Episode 85: Double Your Fun, Double Your Danger

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by 3D Master (3dmaster@telfort.nl)

Disclaimer: see Episode 79.

“Bye, Isabella,” Xander said, and kissed her goodbye on her cheek. The airport was busy, and not just because of the load of Potentials that were loaded into planes. Some would go back to their parents, if they still lived, others would return back to their homes with their watchers, and others who had lost both would be going to schools the New Council had decided to buy. One of those was in London, close the new Watcher Headquarters. Another one was right here in Sunnydale. A few watchers and a good section of Potentials would remain in Angel’s old mansion, now formerly the property of the new Watchers’ Council. There had even been talk of installing a Gravity Gym there, until they heard the price, and realized if they were going to build one, it should be in London, where there were no close by Gravity Gyms.

“Goodbye, Xander, take care of yourself,” Isabella returned, giving him a bright smile. She then turned around, and ushered some of her charges toward the metal-detecting portal. Jorge was close by, having a few of his own Potentials to take care of.

Xander, with Willow and Buffy on either side of him, waved goodbye, and once they were past the portals and onward out of sight, they turned around and started leaving Sunnydale Airport.

As they walked, and Buffy started to talk, Willow took in Xander. He was smiling. It was good to see him genuinely smiling once again. Granted, they had defeated the First Evil; and from reports his Bringer army without aim and being killed off rapidly by watchers, some with well-trained Potentials, cops as the Bringers hysterically waved knives around in public, and other armed people, however, this smile wasn’t a victory smile. “You had sex . . .” Willow blurted out, accusingly, interrupting Buffy about whatever she had been talking about, “with Isabella!”

“Careful, Will, I don’t think the announcer has heard you yet,” Xander said with a rueful smile.

“You did!” Willow repeated with a big grin.

“You did!” Buffy echoed, a grin on her face as well.

Xander shrugged, and quickly walked onward. Not that he really cared, but all the looks of the people in the small airport were starting to annoy him. Not long after they left the place, and so Willow and Buffy could safely talk. “This is so good! You’re back in the game, you’re smiling. Good for you, Xand,” Willow said with grin.

Xander nodded with a big smile. “Yeah,” Buffy added with a happy smile, “it’s good you’re dating again. Welcome back to the land of the living might not be overly exaggerated.”

“Well, she did make me happy, she was good, especially considering she was a virgin,” Xander said with a smirk, walking onward along the pavement, to soon reach the Summers Family vehicle.

Willow and Buffy halted their motion for a moment in surprise, then they walked again. Willow exclaimed, “You go, Xander! I’m proud of you: my kindergarten friend. How was it?”

“Ack! Willow! How can you say that?” Buffy exclaimed in protest. Xander turned around to face the two, and leaned against the back of the car.

“What? Why?” Willow asked, looking around instinctively looking for the booboo she made, and finding none of course.

“Xander took a virginity on a one-night-stand, he just ruthlessly ruined a girl’s innocence! Losing your virginity should be with someone special,” Buffy accused with some indignation.

“Hey,” Willow retorted with a big grin, “have you /seen/ the girl? Talk about smoking hot latina. If Tara wasn’t in the picture, I’d be the one ruining her innocence, and there’s a whole lot more ruined than just her innocence, right Xan?” Willow gave Xander a light, companionable elbow and a big grin.

“Aargh!” Buffy replied before Xander could do more than give the beginning of an agreeing smile, “You two are as bad as Parker.”

“Not so!” Willow protested right away. “We would never lie to a girl for three weeks and multiple dates just to fuck her once and then not even bother talking to her anymore.”

“Besides, I was doing her a favor,” Xander finally managed to put it.

Buffy folded her arms across her chest, and glaring at him, demanded, “And how do you figure that, oh tail-having male?”

“She asked me for it,” Xander answered with a shrug, making himself a bit more comfortable against the car, and then explained, “She had turned me into this fantasy of perfection, making her unable to move on and have any relationships with guys. To get past it, she needed to have sex with the imperfect reality.”

Willow immediately jumped in, “Which makes Xander a very special guy for her, Buffy. See, no foul here, nothing, not even by your definition.” Buffy grumbled in annoyance. “Besides,” Willow added with a sneaky smile, “she was our age, in her twenties, /some/body had to do it. Might as well be one of us.”

“Unbelievable,” Buffy muttered in defeat, walking to the passenger side of the car to get in, “my two best friends are a bunch of virgin-ruining perverts. I should ask Chris for a chastity belt, so I won’t get surprised by you two raping me from behind.”

“Chastity belt,” Willow said in revelation, an truly evil grin directed at a smirking Xander. “That could be fun, I must mention that to Tara.”

Buffy groaned and then let her head fall against the front window of the car, then repeated the process gently in frustration. “Will one of you open the car so we can get back home, already?”

*****

LA

The Sunnydale-ward section of the Fang Gang returned to the Hyperion. They entered the hotel exhausted, carrying their luggage. “Look, Connor-kins, your daddy is back from saving the world,” Lorne said, gently moving the almost one-year-old up and down, much to his delight. Next to the green-skinned extra-dimensional alien stood Pike. The Human was a little wobbly, but he had used the time the others were gone to heavily train. He still couldn’t quite manage a full day without the wheelchair, but he was getting close, and then the damn thing could be out the window.

“Heey, Connor,” Angel said with a fatherly voice, dumping his luggage to the floor and coming over to Lorne, and took his son to himself. Connor made several happy sounds, recognizing his father.

“Oh, never /again/!” Cordelia complained with plain horror on her face, not able to muster up the effort, she dropped the luggage to the floor just like Angel had done.

Wesley, Fred and Faith were close behind, and they made various sounds of agreement. “That was rather horrific,” Wesley said, moving slowly to the round couch in the middle and placing himself there. “Girls here, girls there, screaming, yapping, kicking, yelling, and they just - /would/ - /not/ - /quit/!”

“That bad?” Pike asked with a wry smile.

“Worse!” Faith said, staggering over to Wesley and letting herself sink into his lap, “They’re monsters! If I ever show any interesting in having kids - my own, over, or otherwise - kill me, please.”

“Ouch,” Lorne replied to that, “but kids are- . . .”

“Don’t say it!” Fred warned, managing to get her to the couch. She let herself fall down into the red pillows next to the couple, and only then realized she was still holding her suitcase. She had been too exhausted to realize she hadn’t put it down. She groaned while letting go of it. Thus she lay, almost in a fetal position, lying on her side, facing away from the others, and seeing none of them.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how they do it,” Faith said, with a tone that obviously conveyed she’d failed.

“Who, and what?” Pike asked her, as Angel was focused on his son, and Cordelia looked around dazedly.

Faith looked up, and then down, making a tired gesture to Wesley. “Nuns, teachers, and people, how they handle the kids, period, and then without going insane,” Wesley answered, then yawned deeply.

“Whips,” Fred muttered with a pout. She took a deep breath and clarified, “Angel and I narrowed it down to whips, and then using it lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of times.”

There was no answer to that for a few moments, and Fred felt watched. So she turned her head backward just a bit to see Pike and Lorne look at her. “I thought you were a good person,” Lorne said half serious.

“Come back to be when you’ve been with those monsters,” Fred complained, and turned her head back. With a pout she added, “One child, okay, two, with several years in between at least, doable, more than that: monsters, horrifying monsters.”

“Oookay, and I thought I hated kids,” Pike commented at that, slightly taken aback.

Too many’s surprise, Cordelia chose that moment to finally speak up. “I tried,” she stated out loud, drawing everyone’s attention. “I really did try to go home, but I can’t. I’m going upstairs, take a shower and spend the night in a guest room. I’ll go home and check on Dennis tomorrow; I’ll leave him a message on the phone.”

And thus Cordelia managed to start to stagger to the chairs and moved up. “Ooh, you sleepy, Connor? Yes, wu are awen’t you, bububawa,” Angel said shifting to his vampiric visage, as Connor yawned. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Please - Angel,” Pike interrupted him, making the vampire look up, “don’t ever do that again in front of me. I beg you, baby talk - leave first, or tell me to leave first. Just - not in front of me.” Fred actually managed to chuckling and laugh just a big, as Faith giggled, her mouth closed and hand in front of it to hide it. Wesley just grinned at Angel, who gave them all a haughty nose, and followed Cordelia up the stairs.

*****

Connor lay in his crib, his father having just left after making sure he was asleep. Somebody walked up to the crib and bent over. The feminine hand reached out, and gently grabbed a hair. A quick yank later, and the hair disappeared in a pocket. Connor’s eyes crunched for a moment, but then relaxed again, continuing to sleep.

*****

Faith yawned as she reached the top of the stairs, and walked around the scaffolding. Left into the corridor, then right into the side one. The second door on the right was her room; roomy, not too roomy, a fifty’s hotel room with her own bathroom. Before she turned right though, she looked left; Cordelia had let her door open; to lazy-tired no doubt. Faith halted, and smiled lightly: there was Cordelia. She was wearing a tight pair of jeans, and a tight top that left her belly button bear. She had apparently already showered and put on clean clothes. Cordelia turned her head to Faith and their eyes crossed for a moment, Cordelia’s mouth quirked, and then walked onward. Damn, Faith had to admit, Cordelia had a hot ass, and lovely breasts. She stayed watching a second longer, seeing Cordelia’s ass sway, her upper body lightly hunched over . . .

Wait a minute . . . Faith frowned. Something seemed off, wrong. Cordelia walked onward, to the right, along the bed to the front of hit. Of her own accord, Faith took a step toward and then into the room. “Cordelia?” Faith asked, slightly concerned. Cordelia jerked and turned around. “Is something wrong?”

“No, why would something be wrong?” Cordelia asked with a confused face.

“I don’t kn-” Faith frowned again.

“What do you want!?”

Faith’s eyes widened. That had been Cordelia, but Cordelia hadn’t spoken, and the voice came from the bathroom. Faith turned to look slightly to her right, as did Cordelia. The bathroom door opened. “Damn it, Faith, can’t a girl have some privacy,” Cordelia said annoyed, walking out the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around her body, and using a second one to dry her long dark hair.

Two Cordelias’ eyes crossed, as Faith looked from one to the other in utter confusion, frowning: the two even felt the same. “Damn it!” the Cordelia in jeans then growled, turned, and ran toward a window, jumping through it; and Faith and the BathroomCordelia saw a knife in one of her hands, as the sounds of breaking glass coursed through the room. A moment later the double was from sight. It took another few moments for the surprise to wear off, and Cordelia and Faith ran to the windows looking out. A final glimpse could be seen as the Cordelia double disappeared around the corner. Cordelia and Faith than leaned back from the window, and looked at each other in dumbfoundment.

“Holy shit,” Faith finally summed up.

*****

“C-could it be the First Evil?” Fred asked nervously, she really didn’t want to face that thing again. They were sitting in Wesley’s office, surrounding the table in a half-circle. Wesley sat behind his desk, and then from his left to right sat, Lorne, Faith, Pike - in his wheelchair closest to the door - Cordelia, Angel, and finally Fred. “Xander can’t be wrong about destroying it, can he?”

“No, that’s not it. Cordelia is still alive, and she never died,” Wesley said, still dumbfounded at the news. A Cordelia doppelganger, and not just physically either, even her chi.

Cordelia made her own speculation, “It can’t be something simple, like, a stalking, jealous fan that took pictures, had some plastic surgeon transform her, and used some magic spell to fake the chi, right?” They all looked at her. “It could happen,” she defended herself.

“When was the last time you were on tv, or even on stage?” Angel asked her soberly.

Cordelia looked down, and sighed, “Of course it couldn’t be something simple. Shit.”

“Shape shifter?” Pike suggested calmly, betraying the opposite.

“No,” Wesley said slowly and shook his head. “Shapeshifters change shape, not chi signature. Even if it were one, for one to have somehow changed its chi signature as well, it would still mean something bigger would be behind it.”

“At least we can say this is something new,” Lorne commented with a nervous grin. They all looked at him. “Hey, always look on the bright side of life?”

“Fuck me,” Faith muttered, shaking her head. “That was one of the weirdest things, they were so close together and feeling the same, it was like I felt only one of them, while there were two. For a moment I thought I was going crazy.”

“Indeed, I fear, that this isn’t something small,” Wesley speculated in his usual British accent.

“Naturally,” Cordelia said in a defeated voice. She was about to continue in a tirade, when she turned her head to Faith. Before anyone else could contribute, she snapped, “Wait a minute . . . how exactly did you know it wasn’t me, if it felt exactly like me, Faith.”

“She didn’t walk like you walk,” Faith said, and Cordelia’s eyebrows rose in askance. “You walk with utter confidence in your own hotness, straight, showing off what you’ve got, totally at home in your body and radiating your superiority . . . it didn’t, as if it wasn’t sure of itself, not used to your body, as if it wasn’t its.”

Cordelia frowned, and then asked somewhat more solid, and dangerous, “And how /exactly/, would you /know/, how /I/ walk?”

Everyone looked at Faith for that, except Wesley, who looked down, as if somewhat guilty. Faith shrugged, and said, “I sneak peeks.” Cordelia’s eyebrows furrowed into a light frown. “I’ve got some bisexual tendencies,” Faith clarified with a light smile.

“WHAT!?” Cordelia screamed out loud, angry, offended, icky that her rival female in this hotel was checking her out.

“Come on, you know you have a great ass and a fantastic rack, you wouldn’t show it off otherwise, you must know I look now and then,” Faith said with a grin, and Wesley looked further down, hoping they didn’t notice him.

“She-” Pike was starting to agree, raising his finger to call attention.

“YOU AMAZING DUMB BITCH!” Cordelia screamed enraged, interrupting the guy. Cordelia was creaped out now, and her wide-eyed look of shock mixed with anger was a testament to that. She really didn’t mind lesbianism, or lesbians and bisexual checking her out, but Faith, verbal battle partner taking peeks while they were in heated battles felt wrong to her. “You can’t check me out! I’m a woman! You’ve got a boyfriend! It’s /wrong/!”

“Wesley disagrees,” Faith said with a smirk, making Wesley blush deeply, even as the others looked at him. “He thinks you’re all that too, and it spices up things. Pike obviously takes peeks, what does it matter if-”

“RAAH!” Cordelia screamed as she jumped forward and attacked Faith by grabbing her throat. The Fang Gang backed up, especially Pike wheeling backward to give the girls some room, and Lorne getting up pushing his chair back. A moment later the two girls lay rolling on the floor, Cordelia snarling at Faith. “Keep your damn eyes to yourself!”

“Sorry, Cordy, what are you going to do. Poke them out?” Faith returned.

Pike looked with a great smile, while the others slowly got up in shock. “Catfight,” Pike said with a smirk on his face. “I like this.”

Cordelia in the mean time said, “The thought had crossed my mind.” She grabbed Faith’s hair and yanked it about.

“Ah!” Faith exclaimed and grabbed Cordelia’s hair with her right hand, and her left grabbed her waist.

Fed up, Lorne squatted down and reached out with both his hands. “Kids, kids, kids!” he admonished, grabbing Faith’s and Cordelia’s airs and twisting cruelly.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” both girls exclaimed, immediately breaking off, and rising with Lorne’s hands.

“Somehow, I highly doubt a funky doppelganger who wanted slice and dice the lovely Miss Chase here, Faith, so she could take her place, is doing so turn us into shiny happy people,” Lorne lectured, and the two of them slowly nodded, looking a little nervously at the arm going to their ear. “I suggest then, that however pleasurable that was too watch, as some here would agree, we wait with the festivities until after we kick her doppelass back to where it came from.”

“She started i-” Cordelia snarled, pointing at Faith.

“Me!?” Faith exclaimed the moment ‘she’ came past Cordelia’s lips. “You ju-!”

“KIDS!” Lorne said more sharply now, twisting their ears again.

“Ow, ow, ow, okay, okay!” both girls exclaimed in unison.

“Sit back down then,” Lorne said, letting go of their ears and pushing them toward their seats. The girls started rubbing their painful and hot-feeling ears, righting their seats. Angel, and Pike smirked at the conclusion of that scene, and Fred smiled indulgently at Cordelia and then Faith, who both had the smarts to look a little embarrassed. “Now where were we,” Lorne said, as he got his own chair, “ah yes, I believe our fearless leader was about to lay down the battle plan to lay down the smack down on this doppelganger. Wesley, you have the floor.”

“Thank you, Lorne,” Wesley said in pure British stiff upper lip. “Now- . . .”

Wesley was interrupted by two throats sounding; the sound of two bursts of laughter stopped in the back of their throats. Fred looked over at Angel, from where the second had come from, and Angel looked over at Fred, where the first at come from. Two sets of twinkling, humor-filled eyes crossed, and their valiant effort not to burst out laughing was shattered. Half sputtering and half laughing they looked at each other, and just let it out. Giggles and sputters, and half in mouth laughs, because both knew how inappropriate it was, and part of them still wanted to reign it in. “Are you quite finished?” Wesley asked after a few moments with a disapproving look.

The two looked at his face, and Lorne’s annoyed look, and just burst out again. Pike looked around, not quite getting it, and Cordelia and Faith were just trying to dig a hole in the floor to sink into as what they had been doing, and how they were separated returned to them.

“Where- [cough] really sorry, Wes,” Angel said, his face still in a big grin, and the muscles in his cheeks twitching to bring it under control, “it’s just that . . . when Lorne . . . and you acting like his comm-” Angel forced his lips closed, but another sputter managed to get passed.

Wiping away the tears in her eyes, Fred managed, “It was funny.”

“Fine, now that we can finally continue after that waste of time,” Wesley said with a stern glare, grateful people had seemed to have forgotten about Faith’s outburst about him, “some observations. This thing masqueraded as Cordy, right down to her chi signature. Therefor we don’t know what it really is, what its weaknesses are, or how strong it is. Be careful; seeing as she fled, we can pretty safely say that now at least, she’s not strong enough to take on Super Slayer Faith here, but that says nothing about the rest of us. Strength in numbers is the way to go, at least two together.” The group nodded and made several agreeing comments. Wesley continued, “Chances of us finding her, are slim to none, I’d say-”

Faith interrupted, “I could just fly over LA and look for Cordy.”

“I doubt it’ll work, Faith,” Wesley answered, and then explained to the others his reasons for believing so, “if she is capable of making herself feel exactly like Cordy, then she can probably make herself feel like anyone else, or even hide her signature completely.”

“It can’t hurt to give it a whirl later though,” Angel pointed out, and Wesley nodded.

“I’m dumb,” Faith said disparaging herself, “instead of standing around being dumbstruck, I should have chased her, not let her get away.”

“Perhaps, but perhaps it also had a perfect getaway planned and she would have been gone by the time you turned the corner; let’s no lay blame on this, especially any of us ourselves,” Wesley replied, and then continued, “Our best bet is to stay vigilant, and keep an eye out for any signs that might be her. People seeing themselves, and other such things. Further, it might not hurt considering it a bigger player, or it having a boss that’s a bigger player, so more grim signs should be investigated as well. Any supernatural sources we have, any psychics, future seeers other than our local one, demons getting contacted, or feeling something big coming - let’s see if we can make sure we don’t get caught with our pants down.”

“Can I go to bed now?” Cordelia asked, now that the adrenaline of seeing her double and from getting worked up over Faith had worn off her exhaustion was quickly returning.

“Yes, of course,” Wesley told her.

“Hey, wait, there was a catfight planned,” Pike protested, earning two glares - which in turn made him wheel backward out the office rapidly, grinning.

To Be Continued . . .

Cordelia having a double? Scary! Dawn is facing something scary as well; was encounter with her mother actually her mother? Or the First Evil? Or perhaps something else altogether? And is that a good or bad thing? Join Dawn’s search . . . and what’s Xander doing at the psychiatrist, all next time on Buffy Z - Episode 86: Of Doubts and Angels.