Friends or More?

By: Palon

First of all I'd like to give special thanks to JamiE which helped me a lot when it came to motivation into finally writing this. Cause of that motivation and all the feelings and thoughts I have about this I just pumped out this little fic which happens to be my first I have ever wrote. While it's kinda lame and sappy I'm really happy with it. I think it's pretty good for my first time out anyway. This story takes place right after Tai returned to the group from the real world after the defeat of Etemon. The story is about the feelings between Matt and Tai and more. *sappy yaoi so watch out*

The scene opens up with Tai looking out on a huge and beautiful lake in the middle of the most plesant night. This has to be one of the most beautiful spots I've ever seen. He thinks to himself. Tai then lets out a light sigh and says, "if I only had someone to share this with." He sits there for a few moments and then says, "if only he was here to share this with." Tai then lets out and even bigger sigh then wispers to himself, "if only."

Maybe I should talk to him, maybe I should tell him what I feel. Would Matt feel the same way I feel though? Could he posibably love me to? Tai begins to gaze into the lake almost looking for an answer, maybe not there but within himself. How could he feel the same about me though? He's always so cold and distant.. how could he love me like I love him? Even worse what if he hates me when I tell him? What could I do then? I could never go on with him hateing me. I love him to much. Then a single tear runs down Tai's cheek. That time when he opened up to me and told me how he felt, what T.K. ment to him. If only...

Matt was sitting by the fire back at camp, also in deep thought. I wonder whats wrong with Tai, he seems so distant lately. Does he hate me? Does he like me? I just can't tell with him anymore. Something just dosen't seem right. He's always been a good friend and someone I could trust but lately I just don't know. We've only spoken 2 words in the last week... maybe he does hate me. Matt put his head in his hands and started to cry lightly. It seems like I'm loosing a good friend and I just don't know what to do. Dear God I wish he would talk to me. He asked himself in a light sniffleing wisper, "Whats wrong Tai?" Matt just sat there for a few minutes, wipeing a tear from his eye every so often.

I just can't figure him out, all I know is if I lost Tai life wouldn't seem worth living. Lately it seems the only time I'm happy is when I'm around Tai or being with my brother. Oh T.K. are you the only friend I have anymore? Are you the only one that really cares about me? Matt loved his brother but was getting tired. Tired of looking after his brother, tired of him worrying about everyone else while no one doing the same for him. Mostly though he was just tired of felling so alone.

Then Matt started to think about his friend again, Tai. Tai, the only one that I've been so close to besides T.K. and he's my brother. It was different with Tai, I always liked him even if I didn't show it. I don't quite know what it was but I always felt safe with him. Thats why I could open up to him so easily. Let him see parts of me that no one else has. But now? We started to talk all the time about everything, some stuff neither has told anyone else. I use to almost know what you were thinking after awhile we became so close and now all I know is something is off and I don't know what to do.

Matt turned to Tai's sleeping bag, almost like his friend was there and wispered, "I just wish you would tell me what was wrong and what I can do, I miss you so much." After that he let out a big sigh and started to look into the fire, trying to think of something he could do for his friend. At the same time still letting out a tear so often.

Nearly a half hour passed in quite contemplation, then Matt desided to do something. I have to go talk to Tai, I need him he means to much to just let him slip away. With that he got up and started to walk in the direction Tai had gone eariler that night.

Back with Tai we find him crying so much his eyes were turning red. He started to gain composure and dryied his eyes on his shirt. Then he started to think of what had upset him so badly. "I remember" he mumbled to himself. I got myself into thinking he really would hate me if I talk to him. Things between us has seemed weird lately and distant. Before that we had become the best of friends, even starting to be more than friends or so it seemed to me. Was it all just wishful thinking? Then something happened and things changed. Was it really him closing himself off again or was it me? I love him and that scares me. I'm scared that he will hate me for that, I'm scared that we will loose the great friendship we do have, and I'm scared of how the other might act if they knew I loved "Mr. Cool". But we are starting to grow apart because of this and that can't happen. If he really is the person I love more than life itself he wouldn't hate me even if he didn't feel the same way.

Tai started to say how he felt outloud to himself or so he thought, not noticing someone looking at him, in ear shot from behind a tree. "Matt I love you, you are the most important thing in the world to me." Then Tai started to look deeply in the water, reflecting an amazing moon light. "I couldn't imagine being without you. I want to be friends but I want more, if only we could be." Tai let out a big sigh and continued with his thoughts. "You are so perfect my love, I need more. I need you. If you would only talk to me, I miss you so. I wish you were in my arms now." Then Tai's head slumped over and he started to go into an intense sob.

Matt leaned up against the tree thinking about what he had heard. Did he really say he loved me? He can't be without me? Does he really care that much? I never would have thought after this week that he could feel THIS way. Maybe I heard things wrong.. he can't really love me, think I'm perfect, miss me that much, and be in his arms?

He couldn't fool himself though, he knew what he had heard. There was no way to deny what Tai said. Not when he thought he was alone. Not when he heard it come from Tai in the most heartfelt voice. Then Matt suddenly realized something he has felt for a long time but never really thought about. He realized just how much he loved Tai too.

Look at him, my freind, the best friend I've had for a long time.. maybe ever had. But there's more to it than that. I've always felt safe and happy with him and yet there is still more than that too. Look at how cute Tai looks in the moonlight sitting on the edge of the lake. Cute? Matt suddenly realized what he thought. Yes, cute. More than cute.. I can't even describe how amazing he looks. But where is thing coming from? I've never been attracted to Tai before or have I? I guess I have, I just didn't let myself think about it. I DO love him too and I would give anything to sit there with him and talk to him in his arms. To feel Tai's warmth. Does he want me to just go up to him though? How could I? And yet, he looks so sad I can't just stand here I need to be with him and comfort him.

Suddenly Tai heard a twig snap from behind him. By then it was to late and Matt was already right next to him. Tai looked up into Matt's eyes in shock, tears still running down his cheeks.

Had he heard what I said? I don't know what to do. Does he hate me? Like me? He haden't ran away and is standing right there. Maybe he just wants to hit me... Would Matt do that? No, not the person I love so much. Tai looked closer then he realized that Matt wasen't angry or upset. All he saw was love in the deep blue eyes of his love.

Then what seemed to come out of no where Matt leaned down, wiped a tear from Tai's cheek and kissed him. This wasen't just any kiss either, not a peck but a full blow, wet kiss. A kiss full of passion and love which Tai had never felt before and which he was almost swept away in. With all the yearning between the two it continued and got even deeper, Tai suddenly found Matt's touge in his mouth and all he could think about was how amazing all of this felt. The kiss seemed to last forever then Matt finally pulled away for what seems like only a breath of air.

Wow! He does love me! I can't believe it. I had always hoped but I never would have imagined this. Matt kissed me! And not just a simple kiss that was the most wonderful thing I'd ever felt before. It's not like I haven't kissed anyone before, never a boy though and never like this. It almost felt like... Tai lets out a deep sigh of contentment. It was almost like our hearts touched in that moment. My love you finally feel the way I do...

Matt looked down at Tai. I can't belived I did that! It was like I was acting without thought for that moment. That was all from my heart. Damn. That kiss. That was more than I could have ever thought. I really do love him, there is no denying that. The kiss was proff of that. It felt like the most amazing moment in my life. Now I understand Tai, I understand what has been bothering you. Now we can go through it together. But what do we do now?

Matt moved over and sat down next to Tai. Tai wonderful Tai, how I could sit here forever looking into your piercing brown eyes filled with love just for me. Then Matt put his arm around Tai and pulled him close. How good he feels in my arms. How warm, how soft, how cute. If this moment could only last forever...

Tai smiles and puts his arms around Matt too and grew contenful in the arms of the person he loved. Almost in disbelief. He just stayed in Matt's arms for over and hour, not wanting this perfect moment to end. I finally have what I always wanted, Matt is in my arms and me in his, here in this perfect place. They looked out over the moonlit lake and into each others eyes again then one finally spoke.

"I would have never had guessed this was what was bothering you so much" Matt stated in a warm voice as he smiled back at Tai.

"I was scared.. scared of how you might react."

"You should have said something, I could never hurt you. You were the best friend I'd ever had. You know you can always tell my anything."

In a soft, almost lost voice Tai said, "I know, I was just so confused and it seemed like we were growing distant for some reason." At this time Tai could feel tears ready to come out. Which Matt noticed.

"Funny I was thinking the same thing. Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything, thats where all the problems began.. us being scared to talk." Then Matt gave Tai the softest, and sweetest smile. "How long has all of this been bothering you?"

Tai took a deep breath and looked up at Matt. "Awhile, I have always loved you."

Matt looked back at Tai and thought about everything that had happened. He's loved me all this time? He has had to carry a lot I guess. I wish he would have just told me how he felt. I guess I really am lucky though, we're in a perfect spot, in each others arms finally knowing how we feel. Then Matt leaned over and gave Tai a soft kiss and said in a gentle wisper, "I've loved you for a long time too."

That was the last that was spoken that night they both said what needed to be said and they went on to enjoy where they were and who they were with. In each others arms in a state of loveful bliss and not being able to think about anything else but themselves for that moment, they feel asleep.


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Email the author: Palon