I'm too cheap to buy you smokes or porn for your birthday, so I came up with this funny
shit, reminiscent of what you used to send me for my birthdays back in the day, anywho, to start off...
Jon Tsang's Long-lost twin sister Janet wished you a happy birthday, and said "You're a cutie pie,
and I eat cutie pies just like I eat any other kind of pies - I shove my face into them
and in the end get covered in sticky goo"
Don't get too close to Brad Dorcas! One minute you're blowing him man-kisses, the next
he's giving you a blowjob, and you're titty-fucking his man boobies... He was too busy
microwaving hot pockets to wish you a happy birthday.
Mike Lyons invited you for Fireball shots out at his place this weekend, he's hoping he'll
get you drunk enough that you'll think he's a woman and finger him.
