[2:57am 12/25/2000]
wow, i haven't updated in a month, and not that much has changed. i think i'm finally over my evan phase. [but dont get your hopes too high people] this, of course, instills the need for a new phase, but i'll just surprise you guys. i opened family presents a few hours ago and got a lot of cool gifts that i really like. that's a sign of a good christmas. currently, however, i can't sleep. i would also like to announce to everyone that i am more than likely going to be a flag next year and if so plan to be section leader either my junior or senior year. i've joined an RPG, but i dunno how well that will work. #1 i like hugging poeple and #2 it seems like all these folks do is run around having fake sex. whoohoo. [not] other than that, im broke and so is matt's car! grr. hehe, that wasn't even meant to be a joke. alex is coming on wednesday! i'm sooo excited. we're ganna have a rockin' time, i know it. well, merry christmas everyone!
[8:45pm 11/23/2000]
Thanksgiving. Yesterday, me, lisa, melanie, robyn, brooke, claiborne [spelling?], brandon, danielle and kaylor went to a movie and then macado's...i love going out! I really need a car, and a liscence. this weekend i'm going to get new shoes! and maybe my learners. hehe. no school tommorow, what a great feeling! Now I'm sitting online listening to doug [who's in west va] talk about he doesn't like our cadence! I like it! *hmph* not much else to talk about...i'm addicted to ben folds five! ahhhh...more later if i think of anything good.
[7:10pm 11/16/2000]
*melt*
[7:03pm 11/13/2000]
damn the mood swings to hell. tommorow is an A day, that's a bit of consolation. The week's looking to be not very busy, but lots of studying needs to be done [but prolly won't be.] I went to the library today, that was the adventure of the day. Hilary was there, and his brother [andrew?!] with his art pad. absolutly lovely; a true artist. A little macabre, but as long as one can 'do' macabre well, it doesn't matter. Evan met me there for a while, made me a little present [and gave me my rings back!] I think I've slipped back into being counseled by dougie. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. ^_- i love these pants that evan lent me! everything else is going to seem so...tight! hehe. The Center is so easy, I can't believe it. I wonder when indoor line starts. I hope not for a while, i'm so worried! I haven't talked to Brian in a while, either. I could always call him and scare the shit out of him! lol! Hmm, Tony's not IMing me back. weird...I haven't talked to tricia that much lately. she's busy with chris, and work. Well, I've got a FOR project to type up and some studying to do, so that's about all for now.
[10:16pm 11/12/2000]
wasted weekend, wonderful friday. no details, sorry *grin*. next weekend we have a parade, and vikki is visiting. should be fun. travis called me and we talked until 2:30 in the morning last night. hehe. i talked to jessi today...she's nice.
[11:29am 11/11/2000]
Wow, what a stressful Friday. Still, it was a really good ending to a shitty and a half week. I think that if all shitty weeks can end as good as this one did, I'd be able to put up with shitty weeks for the rest of my life. Let's see. We had a football game in pulaski. that's in the middle of nowhere, and the only characteristic besides a bunch of hicks with missing teeth and shotguns is the fact that it's fucking cold! I sware, it's prolly about -472897492 degrees at noon in the middle of summer. So anyway, we were there and it was cold and our team was losing [but not by a lot!] it was so cold in fact that I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, even when I lubbed my finger and it was bleeding. all I could do is look at it and say 'ow' [even though I couldn't feel much] then, to top it all off, we had a huge bus ride that took about 2wice the amount of time as the game. oh and our van broke down, so we had to stop on the side of the highway and load all the instruments onto the busses, ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY!! I was about to have a heart attack [you understand, right misty?] evan has mood swings! or a multiple personality complex. I wish he [you, if youre reading this] could be nice a little more than, what did we say, 20% of the time? the drummers are just being nice to me so I'll stay on the drumline. I don't know what to think about this. I halfway want to be flattered that they care, I halfway wanna forget about the motive and enjoy the fact that people are nice to me, and I halfway want to smack them all and tell them how terrible it is of them to only be nice to me when they want something. it makes a person feel very taken advantage of. *sigh* I think I should make a song of the day section. maybe later. it's time for some chores. whoo hoo. *I'm looking for six who know about sound who promised to come back upside down*
[5:58pm 11/9/2000]
Well. now that my spirit has been crushed and my will to live destroyed by a certain person that I went to for comfort and instead got their honest, if BIASED, opinion on my situation, all i've got left to do is sit around and mope. maybe I'll twirl that guard rifle a little more, get some practice in, seeing as the list of people who don't give a flying fuck whether or not i stay on the line has escalated to three people [that's about 30% of the line]. Oh yeah and a special note to people trying to be really annoying [you know who you are]: you're not being annoying, you're being hurtful. Other than that...I miss alex. and travis. Vikki is coming to visit me next weekend! she'll get to see me in the parade; my very first time with PH. I'm way more excited than I thought I would be. I guess it's cause I've always sat on the curb watching them and being amazed by how--sophisticated, i guess--they are. I should write some more, I haven't in a while. Too bad I'm too lazy to do anything. Wtf is with this stupid election?! damn republicans. Just give Gore Florida or whatever. It's so messed up. And what's worse, we still have school. I mean seriously. I need some Dave. I'm gonna call Reed, later!
[9:06pm 11/6/2000]
3rd entry today. wow, aren't I obsessive. I really hate my parents today. SO much in fact that I felt the need to break my chair. With a guard rifle. no there's no back, only 2 shards of wood sticking up. Yeah, so, my day went from worse to really really worse. I hope everyone appreciates that. I'll prolly end up spending the nigth at tricia's so I can tell her all about my sob story. A huge 'sorry' goes out to katie and megan. i opened my big mouth before we could go shopping, but trust me i got a bitching for it. maybe tommorow will be better....
[5:20pm 11/6/2000]
I'm never using the phone ever again. I hope phones die. they make people feel bad.
[3:51pm 11/6/2000]
Well, Tony's mad at me cuz I got the wrong idea about sam and the kaylor incident. So, Sam, I *apologize* for *assuming* that you were just trying to embarrass him. Still, it wasn't nessesary. if you were, as tony said, just trying to make a point, I hope you know that the point had already been VERY well made. no school tommorow. fun tonight.
[2:33pm 11/5/2000]
Sunday, but no church. I should be doing my homework. wow, I say that a lot don't I. I got my ear pierced today, the top part of my left one. I just felt like it and my mom brought me to afterthoughts. it looks way cute. I'm on babysitting duty all day again, so look around for updates. maybe I'll do some music, even though all I have are the last 2 pages of touch the sun. I'll call john or chris maybe...nothing else is going on, cept Dilbert is really funny today. you should read it. doesn't post-humous means after you're dead?
[2:02pm 11/4/2000]
I'm so glad it's finally the weekend. Yesterday was our last football game, it was great fun. Our team won, of course. We did two songs from our show and got to scatter march in between. That was interesting. I went out with Summer, David and Lisa to IHOP. Evan couldn't come, but it's just as well. After the game ended, Fleming's line walked by playing what they thought was or cadence but it was actually a rather pathetic attempt. I wanted to run over and hand them a copy of the actual music but I didn't have one. That would've been funny. I saw Sarah Jordan standing in the stands when I was on break and she just looked at me. Danielle said hi though. How odd. Sometimes I really hate the drummers. Here's a little story called drummers are cruel and hold grudges. Before the seniors were called up, we got to warm up for a little, but the only section with all its members were the snares. Stand in a line and play their solo, over and over until Kaylor messes up. Then they make him play it over and over. And over. Again. Again. Sometimes he almost gets it, sometimes he misses it all together. "All I did was practice it today," he says. Plays it again. Doug makes a disgusted face. Plays it again. Evan rolls his eyes. Plays it again. Again. Over and over with people watching. Again. I can't believe they do that to him. People are so mean. I can't watch anymore; I go talk to Carter and get a hug. I just don't understand people sometimes. They treat him like shit all the time anyway, it's just so mean. Maybe I'm overreacting because I can actually see myself in his place. I know how scared I get when I hafta play things by myself, and I know what it's like to have people talk about you behind your back and hate you. It's just so mean. And Doug and Evan can be so nice. I hope you guys read this!! When they had finally finished with him, Evan asked me what was wrong. "You don't have to do that to him," I told him. He walked away. It's pretty easy to ignore me. [PS. If you want details on the grudge part, ask me and I'll fill you in.] Still, they insist on telling me to stay with them next year. "You're gonna be on guard next year, aren't you, Carly?" says Jeanelle. "You're going to stay with the line next year, aren't you, Carly?" says Doug. I don't know you guys. I don't know. It's Saturday and I should be doing my chores but I don't feel like it. I want ice cream. A s'more Galore Parfait with chocolate ice cream and not vanilla. If you have one please give it to me. Thank you.
[12:16pm 10/30/2000]
Tricia was sad today. Chris said it was personal, so I didn't ask. I wish she could tell me though; not because I'm nosy, because I want to be trusted. Today in band we listened to the tapes. Aaron tried a new wrestling move on me and almost dropped me on my head. Owie. The guard tape got messed up cuz they girl recorded it wrong, it was so hilarious. She sounded like a chipmunk! Why can't I just get sick or sumthing so my friends would all care and ask me if I was okay and be nice to me. Speaking of that, Evan was sick today so I brought him a cappuccino. I know, I'm a loser. But I felt bad cuz I thought he was lying when he said his throat hurt. Plus my mom wanted to talk to his. We should do something fun stuff sometime, but his dad doesn't like me much I don't think. I should also do stuff with Chris again, like I did that one night when we drove around aimlessly for a while. That was fun. Actually, there are lots of people I should hang out with more. Too many to list. I miss Travis.
[7:03pm 10/29/2000]
Band competition this weekend. 2nd place division, guard and music. 1st place marching, line and drum major. I called Rachel but the line was busy. Later she told me she hurt her foot so she wouldn't have been able to come see me anyway. Pooh. I went running on the beach with Summer, Nicole and Matt Russo. It was pitch black and freezing and the wind whipped sand all over the place. My pants got soaked. But it was so fun. I went swimming in the piss pool too, everyone was throwing me around and shit. I wish I had a prettier swimsuit. The bus ride was kinda interesting, I was introduced to the "da bears" skit from SNL, hair braiding, and Hum. I roomed with Amanda, Lisa and Oost. How fun. The view was so pretty. We had dinner at this funky Hawaiian place, it was funny. Tony and his group minus Aaron and Evan showed up and they sang happy birthday to Danielle even though it wasn't her birthday [I think. Maybe it was!] and we all got laid. Hehe. Our drumline kicked everyone's ass but I missed my part!! Can you believe it? Well, go figure. It was a great rush when they called our name, but I had a feeling we would win. I forgot to serve my detention on Friday, I'll have to do it tomorrow.
[11:01pm 10/10/2000]
free write
Pick me up, hurl me down. Forever young, forever yours. Look right at me and right through me: at and through. Uncovered letters and poems. All they need is a dusting and a story. Hypnotic, automatic movements, sealed forever in you head. Katie looks cute in green. I remember things only when my inside voice has a say no not a quiet one but the on in my head that talks when I should be doing something else. Can't wrench the pen from my hands. Colorful child-drawn dragons. Faded pictures tumbling from a forgotten cabinet. Everyone got older over the summer. Live, be truthful, be free. Things I remember. Things you forgot. Why smile when you're crumbling? What's wrong with me? Why can't I remember all the important stuff? Important is all relative my dear. Gives me goosebumps. Put your heart into the sound. The moon has slid too high to give me light. No more silver glow to guard my dreams. Well the school stuff that determines the rest of my life is important right? Let's get our nails done and talk about the fun times and paint a picture of our past that I can take with me when I go.