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Kristof
Dialogue
Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound
by Neblano Argon
Please note that neither the author nor publisher are responsible
for the misguided and possibly illegal activities that may occur as a result of this book. All actions are blamed soley on the accused.
1. Use the skin as a door mat.
2. Gut its body and use it as a costume.
3. Mount the head and hang it above your fireplace.
4. Put the tongue in the cookie jar as a practical joke.
5. Nail the eyes to your front door and write, "Someone's watching you." below it.
6. Grind the bones into low-fat flour.
7. Grind the hooves into powder and mix it with skooma to make an alcoholic geletain.
8. Let it sleep next to you at night to keep you company, until it starts to rot and smell bad.
9. Chunk its tongue up and feed it to your friends saying, "It's just rat meat, really!"
10. Pour poison on it and time how long it takes for the acid to eat through the flesh.
11. Put a leash around it and take it for walks in your local town.
12. Use the meat from its throat to fry. It makes a crisp and tasty breakfast addition.
13. Use the meat from its stomach to simmer in a vat of gravy for hours. When it is done it will be the most tender meat you've ever tried.
14. Stuff it and give it to your firstborn as a gift.
15. Sneak into someone's house (preferably someone you've never met) and drop it on top of them whilst they sleep.
16. Take the skin to a tailor. The skin can be used as a very nice leather. The green leather compliments glass armor very well.
17. The leather can be used to cover old furniture. 18. If the skin is pulled tight enough, it can be used as a natural canvass for all of you art fanatics.
19. The skin can be used to make water-proof boots.
20. The skin can be made into a fashionable whip.
21. The eyes make great jelly with some ground bittergreen petals added in.
22. The meat from its back is a tough meat that, when cooked long enough, can become so tender that it falls apart in your mouth.
23. The male bladder can be blown up and played with like an inflatable ball.
24. The fat drippings can be saved to grease up rusty hinges.
24. You can make a collection of nix hound heads and put them on spears to show off on the pathway up to your house.
25. You could try to convince your guests that the dead nix hound was your spouse.
26. You could kill the guests that you convinced, thus ridding the world of another idiot.
27. Grind the eyeballs into a tasty jelly, good on everything.
28. Cut off the head and make it into a mask to wear to parties.
29. Collect them, stuff them, and start a "My Size Nix-Hound"(tm) product line!
30. Try to see if you can resurrect it.
31. Feed it to one of its living relatives, preferably its mother.
32. Put its whole carcass through a meat grinder.
33. Try cooking it by casting Fire Spells at it.
34. Get ten of them and make a tepee out of the skin and bones.
35. Put the tepee in your backyard and trap your neighbors in it.
36. Chain its skeleton to the entrance to your cellar.
37. Put the leg bones into soup while you cook it to add flavor.
38. Collect the livers and put them into sacks so that you can light them on fire and use a catapult to launch them at your enemies. (or neighbors)
39. Sharpen its longer bones and turn whittle them into nice arrows to use when hunting your next Nix Hound
40. Try and teach it to speak. (After a few dozen hours, you may want to stop...that is if it's not working by then.)
41. Soak its corpse in skooma, then light in on fire and put it into a massive catapult to shoot through your neighbor's roof. (But only if he deserves it. If he only ticked you off, see Use No. 38.)
42. Donate it to a museum.
43. Throw it back into the woods and then when other animals come to eat it, shoot them with one of your Nix Hound Arrows. Then leave the new corpse there as "fresh bait".
NOTE: After 20 or 30 Corpses pile up, you may want to start burying them. They'll begin to stink and neighbors will complain. This happened to me.
44. Carve it's femur into a woodwind instrument and play soothing melodies with it.
45. Plant it in your backyard and try to grow a Nix Hound Tree.
46. Use it to keep critters away from your crops by propping it up with some sticks. (or with the legs of previous Nix Hounds)
47. Try to carve a Nix Hound bone into a Katana. Then slaughter all the small woodland creatures that you find.
48. Grind their "leftovers" and use it with mulch to add vital nutrients into the soil of your garden. You'll have the best Saltrice in the province.
49. Clean out the stomach and use it as a canteen when you go for long hikes.
50. Drag its corpse up to an Orc and ask the Orc if he can see the resemblance between himself and the Nix Hound's dead face.
NOTE: You need to be a fast runner, but you should have a good fifteen or twenty seconds before the Orc realizes that he was insulted and begins to run after you. -
In closing, I would like to say a few words of thanks to my lovely wife,
Pem Argon who puts up with my Nix Hound obssession, and a special
word of thanks to any possible publishers that are reading this.
I would also like to make sure to state that any jokes that seemed
to dis any certain races were meant as jokes, not as facts, so please
don't come to my house and kill me.
I hope you found this book both useful and humorous. Topic: Response
Fargoth: "That sneak, I hear he steals things from other people's houses.Sometimes he pick pockets you! I hear he stole hes ring from a Nord woman that walks around the street near the River Odai in Balmora."
What do you want (0-29): "What do you care what I want? I hate you, outlander. Why don't you go back where you came from? I hear you came from jail. Why don't you go back there, n'wah?"
What do you want (30-39): "I could really go for some Scuttle right about now."
What do you want (40-49): "Sometimes I wish I had a larger house, but my little shack by the coast is fine. I'm content.
What do you want (50-79): "I don't want much. I want a few more lights in my house, I only have three!"
What do you want (80-94): "I'd like a nice pair of pants made out of Nix-Hound Leather. I hear there's a man in the Kamino Islands that makes it."
What do you want (95-100): "Eventually, I'd like to settle down, have a few kids. What do you think? Who should I try to go out with?"
_____OPTIONS_____
Eldafire: "Ewww...she's too full of herself. Besides, up until now, I thought she was a man."
Teleri Helvi: "Hmm...maybe. We're both Dunmer. Thanks for the
tip.
Indrele Ruthryon: "I've had my eye on her, but I think she's too
young for me. She lives in one of the shacks, liek me. Maybe if we got hitched
we could both sell ours and move to a nice home in Balmora."
Tolvise Orthralen: "No, everyone knows she's got her eye's on
Arrlle."
Elone: "No, I'm not racist or anything, but I'd prefer a Dunmer as a
wife."
TOPIC
Tell me about yourself (0-19): "No!" (goodbye!)
Tell me about yourself (20+): "As you can see, I'm a Dunmer. I'm rather old,
but not so old that I can't get out and walk around.
Tell me about yourself (30+): "Well, I've been to many places. Even to Black
Marsh once, but now I stay here in Seyda Neen. I'm to old to go anywhere
else."
Tell me about yourself (50-59): "I don't tend to like many people that aren't
Dunmer, but I'm starting to like you."
Tell me about yourself (60+): "When I was young, I used to be like you,
adventerous and wild. I explored areas all over Vvardenfell. I used to love
hiking in West Gash. Have you been there recently?"
_____OPTION_____
Yes//It's beautiful isn't it?
No//You ought to go. Wonder ful place it is!
Tell me about youself (90+): "I've never married. I've been close before, but
never had the guts to ask. I was risky in every other part of my life, but not
women."
Tell me about yourself (90+): "I live in a small shack. I so often wish I was
young again, able to explore and sleep under the stars. I envy you, PLAYER."
Tell me about yourself (90+): "I'm a very picky person when it comes to food.
I won't eat something if it doesn't smell good, no matter whom I offend."
Tell me about yourself (90+): "Once, I was blind. Now, vision has been
restored in my left eye. A mage restored it, but could only restore one. The
other one's been gone for a long time. I can still see, though. I'm grateful for
that."
Tell me about yourself (98+): "You don't know what you have until its gone,
PLAYER, don't take things for granted."
Tell me about youself (100): "You're quite a friend, PLAYER. I'm glad I got to
know you before it was too late..."
TOPIC
Little Secret (0-39): "I don't know any."
Little Secret (40+): "Sometimes, I hear Tolvise talk about Arrille. She really
likes him."
Little Secret (70+): "If you get the chance, always try to do the honest thing."
Little Secret (90+): "Live life so that you'll never have any regrets. If you don't,
you'll hate yourself when you're older. Trust me, I know."
TOPIC
Tolvise (0-50): "She's nice. Never leaves Arrille's shop, though. I wonder why?"
Tolvise (50+): "Everyone thinks she loves Arrille. Everyone seems to know; everyone but Arrille, himself, I guess."
TOPIC
Teleri Helvi (0-50): "Sometimes she's spiteful, but I really think she's a good
person."
Teleri Helvi (50+): "Do you think she'd go to dinner with me?"
_____QUEST_____
Find out what kind of food Teleri likes and tell it to Erene.
Reward: Erene's "thanks"
Thavere Vedrano
Default Greeting (1st)
Welcome to Seyda Neen, (RACE). I haven't seen you before. Are you trying to find someone in particular, or do you need services? You look like you could really use some sleep. If you check in to a room, you should try to find a copy of Neblano Argon's book: Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound. Before you go, you should check out the view from the top of my lighthouse. It's amazing!
Default Greeting (2nd):
Hello again, (NAME), How are you doing? Did you ever read Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound? What about the view? Have you gone to the top of my lighthouse yet? Anytime you want to talk, I'm here. If you ever need to now where someone in particular is, I'll try to help.
Neblano Argon:
He's the author of the book, Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound. He lives on the Kamino Islands.
Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound:
It's a wonderful book. It gave me some great decorating ideas for the lighthouse. I hope I get around to redoing this place soon.
Lighthouse:
My trade: already did Erene, although it was really long. I'm going to go back and delete some of it. I think the other two are up for grabs, though. Who else is left? I'll crop of some of Erene's stuff and re-post it.
I just got done with Davrame Hleran, here it is:
Davrame Hleran
Default Greeting (1st):
Default Greeting (2nd):
My trade:
Davrame Hleran:
Silt Strider Buisness: Well, here's the new one, if you want to keep the old one, just use it instead, but it was kind of confusing and had a lot of stuff on it.
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Erene Llenim
Default greeting (1st): I haven't seen you before, what do you want? Do you some directions to someone in particular, or do you want to know what little bit of services there are here in Seyda Neen? I'll tell you one thing, watch out for that thief, Fargoth.
Default greeting (2nd): Did you find the services you needed? What about Fargoth? You haven't been hanging around near him have you? You seem to hate him as much as me. Anyone that hates Fargoth is a friend of mine, so I've got a question to ask you.
Fargoth:
question:
Teleri Helvi: Hmm...maybe. We're both Dunmer. Thanks for the tip.
Indrele Ruthryon: I've had my eye on her, but I think she's too young for me. She lives in one of the shacks, like me. Maybe if we got hitched we could both sell ours and move to a nice home in Balmora.
Tolvise Orthralen: No, everyone knows she's got her eye's on Arrlle.
Elone: No, I'm not racist or anything, but I'd prefer a Dunmer as a wife. Here's an updated Davrame:
Davrame Hleran
Default Greeting (1st):
Default Greeting (2nd):
My trade:
Davrame Hleran:
Silt Strider Buisness:
Lonely:
Social Life:
Working:
Arrille's Tradehouse:
people: Thavere Vedrano
Default Greeting (1st):
Default Greeting (2nd):
Neblano Argon:
Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound:
Decorating ideas:
meals:
strange ideas:
fashion:
My trade: I'm running out of color aleady :( anyway Elone
Default Greeting (1st):
Default Greeting (2nd):
outlander:
Elone:
scout:
Arrille's Tradehouse:
Arrille:
directions:
nap:
raise:
What's her name:
I'll take:
Raflod the Braggart (Weird Nord who trains) Foryn Gilnith
Default greeting (1st):
Default greeting (2nd):
humble abode:
Sarcasm:
Foryn Gilnith:
questions:
happy:
friend:
annoying:
Alone: Raflod the Braggart
Default greeting (1st):
Default greeting (2nd):
Inferior:
Superiority:
charm:
Cyrodillic Empire:
Dremora Lord:
Story:
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Links to further topics: Seyda Neen, someone in particular, services, Neblano Argon, Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound, lighthouse.
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Links to further topics: Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound, someone in particular.
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Links to further topics: Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound.
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Links to further topics: N/A
This is it. Isn't it a beauty? I cherish this building like my life. The view from above is excellent.
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Links to further topics: N/A
Well, my name's Thavere Vedrano and I own this lighthouse here in Seyda Neen. I've always been fascinated by the building, and I plan on redecorating it if I ever get the time.
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Links to futher topics: Seyda Neen, lighthouse
You must be new to the silt strider service. I know they look hideous, but they are quite safe, I assure you. This travel sevice is one of a few services that Seyda Neen offers. If you'd like, I can try to help you find someone in particular. I can also show you a list of destinations.
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Links to futher topics: silt strider, service, Seyda Neen, someone in particular, destinations.
Welcome back, (NAME), how have you been? Are you here to go to Balmora? That seems to be where the vast majority of our customers ride. It seems odd, one would think more people would visit Vivec. Maybe they go to Balmora first and pay for a guild guide to send them to Vivec. I hear it's a wonderful experience, teleporting, that is. I've never experienced it myself, I'm always around here running my Silt Strider Buisness.
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Links to further topics: Balmora, Vivec, guild guide, Silt Strider Buisness.
I am a caravaner. I run my own Silt Strider Buisness here in Seyda Neen. My name is Davrame Hleran. Buisness has been rough lately, people have been staying home more often that usual. Usually there are lots of people travelling this time of year.
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Links to further topics: Silt Strider Buisness, Seyda Neen, Davrame Hleran, caravaner.
That's me, the local caravaner.
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Links to further topics: caravaner
Buisness hasn't been going very well. I don't know why, but people just aren't travelling as much. In fact, almost all of my buisness comes from you. I'm glad you still travel around, (NAME). If you didn't, I think I'd be out of a job. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't a caravaner...I've never done anything else.
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Links to further topics: caravaner
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Links to further topics: someone in particular, services, Seyda Neen, Fargoth.
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Links to further topics: services, Fargoth, question.
That sneak, I hear he steals things from other people's houses. Sometimes he pick pockets them! I hear he stole his ring from a Nord woman that walks around the street near the River Odai in Balmora.
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Links to further topics: Odai, Balmora.
Eventually, I'd like to settle down, have a few kids. What do you think? Who should I try to go out with?"
_____OPTIONS_____
Eldafire: Ewww...she's too full of herself. Besides, up until now, I thought she was a man.
You must be new to the silt strider service. I know they look hideous, but they are quite safe, I assure you. This travel sevice is one of a few services that Seyda Neen offers. If you'd like, I can try to help you find someone in particular. I can also show you a list of destinations.
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Links to futher topics: silt strider, service, Seyda Neen, someone in particular, destinations.
Welcome back, (NAME), how have you been? Are you here to go to Balmora? That seems to be where the vast majority of our customers ride. It seems odd, one would think more people would visit Vivec. Maybe they go to Balmora first and pay for a guild guide to send them to Vivec. I hear it's a wonderful experience, teleporting, that is. I've never experienced it myself, I'm always around here running my Silt Strider Buisness.
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Links to further topics: Balmora, Vivec, guild guide, Silt Strider Buisness.
I am a caravaner. I run my own Silt Strider Buisness here in Seyda Neen. My name is Davrame Hleran. Buisness has been rough lately, people have been staying home more often that usual. Usually there are lots of people travelling this time of year.
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Links to further topics: Silt Strider Buisness, Seyda Neen, Davrame Hleran, caravaner.
That's me, the local caravaner.
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Links to further topics: caravaner
Buisness hasn't been going very well. I don't know why, but people just aren't travelling as much. In fact, almost all of my buisness comes from you. I'm glad you still travel around, (NAME). If you didn't, I think I'd be out of a job. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't a caravaner...
I've never done anything else. Sometimes I get lonely, though. The only thing that I spend a lot of time with is this silt strider, and it can't carry on a conversation with me.
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Links to further topics: caravaner, lonely
Yes, I wish I had a social life. I just stand here twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year. I wish I could take some time off. I'm tired of working. Have you ever come to Seyda Neen and seen me off duty? No! I'm about ready to quit, execept...I don't know what else to do. *sigh* I guess I'll just be a caravaner forever.
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Links to other topics: social life, working, Seyda Neen, caravaner.
Are you making fun of me!? I don't have one, you know that. I don't appreciate it when people bring that up. I'm always working.
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Links to other topics: working
Yes, I'm working all the time. I never get to take a break. I wish I could take an evening off and head down to Arrille's Tradehouse. It'd be great to spend some quality time with other people, unlike this beast next to me.
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Links to other topics: working, Arrile's Tradehouse, people.
It's near the bridge. It's a large building, you can't miss it. You can get some training there, or even a bit to eat. Arrille has a few spells and potions as well.
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Links to other topics: N/A
I don't see much of them. They come and go. None of them seem to want to stay and chat. They're all in a hurry. Everyone but you, that is. Thanks for listening to me complain. I'm sure it's not that interesting to you...
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Links to other topics: N/A
Welcome to Seyda Neen, (RACE). I haven't seen you before. Are you trying to find someone in particular, or do you need services? You look like you could really use some sleep. If you check in to a room, you should try to find a copy of Neblano Argon's book: Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound. Before you go, you should check out the view from the top of my lighthouse. It's amazing!
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Links to further topics: Seyda Neen, someone in particular, services, Neblano Argon, Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound, lighthouse.
Hello again, (NAME), How are you doing? Did you ever read Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound? What about the view? Have you gone to the top of my lighthouse yet? Anytime you want to talk, I'm here. If you ever need to now where someone in particular is, I'll try to help.
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Links to further topics: Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound, someone in particular.
He's the author of the book, Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound. He lives on the Kamino Islands.
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Links to further topics: Fifty Uses for a Dead Nix Hound.
It's a wonderful book. It gave me some great decorating ideas for the lighthouse. I hope I get around to redoing this place soon. I've also cooked a few new meals. I don't think I made any friends, though, after I tried some of the strange ideas. It's also got the latest fashion in it.
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Links to further topics: decorating ideas, meals, strange ideas, fashion.
Yes, I've got quite a few from this book. I can use the skin for a door mat to the lighthouse; I could also inflate the bladder to make a ball!
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Links to further topics: N/A
There are plenty. Here are a few:
Grind the hooves into powder and mix it with skooma to make an alcoholic geletain.
Use the meat from its throat to fry. It makes a crisp and tasty
breakfast addition.
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Links to further topics: N/A
Yes, there were some of those. I don't think I was actually supposed to try them, though. That got me some jail time. Things like this:
-Get ten of them and make a tepee out of the skin and bones.
-Put the tepee in your backyard and trap your neighbors in it.
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Links to further topics: N/A
Take the skin to a tailor. The skin can be used as a very nice leather.
The green leather compliments glass armor very well. You can also make nice watertight boots.
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Links to further topics: N/A
Lighthouse:
This is it. Isn't it a beauty? I cherish this building like my life. The view from above is excellent.
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Links to further topics: N/A
Well, my name's Thavere Vedrano and I own this lighthouse here in Seyda Neen. I've always been fascinated by the building, and I plan on redecorating it if I ever get the time.
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Links to further topics: Seyda Neen, lighthouse
Welcome to Seyda Neen, outlander. The name's Elone. I'm a scout and I can give you directions to Pelagiad, Vivec, Balmora, Caldera, Ebonheart, you name it. I also rent the beds here at Arrille's Tradehouse. So, what can I do you for?
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Links to further topics: Seyda Neen, outlander, Elone, scout, Pelagiad, Vivec, Balmora, Ebonheart, Caldera Arrille's tradehouse.
Welcome back, (NAME). How've you been? I'm here if you need directions or just a place to nap. I wish I could get Arrille to give me a raise.
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Links to further topics: directions, nap, Arrille, raise.
That's what you are, sir.
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Links to further topics: N/A
That's me. Anything I can do for you?
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Links to further topics: N/A
That's what I am. We scouts know all about the geography of Vvardenfell. We can tell you where things are and sometimes, we can even tell you how they got there.
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scout, geography of Vvardenfell.
This is it. It's the busiest place in Seyda Neen; the only pub, shop, and inn in the whole town. Arrille owns it. He's downstairs. He takes care of selling and buying things and I run the rest.
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Links to further topics: Seyda Neen, Arrille.
He's the owner of this establishment. He pays me to take care of the pub and in
n aspect of the place.
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Links to further topics: N/A
I can tell you how to get to Pelagiad, Vivec, Balmora, Caldera, or Ebonheart.
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Links to further topics: Pelagiad, Vivec, Balmora, Caldera, Ebonheart.
If you get tired, you can take a nap to recover. We rent beds here. Do you need one?
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Links to further topics: nap, beds.
I really wish Arrille would give me a raise. I get paid next to nothing and I do more work than he does. He just sits around and deals with the occasional trader. Usually, he's just flirting with what's her name downstairs.
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Links to further topics: Arrille, raise, what's her name.
You know, that Dunmer downstairs that always stares at Arrille with those googly eyes, Tolvise Othralen.
Foryn Gilnith (A Dunmer in a shack with punky hair and a black mark on his face)
Welcome to my humble abode, (NAME). What would you like to know? Oh, I know, let me guess...you want me, Foryn Gilnith, to waste precious time out of my life to answer your questions? Well, since there's obviously no way around it, go ahead, ask me lots of questions. Why don't you start with services or maybe someone in particular, hm? Oh, I know, you could ask me about how happy I am!
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Links to further topics: humble abode, Foryn Gilnith, questions, services, someone in particular, happy.
Yeah, it's you again. Why do you keep coming back? Do you have an inkling of an idea how dreadfully annoying you are, you and your petty questions. Do you even care how happy I am?
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Links to further topics:annoying, questions, happy.
This is it, my lovely home. Don't you just love it! It's quite possibly the most marvelous place in the world. What's that, you detect sarcasm? No...really!?
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Links to further topics:sarcasm
Who, me? No, I'm never sarcastic! That'll be the day, ha, when I'm sarcastic.
Yes, that's me. Now why don't you leave me alone?
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Links to further topics: N/A
Wow, you even ask questions about questions. I can't believe you. You are quite possibly the stupidest (RACE) that I've ever met.
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Links to further topics:N/A
What do you mean you think I'm not happy? What could ever give you that idea? Oh, wait, I know! I'm a punk in a shack without a friend in the world. Maybe that's it!
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Links to further topics:friend
You mean...you'll be my friend?
_____OPTION_____
Yes: Well, thank's, but I think you're lying, so I don't want to be your friend. It'll just save me the pain of you backstabbing me later, just like everyone else, all backstabbers.
No: That's what I thought, now why don't you leave me alone.
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Links to further topics: N/A
Yes you are, now why don't you leave me alone. I want to be alone. I'm the only person I like now, so I only want to be with me. Now, please find your way out. It can't be that hard, the door's only a few feet away. Even a stupid (RACE) like you can find your way out.
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Links to further topics:alone
Yes, that's what I want to be, alone. Now please leave.
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Links to further topics: alone
Welcome to our humble town, stranger. You say you're name's, (NAME)? Well, that's a pretty good name, I suppose. Can it compete with Raflod the Braggart, though? I think not! Well, I suppose I should help you, being so much inferior to myself. What do you want, hm? You need to know the services round these parts, and I'll be bettin' you'll be wantin' to know about someone in particular so that you can be on your way, and quickly!
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Links to further topics: Raflod the Braggart, inferior, services, someone in particular.
Well, I see you're back again, (NAME); but how could you stay away from me? My superiority and charm shine through to the darkest cavern. People flock from all over the Cyrodillic Empire just to stare in awe at me! I suppose you've come to hear my story about the time I saved a woman from a dozen Dremora Lords? If not, I could still direct you to some services, or even give you some training. After all, what's the good being as good as I am if you don't "share the wealth", my wealth of experience that is. I'm sure you'll need a few pointers from yours truly!
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Links to further topics: superiority, charm, Cyrodillic Empire, story, services, training, Dremora Lords.
That you are, to me at least. But don't feel bad, you and the rest of the world are in the same boat!
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Links to further topics: N/A
That is what I have over everyone else. Who else would be strong and charming enough to save a woman from a dozen Dremora Lords? Would you like to hear the story?
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Links to further topics: Dremora Lords, story.
I have lots of that; in fact, I should start training people in personality. I guess I don't have to, though. Just by being near me, you instantly become more popular and well liked! I don't even charge you for it. Isn't that nice of me?
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Links to further topics: N/A
That's the Empire that rules us. Of course, I could overthrow it by myself with a hand tied behind my back if I wanted to, I just let them think they're in control. I makes them feel happy, and I'm such a nice guy that I let them feel happy.
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Those things are nasty, vile creatures. Not many people can kill a single one, but I once saved a woman from twenty of them! Want to hear the story?
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Once, there was a poor, damsel in distress. She was about to be tortured and killed by a league of two hundred Dremora Lords! She never had anything to fear, though, I fought those devils off of her ten at a time with my bare hands. Soon all thousand of the Dremora Lords were dead. Every last one of them. I wrung their throats with my bare hands, yes, sir. I spent three months of my life doing nothing but carrying all twenty thousand of their carcasses to the volcano and incinerating all hundred thousand of them! Yes, sir, I killed a hundred thousand Dremora Lords. Saving off that young woman, her child, and the entire town of Vivec! Yeah...that's it. The entire town of Vivec was saved. I even saved Vivec himself. I'm so humble that I try not to brag about it, but you have to admit, it was quite a feat. It happened only a decade ago! But then...there was that conspiracy!
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Links to further topics: conspiracy, Dremora Lords
conspiracy:
Yes, sir. Everyone in all of the Cyrodillic Empire is in a conspiracy to try and pretend that I didn't save the world from that massive army of half a million Dremora Lords. They even changed the history books to say that there's never even been more than a thousand Dremora Lords on the planet at a time! Can you believe it?
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Links to further topics: Cyrodillic Empire,
