time, Matt felt his mental strength renewed. He regained his big appetite, he was smiling more, and best of all, he started spending more time with T.K. "Gosh, Matt! I really like how you're spending more time with me. It really means a lot." T.K. said cutely, "You're welcome T.K. besides, what are big brothers for?" T.K. smiled and hugged his big brother tight. "Don't they look cute? It almost makes you want to cry." said Mimi who was watching them. "Yeah!" Tai said nodding his head. Just then, Tai heard Izzy make a noise that resembled a gasp of horror. Tai whipped around to see him sitting down, his pineapple laptop opened up, and his jaw hanging wide open.

Something's up
Tai thought. He walked over to Izzy, and almost had a heart attack at what he saw on Izzy's screen. The image shown on the screen was of a grid map of their area. The entire Digidestined group was represented by a green dot, and Piedmon himself was represented by a red dot. The map was on a grid scale of 10 miles per grid square. And according to the readings, Piedmon was just over 40 miles away and closing awfully fast. "All right! Listen up everybody! Piedmon is on his way here. He'll be here in less than two days. We have to get ready!" Tai shouted. Everyone had a look of shock on their faces, while Mimi threw herself into a panic. Sora calmed her down, and sat her down. Meanwhile, Matt was having a silent fit. Oh no! This may now be the only chance I have to really express myself to Tai. There might not be another chance. That's it then. It's tonight, or never.
That night, Matt would have his chance. As night fell, Matt grew more anxious. What if he doesn't want to? What if he thinks it wrong? What if he doesn't...want...me? Matt's thoughts were deep, but then he remembered what Trunks said, "Don't you see? If you feel so deeply for him, then there is absolutely nothing to for you to fear." These words of wisdom sparked a new empowerment in Matt's mind, There is nothing to fear when love is so strong! Matt smiled to himself as he saw Tai and Agumon walk off. He got up, but Gabumon tried to follow him. "Matt, where are you going?" he asked, "I need to talk to Tai, and it would be best if you stayed behind just in case anything happens." Matt explained. Gabumon gave a look of concern, and reluctantly complied with Matt's request. "Thank you Gabumon. I really appreciate it." Matt said in gratitude, "Your welcome Matt! As long as your happy." Gabumon said in his usual deep soft voice. Matt followed Tai and Agumon until he eventually caught up with them. They greeted him happily, but then Tai asked Agumon if he could leave him alone with Matt. Agumon tried to talk Tai into letting him stay, but Tai was insistent on being alone. So, Agumon turned around and trudged back to camp. "So, Matt. What's on your mind. I'm sure it must've been important for me to send Agumon back to camp." Tai said inquisitively, "Uh yeah! You could say that. But first, could we go a little further into the valley so no one can see us?" Matt asked this while constantly looking behind himself in an almost paranoid fashion. Tai looked a little confused, but soon got the idea. He sent a message to Izzy signaling him to cover for them. Izzy understood the situation completely him being in love with Joe, he knows. The sun had completely gone down, and the air once again took on the familiar chill that Matt used to know so well. The stars shone brightly in the pitch-black sky, as Matt and Tai finally reached a good spot to just sit and talk. It was quite out of the way, but they were confident they could find their way back.
They both stood side by side, hand in hand, just looking up at the stars. "The stars are so bright tonight." Tai said, "Yeah! But you are the brightest star in my night" Matt said. Then without warning, Tai grabbed Matt and pulled him into the hardest, most intense french kiss he had ever felt. They wrapped their arms around each other, and embraced each other fiercely. Then, Matt broke the kiss. "Why did you stop?" Tai asked while panting as if out of breath. "I need to tell you something." Matt said softly, "Well, tell me! You know you can tall me anything!" That sounds familiar! Matt thought, then he spoke. "I know I must've worried you and the others pretty bad. And you deserve a reason." He said nervously, "I've been so upset because...because I was afraid I had done the wrong thing when I fell in love with you." Tai's jaw opened slightly with shock. "Oh Matt, why didn't you tell me? And what could be so wrong?" Tai was flabbergasted, and at the same time, he had never been so scared in his life. "Matt, Does this mean you're...falling out of love with me?" Tai asked almost in tears, "No, No. I could never fall out of love with you. I said I WAS afraid, but now I've seen that fear only leads to more pain. I had a dream last night, a dream that helped me realize my love for you is infinite. I'd do anything for you!" Tai let out a sigh of relief and hugged Matt tightly. "I thought I'd lost you there for a second." Tai let his tears roll down his cheeks, but they were tears of joy. "You'll never lose me. I'll love you till the day I die, and nothing will ever stand in my way. I was afraid of being ostracized if my love for you was manifested. But I simply have to think back to what Kari said, 'It doesn't matter who you're in love with, it matters that you love them' And I love you with all my heart and soul."

Matt sounded so sincere it was almost scary, and Matt actually used big words - ‘Ostracized' and ‘Manifested'. "I love you Tai. I don't care what anybody says, I love you." Tai was about to return his love's cries, but Matt cut him off, "And I wanna do for you what you did for me. It's my turn, to sing to you." He said softly. Tai was pretty surprised, Oh my goodness, Matt's gonna sing to me. This I have GOT to hear. He thought. Matt took a deep breath and began.

"I dunno what I was thinkin', till I was thinkin' of you.
I don't remember a thing before I opened my eyes and you came into view.
I dunno what I was doing, when there was nothin' to do,
Must've been waiting for someone baby, now I can see I was waiting for you.
I'd give up my sight just to see you,
I'd beg, I would borrow and steal,
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you,
And tear out my heart so you know how I feel.
There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow,
There's nothin' that I would do,
Cause I wouldn't wanna be me,
If I didn't have you.
Drivin' myself to destruction, until you got in my way,
I was just whistlin' Dixie till you struck up the band and they started to play.
I dunno how I was livin' until you came in my life,
I always knew there was somethin' wrong then you came along baby you made it right.
I'd give up may sight just to see you,
I'd beg, I would borrow and steal,
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you,
And tear out my heart so you know how I feel.
There's no where that I wouldn't follow,
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do,
Cause I wouldn't wanna be me,
If I didn't have you.
I was alone in the silence, till I was hearin' your voice,
I couldn't see my way clearly until you parted the clouds and you gave me a choice.
I couldn't pick up the pieces, till I was fallin' apart,
I didn't know I was bleedin' till your love fixed this hole baby here in my heart.
I'd give my sight just to see you,
I'd beg, I would borrow and steal,
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you,
And tear out my heart so you know how I feel.
There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow,
And there's no place that I'd rather be,
Cause life without you would be hollow,
This love is a gift and you gave it to me.
And all that I am you have made me,
And baby I know that it's true,
I'd give it all up in a heartbeat,
Just to spend every moment with you,
There's no place that I would follow,
And there's nothing that I wouldn't do,
'Cause I wouldn't wanna be me,
If I didn't have you.
If I didn't have you,
If I didn't have you."

When Matt finished, Tai was in tears and absolutely spellbound. Oh...My...God! He thought. Matt sang so beautifully. It was as if he and Amanda Marshall herself were a match! "Oh Matt! Why didn't you tell me you could sing like that? You're better than I am." Tai asked, "You never asked." Matt replied. Tai chuckled and hugged Matt tightly.

Next Section