Camp Story
Disclaimer –This is a story based on people I know from a summer camp that I go to, and it is in no way meant to be offensive to ANYONE. Kitty and I took funny things that had happened at camp and merely played on those to see what might happen if Pat ever agreed to let us have summer camp in winter. Please don’t take this any more seriously than you would take the talent show. Thank You ~ Beth & KittyPart One – One Cold Winter Day
“I’m freezing!” Beth exclaimed to her cabin-mates as they all huddled together, their teeth noisily chattering and their blankets weighing them down.
“This was your idea,” Marie called as she attempted to tape another snowflake to the wall.
“Hey, Kitty helped,” Beth defended.
“Take a shower,” Alicia suggested. “It’ll be just as cold as it is in summer, and you won’t notice the difference for a few minutes.”
“Dudes!” Lauren exclaimed happily. “It’s camp! CAMP! Who cares if it’s cold out and there is a blizzard raging outside? We’re at camp!” She then began happily making her way around the room, making everyone smile in her wake.
In the distance a bell rang out.
The eight campers groaned as they threw their blankets aside and began piling on their clothes. They finally finished dressing and they all slowly made their way to the chapel.
Pat stood in front of the fifty diehard campers and ten diehard counselors as he began to speak. “This is the first official New Spirit Week that we have held in the middle of winter. I would like to thank all of you for coming,” he paused as he blew into his hands to warm them a bit. “Barry and I weren’t sure if this was going to work out, considering that this is ‘the most fun you can have without electricity’, but I think we’re holding up rather well.”
The campers looked at each other knowing that none of them were “holding up rather well”. They were starving, because the kitchens had lost electricity due to the storm, and freezing, because of the subzero temperatures.
“To keep with New Spirit tradition,” Pat continued, “we are going to have a small group event.”
Each camper had his or her own speculations about what this might entail. None of them were prepared for what Pat was about to tell them.
“Because the ‘veal cutlets’ were so popular last summer, we have decided to do a winter version of this same thing. What the small groups are going to do, is go down to the waterfront where several hairdryers have been set out. Each small group must find their hairdryer, find the lake, and then proceed to put a hole the size of a basketball into the lake using only the hairdryers. I call this ‘Thaw the Veal Cutlets’.”
“Um, Pat?” One camper called.
“Yes?”
“There’s no electricity down by the lake,” the camper pointed out.
Pat smiled. “That is your small group’s problem. Now, everyone get into your small groups, and begin!”
The campers slowly made their way into their small groups and they all huddled close together for warmth as they made their way down the never-ending path to the waterfront. Once there, they all began to dig their way through the snow, hoping to find a hairdryer rather quickly.
Part Two – The Psycho Ward“Where are all of these people coming from?” the head nurse asked the EMTs as they brought in gurney after gurney.
“Some crazy people camping out in Goshen decided to go for a swim. They all survived but we’ve got some severe cases of frostbite on our hands. And don’t try to separate them. They’ll go insane on you,” he warned before he went out to get another one of the afore said “crazy people”.
The head nurse looked around and decided there was only one thing to do. She had to close off an entire floor just for these people. She began counting and was amazed when she found that there were sixty people here. Sixty people were insane enough to go camping in the dead of winter. She shook her head sadly and ordered everyone on duty to start filling out the necessary paperwork for the people.
One by one the campers were becoming conscious. Since none of them felt like lying in bed during camp, they all went out into the hallways and found that the others had congregated there too.
“What’s going on?” Beth asked.
“Everyone is going insane,” Kitty answered with a laugh. “I think their brains are somewhat numb.”
“That isn’t nice,” Beth chastised.
“No, they are really going insane, and it’s quite funny,” Kitty reassured her. “PJ was trying to take off imaginary clothing under his blanket, and Tiny was trying to cover himself in snow to hide from us. You should have seen the looks on the doctors faces when one of their frostbite patients was trying to cover himself in snow!” Kitty laughed even harder.
Before Beth had a chance to answer, Kitty was proven right. Pat was being wheeled down the hall toward the elevator to bring him to the OR to take care of his frostbite. His anesthesia hadn’t taken full effect yet, and he was still rather energetic. “His name is Cecile, and he’s the baddest,” Pat began to sing. The doctors tried to quiet him down, but their attempts were for naught. “Second verse, same as the first. A little bit louder and a little bit worse.” Pat then jumped up so that he was standing on the gurney and screamed “His name is Cecile and he’s the baddest, the trash in the hallway makes him the maddest,” at that point there were four nurses and a doctor trying to keep him down.
“He’s strong,” Beth said in amazement.
“That he is,” Kitty replied.
It was at that point that Lauren slid in front of the two girls wearing only her NSW 2001 T-shirt and socks. “Hey guys!” She greeted in her usual enthusiastic way. She looked over her shoulder and saw the two doctors coming at her angrily. “Gotta go,” she announced before she again started running.
There was another commotion starting just down the hall, towards the entrance to the nurse’s station.
“I am NOT coming out,” a familiar voice yelled from within a small private room.
“Mr. Kingston, be reasonable,” the nurse pleaded.
“I AM being reasonable,” he assured her. “I am NOT coming out looking like this.”
“But it’s the only one we had left. I’m sorry. You can’t stay in there, the doctor has to look at you and see how bad you are.”
There was a momentary silence. “I’m not that bad,” he announced.
“Mr. Kingston, if you don’t come out of there, I am going in after you,” the nurse threatened.
“You wouldn’t,” he dared.
She then started to turn the knob on the door.
“All right, all right, I’m coming,” he told her. Very slowly the door opened and Barry emerged.
There were several reactions to what everyone saw at that moment. Gasps, laughter being held back, and even pity. But everyone had the same thought in their mind.
“Oh my Gosh,” Kitty yelled. “Barry is wearing a hospital gown with pink rosebuds on it!”
At that point no one could contain their laughter. All fifty-eight campers, and even some of the nurses, had to laugh at Barry with his pink rosebuds, goatee, and shades. It just painted the funniest picture anyone could imagine.
“Guys, guys, guys,” Kevin called. “This reminds me of the funniest story.”
All eyes then turned to Kevin as the laughter slowly died down (due in part to Barry’s glares).
“There was this girl…and she was wearing a red snowsuit…”
“Yes?” someone prompted after a short time.
“She was wearing a red snowsuit,” Kevin reiterated.
Everyone then sighed heavily in response and went back to watching things unfold in what the staff at the hospital were beginning to refer to as the “Psycho Ward”.
“Hey ladies,” Chris greeted Beth and Kitty as he walked by with a nurse on each arm.
“Chris, where are you going?” Beth asked him with a strange look on her face.
“To the maternity ward,” he told her. “And it’s ‘Baby’…not Chris.” He snapped his fingers and the nurses immediately began walking with him again.
Beth turned to Kitty and said, “You know who I haven’t seen since we got here?”
Kitty rolled her eyes. “I have no idea, but since it’s you I can guess. Where is Andrew anyway?”
“I don’t know,” Beth told her as she craned her neck to see through the rather large crowd that was now filling up the hallway. “Oh no,” she whined as she spotted him in the distance.
"What?” Kitty asked.
“He’s singing that Backstreet Boys song again, and that’s not the worst of it.”
“Again? He sings them normally?” Kitty asked with more than a little trepidation in her voice.
“Well, a few years ago he sang it with his small group in the talent show, and apparently he’s regressed back to it. Complete with lighter,” she groaned.
The two girls walked slowly towards where a crowd of doctors and nurses were trying to talk Andrew into giving his lighter to them. This scene only held people’s interest for a short time, however, because a new scene was unfolding.
Marco had somehow managed to steal the microphone to the PA system and had begun transmitting sound effects over it. Taking their cues, two of the counselors began to mime the sound effects he was producing. This eventually took all of the attention away from Andrew and his lighter, and, eventually, this talent entranced even the “officials”.
The party was soon broken up, however, when the police began to flow onto the floor from the elevators. One of them pulled out a bullhorn and yelled for everyone to get back into their rooms. His voice left even the bravest people staring wide-eyed with fear. Needless to say it took about .3 seconds for everyone to be in their rooms, in bed, and not causing anymore trouble.
“Kitty?” Beth called to her roomate.
“Yeah?”
“Did you happen to see that security guard’s nametag?”
“No,” Kitty answered after some thought. “Why?”
Beth laughed a little before answering, “It said ‘Cecile’ on it.”Part Three – Have Our Pie And Eat It TooThe drive home for the campers was quieter than usual. Their parents were less than thrilled with having to pick up their kids from a hospital and hearing how badly they had all behaved while there. But no matter how silent the ride was, all of the campers knew that the entire week was more than worth it. For they were some of the very few who could say “and one time, at Catholic Camp…” and actually have an entertaining story to follow.
Email: Starsweeper3478@aol.com