A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth

How come it takes so little time for a child who ; is afraid of the dark to ; become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

No one ever says "It's only a game" when their ; team is winning.

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

You know you're old when you reach down to get the ; wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.

You've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.