why I waste my time like this
Welcome to a world of illusions. In this realm we call life there can only be two types of people. One are the observers and the others are conformists. Unfortunately, I am an observer. It has fallen upon my shoulders to tell others the truth about life, but it is their obligation to accept or deny.
I have taken the task of writing this unnecessary view to whomever may have the time to read. All that people need to know is that someone out there in the world actually cares about them. Who that someone is, I cannot tell you, but I do know who cares about me.
Life is such a short lived experience. People invent various religious ideas such as reincarnation or Nirvana so they may preserve their own life. How absurd can someone be to believe that a person's soul can become born again into another life? Although scientists have managed to convince some people that all things are a form of energy doesn't necessitate the souls transformation to a life outside of life. Inspite of this massive cancer cell, I have determined that in nihilism, all things are possible.
A philosopher would argue that nothing is actually something, therefore, there is no such thing as a non-existent being. With this rationale, nihilism, which is a belief in nothing, is acutally a belief in something. What that something is, is for the believer to determine. I personally believe this nothing is a supreme being much greater than I that can control anything and everything without leaving a trace. This can only be done if this greater power is outside of the natural boundaries of space and time which we are governed by.
This idea has not been proven nor ever will be proven. That is a fact, because if such a thing could be proven, then the idea of choice would no longer be an option. An undeniable truth is in the eye of the beholder.
In this reality, there are mysterious people who try not to understand and others who will always try to determine what is true. I believe mankind should leave the metaphysics alone rather than trying to determine the absolutes of absurdity. We will never learn, but we will always try. Too many things have happened in my life for me to overlook and see the finer things in life. I have yet to know what means the most in life in order to share in other peoples happiness. The only form of happiness I can achieve, is the satisfaction I receive from making others happy. I have had the pleasure of meeting many individuals over time and I can tell when someone is truly happy and when they are content. Those who are truly happy don't see the atrocities in life like I do, those who are content, accept the deeds as fact. Trent Reznor stated "happiness controls you," how true he is. No one wants to do what makes them unhappy, nor do they want to be controlled. Everyone is an autonomous identity in control of their own destiny. If only others would come to an understanding of this situation, could the world begin to look as amusing as the people do.
I must confess this is a refuge for me to release only a portion of my inner thoughts to the world. After such a deed is performed, I am able to feel refreshed, energized, a new person. I have already shed my skin and became a new individual. I have surprised many, shocked others, confused the simple, but through it all, I still accept the destiny of all things. Life is full of surprises, but how can one keep from surprising themself? I cannot. Do you?
The other day I was watching the movie Crow: City of Angels. It was the first time I had seen it. I thought it was awesome. One part in particular was when the store owner gave Mia Kirshner the skull with a note inside which said: "Life is a dream on the road to death." Is this truth or is it a myth? I find the statement intriguing. Death, for us all, is inevitable. It cannot be cheated, nor does it have a pattern like some would want to believe. It is the gluttoness void that is never filled. It continues to feed until there is nothing left to consume. Religions have been created to counter the parasite. If we live a particular life, accept the supernatural, or believe we are fallible, only then can we overcome our destiny, or can we?
Sometimes I feel like the world is against me because I am so different from everyone. I like science fiction, yet I see truth within them. I like to study politics and pay attention to what is going on around the globe, but I do not agree with the method used to solve the problems. I say I am open minded and others say I am liberal. I have come to the conclusion that I am alone in this world. No one fully understands me but I continue to search for the person who will complete me and make me feel welcome on this forsaken rock.
Marilyn Manson states: "it is all relative to the size of your(the church)steeple." How true he is in some cases. Many people who claim to be Christians are the Neo-Pharisees. They claim they know what is best for "the children of God", but they cannot decide on what color the carpet will be, or what songs they will sing during service. "first remove the beam that is in thine eye, then you can see clearly to remove the mote in thy neighbors eye." Any person that tells me they know better than I is a hypocritical liar on the long hard road to Hell. Nobody knows better than anybody, they may have been through experiences others have not, but that does not justify their oppression of those who have not experienced that which they have.
Recently, I have been reading several books, viewed movies and listened to some cd's. Throughout these forms of control I have discovered something I have known about but never thought about. Others may not have realized it. What I have come to fully realize is the actors, artists, and fictional characters emotions psychologically cause the observer to feel those same emotions. They also feed the image of a perfect ending. In a love story, everyone knows what happens in the end and who loves who, but a sequel is unlikely to be made showing the troubles the couple has been through together, or in some cases, apart from one another. I say this to all of those who are looking for that special someone: do not create a mold of the person in your dreams. That mold will break before it ever fits. If you truly love someone, then be willing to respect the other person for who they are. Do not try to change them or allow them to change you, just accept each other for who they are, if that can't be done, then you are not a perfect match. Love is blind, no one will ever know definitely if it will work out, the future is unknown to all, so make the best of it and either try to shape the future or accept it as it comes.
Sometimes life is just so hectic. It feels like the walls are closing in and you gotta get away from it all. It's like everybody is against you, but they don't know it. One person could say something and it would set you off, or what they say may liven your day. It is all determined by your interpretation. Sometimes you feel like you are being repressed by someone or something, but you can't quite place the source. This repression makes you feel like no one cares, there is no one out there like you, like no one will ever allow your voice to be heard outside of the box. Sometimes it is just so freakin' hard to do the right thing in life that you just want to give up on it all. The fight is too hard, too time consuming, too much thought and patience must be put into it. Life sucks, but that is what is fun about it. "Those who fear death, enjoy life." If anyone is like me, they have already accepted the fate of death, we just await the time.
"True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be lost where it does."
Some people can find love easily, others, it takes time. Some people have the patience, others do not. Sometimes relationships are meant to prepare people for what is to come, some do not. Some are curses, others are blessings. If life was meant to be easy, then love would not be as difficult to find and maintain. It is the greatest thing, I know because my friends have met someone they love. Words cannot express what they feel. I look forward to the day I cannot talk either.
Here it is at that time again. X-mas. I do not write it that way cause of any religious view, just because I am lazy and I believe the letter X looks cool. Just as I believe words spelled with a K instead of C are kool. During this time of year people spend their money on one another, sometimes getting people gifts they have asked for and sometimes getting gifts that come from the heart. I say this to any who listen. Don't get caught up in the season of buying, embrace the season of selflessness and give to someone who is needy. When this time of year comes around I can't help but think of those who will have nothing. Instead of giving to those who don't need a new shirt, give it to someone who does. "The poor will always be with you." Those who have possessions have been gifted and blessed with prosperity, use it to make someone happy. In this world there are observers and conformists. Don't conform to the ways of the majority, give to those who mean something to you, but also give a little something to those who won't be able to spend X-mas like the majority will. With the sacrifice of one person, another will gain happiness and a better outlook on life.
I write these things when I feel the need. Sometimes these are only emotions I feel at times. I put no date on them so readers do not know when I have these feelings, but I say to you, do not believe I feel this way all of the time. I have recently met someone who is so cool. The person makes me feel happy, etc. True, I tend to have a gothic view of life, but hey, sometimes life spits in your eye just to wake you up. Other times, it holds your hand and says, "hey, I will help through this." All I can say is that I have been there and I survived. It will all change, but time must not be abused.
I just finished reading something that is really good. If any of you out there have the desire and time to read a good thought provoking book, then I highly recommend Steppenwolf, written by Hermann Hesse. It is truly a must have for any person who is searching for truth. This book follows the journey of Harry Haller who faces the duality of himself, the man and the wolf. In the end, he comes to understand what life is about and how to live in it. It has certainly made an impression on me as I hope it does on those of you who read it. He has written several other books which I have read and encourage others to read them as well.
Recently I have met and talked with various people who are decent. They are cool and enjoy associating with me. My point of telling this is simply that sometimes I begin to have feelings for the person, but I cannot tell if they are true, if I am misinterpreting my feelings, or if I have manufactured them. I do not know and may never know. I observe my friends find their true love and gradually become distant, but I am not depressed by it, per se, but I am quite happy for them because now they will be forever happy. Mine is only relative to everyone else's. I can hardly wait until the right person comes into my life. Maybe the person already has and I don't know it yet, but then again, one cannot trust their feelings, they are only superficial chemicals in comparison to the truth. The truth will be known in the end when it matters the most. It comes when the time is right, when we need it the most, not when we want it to come. The truth obeys no one.
Life is full of mysteries. No one can ever determine what will happen next. One minute everyone is happy, the next, everyone is depressed. What people must learn is how to live in this world and make the best of it. There is a theory called the chaos theory. It declares no one can determine a definite path one thing will follow. It has an infinite amount of possibilities and unless someone knows all of the possibilities to an infinite number, then all things occur at random. I believe this can be applied to our lives. However, we tend to project what we desire to occur and begin to believe it will happen. But soon we are stopped when we run into a brick wall. At first we think we can climb over the wall, but the more we climb, the higher the wall goes. Then we begin to walk around the wall, but again, the wall continues to extend further the more we walk. All along we knew we would come to the wall at somepoint in time, but we did not want to believe it. At the same time, we try to determine a way to destroy the wall so it will not block the future we desire, but no matter how hard we try, it can never be removed from our path. Once we realize this, we learn we have reached a dead end, and must retrace our steps to start a fresh. This is what Camus would call the absurdity of life. We continue our path knowing we will have to start over again, yet we pursue what we cannot achieve.
Sometimes in life, people find out the truth when they wish the truth never existed. People are liers and they cannot be trusted. Everyone makes mistakes, but no one is willing to accept the mistakes made by others. But that is the paradox. Nobody should accept mistakes, but they should also forgive. How can someone do this? That is the problem. Take relationships; when someone breaks up with the other they both should never get back together, but they should remain decent friends. This doesn't mean they should always hang out together, it means they should not have hard feelings toward one another. It is better to remain friends than to have a relationship and lose each other as friends. People should treat each other like human beings, not objects. And men are really bad about this. Not to stereotype all men, but most do it without thinking, that's the way men are. They get used to the way things are and the way they want things to be, they begin to treat a lady like they own them. Women must try to understand men, just like men should try to understand women. Again, not to stereotype women, but ladies tend to live in a fantasy world thinking they will find a man who will sweep them off their feet and will treat them the way they want to be treated. On the contrary, unless a man knows how the lady wishes to be treated and is willing to do so, then it won't happen. The best way for a relationship to work is for communications to be open, which most of the time they aren't. People jump into a relationship just because they have a few things in common. It takes more than that. I don't claim to be an expert on these things, i have just observed a little of what goes on and have some experience on these things. All of these things are a pain but people must face them in life or commit suicide, which some have prescibed as a cure for this disease we call life.
I wish life was much easier than this.
Recently life has been good to me, but that is the sad part. I know something will occur when I do not want it to. Why cannot things be held by destiny? If we were all destined for something, that would give greater certainty when we make "choices". But no one can know for certain, it is the way of the universe. I have no answers, only that I believe this hell hole we call life really sucks and ought to be shot. Why can't the end of the world come, prove everyone wrong and just be done with it? I have waited since I was born and nothing has happened. I know this may sound terrible, how can someone think this way? When you have walked in my shoes, everything you liked is no longer there, the world has changed without your consent, you have no control over anything except your own life, which is debatable, you really do not have anything to live for. Do not worry, I will not commit suicide, but I have thought about it, when I was very young. What stopped me was that I did not want to hurt others and I thought maybe I was important and had a purpose in life and that there is someone out there who would be alone if I did not exist. If you have not noticed, love has become an important aspect in my life. It controls all, yet it does not. It creates all, yet it destroys all. It loves all, yet it hates all. Love cannot be found, love finds you. Enough with love, it sucks, but it is so beautiful. Like thorns with a rose.
Many of you may have had some problems dealing with the war issue, so did I. Life is not simple, it has to kick us in the ass to let us know we still exist. People should follow what their religions calls for them to do. Stop pulling this shit saying your religion says one thing when in fact it says something completely different. Everyone just shut up and stop trying to make your religion say what you want it to say. If you don't agree with it, change your fuckin' religion or change your damn attitude. I get so pissed off when someone tries to tell me their religion is a peaceful religion and they quote portions of their scripture and take it out of context. Everyone is hypocritical, but sometimes people are just stupid. There are only a handful of religions which are truly peaceful and they are ones being violent toward others. Those that are inately violent are claiming to be peaceful. What kind of crap is this. We live in a world that doesn't know what it says. Try talking to someone of a different religion, they cannot give you strait answer. People are so full of themselves and refuse to believe they are wrong, they cannot be open minded about anything, but everyone is supposed to be. Check out the book: "language police". If it doesn't shock you, or at least make you question education then you are so egotistical and blind you will never make it past Peter at the gate.
"face your life, open your eyes, open your mind, proud like a god, don't pretend to be blind." - Sandra Nasic
Is this life just a trip? just a dream? or is this real? No one can tell you what you believe and no one can tell you how to live. People need to wake up and see what is going on around them. Nobody will do it for you, it is a choice you must make on your own. "Will you choose the red pill or the blue pill." Whatever decision you make will affect your future. Whether you believe in free-will, predestination, or destiny; your actions help to lay a foundation for what is to come. If people did not do anything, then how could someone believe in purpose? Unless the purpose is to do nothing, which I have yet to hear someone argue that doing nothing is actually doing something with purpose. Sometimes people are proud like a god, but once they reach a certain height, they soon fall faster than when they rose. Everyone needs to pay attetion to the world around them, if they do not, then they are blind and worthless.
"Chaos reigns and I fear the god within the machine is no longer there." - Micheal LeRoi.
When I look around and observe people in their finest hour, I cannot help but to think that maybe the supreme being who created this entire universe has left behind this creation for oblivion to conquer. People have something to do, somewhere to go, no time to sit around and enjoy the pleasures of this world. They do not care about others, they only take up space. If only people would wake up and realize we need each other. "men and women are to be caretakers of this world." - Genesis. Humanity was not created to dominate, nor created to possess. Caretakers means to take care of things, not "own" it and force others to follow their rules. Many moons ago when the Europeans first began to populate this continent, the Indians said "this is our land." The Europeans replied, "no, this is our land." The difference between the two is simple. The Indians, although they were not "Christians", had a closer view to what Genesis was speaking of. The Europeans who claimed to be "Christians" were further from the truth cause they believed the land did not belong to the Indians, it belonged to them. Now, look at the f@%$ing mess we are in now. Will this world ever return to what it once was? Can we truly obtain peace and harmony? Do we truly want what peace can offer? I cannot answer these questions. We all need some guidance, but sometimes that is not enough and suicide does not help.
"By becoming a monster one learns what it is to be human." Sometimes I wonder if people really appreciate who they are, or have become. A person does not appreciate their curly hair until they have none. People always wish something was different. In today's society we can change practically anything we want to from hair style to gender. All anyone needs is money. Supposedly society is progressing. Today's technology is unbelievable. Very soon watches will have a cell phone that uses a satellite to transmit the frequency. Also using nanobyte tech. a microphone can be implanted into someone's tooth and a video recorder can be implanted around the eye. And this is called progress. We are becoming cyborgs. This is what Ray Bradbury has warned us about. Other authors as well, not just science fiction writers, have prophesied man's destruction will be by his own "progress". Think for a minute. If people were intelligent, as we say we are, then why would we create such atrocities that can be used to alter our humanity. The atomic bomb has been considered one of sciences greatest achievements. Being able to create a bomb that devistates on a massive scale is great? Let's look at someone else who lived around the same time. Nicolli Tesla. He, I believe was the greater inventor, however, no one believed his ideas were practicable and could be achieved. He imagined wireless communication and being able to converse across the world without wires. Nobody would finance him. He also wanted to be able to harness electricity and use it as a weapon, be able to contol the weather. Unfortunately, no one helped him and he died before completing the project. To make things worse, someone broke into his room and stole his papers and they have yet to appear. Look at today. We have made bigger bombs and wireless communication, which do we love better? Maybe one day life will become easy and people will cease to progress.
How stupid are people? I pose this question because I have met so many stupid people this past week. So many people do not read. So many people do not pay attention. So many people do not care. If only everyone would wake up and see what is in front of them.
In today's society, everyone is controlled by the clock. Maybe if we destroyed all of the clocks in the world, people would begin to slow down and enjoy the satisfaction of living. People are so involved with themselves that they do not observe and appreciate the simple things in life. Listen to people and observe them. You will hear them telling children to hurry up, complaining to one another others are not as fast as they should be and get so upset when someone does not drive faster than the speed limit. I will point the finger at myself, so that I am not a hypocrite. I am guilty of these same crimes. However, when I realize I am doing it, I try to change and never do it again, but it is difficult. The thing with most people is the way they were raised. I was raised almost the same as everyone else, except I learned about the past. I found out the way things used to be in society. There used to be "blue laws" which forbid anyone from being open on Sunday. Avoiding the religious implications of this law, the point I am trying to make is that businesses really did not complain much about the law. Everyone enjoyed the day off. We all need a day of rest. A day just to sit around the house and do absolutely nothing. A day to enjoy the company of our family. A day to get away from the pressures of society. Where has that day gone? It was shot strait to Hell along with every-thing else that ought to be. No longer is this nation as religious as it once was. Or rather, it is still religious, it is just the religion that has changed. Now everyone is worried about offending one another. Take the advice of Dennis Leary and "shut the F@%k up." If you cannot stand the heat get out of the kitchen. People need to learn to live with the horrors of society and move on. No one cares and once people learn that, the better it will be for every-one. This nation needs to return to what it once was. We need to change our own lives. There needs to be a reformation occur to act as a catalyst before it is too late.
I am not a hero. I have never claimed to be. Some people may look up to me, but they should not. I am no different than they. They should choose someone else. I will not make a change in the world. It is too far gone. All I can do is live my life the way I believe people ought to live theirs and maybe that will influence the lives of others.
All of you who think you know it all do not know s#*t. Of all the years that I have lived thus far, I have experienced so many feelings. The conclusion I make: it sucks. Sometimes you think things are going well, then all of a sudden, your glass bowl is turned upside down. Your feelings are putty in the hands of another. Who, know ones really knows, but many call this other person God. Now does this mean God is an evil deity that plays with your feelings? That is for you to decide. I do not believe such a thing, but I do believe that I am placed in such positions so that I may experience these feelings for some unknown purpose. Then again, maybe not. I do not know. Are we controlled by puppet strings or have the strings been cut so we may move as we please? Questions I know not the answers to. I will say, there is too much emotional baggage in a relationship. Dating really sucks. There are many reasons I have against dating. I have turned against it because it does not work and there is an alternative. Just let it happen. If it supposed to work out, then it will, if not, then it will not. In the end, it saves everyone's feelings and everyone remains friends. I have lost too much in the past and I am not about to lose anymore and I do not want to see others lose either. I have had to comfort too many of my friends, guys and girls, after a break up. It is not worth it. I have given up on dating. I do not think it works like it does for others. Or rather, I do not want to go through the trouble to make it work, like others do. A friend of mine somehow managed to meet a girl, become friends with her and now they are planning to get married, and they never "dated". If it can work for my friend, why not me as well? I wish it was like the old days. Back when either the parents agreed the two would be betrothed to one another or the man met the woman, then talked to her parents to get their approval and if they approved, they were married FOR LIFE. Divorce was almost unheard of and when someone did get a divorce it was either frowned upon, or everyone knew the person who wanted the divorce had a really good reason like the other committed adultery or something. Will this ever occur? Probably not, but I refuse to give up hope.
I finished reading a book the other day by Max Weber. It was very interesting, it made me think. Its title is: "The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism". People should read it. It was written in 1958, so it is kinda outdated, but it does give some insight to the past. The thesis of the book is to determine the link between Protestantism and the alteration in the way businesses and capital are viewed. Quite intriguing, is it not. Do not let me spoil the ending, but there is a fundamental link between the two. Since the division between Catholicism and Protestantism, Protestants have grown greater in capital. However, to go a step further, in today's society, those who are not Protestants, believers, but are business oriented and very progressive, have increased their capital significantly and have moved away from religion. Therefore, implying to individuals inadvertantly, that people do not need religion in order to become successful in this world. Why the change in society? I cannot fully answer this question. Maybe it is just a trend or maybe there is something far greater affecting society in this manner.
The other day I was thinking: we celebrate the Fourth of July. In remembrance of 4 July 1776 when the "Founding Fathers" declared independence. We do not celebrate the actual day America gained its independence from Britain. Why? To me the act of declaration is comendable, but that is it. As American's we should celebrate the day they won independence, not the day they declared it. The very idea is absurd.
"Death is the high cost of living." - Neil Gaiman
We pay a price for living and that price is the pain we suffer and the ultimate torment of knowing death is just around the corner. Life has never been easy or simple and it never will be. So many people in the world, but we only get one chance to meet as many as possible and learn as much as we can. However, so many people do not seize the opportunity and they remain in their clique believing whatever they choose to believe. Friends are awesome and people should associate with as many different people as they can. It does not matter what the person's interests are or how they dress or what they look like. There is so much more to an individual; you just have to look and listen.
"What grows shorter the longer it becomes?" If you know the answer let me know.
"You never know what you have until you lose it." People do not take time to appreciate the small things in life. Does anyone look around their yard and take notice of any of the small critters that pass by, (i.e. birds, rabbits, squirrels, insects, etc.)? Many people live in the suburbs, the city, where there harldy remains any wildlife, much less any plants. How many lives do we overlook and have no concern for? People should look around at those they come in contact with. There are so many individuals who cannot take care of themselves, who cannot feed their family, who cannot make ends meet, who will never have the opportunities like you and I. We need to have compasion for these people and help them in some way. If everyone would give $2.00 to someone who needed it, it may put it a dent in the poverty level.
Life is like a hourglass. The sand in an hourglass moves from one end to the other. There is no difference between one hourglass and another or which way the sand moves. The sand moves from one point to its destination. Even if someone were to number the grains of sand, the end result would never change. Our lives are the same way. We are born, we live our lives, then we die. No matter what decisions are made during our lifetime, the end result is still the same, we all die. Some of us have accepted this and some of us have not. It does not really make a difference. Only that some individuals will be slightly more prepared for death and others will not.
Society makes a big issue out of all the wrong things. People argue about whether or not the earth is old or young. They condemn one another for living the way they choose. If someone wants to have pink flamingoes in their front yard, then they should be able to do it without intereference from anyone else, especially from their neighbors. "Fences make good neighbors," I believe Robert Frost said. Is this what the world is coming to? A world where everyone remains indoors and tries to ignore everyone else or will everyone bitch about everyone else? Let us believe there is still hope in the world and people will come to realize the error of their ways.
"There is no reality--only our own order imposed on everything." - Dune: House Harkonnen
We define for ourselves what we want to believe. People believe whatever they want. If no one wants the truth, how can the truth be known?
"Immobility is often mistaken for peace." - Dune: House Harkonnen
Some people, especially political leaders are willing to ignore key issues just to believe peace exists in the world. No matter how hard people ignore the truth and continue to hear what they want; the facts will always be there, just in a hidden form. The puzzle will always be deciphered and those who uncover the answer will be quashed, but the riddle shall always exist for the chosen to reveal its answer. "Reality is the cruelest dream."
"A man cannot drink from a mirage, but he can drown in it." - Dune: House Corrino
Dreams are amazing however, they can become a person's worst nightmare. If people become obsessed with following their dreams; life will never be enjoyed. Life is full of surprises and it is never predictable. There may be some patterns at times, but never the same. Staganation only occurs when people's dreams never come true. We all need to have dreams, a sense of what we want for ourselves in the future. But we need not to loose sight of reality.
"Humanity knows its own mortality and fears the stagnation of its heredity, but it does not know what course to take for salvation." - Dune: House Corrino
There are so many religions in this world and hundreds of thousands of variations on those religions. People have no concept for the truth. All many want is reassurance that they will gain immortality or will be able to live in the afterlife they have pictured for themselves. People want to know the truth, but it can never be. We can only have faith in what we believe and faith that what we believe is the truth. Due to man's lack of faith, the various religions have been created, which only adds to the confusion and difficulty in maintaining one's faith.
"In the beginning there was man, and for a time, it was good. Then man made the machine in his own likeness. Thus did man become the architect of his own demise."- Animatrix
Mankind is a virus, or rather, acts like a virus. People spread and take over what they want. All is declared in the name of civilization. Is this what being civilized is all about? Is being civilized mean that we are able to argue, fight, pillage, murder, constuct large builidings, tear apart this wonderful creation all in the name of humanity? Technology only helps those who use it, not the ones who compete with it. People always plant the seeds of their own destruction. Technology will and is destroying mankind. It is separating the traditional family. It is harming the poor man who cannot find a job. Will it ever stop? Will mankind realize the error of his ways? Only time will tell; if it's not too late.
"True pleasure lies not in the discovery of truth, but in the search for it." - Anna Karenina
Sometimes we get caught up in the chase that we lose sight of what we are after. Dating is something most people do not take seriously. Men and women alike date people just to date. They have no clue or reason as to the purpose of dating. In addition, we sometimes get caught up in chasing someone that once we finally are in a relation-ship with the person, we forget what our objective was. Then when we actually date the person, we are bored cause the "fun" was chasing the person and obtaining the relationship. Our lives become stagnant once again because we forget out true goal in a relationship, which is to make it work and to love one another forever.
Life is so crazy and full of surprises. It is just amazing how things can change so quickly. One minute you are thinking about doing something in the near future, but as soon as you figure out what you are going to do, BAM!, everything changes and you are left in confusion. Life is the hardest thing to understand. There are so many variables to take into consideration; so many possibilities. Why cannot life be simple? Is this a curse, or is it simply the way things are? Depending on the way you answer determines the way you will live your life. I need help just as much as everyone else in this world needs it. Maybe we can help each other through this.
What pain and torment people suffer. It is horrible to think of it all. And I am not speaking just of physical, but also mental. Just sit back and imagine this for a moment: you spend x amount of time of your life doing whatever. Then, once that period is over, you learn that it was all filled with lies. What is a person to think? It makes a person feel like it was all a dream. Maybe it was. Someone goes to sleep at the beginning and soon wakes up wondering if what has happened was true or not. Are the dreams reality, or is reality when we are awake? Maybe this ancient puzzle will be answered one day without having to face death. But it is heinous; is it not? We do not think and take into consideration the horrors of out actions, how they affect other people. What may be fun and beneficial for me, can easily be a nightmare for another. Those of us with nightmares cannot get over it. The memories will always haunt us till the day we die. Would it be a miracle or a curse if we could forget that which we desire never to remember? Only the truth can be told.
Is it a good thing when we make fools of ourselves? We all do it at some point in our lives, some more than others. And still others come out in the end looking as if nothing happened. I tend to do it more than everyone. But why? I try to do what is right. I try to do what I think is best. I think and pray about it and when I feel comfortable with the decision, I still end up making a fool of myself. Is that what I am suposed to feel after I do what is right, or am I doing what is wrong and that is why I feel such stupidity? I may never know the answer, but I will continue to try to do what is right.
when someone tells you that life is not all that it is cracked up to be, shake their hand and congratulate them.
Life is grand; is it not? However, words will never be able to express how someone feels, they are only imaginative descriptions given definitions that try to demonstrate how one feels. When we hear someone say they are fine, they are only saying what they want you to believe. In actuality, they only feel partially fine, and partially not fine. If people would truly be honest with one another, what would the world be like? Would the world be a better place, or would we become sick of hearing what the truth is about ourselves and others that we wish everyone would begin to lie? I tend to believe the latter, although I hope for the former. As I said, life is cool, lets all get together and try to fix problems. Listen to one another and try to understand one another. I am afraid it may too late to save humanity from utter condemnation, but a few may survive.
"If I were leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?" - van Zant
How will each of us be remembered when we leave this rock? Some people become famous and are remembered for their fame. Others are never noticed and no one notices when they die. I hate reputations because they remain no matter what you do or do not do. I face this problem time and again. I have several reputations, if that makes any sense. I have one from high-school, another from college and still another from people I know outside of both. However, this has come back to haunt me. The reason is because new people I meet know me by one of my reputations, which totally sucks. I become stereotyped, in a sense, by my past. I, like others, have changed, but some people recall a person's past and do not look at them as a different person. Everyone is different and people can change.
"When they tried to detach this skeleton from the one it embraced, it turned to dust." - The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
No matter what we do; we are all soon forgotten. Some people may say the love we have for someone matters not unless the person returns the love. However, that makes it that much more important. The devotion a person has, as long as it does not become an obsession, or is misguided, may receive what it thirsts after. Sometimes it may not, but isn't it better to live a life knowing how much you care for a person and remain their best friend rather than not being their friend? Our lives are not completely controlled by fate. We have a choice in life, sometimes one person makes the choice and the other does not. However, we must accept what the other person chooses, but we can still remain their friend, even though we too will turn to dust and never be remembered.
In life people sometimes begin to believe their dreams. It is good to have dreams and to strive for them, but sometimes they get in the way of reality. Life will not wait, however, you do not want to make a fool of yourself. Life is just as fragile as a relationship and no one wants to screw up either, you only have one chance. It is not a dream; it is reality. How do we know the difference? We do not, but we must not let fear drive us. We must continue to pursue that which we most desire.
Life will not wait, we have to make choices quickly. However, the decision can be to postpone the choice, or simply to choose one or the other. When you are faced with the choice between potential happiness and contentment, what is one to do? The only answer I can give is to trust. Trust the Divine Creator. Trust yourself and others. It is hard to do, "trust" me on that. "Its like your at the edge of a cliff and the direction to go is forward toward the cliff. You have to trust God and do it for Him." These words were spoken to me at one point in my life and I believe them to be true. We all need help, but sometimes the circumstances are rough and we lose our patience and begin to fall. Without somekind of guidance we are destined to fail. If only life was simple, but if it was, then would we learn? Would we even be human? Isn't the difficulty of life a part of what makes us human? If all things were easy, then we would need no guidance, divine or human. People would not have anything to strive for. There would be no regret, no remorse, no sorrow, no hurt, no pain. We would only experience a half of what we are today. That would suck. Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying these feelings are great, they are only what help influence our decisions. They can make us choose the right path or the wrong path. We need these feelings, but they need to be controlled just like the others. Too much of something can be a bad thing when it is uncontrolled. In conclusion: make the decision you believe is correct and face the consequences. You never know what will happen, but as long as you put your trust in God, "faith can move mountains" and it will all work out. I promise.
"To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation." - Life of Pi
We must put our trust and faith in the unknown Deity. If we waiver and choose to doubt, we then lose sight of the goal ahead of us and screw up all the happy things in our lives. We may also end up choosing an easier path that is not the path to happiness, only contentment and that is not acceptable. People must face the obstacles placed before them. It will all pay off in the end. Trust me, I know.
"Fortune fame, mirror vain, gone insane, but the memory remains." - James Hetfield
Everyone has memories, unfortunately. Or is it fortunate? I say both. But I must admit, some people have a hard time dealing with their memories. I believe I am one of them. I have several very close friends who feel the same way as I do. If you know someone who is the same try to help them. Be a friend to them. Let them know someone cares and does not judge them by who they once were. It is only the present that matters, not the past. And the future is being made. Make the decision today that will affect tomorrow. Do not live in the past. It took me years to face myself. We are all human, we all fail. I have had my share of failures and continue to fail. I try not to, but I do, but at least I try not to. I have not given up yet. I will die fighting. I know life is hard, I am a part of it too. But I do not have to let it control me. I have said for many years: "the greatest punishment is our memory." Why can't we forget? Why can't we just start all over? I do not like the way I was. I enjoy the way I am today. So why can't just start over being the way I am today? There are no religions that believe this way that I am aware of. If there was, would I change my beliefs? Probably not, but I may consider it. Give me the option and we will see what I do. The only religion that comes close is Hinduism. You are reincarnated into a greater or lesser being depending on the life you live. Well, I guess if that were true then I would come back a lizard. I have alluded too many people with the life I have lived and that would be my just reward. The life of an illusionist.
"you don't look like a criminal to me. If crime showed in a man's face there wouldn't be any mirrors." - We're No Angels
No one can tell anything about a person's past just by looking at them. In some sense of the word I am a criminal, it is only that I have not been caught, or it was not a serious offense, not necessarily that I have committed a crime, just define what a criminal is. What basis do you use to determine whether a person is a criminal or not? Some use scripture and others use natural law and still others use a higher law wherever it comes from. Do not let this fool you. It is only a mirage. Man's laws mean nothing. What matters is whether they are enforced or not and whether they are just or not. I label everyone, including myself as a criminal, but some say that is incorrect. So who is right? My definition of a criminal would be one who has done a wrong in accordance with the Scriptures. If this is held as a basisi then we area all criminals because we have all sinned and deserve eternal comdemnation. But how do I know this to be true? I do not. I just hold to this idea. It fits my view of life. Either way, I still maintain that the ultimate punishment one can ever receive is memory. No matter what a person does, no matter how much a person changes, the memory remains and it will not go away.
"Wish there was something real, wish there was something true." - Trent Reznor
We all wish for some things, but do we ever get what we really want, or should we? I know what I want. I know only a small part of what I need. I should ask for the latter, but I really want the former. I have only two options. They are as follows: Give up myself to the Higher authority to receieve what I need or, reject the authority and pursue what I desire. I shall choose the former. It is what is best. And you should do the same.
Is not life grand? I think so. Although some days are rough and others are not, overall life is grand, at least I try to believe so. I know life can be hard sometimes, I am there too. It is hard to live, but you must persevere. Do not give up. Hope for the best and live with what occurs. People are not always going to know what to do and that is okay. Maybe when it seems that way, we are supposed to wait. Just simply sit back and be patient with life and in due time, things will work themselves out. Just hope for the best and see what happens. One never knows until they wait.
Great things can happen when one waits. I have found this to be true on many instances. I waited for years and I met my best friend for life. I waited before I made several decisions and I have been very pleased with the outcome. I have even waited before talking about things to sort out my feelings and my life and it has allowed me to make more sense and understand myself better and the way things are and how things ought to be. I highly recommend to anyone who is trying to make a decision to just sit back and wait patiently. It does wonders. Even if your just trying to determine what your feelings are. Now to talk about them to my best friend who has been patiently waiting.
"Great men are made by other great men; Patton had Rommel, Grant had Lee, and I have you." - Bethlehem from the Postman
How true that is. How very unfortunate it is if this is true. If it means in order to become well known and to be a great person you need to destroy another man then how can we be sure we will not be the one defeated? Would not the world be a better place if there were no great men? Maybe, maybe not. Because then there would be no one to look up to as a role model. But this might be a good thing. Then people could be themselves without having to think about what others think. Nobody would be trying to appear good on the outside. However, without great men the world is a stagnant place. There would be no one to learn about in history who has overcome great odds, nor are there anyone to look up to to be like. I know of some people in my life I consider to be great people. Without them in my life who knows what I would be like today. ALthough, we must define what constitutes a great person. I define a great person as one who has some sense of morals, humble, does not care about what others think of them, goes out of their way for others, cares about others no matter who the person is, a friend to everyone and takes what is given to them in life. If everyone were like this then the world would be a better place.
"Wouldn't it be great if wars were fought by the assholes who started them?" - Kevin Costner in the Postman
Don't you just hate the fact that some people can't accept change. Sometimes change is bad and sometimes change is good. Just simply wait and see what happens, that seems to work best for me. But hey, it's cool, that's what makes people different. I love my friends. They are good people and they treat me the way I like to be treated and I of course treat them the way I believe they ought to be treated.
"Dreams are journeys that take one far from familiar shores, strengthening the heart, empowering the soul." - unknown
Dreams are wonderful. Sometimes they can get in a person's way or consume the person's soul. I have come across both. Lately my dreams have been coming true, in more ways than one. It is like someone has been paying attention to my thoughts that I have not shraed with anyone and made them a part of reality and allowed me to share in it.
You know you have found love when you can have a disgreement, become angry with one another and then get past it together. Things are always tough, but that is life and that is one thing that I enjoy about it. Life is a challenge and one day I will be able to say that I faced the challenge and look where I am. I got a ladder and climbed the apple tree to pick the most beautiful apple and I will never let anything bad happen to it. I will always protect it, never let any worms get into it and never let it rot. It will always be a shiny, beautiful apple.
Sometimes things happen in life and you cannot quite get over them. Sometimes you think you are over them and then a new piece of the puzzle is revealed. Then you get this image in your head of how it all happened. The expression on the person's face when they present some exciting piece of information, then it all turns sour after that. Next the missing piece, the unexpected missing piece that is the center piece to the puzzle is discovered. It is that piece that makes a difference. It changes everything. You now no longer feel good, you feel like shit. You begin to blame yourself for it all, no matter what others tell you. It may just be a natural reaction, but who really knows. But then again, maybe its not when you can locate the original cause and you know and realize that it all began with you, not anyone else, just you. What can settle all this? Only time can tell. But know this: life is full of shit and shit stinks, try not to wallow in it because then you will start to smell like shit and nobody likes shit, that is why they call it waste.
How did I ever receive the gift I have? I was truly caught by surprise and I never expected it. I was told that and I believe it is the truth. I have always enjoyed surprising others. I especially like doing it when they least expect it. Apparently someone else likes to do it to me too and I was totally surprised. And I am so glad that I chose to accept what I was offered. I am so glad that I was in the right position, that I was where I was supposed to be at the right moment. Everything I have done in the past, every decision I made, led me to where I was supposed to be. I am just so thankful that I made the right decisions to prepare me and that He protected me when I made the wrong decisions so that I would get to the point where I would least expect the gift I have received.
I know sometimes life can be hard, but that is just the way it is. Life is a test, a trust and it is temporary. We have friends to help us along the way. We have adults, siblings, relatives and everyone else in the world to help us through the hard times. That is what they are there for. We have been given this life to take care of, not to abuse, not to waste, but to treasure. We can seek guidance. We are not alone in this. Other have been before us, others have faced the same or similar situation. I am so thankful I have the friends I do. I am so thankful that my friends care so much about me that they are willing to help me in anyway they can. I do mean each and every one of them, especially those who disagree with me. The reason I say that is because I know that I could be wrong and with them disagreeing with me, it helps keep me in check with myself. By them disagreeing with me and caring so much about me, they help me evalutate myself. They help to keep me on track. I take everything they say and believe into consideration because I want to know the truth and want only to do what is right. If I am wrong, then I want to find out about it and correct myself. I love this life and I love what I have been blessed with. I want only to do what is right and what is in the best interest of everyone involved. I seek guidance from a higher authority and put my trust in Him that He will allow everything to work out as they ought to be.
"When people cease to believe in gods they cease to exist." - Neil Gaiman
Many people try to deny the existence of any form of deity, however, this does not mean that they do not exist. This would actually help to explain why there are so many dead people in this world. Why there are so many who do not care and do not understand life. Why do people want to believe in absolute nothing? I can understand it to a point, more of a nihilistic attitude, but not to the extreme. "I have found you can find happiness in slavery." - Trent Reznor. Happiness can be found in everything. It is just in some things it is harder to find than others. We must continue to search and look for it. We can receive guidance if we so choose, but will we? I can honestly say for myself, in most things, I have sought no one's guidance. I took the long hard road out of hell. You do not have to follow my path. I encourage you not to, but you do what you believe is right. Just remember, you must face the consequences of your actions.
"What else should I be? All apologies. What else should I say? Everyone is gay. What else should I write? I don't have the right. What else should I be? All apologies. In the sun, in the sun I feel as one, in the sun, in the sun, I'm married; buried. I wish I was like you; easily amused. Find my nest of salt, everything is my fault, I'll take all the blame. Aqua seafoam shame, sunburn with freezerburn, choking on the ashes of her enemy. All in all is all we are." - Kurt Cobain
I cannot deal with this, or rather, I do not want to deal with this. Why cannnot people accept me for who I am? Why cannot people try to understand me? Everytime I begin to feel that I am getting somewhere and that people are beginning to accept me for who I am, something happens and it all comes apart. I have never felt that I am right. I have never felt that I am accepted. I have never felt that I ever will be. Maybe I am doing this to myself as some would suggest. That must be it. I am just messing everything up. I am not who I am supposed to be. I am rejecting what God desires of me and doing what I want. That must be it. How could I be so f@&%ing stupid to not realize that long ago? I never said I was happy being who I am, but what am I to do? I have nothing else. All that I used to believe, all that I ever believed in has been torn away from me. Now all that I have are my ideas, my human mind that is totally fallible and others to tell me what is right. I cannot even trust them because they are human too. Nobody knows the truth and I cannot accept that nor can I accept that others do know the truth. Why? Because they are human just like me and they are fallible as well. I want people to treat me like I am someone, like I am human. I do not want to be treated like I am some stupid animal that needs correction all the time. I want and need help. I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. I want my friends to know and understand me so that I do not have to explain myself. I offend people just by existing. Just think of how much more I offend people just by talking to them. I never said I like it, but what am I supposed to do? Should I lie and tell everyone what they want to hear? Should I change and conform to what others want me to be? I have always thought that there is something wrong with me, that I am abnormal, that I am weird, that I am wrong. It seems that the more days I live the more truth is in how I have felt. I prayed for knowledge and wisdom years ago and I got it, but look where it has led me; down a long hard road where I am faced with mass confusion. Is this the truth that I have always wanted to know? Is this the meaning of life? I seek answers to questions that cannnot be answered till after death. I have waited this long, what is a few more decades. . . if it is that long.
"Don't worry because worrying is like trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing gum." - The Big Kahuna
People are always so concerned about their life. They make such a big deal out of the least little thing, or even the large things. Why? Because that is the way people are. At least that is what I have come to believe. I admit, I have had my share of worry and many times I am concerned over things that are not that important, but I try not to be. There are few things in this world that I need to be concerned about. Life is too short to worry about anything. Just live life to its fullest and face what comes your way. Just get over it and do what you have always done. Worrying does nothing for people or the world.I try to live my life this way and it seems to have worked for me.
"The future has not been written, there is no fate but what we make for ourselves." - John Connor
Do each of us have our own destiny or not? Do we really control our lives or are we controlled by something or someone else? We say things and believe a certain way so that we can feel more confident that we have control of ourselves, but in reality, we may not. How can we know for sure? I do not believe we can. I believe that we are in control of only part of our lives and the other part is being controlled. Sometimes I wish I had no control over myself and I could just live, but other times I wish I had more control. Sometimes this life just really sux and other times it does not. But I guess that is just part of life. So I do not worry about it, I just try to live my life happily.
"Just imagine if you knew that you were going to do something important with your life, something amazing, maybe the most important thing anyone has ever done, but there is a catch, something terrible has to happen. You couldn't live with yourself if you didn't stop it. . . It's just the life, you know, all this stuff you take for granted, it's not going to last." - Terminator 3
Sometimes those who are considered to be the greatest people become the greatest because of bad things that have happened and they were the ones who helped fixed things, a hero. If you look at the other side of the story, then those who caused the terrible to happen is the hero. Or what about neither of those. What about the person(s) who do nothing? Those who do not care about either side? Those who are themselves and do their own thing no matter what goes on around them? Could they be the true heros? "You never know what you have until you lose it" is something I have said for a long time. I still believe it to this day. And that is why I pay attention to every little thing that I have. Every little detail that occurs. I want to always know what I have and appreciate it for what it is truly worth. I do not want to have lose it just to realize what I have and to know that it may be too late to recover. Everyone takes life for granted. Hardly anyone thinks about death and loss. If people did more often, maybe the world would begin to appreciate what little they have and see how much it really is.
Sometimes I do not understand myself. Or maybe it is that I understand myself too much. I can tell you the exact reasons of my every action. I can tell you why I think the way I do, whether it is something I have come to accept but, it began as rebellion against authority, or if it is simply something I have been taught to believe, or if it is something I believe to be true after years of study. Even then, I am afraid that sometimes things have been so ingrained into me that I have chosen not to change them. That I have piled layer upon layer of reasons to blind myself from the truth and when I begin to tear off each layer, I find the alternate paths that I have laid just in case if I did begin to tear away the layers to make a change. In other words, I knew I would try to change in the future and I hid the roots deeply and set up traps to prevent myself from changing. This can be both a good and a bad thing. I am allowed to make changes only after a period of time. Once I have thought about the change over a period of time and have reasoned out everything about it so that I can fully understand everything before I make the chnage. It is also bad because I should be able to change for the better, quicker, over night. But I have prevented myself from doing so. Why? Becuase this is the way I allowed myself to become. Even then, sometimes I do not really know what my true feelings are. I do not know if I am truly happy or not. I do not know if I like something because I truly like it, or do not like it becuase I truly do not like it. I have no clue. What am I to feel? How am I supposed to be? I only know one feeling for certain, all the others I am clueless. I want answers, but will I ever see them?
Something that is hard for me is change. One big change I have to make is what I want for the future. I gave up a few years back on being able to find something. Therefore, being who I am, I compensated for that and steered my life and my future plans to a life that I wanted to live without that something. I had decided to make specific choices where without that something, it would not matter. I and those I wanted affected would be the only ones affected. There would be nothing else to consider. My life was centered around those ideas, those choices, those decisions. Now, things have changed. I actually found what I believed I would never find. With that in mind, I now have to change my future. I must go back and find all that I had given up on. All the ideas that I had thought of for my future. I must try to change, but we all know how that is, right? Choices can be very hard, especially when you want all of them.
"Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be, as a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy, take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours don't be late, take a rest, as a friend, as I have no memoria. -Kurt Cobain
"Things have never been so swell, I have never failed to fail." - Kurt Cobain
People should be themselves. I want everyone to be themselves when around me. I do not want people putting on a mask just to make me feel good or to make me think a certain way about them. I really do not care how people are or even who they are. Everyone is the same to me. We are all "sinners in the hands of an angry God." It does not matter much to me about the person's past. I have my own demons I struggle with. "come as you are. . . as a friend, as I have no memory." Everyone is a friend to me. I like each person I meet as much as the people I have known for years. At least I try to. I admit that I am only human and will sometimes fail. But I try to live the best life I can and I try to be a good friend to everyone I meet. I do not want to hurt anyone, I want to be there in time of need. I know it is hard to imagine that someone in the world is truly like this. It is hard for me to comprehend myself sometimes, but it is true. There are people like that out there, you just have to open your eyes to see them. Two things people do best: not trust others and fail. No wonder people do not trust anyone.
Sometimes I get into these moods and I have no idea why. Do you?
I have recently thought about something that is very intriguing to me. Can a person view a male figure as their true "dad" instead of their real "dad"? Just think about it for a minute. In a "normal" family with a mom, dad and child, the child would have a male and female role model. The child would then look up to each of them for guidance in life. Now, throw in the other factor. What if there was someone else in the child's life? The child chooses to look up to this other male figure instead of "dad". However, a problem arises. This male figure does not stay around. He is no longer there. What becomes of the child and the "real dad"? Could the child have began to look at this other figure as the "dad"? If so, then how much does it affect the relationship between the child and the "real dad"? The words simply become a title without meaning? The child does not listen to advice from the "real dad" because the child does not look at him as the "true dad"? Is this even a possibility or has my imagination finally got the best of me? Either way, this is very intriguing and I would like to know how the relationship would be affected.
Life is great at times and sucks at others. One thing I know I am truly happy about is that I have someone I can talk to and will spend my every waking momoent with. Life cannot get any better than that. I can honestly say I have found true love and know what it feels like. The words do not exist to describe it. Even those three magical words are not enough. They help, but they are not enough.
"Fall asleep to my ashes; see the depth of my tears. Being who you are, just wipes away my fears. Sleep to my yearnings, and make my dreams come true. Cry another time, and I'm almost sure you're you. Dream to my voice; of calming and sorrow. Dance to my song, of decadence and tomorrow."
In life some people meet someone who makes them extremely happy and takes away all the bad things in life and others do not need someone to make them feel that way. Life can be suck and it can be great. It all depends upon the choices we make and how we deal with the consequences. I know how I feel since my dreams have come true. When my fears have been wiped away. My life is changing for the better and I embrace it.
"God granted me the perfect wife. . . [her] memory is a finer thing than ever a second wife could be in body." - Poppa Joe
Why do people re-marry after their spouse dies? I have never fully understood it. I have for years always thought that it was, in a sense, disrespectful to the person who died. Why? Because that is the person who they loved, they married, spent x amount of years with, had children with, and built their life around. If the person truly loved the other, then how could the person say the same things to another? Do the some things with another? I cannot comprehend it. I have never expected the person I would decide to marry to believe the same way as I, or feel the same way about it. I have always beleived it to be her choice and really have not thought it to be morally wrong. Just more of why? However, what I have also thought, believed and will do, is never re-marry, no matter what happens to the person I marry. I have always known that I will love her with every ounce of my life, with every portion of my existence that I can love her with, I will. And there is no way that I could ever say the things I will say to anyone else. There is no way that I could ever do anything that would not show how much I love that special person, the angel given to me. That is the way I have felt and continue to believe and it will never change.
"One's happiness must in some measure be always at the mercy of chance." - Sense and Sensibility
Emotions are a fragile idea. They can be distorted, they can be abused, they can be great things. Many people do not take in consideration other people's emotions and feelings. They only look at themselves and how they can feel good about themselves. If people would only change and care about others just a little, then maybe the happiness in the world would increase a few points. Humanity can be so cruel sometimes. We see it in the community around us. On tv programs, in books, everywhere you look, we see happiness and cruelty. They are in constant conflict with one another. Which will overcome the other in the end? I can only hope it will be happiness, but its future is not looking good.
"And will you stay with me?" "Certainly-unless you object. I will be your neighbour, your nurse, your housekeeper. I find you lonely: I will be your companion-to read to you, to walk with you, to sit with you, to wait on you, to be eyes and hands to you. Cease to look so melancholy, my dear master; you shall not be left desolate, so long as I live." - Jane Eyre
Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone met a person who would do everything just to make them happy? That is definitely something that I have always wanted to do, but never expected to receive. I do not know if anyone realizes what that means to me to have someone to tell me they will do whatever in their power just to make me happy. So many promises have been made and I have no doubt about them. I do not question them like I normally would with others. It totally makes me happy to hear those promises and to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are true. I could never have asked for anything better because there is nothing better out there.
"When the truth walks away, everybody stays because the truth about the world is that crime does pay. So if you walk away then who is going to stay? Because I would like to think the world is a better place." - Dexter Holland
People do not like to hear the truth. Nobody likes knowing they are wrong. Do you? Especially those who claim to be Christians hate it when what they are saying is demolished. I have found that most everyone, especially those who are religious in some way are very adamant about what they believe. They refuse to tolerate their beliefs, their choices, their lives and they try to intervene and do what they believe to be right, which only backfires and makes things worse. It gives all Christians a bad rep. Maybe if everyone would leave one another alone, then the world would not be such a bad place. Or at least leave those alone who want to be left alone. That might help decrease the bad reputations in the world.
"You say this is all going so fast, but you have known me your whole life. Everytime you were alone, I was there with you." - Santa Claus 2
Most everyone wishes to fall in love. For some it works out faster and for some it takes time. I can say for myself I had always wanted to be quick. I wanted to know from the beginning that she was to be the one. However, I never thought it would work that way. Unbeknownst to me, that would be the way it would work out. Sometimes life can surprise you and other times it can shock you. People need to try not to plan to many things out and not expect things from life. Once a person does that, then they are able to see the truth because they are not trying to see it, it just comes to them plain and simple.
"I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, and wind up with the one they're supposed to be with." - Fried Green Tomatoes
So many people in this world try to find love in all the wrong places. They are constantly searching for it and try to make it fit where it does not exist. Most people always look for certain things, but only those things do they look for. They forget the small things that not many pay attention to. Even then, sometimes, what the person is looking for is not what they should be looking for. Then shouldn't people stop looking for whatever they are and just let it happen?
"I have fought the good fight." - Apostle Paul
Life can be so depressing. Is that the purpose of life? Make everyone feel like shit? Sometimes things just get to people. It totally aggravates them. It eats away at them a little at a time. And nobody really gives a shit. That is what is so depressing about this world; nobody cares. If one person in the world does care a little bit, what can that individual do to make a difference in the world? The answer: not much. The reason: nobody cares. If that one person tries to talk to others and convince them to change, it does not work because the person the individual is talking to does not care. Or if the person seems to care, deep down, there is no change, no difference is made. So then why should the individual care either? It is futile to try to make a difference because nobody cares. What if the individual accepts this and by doing that, tries to live apart from everyone else? This still does not work because in order for this separation to work, others need to be separate as well and help one another out. But since nobody else cares, then the individual, once again, must choose to conform or face extinction. Which would you choose? Conformity of course, because nobody wants to cease to exist. However, by conforming, the individual's individuality becomes extinct. The person no longer exists. The person no longer is apart from everyone else. The person has given up. The question that remains: what happens to the individual's mind if such a thing occurs? If every ounce of the individual has always been to make a difference in the world, but finds that it is impossible because nobody cares, then it can be tragic. The person is completely different from all the rest. To conform is like Jesus choosing not to die on the cross. It would completely alter the individual. Not necessarily that the person loses their mind, but the person cannot adjust properly. It tends to push the person toward insanity much quicker than normal. The individual feels like they have lost it all. The purpose has been served. It is now time to quit. The person is constantly asking the question: "Why even try?" And saying: "now look at me. After all that I said, here I go and do what I spoke against." The person has to find something to hold onto, something to maintain stability. In this life there are two types of people, observers and conformists. Which one are you? and you realize which one you are, can you face the consequences and take on the responsibilities? Nobody ever said life was easy, but nobody ever taught you that people do not care. Maybe you can make a difference in this forsaken world we like to call home sweet home.
At times life can seem so easy and happy then all of a sudden something happens that causes problems. It can be very hard to deal with and cause a person to go crazy a little more than normal. How depressing this can appear. It can completely tear a person's life apart, especially if others are involved. Why cannot things be a little easier? Are thse things placed before us to cause us to be more cautious in life? Maybe they are simply nothing but our own exaggerated ideas? Or does it really matter what it is? I tend to believe they are some combination of all of these.
Having someone special in a person's life is the greatest thing in the world. Just knowing that that person cares about you, that person loves you, that person always tries to help you. Granted, some people are not meant to have that type of person in their life, but that would mean that that person is strong enough to be alone and is the happiest without those things. However, others need that feeling; need that companionship. Especially when things began to look dark. The two can help one another during the darkest days. There will always be times when one is a little down and needs help, the other is there to help raise the one's spirits. In the end, both have become closer to one another and have surpassed another bump in the road of life together.
Sometimes things can get a little hectic and at other times its very simple. When things become a bit hectic one needs to just grin and bare it. Just take it a little at a time as if nothing is going on and get passed it. Do not get stressed out or it will become even more hectic than what it is. One would be surprised how big of a difference that can make.
It is a totally awesome feeling when one can hear others say that they have observed particular things about one's self. To just know that another person has been paying attention, is observant is truly an awesome thing.
"Love is like death. It is fulfillment and an evening after which nothing more may follow." - Hermann Hesse
Has anyone ever thought about what love is? Most have. People usually use analogies to describe the feeling of love. Normally saying love is like a ring of fire, a beautiful rose, etc. But has anyone thought that it is like death? In death a person reaches a goal; the fulfillment of their purpose. In love a person reaches a goal as well; their mate has been found. There is no more searching, that is it. The search is over. The purpose has been fulfilled. Therefore, love is like death in that respect. For practically everyone, death would be a blessing, the happiest time because then the person does not have to deal with the horrible things in life. The same would be for love. The person would not have to be concerned with finding that special person. Their life would be more peaceful. They would be much happier than before. So it appears that love is like death in some aspects. Does that imply then that death is like love? Another idea that presents itself is the duality of the two. Love is positive while death is negative. The two are opposed to each other, however, they are attracted to one another. One cannot exist without the other. If there was no death could one love? If there was no love could one die? Would the act of sacrifice be what it is if one or the other did not exist?
Some days can be just so freakin' awesome and make a person completely happy. Those days make a person love life and want to continue to live. Those days help people through the hard times. Those days are what I love best about life.
"Now I'm in over my head, for something I said, completely misread, I'm better off dead. . ." - Sum 41
Through life people have different experiences. Everyone comes from a different background. That is a part of what makes life so interesting and fun to learn about. However, sometimes we tend to get so involved with where we are in life we take for granted how great our life is. Sometimes we avoid looking at those who are not what we like, those who we do not agree with us. People do not try to learn and listen to those around them to fully understand them. What then are we to do? It is not justifiable to coerce someone else to follow what one believes. So then the question remains: What is a person to do? Some people would avoid talking with others to avoid any kind of confrontation or misunderstanding. Others will take it head on. Either way can be a good thing or a bad thing, it just depends upon the person. People have to be careful what they say and do around others. Does not this make the former solution sound like the best one? Maybe if we all just live in our own little world, do not talk to others and just keep quiet about what we believe, maybe then the world would be a better place and nobody would get hurt feelings or lose friends. Maybe then people would respect one another better because we know nothing about the other and never willb because everyone will be following the principle of "don't ask, don't tell." Life may be much better, who really knows. Let's try it and find out. Would it hurt to try something different for a change?
"My body aches from mistakes, betrayed by lust, we lie to each other so much that in nothing we trust." - Dave Mustaine
Does everyone get an overwhelming feeling sometimes like they just want it all to end and to just go away? Is the feeling real? Does something trigger the feeling? Should one listen to the feeling and follow it? What if someone were to follow the feeling but nothing changes? Or what if the feeling gets worse? Is there anything to do to counteract this? Is there a cure? Can the puzzle be solved? Must people live without having answers? When will people no longer suffer? When will pain cease to be? For everyone's sake, I hope it is very soon.
"Your a different person to different people everyday. You have to be careful not to mix them up." - Hicks
Why is it that people create diffents selves and put on a show for outhers? I admit that I do it too. I will not lie about something like that. The only reason I can think of is because we do not want to hurt other people. Another reason is because some people just want to be liked by others so they are willing to conform to what others like, believe, do and say. This would probably fall under a form of peer pressure. What if someone were not to do this? What would happen? I can tell you exactly what would happen. The person who does not wear a mask around others will be shunned. The person will be looked down upon. Conflict will continue non-stop. Does anyone want this type of life? No. Which brings us back to the original question: Why is it that people create diffents selves and put on a show for others? The final answer: because nobody wants the consequences, which is in other words: the truth.
"People who argue are open to pursuasion." - Alexander Solzhenitsyn
In life we come across people who want to argue, are willing to argue and refuse to not argue. Why are people like this? Is it because they have nothing better to do? Is it because of the environment that they had to survive through? No matter what the reason, people argue with different objectives. Some do it because they enjoy hearing themselves. Others because they want to exercise their mind. And still others because they want you to believe only what they believe and wish to argue with you to prove you wrong. Why are people like this? If only everyone had an open mind, the world may be a better place to live in. At least it might be a little less hateful. Less people would ponder and commit suicide.
In life sometimes things come all at once. Not only mental anguish, but also physical pain. Are the two linked somehow? Some people would argue they are. That pain is only in your mind. If you control the thought of pain, then there is no pain. Is this theory true? Maybe people ought to try it and find out. I am willing to bet that its partially true. Even though you may begin to believe that you feel no pain, you body is still feeling pain, your just overriding your nervous system in your brain. Life can be very tricky. Does that not just make life fun?
"Yesterday's answers have nothing to do with today's questions." - Dave Mustaine
When a person needs answers what do they do? They ask others for their opinions. What if there are no others to ask, what then? Or, what if there are others to ask, but no answers to give? Sometimes the answer to a problem is many faceted. It can also be relative, meaning it depends on the person because everyone is different. But does everyone really understand that? The fact that everyone is different, therefore, it implies that everyone will need to be treated a little differently because they are different. This does not mean to condone something that you believe is wrong, it only means that people must treat one another a little differently. Which also implies that people needs to learn about those around them and try to find out how to treat them. If one person does not try, then how can others try. We all have to work together. The burden cannot be carried by one individual. If only one person tries, then that person will be so depressed because others do not replenish the excitement that one person has. So then that one person gives up and does not try. That one person lives within themself and does nothing. Why? Because there is no reason to if no one else is willing. Thus we begin the downward spiral. How do we change this? How do we get out of the spiral? "If they can get you to asking the wrong questions they don't have to worry about answers." - Thomas Pynchon
"There's gotta be a heaven because I have already done my time in Hell." - Mike Ness
Why can't my life be easier than this?
"To hold her in my arms against the twilight and be her comrade for ever - this was all I wanted so long as my life should last . . . And this, I told myself with a kind of wonder, this was what love was: this consecration, this curious uplifting, this sudden inexplicable joy, and this intolerable pain." - Sheldon Vanauken
Life is always so complicated. And people are complicated, some more than others. What a great combination, just makes things even more complicated. Many times too people want things no matter how much they know they should want things so much. It is natural to desire things, especially when it is right in front of you. The only thing a person can really do is seek help from a Higher Source and try to deny themselves. Try to rebel from one's own nature, but do not go too far, it can have negative results. Wanting something is natural and to a point it is a good thing when someone knows what you want because that person can suprise someone with what they want. Just be patient and hope for the best, but do not expect anything because if it does not come, then the person will lose a little happiness. Try to take life one day at a time and enjoy what happens each of those days. If a person constantly wishes for things to come, then they will wish their life away and never enjoy the little sweet nothings that occur each day.
"The dead are lucky. It is over for them." - Rommel
People usually look at things from the common perspective, are content with that and never look at it from another view point. This can be done with all ideas. Take Christianity as an example. The idea that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, He paid the price and rose again so that "whoever believeth in Him may not perish but have everlasting life." I am willing to say that a large percentage of Christians interpret this event as a great thing and give praise to God. They say He died for our sins so we would not have to. But what if someone looks at it differently, what is one to do? What if the person really does not like the idea that now we are in debt to God because He sent His Son to pay the price? The individual does not like the idea of not having a choice, or rather, an easier choice that does not involve guilt. Or, what if the person wants to pay the price? There is no price to pay because it has already been done. The person can only choose to accept or reject Jesus. A choice has been ripped away from the individual. What is the person to do? What do others think of this person who feels this way? What would others do or say to this person? No matter what happens or is said, the individual cannot pay the price no matter how much the person wants to. In the end, the question remains: does it matter?
Times are great and times are bad; it just depends on what happens at that time. Sometimes one can live with what happens and other times one cannot. Some-times one can live a lie and other times one can not. If everyone was honest all the time then things would be easier, however, people would have more hurt feelings. Sometimes one can use a person and other times one can be used. The truth lies in how a person feels. Can one survive and move on or not? If one cannot move past the past then how can one live? If one cannot accept the truth, then how can one be honest? Must life continue at such a pace or can it be changed? Only time can tell in the end, but is it too late then?
"You don't die enough to cry." - Jack Kerouac
Everyone feels sorrow at somepoint in their life. The only difference is how a person deals with it and defines sorrow. What may be sad for one is not for another. Therefore, if one looks at life as a sad thing, then that one will feel a lot of sadness. If that be the case then does not that mean that happiness and sadness are relative and are in the eyes of the beholder? If such a thing is true then how does one know they are truly feeling the way they are supposed to feel? What if all a person's life they were happy then come to find out that might not be the case? What is a person supposed to do? Ignore the truth that it is possible their entire life is a lie and all that they felt was not the truth; that if they look at it a little differently then all that was should not have been.
"You can't take back, that one mistake that still lives on, after life it takes; in that one day that changed our lives and bitter memories are left behind." - Dexter Holland
We all make mistakes in our lives. We all wish we could take things back that we said, did, thought, wished for, or never did. What is a person to do in such a situation? Just continue on in their life as if nothing occured? Try to make a change, a difference? Or just simply give up? All in all, no matter what a person does there are always the memories. It is those memories and the thoughts that revolve around those memories that torment a person's soul till their dying day and who knows, maybe even after that. All that a person can really do is just live and face the consequences, but not give up; ever.
"Living fire begets cold, impotent ash." - Things Falls Apart
At times in life when a person does something they think is great, it can actually turn out to be some-hing that is really bad. People may believe that they are doing something that is great for someone else, when in fact they are causing great harm. What should a person do, how can a person know that what they are doing is causing harm to someone? There is no definite way, but if one pays attention to others like they are supposed to, then one can tell when something is beginning to cause a person harm. However, most people are so full of themselves and believe themselves to be right; they do not listen to the other person which causes problems.
"But nothing is lasting in this world. Even joy begins to fade after only one minute. Two minutes later, and it is weaker still, until finally it is swallowed up in our everyday, prosaic state of mind, just as a ripple made by a pebble gradually merges with the smooth surface of the water." - Nikolai Gogol
People tend to forget things. We forget who gave us this or who we gave that to. We try to forget things we do not want to remember and sometimes we forget things we do want to remember. We are constantly on the road of forgetfulness. People live in the world of today and tomorrow, not of yesterday. As we forget what makes us happy we become miserable in this world. How can we remember everything? Is there really a way? And if there is a way do we really want to follow throught with it? Some things may be best left not remembered. If only we could choose what we want to remember and not remember. But is that the life we really want to live?
"A dead man sits on all our judgement seats; and living judges do but search out and repeat his decisions. We read in dead men's books! We laugh at dead men's jokes and cry at dead men's pathos! We are sick of dead men's diseases, physical and moral, and die of the same remedies with which dead doctors killed their patients! We worship the living Deity according to dead men's forms and creeds. Whatever we seek to do, of our own free motion, a dead man's icy hands obstructs us! Turn our eyes to what point we may, a dead man's white, immitigable face encounters them, and freezes our very heart! And we must be dead ourselves before we can begin to have our proper influence on our own world, which will then be no longer our world, but the world of another generation, with which we shall have no shadow of a right to interfere." - Nathaniel Hawthorne
Should we even try to live? Should we even try to think for ourselves and make a difference in this realm? The answer continues to appear to be no. We should just give up and simply exist. This is central to existentialist philosophy. There is no point to this life, so why live? Everything we do is based on the knowledge of someone before us. All we do is take prior information and build upon it. History is linear, not cyclical. Is this what we really want or do we want something different? If history truly repeated itself then we never would have the problems we have today with society, technology and governments. Society would still be in the "stone age." Wouldn't that be grand! What a life wonderful like we would be living! At what price must we pay to continue in our linear progression to acheive our future?
"Hate is a choice. Love is a gift. An edict. A command. Love doesn't understand names or labels. It doesn't ask permission. It demands obedience. Hate can change love cannot." - Uncanny X-Men
Love is the most beautiful gift humanity has been given. If we could only choose one characteristic to describe civilization what would it be? Probably something along the lines of hatred, cruelty, inhumane, worthless, dead, etc. That would be the honest truth, but would anyone have the courage to say it? No. In the end, love will conquer all. When two people choose to follow their gift of love, then all things pass away and are made new. It is an absolute that will forever be, no matter what comes its way.
"You have something I want . . . five minutes here . . . an hour someplace . . . 2 . . . 4 . . . 8 . . . Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself . . . Everyday I die a little . . . It takes up The Time . . ." - William S. Burroughs
With the progression of society there is also the progression of man. Each day we grow older. Each day we lose another day of our life. If this did not occur our lives would be very boring. What could we do to pass the time by? All we do everyday is pass the time away until we reach our destination. Isn't this a great way at looking at life? Doesn't this just make the time pass by even quicker and make one realize the accomplishments that have been made and their significance? Of course. Life is so great and everyone makes so many significant decisions that one cannot deny such a beautiful statement. Let us all continue to live our lives and make a difference in the world. Everyone knows we can.
"The Wheel of time keeps turning and history marches on - there is nothing you can do about that." - Anwar el-Sadat
Some people would like to believe that we can create a time machine and make a difference in our history. What if we could? Would that be the greatest thing for this moral world? Just think of the all the repercussions this world would have to face. Would we remember what once was and know what is? If that is so then that will certaintly help our insanity. Life would be so much better if that were the case. Would people learn their lesson and not do the evil they have done? Of course, they would never go back and change it so they could get away with it. Things of fantasy will always be just that, fantasy. Do not confuse that with true science-fiction, there is a major difference. We can't change our past, we must live the horrors of ourselves and try to cope with it, how hard that may be, that is all we can do.
"I'm losing ground, you know how this world can beat you down, I'm made of clay, I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way. I'm always falling down the same hill, bamboo puncturing this skin and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall I'm drowning in, 2 feet below the surface I can still make out your wavy face and if I could just reach you maybe I could leave this place. I do not want this, don't you tell me how I feel, you don't know just how I feel, I stay inside my bed, I have lived so many lives, all in my head, don't tell me that you care, there really isn't anything, is there? You would know, wouldn't you? You extend your hand to those who suffer, to those who know what it really feels like, to those who've had a taste, like that means something and oh so sick I am, and maybe I don't have a choice and maybe that is all I have and maybe this is a cry for help. I do not want this, don't you tell me how I feel, you don't know just how I feel, I want to know everything, I want to be everywhere, I want to fuck everyone in the world, I want to do something that matters." - Trent Reznor
Sometimes it does not matter what other people say or do, one still feels like nobody cares. It's as if your the stench from the shit on someone's shoe. They can get rid of the shit, but not you. So they simply bide their time and wait till you go away so they can get back to the way things used to be before you ever got in their way. No matter what you try to do, no matter how much you claim to be something else, your still the stench they wish was not there. Maybe one day all things will be different and nobody will judge one another. The eyes of the vulture will not be looking down waiting for the moment to strike.
"[a]ll our science is just a cookery book, with an orthodox theory of cooking that nobody's allowed to question, and a list of recipes that mustn't be added to except by special permission from the head cook . . . Christianity without tears - that's what soma is." - Aldous Huxley
Science is the greatest thing that has happened to man since he first laid foot on this forsaken rock we like to call home. In science we learn the way people look at things, the elements, electrons, neutrons, gravity, medicine, etc. These things, we are not allowed to question. There is no room to do so. If we do, there is nothing else to say except just to ask a question because our minds are so limited and science can only explain the things that are observable, if one asks a question, it is placed in another category such as philosophy or metaphysics or whatever and it is not considered by mainstream scientists. What if the way we look at the things we have observed through science is inaccurate in some way that alters everything? Could society cope with the change or would there be a massive suicide because people cannot accept a change to their way of thinking? Or, would nobody allow the truth to be told and keep everyone in the dark believing a lie?
"What do you want in life?...To be free." - Once Upon A Time in Mexico.
Most anyone who was given a choice of slavery and freedom would choose the latter. Who wouldn't? The problem is how far does one believe they can be free? Some people believe that they are free right now, however, someone else in the same situation would say they are not free. This is a problem for anyone who thinks about it. All one can do in life is strive for that goal; to be free from whatever they want to be free from. Once that is acheived, enjoy it to its fullest.
". . . For although in a certain sense and for light-minded persons non-existent things can be more easily and irresponsibly represented in words than existing things, for the serious and conscientious historian it is just the reverse. Nothing is harder, yet nothing is more necessary, than to speak of certian things whose existence is neither demonstrable nor probable. The very fact that serious and conscientious men treat them as existing things brings them a step closer to existence and to the possibility of being born." - Hermann Hesse
People are constantly searching for the truth. Historians especially. They look for questions that have no answers or question the answers that have been given. Hence the birth of conspiricy theories. Questioning things is always the best route. Never give in and just simply accept something because that is what everyone says, question it and actually try to find the answers for yourself. If a person can truly understand what they have learned, then are a step ahead of everyone else. Many people in today's society and especially in the education system do not know as much as they should, nor do they understand half of what they are being taught. They see no purpose in learning the material being taught to them. No reason to even try to apply it to their lives. These are the leaders of tomorrow. Aren't we proud of them? How happy we all will be when those of today take power tomorrow. They will know so much about life and where we came from that they will know exactly what needs to be done. Why? Because they never asked questions. Never thought for themselves. They were always spoon fed what they needed to know to make it through life. Our futures look so happy.
"An old woman was walking down the road when she saw a gang of thugs beating a poisonous snake. She rescued the snake and carried it back to her home, where she nursed it back to health. They became friends and lived together for many months. One day they were going into town, and the old woman picked him up and the snake bit her. Repeatedly. "Oh, God," she screamed, "I am dying! Why? I was your friend. I saved your life! I trusted you! Why did you bite me?" The snake looked up at her and said, "Lady, you knew I was a snake when you first picked me up." - A parable
Why are people so ignorant? Some truly believe that the way they look at things is really the way things are. Just because someone believes something does not necessarily mean its true. If someone were to beleive that elephants could fly they just choose not to, does that mean they do? People are so stupid. They actually trust others, which it is ok to trust some people but not everyone, especially politicians. Why do people believe such non-sense they speak? I guess they like being led like blind sheep and not giving a flying shit in the world about their lives or their future. Just imagine the power people would have if they actually cared about something and tried to do something about it rather than just accepting what is handed them.
"Act only on that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law." - Immanuel Kant
Sometimes in life a person can come across many things that were always there. Whether they were already known or not, or whether the person cared or not. Theoretically speaking, what if someone were to analyze one's self and see the way they treat others. They treat them all equally, they are all treated the way the person wishes to be treated. Is this good or bad? How can it be bad if the person tries to treat everyone the way others have always been treated; especially if they are treated the way the person wants to be treated. If one wishes to be left alone then how, if the person believes that all others should do the same, especially towards the one individual, treat others? Should the person treat them differently? If so, would that not give the wrong impression about what one wants? If being left alone is central to one's belief, philosophy of life, then how can one act differently? That would go against about everything the person stood for and believed would it not? Or would it? Is there a way that the person can treat others differently, yet remain honest with one's self and them? Maybe the idea that some people are more extroverted and others are more introverted can help to explain this phenomenon. Those who are more introverted are more likely to keep to themselves and not open up to others and will expect the same in return. If this is so, then how can one truly change? Because then wouldn't that imply that that is the way the person has been created? Or is it that that is the way the person has become because of factors that have influenced the person's life?
"I want to live, I want to love, but it's a long hard road out of Hell." -Marylin Manson
Why does this life have to be so difficult? Why can it not be easier? Maybe that is the point, to just make people go crazy and wish things were different. But why? I never asked for this. I didn't ask for my life to be complicated, or did I? I must have, that is the only way that it could have been given to me, right? Eastern philosophy would say that life is only hard because that is the way that I am looking at it. That must be why it is difficult, it is my perspective on life; it is difficult. But what if in reality it is not, what if it is truly hard? Is it wrong to take the easiest path? If that is what I truly want to do, why can't I do it? Why can't I bring myself to do it? Why do I have to choose the hardest path? I am constantly making things harder than what they are, why? I have all these things about me, but I don't want to say anything to anybody. I don't want to cause a problem, I don't want to be the cause of controversy. I hate many things. I hate society, I hate life, but I can't do anything about them. I just have to sit and watch them kill themselves. In reality, I know what I want, but I also know that that will never happen. So what am I to do? Settle for less, but isn't that going against what I have always said, "don't settle for less, don't choose the lesser of two evils . . ." There are many things that if I choose to do, then I am going against what I have said. There are things right now, that if someone were to look at they would think that I am going against what I have said, but the way that I look at it, it is a circumstantial. Granted, there are a few things that I do have a double standard, but I am working on those, but at least I admit it, unlike others. If everyone would just shut the f*ck up, including myself, then the world would be a quiet place. I am more of an introvert and I like that, but at the same time I feel like there is something wrong with that, like I shouldn't like it, but it is nice and warm and I can feel like I am safe. I live my life the way I believe others ought to live, so why would I want to change that? How can I look at myself in the mirror, if I could, and say that I am happy with myself if I don't live the life I believe others ought to live. I want to be left alone and I want others to be left alone. I don't want some people to know about me, but they do anyway, so I have to live with that. I have to live with the choices I have made. I wish I could forget everything, then I could just start over. If there could be a barrier placed on my thoughts preventing me from thinking certain things and from doing certain things, but I don't know that it is there, I would never think about being totally free. I would never have the thoughts and desires that I have now, I would in essence be a mindless robot. That would be easier, that would be better, because then I would never feel pain and nobody else could be hurt by me. It would not be a part of my nature. And if other people wanted to be able to have the same benefits, they would be able to go through the same thing, but they would have to be told of the consequences and all that they are giving up. How many would be willing to give up all of that just to erase their memory. I tend to think that only a very few would be. Why do I have to be so picky about what I like and dislike? "I can't those type of people", "I don't really care to hang out with them because such and such", "I really don't like those people because they just follow the crowd", "those people are so cool because they defy all that society stands for." That is me, but is that a good thing? At least I know what I like and don't like! That is about all I can really say. I know others don't like that, but look at how many people do the same thing. I try not to point at others because there are three fingers pointing right back at me. Solution: don't ever point at others. Alternative solution: point at yourself so then there are three fingers pointing back at everyone else. I am always pointing at myself, at times I point at others, but mostly myself. I believe that I am to take the board out of my eye before I ever tell others about the splinter in their eye. So that is what I do and try not to complain about others, only myself. I am my own critic. I have enough problems as it is and I don't need to be adding more to them by butting into everyone else's business. I try to do what I say, I try to keep the promises that I have made, I try to do so many things I just want to quit. I want to all be over. I want to be gone. I want to accomplish my task and move on. I hate it here. I hope everyone can hear me! I HATE THIS LIFE AND I HATE THIS WORLD! I HATE SOCIETY AND ALL THAT IT STANDS FOR! I HATE EDUCATION, I HATE CONTROL, I HATE PEOPLE, I HATE MYSELF, I HATE HATING EVERYTHING! When will all the hatred end?
"actions have consequences and not everything is under my control." - pay it forward
Sometimes I wish things were under my control and other times I am glad they are not. I wish it was all or nothing because I really hate the way this life is, especially with some things. Things hurt, which is normal for my life. I tend to not expect things so that I am not hurt, but when I begin to expect things because I feel like I can, I get hurt because what I began to expect doesn't happen. I don't like that, so my solution is to not expect things, that way I can handle life much easier because I expect nothing out of it. It is now just a matter of getting back to that, especially with certain ideas. Will I continue to live my life in this fashion or will I ever be able to expect things and get them in return? Is it really a good thing to expect things? Should one even do such a thing? Isn't expecting things a bit selfish, an atrocity of the mind? All I can say is; is that I need to get things straight in my head and figure out what how I should feel about things and what I should expect or not before future choices are faced.
Life is great at times and can be extremely fun. Especially when one does the simple things in life and gains a better appreciation for them. Why don't people see the simple things in life that are free to all to enjoy? Will they ever?
"Twist my words the way that you do because it falls on deaf ears now, still I've learned to numb your views but they're still inside me." - Spineshank
Why must people try to control everyone else? Why do people how they truly feel and say things that do not mean what they are actually doing? Everyone is at fault for doing this. Nobody can say they have never done such a thing, however, some do it more than others and some do it and do not realize they are and still others do it and do not even try to change. How are others supposed to treat these type of people? Should they continue to treat them as if nothing is different? Should they say something to the person? Would people even listen to such criticism? One thing that disturbs me is when someone tells me they care about me and trust me, but they don't trust someone else or even like the person. What the person is really saying is that they don't trust either one, especially the other person and their words about caring become meaningless because their actions and words are saying something else. What solution do I have when something like this appears? I could always get rid of the people that are not liked by the people who complain, but isn't that letting others control my life and decide for me who is acceptable and not? Are people not given free choice to choose who they wish to associate with without interference by others? Apparently not according to some. One solution woudl be simply to do what one wants and ignore what others say. Don't let others control one's life. People should try to stop manipulating others to conform to their own beliefs. If a person believes it is not wrong to hang out with someone who does drugs or whatever else that most people disagree with, then who gives a flying shit, leave the person alone. Many people are not like that. They continuously berate the person and tell them they do not approve and should not do this or that. They continue to tell the person how wrong they are even though most of the time those who are trying to manipulate the person to believe and do what they want them to hardly knows anything about whatever it is. Will these people ever change? Maybe, then again, it is hard to have any hope for human society.
"We gotta get out of this place if it's the last thing we ever do, we gotta get out of this place, there's a better life for me and you." - Jello Biafra
Who is right in this world? In this little world we call life, who is really right? Is it our parents, the authority, ourselves, our friends, who? Who the f%ck are we supposed to respect? Those who don't want to be bothered or everyone else? Should we try to care for those outside our family or just remain enclosed in our own little bubble? What if those who are the authority over us don't agree with us? If we can't do what we believe, what we like to do because those over us don't agree with what we do or want to do then what are we supposed to do. Why can't this life be f%cking easier? Why can't everyone just simply respect one another? What can a person do if someone tells them they love them then in the same f%cking sentence the person says in so few words, "when you leave I would be happier if you never returned because I don't want to be close to anyone?" How is a person to feel? What the HELL is a person to do in this situation. How can someone live this type of life when there are others who don't want that? The person who leaves would be able to deal with it and could live happily, however, anyone else involved may not be able to live that type of life. And of course anyone who may come into the person's life in the future may not fully understand the situation. While it all may seem easy, it becomes difficult when others are involved. Is this life what should be? Or is it a design that should not be? To top it all off, what if the person tells you that you are not to tell anyone, ANYONE, the reason behind their statement? What then? Especially if there are others who the person has promised to be completely honest with, what is the person supposed to do? Doesn't this show that the person knows and believes that others don't like, or wouldn't appreciate or accept the person's belief in remaining secluded from everyone else; for not going out and spending time with others; for not inviting others in to the person's life? Why are people so f%cked up in today's society? Why can't people just respect one another and give up some of their selfishness and enjoy and be happy in what others do, especially those closest to them? Maybe that is only something that special people can have while those who don't deserve it can only think about having it.
"Sometimes I think I'm gonna drown, cause everyone around's so hollow; I'm alone. Sometimes I think I'm going down, but no one makes a sound; they follow and I'm alone. Yeah if I make it I'd be amazed, just to find tomorrow, one more day and I'd be amazed, just to see it waiting and if I make it I'm still alone, no more hope for better days, but if I could change then I'd really be amazed and when you know you can't relate to one more shiny face your heart breaks; no one cares and when you know you can't go on cause everything is wrong your heart breaks but no one's there." - Dexter Holland
Why can't someone make it through one day without any problems? Why can't everyone just be happy and try to be nice to others? Oh wait!!! That is the way everyone is supposed to be, I almost forgot about that. Everyone is supposed to act like beautiful a-holes. I guess I was just born during the wrong time period. Or maybe I am just old fashioned. Either way, I guess I just don't get it. Maybe one day I will fully understand why everyone is so screwed up and I might be able to completely understand myself. Would that really be a good thing? I would tend to think so, but who really knows. One day all of this will end and everyone will realize how wrong we all are. But maybe we have time to change ourselves and be able to start over, or at least be able to make amends. We are humans. We are supposed to act like humans, not like animals; are we?
If life is great, then why do I hate it so much? . . . I doubt anybody cares enough or understands enough to even try to answer this question.
"I have your word." "What do you think I am, human?" - Matrix Revolutions
Funny how in today's society a person's word means nothing to others unless they sign a piece of paper and hand it to lawyers. It takes a person with a college education to determine, whether a piece of paper with ink on it, binds a person to the agreement that was established. Is this what society has become? Just a place where what a person says means nothing. Nobody cares what you say, but if you write it down, sign it and give it to a lawyer then they will value what you say. That really teaches people the value of being honest. 'Only be honest when you are signing a contract and only believe others when they do the same.' Is that why we have a marriage license? Because a married couple cannot trust one another, nor do they believe that the other person loves them unless they have that license that binds them together, the contract that is acknowledged by the state because lawyers say that it is a binding contract. That sure is great to know. To know that people do not trust each other, even the person who they say they love unless they have signed a contract that says they do. I really doubt that is the reason for the license, but think about it. . . couldn't that imply that reasoning? Just look at society today when they look at marriage. It is as if some people look at it that way. Watch divorce court. They are the ones helping to raise and influence the leaders of our future. Is there a way to stop this future from coming? Sure there is, but nobody wants to do it.
"Don't care if 'n' you die, ain't got no reason to cry. Don't feel, don't need to. Your world ain't nothing to me. I'm fear. I'm your heretic. I'm doom waiting for the number. 7 up 7 to the 6 on 6. Bring it on to me and I'm tired of being alive spite of the bleeding. Bleeding light and I'm tired of their bleeding light. Don't try to feed me full of your lies no regrets to bring me no tears, never scared of things men fear, never easy, never clean to be a beast among human sheep. I am fear. I am your heretic. I am your doom waiting for the number 7 on 7 to the 6 on 6, bring it on to me. And I'm tired of being alive spite of the bleeding. Bleeding light and I'm tired of their bleeding light. Don't try to feed me full of your lies and I'm tired of being alive spite of the bleeding. Bleeding light and I'm tired of their bleeding light. Don't try to feed me full of your lies Oh yea, oh yea I'm tired, tired of their bleeding Oh yea, oh yea." - Glenn Danzig
People tend to get tired of living sometimes, especially when their life seems to not be going the way they want. Even then, sometimes people just don't want to live anymore and are tired of doing it. What makes a person feel this way? Many things can. A person can have a lot on their mind and just want it all to stop. People can also just have a lot of problems they have to deal with all the time, whether it be physical, social, or whatever; the person just wants it all to end. The person could also have to deal with a lot of memories, thoughts, images and things that really bother them but they can't do anything to change things so it becomes too much for the person and they become tired of living. It bogs them down so much their life becomes too hard to live, at least they feel that way; it doesn't necessarily mean it is just because they feel that way. However, sometimes it truly is difficult, but nobody can do anything to help ease their burden. I have said for years that the worst punishment a person can receive is the memory of their mistakes. That is probably the most common reason for a person to become tired of living and want it all to end. And it is these people that everyone should consider. People who think this way are few and far between. They are different than everyone else and everyone can see it, however, they don't try to understand them; instead they try to judge them and force them to follow the crowd's beliefs, values and ideas. Everyone doesn't do it the same either. Some will do it in an obvious manner, other will try to manipulate the person and others will try to make one feel bad which may force the person to change. But this does not work. It will only cause the person to push back and move further into a state of depression and become even more tired of living. If people would only stop and consider others. Instead of judging, try understanding. Instead of forcing others to respect your beliefs, try forcing yourself to respect others' beliefs. Maybe then people would feel more accepted and listen to you. And maybe the world will become a better place to live and no one will become tired of living. But that is doubtful. You can't live that way can you?
"You know this feeling just ain't right. . . cold feelings in the night." - Mike Ness
I try to be nice to people, I try to be civil, I try to treat everyone without a judgemental attitude, but it comes to a point when I just don't want to try anymore. Everyone else just gets on my last f%cking nerve and I want to let him know everything I think about them and rub it in. But I continue to hold it all back. Do they do anything to try to be nice to me? No. I get treated like shit, or better yet, just simply ignored. I want to die laughing when they do it because they try to not be obvious but they are so f%cking funny when they do it I can't help myself. Even though it is so damn funny, I want to continue to show the person I can't be pushed. I will not back down. I will not give in to their ideas, beliefs and way of life. I am my own person and I would rather die than give up who I am just to please those who I don't affect me. The big problem I have with them is that they call themselves Christians. I wonder if they ask themselves what would Jesus do? I doubt they do because if they did they would treat everyone differently. How did Jesus treat the liars, whores, murderers and all sinners? With love. Did He ignore them? Did He treat them like shit? Did He judge them even though He knew everything about them? The answer is no to all of them. He loved each and every one of them. He was criticized for associating with those type of people. If we are to be like Christ then how are we supposed to act? Oh yeah, that's right, we treat all sinners like shit and rub it in their f%cking face. I am so glad Christians are following what Christ taught!
"Death is the entrance into great light." - Victor Hugo
Most people don't think about Death the way a select have chosen to. For some it is the absence of life and for others it is the taboo that no one speaks about. Death is probably the most intriguing aspects of life one can ponder about. It has its own pattern that nobody can determine. Some may believe they have found an answer, found the pattern Death follows, but the truth is Death is its own pattern; there are no boundaries for Death. This implies that nobody can ever know the truth about Death. What a person may believe is Death's pattern cannot be the true pattern because that limits the power of Death. It is omni-present. All Death knows is what itself is. All Death can accomplish is what its name means. Death is the mediator between flesh and spirit. So then why are people afraid of Death? Or are people afraid of something else? I tend to believe that people are attached to this world are do not want to miss any-thing and realize what they have missed out on and want to do if they can just continue to live. People tend to become attached to this world too much. That is why I try not to be attached to things. I just don't care about a lot of things. I have thought for years why don't I just give up all my stuff and try to live a more humble life? I guess in all reality I too am attached to this world no matter how much I hate it. Does that make me a hypocrite? Will people now not listen to some things I say? Only time will tell.
"Books are cold but sure friends." - Victor Hugo
In life we come across many people. Some we would like to call friends and others we would like not to call enemies. No matter what people tell me I continue to believe that best friends are best enemies. They are the ones who will try to control you or try to manipulate you or try to make you feel bad and live the way they do or look down on you because you don't follow their beliefs and are not like them. Why do we need friends? Aristotle says we're social beings, does that mean we need friends? Not necessarily, that only means that we socialize with people. I can just as easily have a short conversation with a stranger and walk away feeling more fulfilled than I do with having long conversations with friends I have known for a few years. That does not mean that I do not enjoy talking with my friends I have had for a few years, only that I can enjoy others just as much if not more. Some people will find happiness in other things, such as books. Their friends become what they drown them-selves in. Does this mean they are lonely? No. Does this mean they are not as happy? No. Everyone is different. For some people others are simply aggravating and they would rather remain isolated than to associate and deal with all the shit in society, espcially among so-called friends. "Life is a bitch then you die. . ." Do what makes you happy and enjoy it and don't give a damn what anybody else tells you.
"Your generation is the first in years that hasn't produced a convincing sub-culture." "How about punks, what do you call them?" "Unconvincing. Now you take hippies. They had a talk, a literature, central figures, splinter groups - a vision. They were political and they were even anti-fashion. Punks are kind of a negation of growth, at best a fad." "That's not true. Punks have a music, and a style." "The only ones who have any kind of legacy are those who have. There's no distinguishable counter-culture. . . The counter culture eventually becomes the culture." - Arthur Nersesian
A lot can happen in a few days and a tremendous amount can be thought about in a few seconds. Sometimes the thoughts will react with each other and other times they will do nothing at all. A person's thoughts can influence an entire world. Look at what happend when Friedrich Neitchze published his thoughts. Those thoughts are a reaction to the culture. Then those become a new culture which breeds a reaction to that culture and the cycle continues. By thinking of a person's thoughts in this manner, what value do we then place upon our thoughts? Is this something we really ought to value or should we try to think of our thoughts in a different light? It is truly scary to think that what we believe for ourselves to be right could possibly influence hundreds of thousands of people over a very short period of time. Should we be allowed to possess this much power? We will learn the answer when it is too late.
"Fate's a sadist." - Arthur Nersesian
How much do we take life for granted? How much do we not pay attention or care about other people who are below us, all people do is think aobut their own life, how much they are going to make with their job, getting a degree from college, getting married, having kids, what they are going to do tomorrow, etc. We do not sit down and think about what we can do for the poor, the homeless, the parentless. We bitch and complain about how bad our lives are, but there are other people out there who have it worse than us. We cry if we do not think we are going to be able to make a car payment or cell phone payment when there are people out there who don't know if they are going to live to see tomorrow. All we think about is our-selves and what we are going to do with our lives. How much do we sacrifice for those who may die by tomorrow? Is anyone willing? Can we really do any-thing about it? Maybe we can. Let's hope for the best.
"He who marches out of step hears another drum." - Ken Kesey
Isn't it fascinating how many people in the world do not like, appreciate or respect those who are different. Maybe fascinating is the wrong term, more like it is expected. That has to be one of the biggest problems in this world. What do people usually say when they begin to get to know someone who is quite different than them in their appearance, their world view, their interests and such? Usually something along the lines of: "that person is weird," or "they're strange." Why do people think these things? Because they are using themselves as a basis for judgment. Is this line of reasoning correct? I would answer no but I'm sure some would answer yes. I can personally say that I have been one to be on the receiving end of those comments and others that are along the same line. It is not appreciated but one gets used to it so it doesn't ever surprise the person when they hear it. However, just because others say it doesn't necessarily mean that it is true, it only means that the person who says it has no idea what they are talking about because if they really sat down to get the know the person then things would be different. More people would be accepted by others. And this may also have an impact on society's depression, nihilism and suicide rates. It would drastically affect the nation's culture. Are you willing to try a little harder? How can we expect others to do it if we don't begin to do it ourselves?
"And yet when death approaches, the welcome is not great." - Goethe
There are people in the world who desire death and there are those who do not want to face death. I have thought both thus far in my life. It is a paradox for me when I take the time to think about which one I truly follow. Both are appealing and contradictory to one another, yet somehow I am able to combine the two to make sense. I do not fear death and cannot wait till I am able to die because I like what I believe is on the other side, however, there are a few things on this earth that I would like to do and would like to continue to have and enjoy, yet I know that I should not have the attachment that I do to these earthly treasures. When death comes for me how will I act? I would like to believe I will continue to be happy and not let it affect me, but only time reveals the truth.
"And, of course, once you've started using your own eyes, you'll see that there's no question of being alone. Nobody's alone unless he wishes to be." - Aldous Huxley
It seems like almost everyday I learn that I am all alone in this world. No matter how much I may have in common with someone I find out that there are still things that are different and separate me from everyone else. I cannot say that "so-and-so is just like me" because those people are different than me in some way. How many people do I know have not tried some type of substance? (this only includes those who I spend a lot of time with) the answer: 0. Why? Maybe its a conspiracy against me. I am to feel alone for the rest of my freakin' life. Are other people not strong enough? Do they not care enough? Or maybe it is just people do not care if they are different from others or not. I am driven to be so different than other people that I have not done or said certain things and I have chose to live a certain way. So maybe all-in-all I'm the one I should be questioning, not others. Maybe I should be the one changing, not be so different, not be so extreme, not care as much. But that is part of the problem, I don't want to be like others, I want to be different, but I also want others to be different too. I have so many friends who do things for the experience and that is fine for them, but why not go so far to just not do anything at all? Why is this even such a small deal to me? Why can't I just accept things and leave well enough alone? Why do I want to be so different and live my life the way I do? Will I ever find the answer to these questions?
"I'm in living Hell makes me wonder if I'm alive, can't seem to bring myself to figure out why . . . I live in a world of shit; been left here to die. Sometimes I realize my mind is meant to go away, never have I seen your god so why should I believe in faith." - Sully Erna
Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to not care anymore and just let life pass you by and leave you behind? I have those days often. Very few people truly have those days, but many believe they have those days. The way you can know if it is true or not is if your thoughts and feelings are truly worse than others. If you believe the result of your thoughts, if they persisted, would be the epilogue of your life then you have had one of those days. Why have I been created this way? I do not believe anyone can answer me this question, but I ask just in case. What really makes me tick? Why does my mind follow the patterns it does? When will it stop? I have never really liked life or all that it has stood for. When I watch people today and see how they treat others around them it only reinforces my feelings towards life. Now let's not be too extreme on this subject because there are things that I do enjoy in this life and I am very thankful for, but even those things appear to be what makes life bearable for me. They make me want to live instead of just be. However, even those things do not continue to make me happy all the time, but "that's life" everyone tells me, but you know what. . . I don't really care if it is or not, I'm still not satisified. I want more. I want to be perfectly and completely happy, but that is futile thinking isn't it? What do I care? If I stop wanting that then what else do I have? Wouldn't that mean that I have given up hope for a better tomorrow? I can't do that and be able to look myself in the mirror what little I can already. People already don't treat me the way I want to be treated, even those I am close to, but I don't really expect them to. I expect more of myself than I do others. Why? Because I am supposed to live my life according to the way I beleive and I'm not supposed to point out the faults in others and just because I am wanting to be treated a certain way does not necessarily mean that I should point it out to everyone and tell them how I feel so they can do it because that is being selfish. If they can't do it on their own then fine, so be it, I'll live. I have for quite some time. Life is a bitch and so are feelings. I don't like feelings about as much as I don't like life, just a little less. I always love it when people try to do something and it really embarrasses a person or makes them feel bad or stupid and the person doing it doesn't even realize it because they're not paying attention to the person and/or they don't know the person well enough to know that that is how it makes the person feel or especially when the victim says "don't" but the idiot does it anyway. That never fails to raise a person's self-esteem in the southern direction. Why do all do this? Why can't we help each other and never make someone feel stupid or however it makes a person feel. In conclusion, I beleive Sully expresses my feelings best when he said: "can you feel it, I got to live with it everyday, and I can't take the pressure; I'm going insane, now go away."
No wonder so many individuals ponder suicide, or go to school and murder their peers, friendships destroyed, etc. People in this world are so mean to each other. Everyone is stubborn to some degree. How is a person to treat someone who is being stubborn? That depends on the individual. I know for some people they need to be pushed and in order to do that others should be just as stubborn to knock some sense into them. For others, they should be left alone for awhile and in due time the person will come around. And still others may never come around or those who will when asked the first time. The problem is that most people don't fully realize how to treat those who are being stubborn. Sometimes they think they do and they try to do one of those listed above but they end up making things worse. It especially happens when a person wants to be left alone but others persist to push and push which only drives them further inward. Then some others will get very upset with the person who is being stubborn and will be mean and say things trying to shock the person and knock some sense into them, which instead, it only reveals what the person figured was to begin with. Many people know how others will respond and treat them when they act a certain way and when others respond accordingly, it only proves the person's ideas, which is not necessarily a good things because the person was probably wanting others to not respond in that manner. This then only causes those people to be labeled: "just like everybody else." Is this what we want to be called? For some I'm sure it doesn't matter, but for others, including myself, I despise the label and try my best not be called that. But does that really matter? It is only words with a meaning. All people have to do is change the meaning or not care about it and continue to live their life the way they want to. Why do people even bother trying to help others when all-in-all it doesn't even matter to a lot of people. Most people in this world probably don't care; so why bother? This world will never care. This world will not grow up and mature. This world will never erase the quotable and ever popular phrase "F*ck you." This world will never ask for forgiveness. This world will never give a flying shit about anything that is ever done. Why should it even continue to exist? Why doesn't the end of the world just begin to tonight when we least expect it so it kills off most of the "dumbfounded dipshits"? Maybe its so that we can continue to produce more dipshits so that when it does stop there will be more for the taking. That's pretty intelligent isn't it? Let's just sit back and wait and see what happens shall we?
"You want to know something? We are still in the Dark Ages. The Dark Ages-they haven't ended yet." - Kurt Vonnegut
Something I would like to know is: what is my purpose here on earth? Is it to make someone happy or many people? Is it to end up hurting all those I care about? Or is it something I will only know in the end? Even then, will I truly know what my purpose was? What if I happen to miss it and I don't fulfill my destiny, what then? I have believed for a long time and still do that once a person fulfills their purpose they die. For some, their death is only a prelude to their purpose. How can someone truly know what their purpose is and everything that it entails? How many people do not know what to look for and end up missing their chance to fulfill their purpose? If people do, following my belief does that mean the person still dies? In other words, the person has no alternate purpose and there is no second chance; either you do or you don't. Therefore, say at time x the individual was to die because by that time their purpose would have been fulfilled, however, the person did not fulfill the purpose by time x and their chance has been blown, they failed in so few words; will that person will still die at time x? I would think so, but of course that means the person had a time limit to fulfilling their destiny. And that would make sense too because eveyone says: "carpe diem." If we did not have a time limit then why should we try to seize the opportunities that we have? Life is short and time is what we need more of so we must always be on alert and watch for opportunities when they come our way because in the end . . . we only have ourselves to blame.
"We all want romance. Love. Tenderness. Passion. We want the adrenaline rush of the bad, and to still believe that good wins over evil . . . that good people must be incapable of doing bad things." - Uncanny X-men
Some people want to control others and some want to be controlled by others. Is this healthy for society? Some people controlling and others not. Some people are naturally attracted to one of those two types of people; is that really a good thing? That gives a lot of responsibility to the idea of what attraction is. But even then, what really is attrac-tion? Is it "chemistry"? Is it physical? Or is it something spiritual? Something attracts one person to another; whatever one desires to label it. There is a reason as to why people do what they do, it is not just done for nothing. Either the person is screaming out for attention, or they are feeling depressed, rejected, loved, whatever reason there may be, but there is always a reason. We as individuals must try to see things in people and try to help out in some small way. If that only means that we say hello to someone and truly mean it. It is usually the little things that mean the most to people, even when they don't admit it. Will people ever get to the point where they truly care about how they make others feel? Will people begin to sacrifice themselves in order to help others? I doubt it, but at least those who try may help to make a small difference on society.
"I fought the law and the law won." - The Clash
It is so easy for people to get aggravated with things in life, especially the small things. I know it is for me at least. If I am already aggravated with something then all the little things that I can normally deal with really start to get on my nerves. Why do people allow this to happen? Is there even a way that someone can prevent it from starting? The oddest thing for me is that something won't bother me one day, but another day it will under different circumstances and the same thing will aggravate me to death. Why does this happen to me? Is it that I have control over whether it does bother me or not? If so, why don't I just let it go each and every time? But what if it isn't just me? What about everyone else? Why don't they understand me? Why don't they try to understand me? People can be cruel sometimes, but they can be nice when they want to be. Many times people try to take advantage of others and try to beat them down to feel good about themselves. Another thing that people do, which hurts some people, but not everyone, is they will assume things about a person, whatever their reasons are for making the assumptions. Wouldn't that aggravate anyone? Even if the person just questions the individual, wouldn't that aggravate anyone? Because that shows that the person is only looking at appearance. Who care about appearance? It means nothing and should mean nothing. It only stereotypes people. Why do people do this? Why does everyone have to label everyone else? Why can't we just see each other for who we are? As other people who are similar and different than us. I have always tried to fight the stereotypes. Some people, afterwards, realize that all people aren't so bad. Unfortunately, there are still others who don't care and continue to hold to their ideas. But as long as I am trying to make a difference I must stick to it no matter how hard it gets. I just wish others understood me and those like me. Will there ever be a day that will happen? I am beginning to lose hope a little everyday.
Today was another long day. Soon tomorrow will be another long day. Yesterday was not too long ago, but tomorrow will only be another today. Today's are just too long. Forever is too hard for people to rationally concieve of. No wonder it is easy for people to say it. But it is hard for people to say today or tomorrow and yesterday is much easier for everyone to say than those. When will there be no tomorrow's? Why can't we stop time and allow everyone to catch up? Does anyone else even want this to occur? What does one person's idea(s) matter with a world full of other people? People don't care about others. People don't care about other's feelings. People don't care how they treat those around them. People don't care about anyone but themselves and what they want. When someone needs help what do people do? They try to force you to get over your problem. Is that what we need? For some maybe, but I'm sure there are others who don't need that and it may even make them feel worse about themselves. But none of that matters because in the end people still don't care.
Loneliness is such a powerful drug. "The more I give to you the more I die." yells Trent Reznor as he feels the life force of loneliness inside of him. We all have felt this feeling arise and subside within us. Some people will try to tame it and others will try to quash the addiction. Why must we have this feeling course through our bodies? Why must we have feelings of this nature that can become an addiction? This life is hell and nobody cares to help others through it. When someone is feeling down should we cast them aside and say "deal with it" or should we bring them in closer to us and say "I'll be your friend"? Life was made to suck. It is this reason we should spit in its face and show the world that no matter how much it sucks, we're happy that it does suck, we can survive and face anything that comes our way, even death. Maybe at some point people will realize how much hurt and pain and disgust and shit they have all left behind as their legacy. You are what you are no matter how you may think you appear. Underneath it all, your still a pile of shit. Nietzsche states: "What? A great man? I always see the actor of his own ideal." Why won't people just be themselves? "Everyone is dead in their own way." No matter what a person looks like or acts like they're still human. And as Christians believe; all sinners in the eyes of the Lord. So why should we treat each other differently if we are all the same? Just because someone is a chronic liar should we treat that person any differently than a murderer? Aren't they both sinners in the eyes of God? Both, according to scripture, will face eternal damnation if they do not repent before their life expires. If both do repent then both are forgiven, yet we still treat them differently? How is this logical? How is this following the example of Christ? How is this being Christ like? Maybe I'm totally wrong here but can anyone tell me why I should not forgive someone for beating me to a pulp but when a person offends me I should accept them for who they are and look past their faults? "I have fought the good fight" and I'm too freakin' tired. I want to rest but I cannot because if I do then I am giving in. I want a break from this world but I cannot because that is not humanly possible. I want the world to be different but that will not occur because nothing can be perfect in this dimension. I wish people would change for the better but that will not happen because people do not care enough to actually change themselves and make a difference. And people wonder how can someone ponder suicide. I wonder why more people do not actually go through with it. Are they afraid of the truth that they will face on the other side? Or are they trying to give life and everyone in this world a second chance to change? Let's hope we can learn the answer before the one who is supposed to change the world is pushed too much. But what if they already have?
"I have to walk that lonesome valley. I have to walk it by myself. Oh, nobody else can walk it for me. I have to walk it by myself. . . You have to walk that lonesome valley. You have to walk it by your-self. Oh, nobody else can walk it for you. You have to walk it by yourself." - The Reverend Mr. Black
When we are born on this earth we must take a journey that we can never retrace. We are time travelers living the past in our minds, existing in the present and constantly moving towards the future. We have to make decisions based on the choices we face becuase of our and other's decisions that came before. Why is life this way? Why must it always be this hard. "Yea, though I walk through the vally of the shadow of death. . ." I have to do it all alone. It seems that I am constantly reminded of that everyday. I am all alone in this world. I am by myself and no matter what I want to believe that will never change. At least that is the way I feel sometimes. Is that the truth? People are all around but is there anyone truly around? They may be there but are they really there? People are not willing to make sacrifices, yet they expect you to do so. Sometimes I wish I was just like everybody else; selfish, sacrifice very little, egotistical, look down on others who are not like me. To sum it all in four words: just like everyone else. I think to myself: if I were that way then people couldn't take advantage of me, people wouldn't look down on me, people would get along with me, people would want to be around me and associate with me, because I would be so much more like them. I would not be different. Would my life be any easier? Maybe. Maybe not. Why was I chosen to live this life? What is my purpose? Am I making the right choices to help fulfill my purpose or am I prolonging its fulfillment? Why do I keep wanting to go back and live in the past? Why do I want to keep moving into the future at the same time? Why can't I have answers? "to the person in The Bell Jar, black and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is a bad dream." Maybe that is why I have no answers. I am simply looking at things the wrong way. But how can I know that I am right or not? "Sometimes faith is not enough." Or is it. What I do know is that my life is hard and everyone else makes it harder for me, but is that their fault? No. They don't know they do. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
"When one individual comes into intimate contact with another - she or he, of course as the case may be- must almost inevitably receive or inflict suffering." - Aldous Huxley
No matter how hard people try they always end up getting hurt or hurting someone else. Some people get over it quickly while others don't. It is much harder for some because they are so attached. Is it really a good thing to be so attached to a person like that? I would say yes because if your not then you don't really care that much about the person. But I would also say no because it is the attachment that opens the door for suffering. So what is a person supposed to do? Try to find an equilibrium or go completely to one side or the other? What happens if the person goes completely to one side then realizes all that has been lost or goes the other way and is hurt so bad the person can't recover? Love is a hard road for a person to travel.
"Language is a detriment, an earthbound limitation from whcih the poet suffers more than anyone else. At times he can actually hate it, denounce it, and execrate it-or rather hate himself for being born to work with this miserable instrument. He thinks with envy of the painter whose language-color-is instantly comprehensible to everyone from the North Pole to Africa; or of the musician whose notes also speak in every human tongue and who commands so many new, individual, subtly differentiated languages, from simple melody to the hundred voices of the orchestra, from horn to clarinet, from violin to harp. - Hermann Hesse
We each speak a different language. Has anyone ever thought of that? As we are growing up we learn words and their meanings. We learn phrases and their meanings. We learn sentences and their meanings. The unfortunate consequence is that when we learn these things we are learning them from other people who have learned them from other people who have learned them from other and the cycle continues. The problem with this is that each person uses words differently because the person before them has used them in the wrong manner. What then happens is when someone in current times tries to use a word others interpret the meaning differently because they too have been told a different interpretation. Thus begins quarrels, arguments, miscomunications and hurt feelings. People are all the time saying words and meaning them differently than what the words really mean. They do not fully realize the power that words have and they are not cautious. Very few people even try to determine what the actual meaning of a word truly is. When speaking with another person it sometimes feels like one needs an interpreter just to know what a person is saying. Why is everyone like this? Even I am like this. I try to understand what everyone else is saying and meaning and try to compensate for them but how many do it for others? Not enough. All anyone ever does it force others to agree with them. Force others to mean what they want their words to mean. Force others to bow down to them and their life. What ends up happening is that many people get used and abused and dry out because all they ever do is give, give, give. Why won't people wake up and see what is happening around them. Why won't people try to take the time to learn others and make the necessary adjustments to their life to help those around them. Life will never be easy, but we must keep trying to make changes beginning with ourselves.
"Young people, he had said, with their egotism and feeling of independence, can be brought to the point of ending their lives on account of an unfulfilled wish, but when one's life is bound up with those of others, one does not consider one's own desires to the same degree. - Hermann Hesse
To ponder suicide one needs not to look too far for the reason. To wonder why a person did not go through with it one needs to dig a little deeper. Most people have the same reason for pondering suicide. An escape from abuse, depression, pushed too far, being made fun of in school and other common reasons. But why does a person not go through with it? For many it was a failed attempt. For others, they were too scared to do it. And for a some, they found reason to live, even if it was very small. Some people realize they have a responsibility to others and by removing themselves from this life, they fail in their responsibility. People have to do their best and try to live for others. Try to help others and be an example to them. Just be one's-self. Don't be like everyone else. Don't follow the crowd. Don't try to impress people. Don't do what everyone expects. Do what one believes is right. People need to decide for themselves what they believe is right and wrong and then decide to live accordingly. It is not hard to do, it just takes a little time to get adjusted.
Isn't it interesting that Plato, hundreds of years ago, wrote the Republic with the content he chose? He knew exactly how individuals would be treated if they were different than everyone else. When Socrates is telling the allegory of the cave; how the individual who sees the truth and tries to tell the others remaining in the cave what he has seen and they do not believe him and how they will eventually kill the one who disagrees with 'tradition' because they absolutely refuse to listen to reason and believe the truth; that can be applied multiple ways. It can be applied to individuals even in today's time and not necessarily for political reasons either, which was the main point Plato was trying to get across. We can see it happen all the time too, just look around. If a person happens to have a more stricter belief than the majority, that individual, a lot of times, is looked down upon, or if not that, others are indifferent to the individual. Those who are "different" from the "norm" are treated differently than everyone else. Unfortunately it happens in the reverse too. Those who are "different" will treat those who are a part of the "norm" indifferently as well. This should not be. However, those who are different are usually treated much differently than it is the other way around. One thing though, if a person truly believes something to be truth, then that person should not allow anyone to change that. The road is the one less traveled and it is a very hard one too because people have not traveled it so the path is very rough, uneven, sometimes the sojourn cannot even tell which direction the path continues; it is very dangerous, there are many unknowns that will tempt the journey-man to turn around and take another path, but the person must continue. Life will always be hard and that should be a good enough reason to continue because then once a person has surpassed many of the trials one must face, not only will they feel like they have accomplished something, but also there may be others who will look up to those who have actually faced life and taken it in stride. I know of very few people who do do this, but those who do are some of the best people in the world others pale in comparison.
Why are people indifferent toward me? Why do people question my motives? Why do people try to make me feel like I am wrong? Why do people not try hard enough to try to understand me? Why do people try to control me? Why do people try to convince me to do what they want me to do? Why do people think I am wrong? Why do people expect me to go out of my way for them when they very very rare ever do it for me? Why do people try to make me a part of a group when all I want is to be a friend? Why do people not tolerate, (different than accept), what I believe? Why do people give me the impression they do not care about me, just as long as I do what they want to make them happy? Why do some people treat me like shit while others treat me like I am better than them? Why do I do some of these things to other people as well? Why am I so different than everyone? Why do I have stricter beliefs about a lot of things and more liberal on other issues? Why am I so disrepectful to some of my family and not the others? Why do I have so many opinions? Why do I have so many reasons for what I believe? Why have I tried to know what I believe and why I believe what I do? Why do I try to live my life according to what I believe? Why am I the way I am? Why am I even alive? If someone were to ask you these questions could you even answer half of them with the corret answer?
"Life's boring and futile. We start oaf wi high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we're aw gaunnae die, withoot really findin oot the big answers. We develop aw they long-winded ideas which jist interpret the reality ay oor lives in different ways, withoot really extending oor body ay worth while knowledge, about the big things, the real things. Basically, we live a short, disappointing life; and then we die. We fill oor lives wi shite, things like careers and relationships tae delude oorsels that it isnae aw totally pointless. Smack's an honest drug, because it strips away these delusions. Wi smack, whin ye feel good, ye feel immortal. Whin ye feel bad, it intensifies the shite that's already thair. It's the only really honest drug. It doesnae alter yir consciousness. It jist gies ye a hit and a sense ay well-being. Eftir that, ye see the misery ay the world as it is, and ye cannae anaesthetise yirsel against it." - Irvine Welsh
Sometimes a person is always wishing for something they can never have; then all of a sudden they find themselves in a position where they have what they were wanting. That is something that will always be there for everyone. The question is: "How will a person react once they get what they want?"
Sometimes people make mistakes. Whether three times or five everyone f#*@s up sometime in their life. Would not the world be a great place if everyone was perfect? Even those who try to be can never be. And what about those who come in contact with those who are very close to appearing perfect? What is it that they see? Do they see truth or do they see a mask? And what about the person they are looking at? Are they being true or are they a fraud? And what happens when a person becomes too attached to someone so much that they are smothering the other and they don't realize it? What then? What is a person to do? Everyone should be careful about what happens and what goes on between each other. People should try to make the effort to pay attention. At times it will appear that nobody cares and that all is going on is pressure and tension and all focus is being lost. And to add on top of that what if someone were to realize that their entire world is falling apart. That all they had believed and lived for could never be and the way they had originally solved their dilemma was to separate themself from society. Then the person tries to return to society but yet maintain all that they believe; a return to what once was. Can a person live this way? All intelligent people would say no. An ideological form cannot exist in a realistic format. So then what is a person to do? Change everything the person is? Change only a portion of what the person is? Or change nothing and continue to screw up? Life is a hard road to travel. I just need to figure out what my transportation is.
Help is out there one just needs to find it.
HELP ME!!! before I screw up even more.
"It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country." - Will Durant
People tend to do things for others at least a few times in their life. Some have their own way of doing things. But why cannot everyone do what is necessary? Why cannot everything go accordingly? People are sexual in nature, but this does not mean that that is all people are. There are many other things that make up who a person is. Way too many things going through my head. Too many feelings and emotions. They are too personal to voice because of their lack of ambiguity. Maybe they will all just go away. Maybe the pain will subside. Maybe. . . just. . .maybe. . .
Why do I feel so much pain and anguish all because I am different? Why can't I just be like everybody else and just be controlled by everything everybody else is controlled by?
Have you ever had one of those nights where you keep waking up after a short nap and then it takes you forever to get back to sleep because of stuff running through your head? And then you get songs and music in your head that you do not want in your head because of all that it makes you think about. Then you cannot get those thoughts out of your head and it keeps on going and going and going like that for a long time. How hard is it to make everything stop? At least just long enough to let a person get some sleep. So then you finally decide to get up becuase its close to the time you would normally get up but your too tired and really do not want to and you know that if you do you have to face another day with all the thoughts that go on in your head. You would rather sleep the day away so you never have to think another thought. Nobody else knows what is going on and if anyone does or you tried telling someone, it will not matter that much because hardly anybody understands you. It is hard to live in a world and not be like it when everyone else is. When you try to live a different type of life and not do a lot of things that other people do because of what you believe; it is very hard to do. Not many people understand or so it appears that way or they do not even care about your opinion, thoughts and ideas on the subject. Sometimes people will even forget what you have told them or the conversations you have had with them before and the things they have said or agreed to so they do whatever and your left sitting there remembering the entire conversation and all that was said. All I can say is: life sucks in so many ways and it is too painful to live in because we are all humans that fail. Why did God allow humanity to fall? Why did God allow sin to enter into the world? Why do I and everybody else have to face such horrors? When will it end? When can we all be truly happy? When can we all finally rest in peace and our thoughts and memories will not exist to haunt us? "The world may never know."
No matter what happens the initial pain still stings. The memory of a supposed happy event is drenched half in pain and half in happiness. The bittersweet memory of an unforgettable day has forever changed the course of history for a small few. Why does one even care? Why does one even keep trying? Why does one even . . . All people are are selfish . All they want is for everyone else to do what they want. Sometimes that fact is bearable and other times it is not. Life is so freakin' hard to live with. Why are we allowed to be this way? Why won't Someone intervene and change a few of us at least to help everyone out? At least take away blame. At least take away pain. At least take away hatred. At least take away the ability to compare. At least take away memory. And do not ever allow us to know that we once had those or even be able to to contemplate the idea of what it would be like if we could do one of those. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. I want to quit. I want to give up. I don't want to live in this hateful pain filled world. And I want everyone to not have any memory of me so they will not feel the pain of me not being there. Maybe one night I will remain in my dreams where I have more control over all that happens.
If people were to look into my eyes what would they see? If people were to look into my soul what would they find? If people were to look into my mind what would they think? If people were to look at my hands what would they feel? If people were to listen my words what would they hear? If people were to read what I write what would they read? If people were to look at me while asleep what would they see different? If people were to see me when I am alone would they believe I am the same person they see in public? If people knew who the author of this sight was would they look at that person any differently than they already do? How many people being able to see, think, feel, hear, read and know anything about the author would truly understand the person or know what the person has wanted their entire life. Would people still treat the author the way they do or would things change? Do people really change? I would like to think so, but I cannot seem to think otherwise. It appears that the idea is baseless. Just look at the past election. The majority of those who voted, which duh there were larger amount who voted for Bush, that's because there has been 1. an increase in the population from ages ago, therefore people should look at percentages or something. 2. that also means that there were more voters who voted against him too. STUPID PEOPLE! What does that have to do with anything? Just shows that people do not change. They either vote for one guy or against him. Why not pick one of the other candidates? One of the ones who will actually do what they say, not what interest groups want, not what their family wants or dear ol' daddy or the old ball and chain. Why not pick someone, if one must pick an evil, who will follow their morals rather than being a businessman or politician? This nation is not a Christian nation and never will be. This nation is going to hell in a hand basket and there is not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Our infamous founders established a beast that cannot be quelled. Rational liers they may be they did make sense on some things, but failure always lies within a short distance of nation building. Just look at this f*%@ed up nation. They couldn't do it over 200 years ago what makes anyone think they can do it now? People won't change, but we must not give up the hope that someday they may surprise us.
Sometimes people do not know what pain is until it hits them. Pain comes in many forms from physical to mental and spirtual. On some occasions it can take a real toll on a person and leave them utterly helpless or extremely depressed. We all hurt one another, that is a part of life, but how many people do we hurt and are not even aware that we do? How many people have to suffer because of what one person does whether intentional or unintentional? Life does not have to be this way or does it? Can we not really change things so others will not have to suffer for our own mistakes? Can people not ever get along and will always want to hurt others just so they can feel the pain the victim has? Life will not wait on us. We must make a decision how we are going to live our lives today. Will anyone step forward to take on the harsh life that is being called upon?
Does everyone's life seem to be like a rollercoaster? Why does life always have to have its ups and downs? Why can't life simply be linear without the motions? But the question is can we control it? Do we have the control over our lives to determine what happens? If we can, what then can we do to gain better control? But why should we even have to feel like we need to gain some control over our lives so we don't crash? Why does life have to be this way? Why can't we all just be happy with the way everything is? Why do we always have to have memories? Sometimes I wish we could never remember the things of our past and then other times I wish we could remember more. But why do memories for some people not harm them while it cripples others? And for those who it harms why can't they seem to get things under control? What I hope for is for one day we all will remember everything then forget everything for the rest of eternity and no one will ever be haunted again by their thoughts and memories and we all can rest in peace.
Sometimes in life there comes a time when one has to do something that will hurt all parties involved. Sometimes things just do not change like one hopes they will and because of that one has to push it to occur; get things back to the way they used to be. Existence becomes hard when life keeps fluctuating without an end in sight. It makes a person want to lay down cry. . .
"You give me the reason. You give me control. I gave you my Purity. My Purity you stole. Did you think I wouldn't recognize this compromise. Am I just too stupid to realize. Stale incense old sweat and lies lies lies. It comes down to this. Your kiss. Your fist and your strain. It get's under my skin. Within. Take in the extent of my sin you give me the anger. You give me the nerve. Carry out the sentence. I get what I deserve. I'm just an effigy to be defaced. To be disgraced. Your need for me has been replaced and if I can't have everything well then just give me a taste." - Trent Reznor
Does everyone sometimes feel like they are being used by everyone? Do people feel like everything is trying to mess up all they have worked hard for? What about not having the feelings as one once had only because of different circumstances? None of this means that things have changed, that things were not right, only that the environment has changed so things are different. Why then do people feel different? But even then, why do things change? Why do we have to have feelings and emotions? Why cannot we just be robots following the path we are supposed to follow and not waver?
One must have a good memory to be able to keep the promises one makes. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Doesn't everyone make promises to those closest to us? We always have since time immemmorial. When we make these promises do we do them merely to please someone else's mind or do we truly intend to follow through with them? Those with poor memories are hardly hurt because they do not remember the promises that were made to them and not kept, but those who do remember are constantly over-run by empty promises. And for those who do remember sometimes it is much harder to forget how many times others have hurt the ones who remember. And no apology is given. Something that could make things worse is when other people try to make everyone else remember the promises made to those around them. That tends to not help either party, especially in some situations. Everything is situational. In some instances it may be a good thing, but in others, it is definitely not something to do. So which is better, to have a good memory or not to have a good memory? Maybe someone can let all of humanity in on the secret.
"He!-accepted!-all!-as-how!-things!-are!-And thought nobody had any right to complain or interfere in any way whatsoever, and even though he knew that what was awful was awful, that what was wrong was wrong, and my Cousin Sebastian was certainly never sure that anything was wrong!-He thought it unfitting to ever take action about anything whatsoever!-except to go on doing as something in him directed. . . ."
There do exist in this world few people who try not to complain about things others do or say or whatever. Then there are many who will complain about anything and everything from the sky to the ground below our feet. Which is better? We all have to live in this forsaken world with each other. Why should we complain about everyone else when we are just to blame as much as everyone we blame. Just because one person does not like something somebody else does does not give either one the right to complain about it. Should everyone keep their mouth shut? Some would say yes, others would say no. Are we not to be respectful of everyone else? Are we not to try to live with everyone in a respectful manner? But a question one could raise is: how far do we allow others to walk over us? Some would say as much as happens unless it is something important that should not be allowed, which are very few things, while others would say hardly should anyone let others walk over us. This is a question everyone must tackle for themselves and decide for themselves what is right and wrong. Maybe if everyone would begin to let others live their life instead of critcizing every damn f@*#ing thing someone does maybe we would get along better and be happy with life. Ever wonder what pushes someone to suicide? Just look at the way you treat people and you will find your answer.
Has anyone ever wondered about their thought patterns or their memory? How exactly does our memories work? There are some people who cannot remember much of anything most of the time and then there are others who remember too much, as some would say. But what about obtaining someone else's memory? When two or more people come into contact and share stories with one another, the others obtain a piece of the storytellers memory. Now what if those who were told do not remember? Then more-than-likely, nothing. However, what if at least one of those who paid attention remembers it all in detail? Is it possible, that in a sense, the storytellers memory becomes a memory for the listener as well? If that is so then what about the person's emotions, thoughts, things that may trigger the memory of the other person and what about the person's morals and values in relation to this new found memory? Could all of these things cause problems? Especially, per se, the storyteller views the memory one way because of their beliefs, but the listener looks at life differently and views the memories differently, what happens then? Maybe that is the cause of some people's problems. They take the memories of others because they remember things so well. It is not that they make it their own memory, it is only that they, in a sense, become the other person and remember the event with all of the emotions and thoughts that would have occured. How can this problem be solved if it is even a valid idea? Maybe someone out there has the answer.
On some occasions times can get rough. Times will be hard many of the times. People will become depressed and begin to think of all of the hard times they have ever been through and will find themselves in a place they cannot get out of. If only answers could be given quickly rather than over a period of time making people wait. But this can be a good thing forcing people to have patience and to value what they do have.
Why do things in life have to hurt so much? Why can't everything just be happy all the time? Is it punishment for things we have done in the past or is a time for each of us to move on in life? When we see others in need why can't we help them when they actually need it? Why do we have to sit there and just watch things go to hell? We all want things to go smoothly. We all want life to be easy but it is not. Can it ever be? Can life be happy? Will we be able to help others like we want? Let us all hope the rain passes us by and the sun will shine once again.
Life is not always simple. Life has to suck all the time. If life was easy, if life was not harsh and cruel would we be what we are today? Would we even care about our own lives and others? When we cannot help but to remember our own past and others we are haunted by life. Without the past do we, as an individual, have an identity? I would lean toward the idea that we do. Why would we not have an identity just because we have no past? The past is merely our past life and we make it become who we are. We allow our past to influence us, to make us what we are today. We are social, learning beings. If one person were to die, life would continue. If a million people were to die, life would shriek in horror then continue afterwards. If everyone on earth were to die, then who would be left to tell us the reaction? When we look at our past do we regret it? If we do not then does not that mean that we agree with what we have done in our past? What if we enjoy our past whether others look at them as mistakes or not? What are we to do? What should others do in life? Why cannot everyone just receive a labotomy and move on? How can everyone live with themselves and others? Why is it so hard for people to talk to those closest to them? Most people cannot even ask those they are closest to a personal question. Would not life be easier if we could just erase parts of our past? To be able to rest easier knowing that our past will soon be forgotten in the annals of time. As has been mentioned a few times before, Camus had a solution to all these problems but by following through, the purpose is defeated. It is futile to fight against life. We must choose to either live or merely exist, yet when we live our happiness is soon taken away. One day this will all end and some people will be very happy that it has.
Sometimes things are not understandable. Why did God create man? Why do bad things happen? Do we really have to have answers? Not necessarily. Sometimes we just have to accept things the way they are. But there are some people who cannot accept that. That does not mean that nobody can and that does not mean that those people cannot change either or rather, realize the truth about themselves. Somethings in life are very emotional and those things are what make everyone human. If nobody felt anything, then we are no better than a breathing corpse. We must not forget these parts of life for if we do then we lose our purpose for living.
Feelings. We all have feelings. We all have emotions. We all want to "feel" good (i.e. be happy), but how can we in a world of hate and sadness? People try, to some extent depending on the individual, to understand and to associate with others. Nobody is perfect, nobody is omniscient, nobody will ever know everything there is to know about each other, but we must try. It is a hard thing to do, especially when we create an opinion of one another. Sometimes these ideas we create are false, merely based on things we do not fully understand. It is reminiscent of Plato's allegory of the cave. We are only seeing the shadows of a false reflection. If someone were to see the truth and tell others what they witnessed, the others who are watching the false shadows would continue to believe they are the ones who know the truth rather than believe the one who has taken the time to explore and seek out the source even when the one offers to show the others the proof. Plato even went so far to state that the masses would kill the "philosopher king" who tells them the truth. I encourage anyone interested to read "The Republic" by Plato because he makes since,especially since that is the book C.S. Lewis attributes to what helped to lead him to accepting Christianity as truth. When we listen to other people are we like the masses who will not seek the truth because we believe we know the truth already, or are we intelligent, rational beings who are willing to try to understand one another?
In so many ways everyone is just like everyone else. There are hardly any differences between us. We all share the same race and half share the same gender. We have the same emotions, we associate with words, we make mistakes and we have the five senses. So then what exactly makes us all different? Our individuality. What is it about this individuality that makes each of us different and unique from everyone else? Many things, it all just depends on who each of us are. Some of us enjoy certain types of music, we like various genres of movies, some of us prefer to read while others would rather play video games and watch television. But how much of our past makes up who our individual selves are? Are we truly the ones who define who we are or does everyone in our past define who we are? Or maybe even a combination of the two or something else completely different. Sometimes we push our past away so that we may not become that which we do not want to become. But can we remain close to those things and still maintain our identity and live the life we choose? If one were to say yes then the question is how hard would it be for one to live such a life? If one were to say no, then the question remains who then becomes the main influential factor on a person's life? Influence can be both negative and positive. Some would even argue all influence is bad simply because it does not allow a person to become who they are on their own. Others would argue influence is a good thing as long as they are influenced in a positive manner, which who then determines what is good? In all reality it appears that it is all relative depending upon the individual. What else can be said? If anyone has a definitive answer then feel free to reply.
What should people do when others break their word? What should people do when they find out that no matter how hard they try to do things other people enjoy they are not as fun? When others do not care and practically want to do all they want and people just have to get over it, what should people do? When agreements were made and a person's word was given and then all of those are forgotten or one or more of those in agreement choose not to care anymore what should people do? The easy way would be to push the others away because the pain hurts too much and those who hurt feel it easier to begin their own not caring attitude. Another route would be to continue association with those who are causing the pain, but to give up hope that they will become better. And the last way would be the same as the latter but to not give up hope. Which is the better way? The last method is the ideal path, but how long can it last before it too becomes tiring? At what point can a person change their attitude? Probably one of the biggest things that can hurt a person is when they find out they are not fun, or as much fun as other people are. When a person realizes that others look at them as boring, too conservative, not wanting to do what they believe is unhealthy or stupid what should a person do? Should they change or remain who they are? Can a person truly be accepted for who they are or does a person have to change parts of them they feel strongly about? What exactly should a person feel strong about and what not to? There are no guide books in the world telling everyone how to live in the 21st century. There is one book that many people do not follow or care about that give us direction on how to live a moral and decent life and tells us what we must strive to become, but does anyone try? Those who do, how hard do they try? We all are called to be ministers by word and action. We are asked to follow a path of righteousness, but do we? We all fall short but does that mean we can go ahead and do other stuff that puts us even further away from our true calling? Just because everything harms us in some way does not mean that we are allowed to partake of everything that is harmful to us just because we cannot avoid it. We are not supposed to allow our bodies, our feelings, our desires control us. We are supposed to live a different life. But can we and still be accepted? There is always hope.
"And it feels right this time. On this crash course with the big time. Pay no mind to the distant thunder. New day fills his head with wonder, boy. Says it feels right this time. Turned it 'round and found the right line. Good day to be alive Sir, good day to be alive, he said. Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel is just a freight train coming your way." - James Hetfield
How much pain do words cause? How can a person make them not hurt so much? When people tell you you are boring, not much fun and that you have value as a memory but not as much as others how should a person respond? Should people be treated this way? Is there a way that people can change and not be that way? Should people even try to be different and enjoy their life? Reality has its moments when everything seems bad, nobody cares and you feel that your life and who you are does not mean as much to others like you once thought it did. At some point the truth will find you and hit on the head or is it merely something that has been placed before you to blind you from the truth?
"This is how it begins, push it away, but it all comes back again. All the flesh. All the sin. There was a time when it used to mean just about everything. Just like now. Just like now..." - Trent Reznor
What is pain? When a person says they are feeling pain what exactly do they mean? Pain can be taken so many different ways. There is the figurative translation as well as the literal translation. Sometimes people do not know exactly what they mean when they say they are feeling pain either. They can also mean it in both ways. When people ask for something they should have and get exactly what they asked for no matter how cold the answer, how much "pain" can it cause a person? When a person has reached the peak of tolerance, what is to be expected? How is a person to respond? These things cannot be spoken out loud. People do not realize the immensity some pain can cause a person. Some things can crush a person's spirit. Some things can cause a person to push away what means the most. Some things make a person wish for what should not be. Some things drive a person toward hatred and anger. Why do people have these emotions? Why cannot humanity be protected from these feelings? Why cannot everyone be allowed to forget everything after it has been done, yet still maintain the lesson that was learned, just not the event behind the reason? If life was that easy then there would be no meaning; there would be no difference between life and death. But sometimes, that is not enough.
Attachment. Why do we attach ourselves to things or people for that matter? We all know that at some point we are going to get hurt or hurt ourselves, but for some reason we are always drawn to an attachment of some kind. What happens when a person is hurt by what they are attached to? Normally the person gets very upset, angry and tries to do something about it. Some people will go out drinking, while others go talk it out with their best friend and still others will just bottle it up inside and let it fade away. Sometimes people will forget what happened to them and others will forever remember what had been done to them. Some people will even go so far as to detach themselves from what they were once attached to. Why? Some people believe it is for the better and others believe it should not be that way. Maybe people are just different. We all know that everyone is different in some way. So why not in this as well? But what if there is only one way people ought to be in a matter like this? How can we know which is the right way? We cannot. Simple as that. Think about it though. For those who completely detach themselves of that which has done them wrong, do they live a happier life not having that attachment? Those who keep the attachment are they happy as well? But what if the two are mixed? Per se a person who keeps attachments and a person who does not. How would that work? For the person who keeps attachments, for them nothing is wrong, that is fine, but when they look at the other person who does not, what do they see? Do they see a person who does not care? Or do they see a person who has moved on with their life? And what about the other person? When they look at the person who keeps attachments, what do they see? A person who still keeps all that was attached, the emotions, feelings, thoughts, happiness, sadness and hurt? Or do they too see a person who has somehow moved on? Without the proper communication, nobody will ever know.
"And I know that I am going down to die." - Glenn Danzig
Some of us in this world know what our responsibilities are and what our purpose is. Others however, do not have this advantage. Many people roam this world searching for their purpose in life. Some people die not knowing what their purpose was. Does this mean some people do not have a purpose? No. It merely means they were looking in all the wrong places or did not need to know for some reason. Is it not possible that people need not to know what their purpose is because if they do it would change the way they live which is probably a part of their purpose; to continue searching. For some individuals the constant search is what keeps them motivated. It is what gives them reason to live. Many times once a person achieves that which they had always been searching for and running after they lose all sense of purpose. Does this mean that is a good thing to remain in a constant state searching?
"The sun is setting cool again. I'm the thinker and the fisherman and I'm trying to remember when but it makes me dizzy. And I'm sweating, and breathing, and staring and thinking and sinking deeper and it's almost like I'm swimming. Seems like I've been here before. Seems so familiar. Seems like I'm slipping into a dream within a dream. It's the way you whisper. It drags me under and takes me home." - Maynard James Keenan
"I pick things up. I am a collector. And things-well-things they tend to accumulate. I have this net It drags behind me. It picks up feelings for me to feed upon. There are times - plenty of times I wish I could let it go. They start to breed, and they start to grow inside of me. There are times - plenty of times I wish I could let it go, but they start to make me think things I don't wanna know I'm trying to fit it all inside. I'm trying to open my mouth wide. I'm trying not to choke and swallow it all, swallow it all, swallow it all." - Trent Reznor
Everyone retains pieces of their memory no matter how hard they try to forget it. Sometimes people will pick up other people's memories as well and that can cause great problems with a person's mind. If people think it is hard when they remember bad events in their own lives, what about remembering other people's lives? As each day passes we lose a part of ourselves but retain what we once was in our memory. None of us are what we used to be yesterday, but we remember what we were at that point. We have changed. We have grown a little and we have moved on in our lives. Why!? Why can we not just remain ourselves and not change? Why do we have to be different everyday? Why cannot life just pass us all by and leave us standing in our own portion of happiness once we achieve it? Some of us are better "collectors" than others and those who are not are lucky. For the unfortunate others, you have my sympathy. Too bad we cannot just open our eyes and everything be better. We have to work at it. We have to slave over it all. We have to make the difference ourselves. One day it will all be over with and nobody will have to try anymore.
"I believe I can see the future as I repeat the same routine. I think I used to have a purpose, but then again that might have been a dream. I think I used to have a voice. Now i never make a sound. I just do what I've been told. I really don't want them to come around again. Oh, no. Everyday is exactly the same. Everyday is exactly the same. There is no love here and there is no pain. Everyday is exactly the same. I can feel their eyes are watching in case I loose myself again. Sometimes I think I'm happy here. Sometimes, yet I still pretend. I can't remember how this got started, but I can tell you exactly how it will end. I'm writing on a little piece of paper I'm hoping someday you might find. I'll hide it behind something they won't look behind. I am still inside here. A little bit comes bleeding through. I wish this could have been any other way, but I just don't know- I don't know what else I can do!" -Trent Reznor
When a person no longer feels they mean anything, they have no purpose, they have no desire to do anything anymore, they feel nobody cares about them, what are they to do? When it no longer feels they no the truth, when it is a struggle to do all they used to do, when they do not really care if they have fun or not, they just want to live through the day and move on to the next to get it over with, what are they to do? When they feel they had been used, all that meant something was only a way of keeping them right where they were wanted, when they believed they were first in others lives but only to find out they were not, when they begin to feel they will never be good, what are they to do? When they no longer feel they are being heard or cared about, what are they to do? Does anyone have any answers to these questions? Is anyone listening? Did not think so because nobody cares.
Why can we not get answers right when we ask the question? It always has to drive us insane and cause us grief. People cannot make up their minds which is better and which is not. It gets really aggravating sometimes. That is at least something that makes us all like kids, we cannot make up our minds because we have no answers. This problem can lead to future problems as well. Per se somebody wants answers to something really important but they never get it, or they do have it, they just won't take it. It has been there for years but they just never saw it because they are so stupid and over dramatize everything. And everything the person once thought is thrown away. The problems it eventually leads to is causing others pain and forcing others to take action. It causes others to lose their happiness and begin to ask questions they already had answers to as well, but not all the time. Sometimes others are able to remember the answers they were given and continue to see them in everyday life, but it hurts to see those who do not have the answers they seek. The pain of living is always present.
Sometimes people do begin to believe that life would be easier if everything was black and white, but what fun would that be? People would not be able to make mistakes and learn from them for the future. People would not be able to have the desire to make themselves better and feel like they have accomplished something. So why are people not satisfied with the way things are? Why does everyone want things to be black and white? Maybe its because people do not have it the way they want it. If people did have it their way then they would be hollering for it to be different. Can humanity ever be pleased?
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." - H.P. Lovecraft
Humanity fears just about everything. Name it and somebody in the world fears it. What if there was no fear in the world? What then? If everybody was brave and courageous what would people need others for? There would be no need for someone to give another a shoulder to lean on half of the time anymore. There would be no self-help books, which might not be a bad thing. There would also not be as much of a need for friends and relatives to give support because people would not be afraid of the unknown. Not knowing whether they are pregnant and do not want to be or afraid they will not get into the college they are wanting to or that the guy they really like in school will ask them out or not. Take away one emotion, especially one of the most powerful ones and the purpose for so many people's lives will have been ripped away in a matter of moments. Does this mean that emotions are important for humanity to exist? Probably so. It appears as if all of life has been based, or at least focused on various emotions in life where they become a matter of importance and a fact of life. Without human emotion there would be no reason for man's existence, or at least a lesser one. Let everyone embrace their emotions in a reasonable fashion so that everyone may understand one another better and become more appreciable about our own life. Who knows, maybe at some point in life one of us may be able to help someone who does not understand themselves. But only if we can truly understand ourselves can we begin to understand others.
Why are people so f@#%ing critical of others? We cannot leave other people alone and just accept them for who they are. How does this affect others around us? Not in a good way. For instance, when children's parents sit around and criticize their childrens friends, whether it be truthful or not, how does that help a child and what does it teach them? It teaches them to be critical of others as well and not accept them for who they are, but it also makes the child not want to introduce others they may meet along their journey to their parents for fear of having to listen to the criticism and all of the negativity of life. Why cannot people, especially parents, stay out of their children's lives and let them enjoy their tranquility whether it be false or not. I hate people who are so f@#%ing critical of everyone. "How are you doing today sir? I need to know so I may criticize you behind your back." "I would not be surprised if that person turns heterosexual by tomorrow." But we all do it don't we? If you say no or try to rationlize the truth then you are a liar and believe yourself to be self-righteous. I am tired of all the shit in the world that I have to put up with. I am tired of making excuses for my life. I am tired of believing the world can be a better place. I am tired of all the lies I am told every day I wake up. I am sick of it all. I do not care about anyone thinks about me. I do not care if people think I am rebellious or that I am a loser, or that I am controlling. The only thing that I have to say to that is that they do not know me for who I am, although I will and always have admitted that I am rebellious in a lot of ways and that I am a boring loser. What would I care if nobody in the world cared about me? How much would it really hurt me? Hardly at all because I have lived with so much pain and sorrow not much at all hurts anymore. Being hurt is an everyday occurence for my life and for other people's lives as well. Is this a natural phenomenon? Is it something we should just accept and move on? Or should we try to make a difference? Nobody reads this who actually cares about anything, especially about my life because if they did then I would actually get responses concerning what I write, but everyone's silence only proves my point that nobody does care.
"The soul sheds light, and death is its shadow. When the light dims, life and death embrace. - Nantuko teaching
Communication can be and is one of the hardest things in life to accomplish. So many get confused or do not explain thorough enough for others to understand that it causes so many problems later on. Everyone needs to develop good communication skills, but nobody ever will. We are all lacking in experience and in learning. If it were easy to learn and to pick up on, then most everyone would be able to do it very easily and mistakes would not occur, confusion would not begin to take place and frustration would not have a chance to fester. Maybe once communication is developed better then life can move on at a much better pace.
Sometimes the happiest moments can become some of the worst times. When some issues have not been dealt with or rather, they have not been closed shut, they will burst forth once again and cause massive destruction. Can anyone be blamed? Maybe. What happens if the issue cannot be resolved? What would become of everyone involved? Is it possible that people can move away from something they feel so strongly about and against while the other feels just as stubborn about their ideas and desires? People can be so stubborn sometimes and nobody ever give in. That is probably how the issue will be concluded, nobody will give in, nobody will break because one loves it too much and the other hates it too much. So just let the world move on and nothing will be resolved.
Sometimes things in life does not bother a person, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, thoughts begin to haunt a person's every waking moment. Is there no peace in a person's life? Will faded memories never die? Will visions stop haunting people's mind? Hopefully.
Ever had one of those nights when you decide to take a small nap that turns into the worst idea? You wake up late for an engagement, but that is not all, you are so confused on what is going on and your body does not even feel like it is your own. You then end up going back to sleep only to continue waking up about every few hours feeling about the same way. And when you are actually asleep you proceed to have the weirdest and oddest dreams. At which point, you continue to wake up feeling drained and utterly confused and desire to go back to sleep because you believe you have awaken in the wrong body. Once you do finally get up you do not totally feel rested and wish you could go back in time and choose another path rather than taking a nap. Those are probably some of the worst decisions people make in life, but what can we do about them? Nothing really. Just live with the consequences of our actions and hope that we end up on the right path.
Some people just do not respect other people, or so it feels that way sometimes. "Your best friends are your best enemies," something I have said for years. Many times nobody realizes the truth to this statement until something very harsh or eye opening occurs. Even then, some people decide to look past it and tolerate the way they are treated. However, those extremely close to one another, especially those in relationships, are the ones who have the most arguments, the most disagreements. Sometimes some disagreements piss people off so bad, there is hardly anything a person can do but to hope it all goes away. Although, with the way memories are, one never knows what would actually happen with some things.
Some people do not believe enough statements and comments have been made on this site recently, but my argument would be that I have been it is just that I have gone back to what the site used to be like where only portions of thoughts are added every now and then rather than multiple times each week. The question to ask though is why? Does the answer even matter? If a person would learn an answer would that answer even be the right one and make a difference? One never knows.
People do not really know the difference between some things, which is why so many people can easily be confused. The biggest problem with people though is that they do not remember a lot of things that are said to them, especially after a period of time. This can become very dis-heartening for some, especially when it comes to important things. It can feel sometimes that nobody repects one another. However, when it really comes down to it, does it really even matter? Should either party care? It can become very aggravating and frustrating, especially when someone has told everyone else what they think, but nothing is done, or if it is, it only lasts for a short time and then everything reverts back to what it once was. So why even bother sharing one's feelings and thoughts. Just get over it.
"This is not Blue-collar, white corrective politics, I'm on an Hate American style kick. This is the black collar song, put it in your middle finger and sing along. Use your fist and not your mouth. I woke up today and wished for tomorrow. I don't want to be like anyone else. I woke up today and wished for tomorrow. I don't want to even be myself." - Marilyn Manson
Most everybody who does not like people because of what they say typically does not know what they have really said or they do not understand what is meant. Just take a look around and ask yourself if you like what you see. Do you? If you do not like what is going on then why not try to do something about it? A problem that everyone will run into is motivation to do something and of course what will everyone else think. Another problem are those who do try to be different and do something about it. Sometimes they tend to be simply be against everything just the status quo is for it or those around them at that moment. That is always a hard rut to get out of once your in. However, sometimes by having that type of mentality a person gains deep respect from others because that person is doing something that others only dream of doing. For everyone else, the individual who is different becomes their "hero" merely because everyone gets to watch what they dreamed of. We need heros, not dreamers.
