I have been struggling for a while now trying to process someone who had hurt me greatly in the past, but who has been kinder, gentler, and nicer to me in more recent years. I’ve been trying to reconcile who this person was with who they later became. But over the weekend after much introspection, I finally feel at peace about the situation. When I started thinking about the situation comparatively with my relationship with God, I saw the situation from a new perspective.

Because God loves us, he always welcomes us with open arms. But, as the saying goes, although God accepts us the way we are, he doesn’t expect us to stay that way. Rather, God is a God of new beginnings, a God of second chances…and third…and fourth…and…. So why do we hold others to a higher standard than God holds us to? God believes in our ability to change, to transform into who he wants us to be. And once we transform and change, the person we were is no more; rather, a new, better person has emerged.

If we’re honest about it, some people are easier to forgive than others, some hurts easier to forgive than others. I have often thought it’s easier to forgive someone who apologizes, especially with a heartfelt apology. And yet if others change in how they treat us and if we see what appears to be genuine positive changes in their souls, should we continue to dwell on the person they were or rather to accept the person they have become? Doesn’t God forgive us when we change to live our lives how he wants us to live? So again, who are we to hold others to a higher standard than God holds us to?

And so, even though I had longed for apologies for how I was treated, I now realize that the apologies really aren’t necessary—the transformation of that person’s soul is enough because the person that was is no more. A new person had emerged, a kinder, nicer, gentler spirited person. So who am I to withhold forgiveness for the hurts when the person that hurt me is no more?

If God believes in new beginnings, in second chances, so should we. We don’t always get those longed for heartfelt apologies. But if someone has a soul-deep changed life and has changed how they treat us, then forgiveness is appropriate. Like our God of new beginnings, our God of second chances, we too should believe that souls can transform to be good and kind, and to show others the same grace that God shows us.

Even so, it is wise to be cautious when someone who has hurt us seems to have changed, to take time to discern whether the change is genuine. But at some point there comes a time of accepting who they have become, a time of letting go of who they were, and accepting the new transformed person they have become—a time to forgive, a time for new beginnings.

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