How to build a mental corsa.

Kev Miller was the lucky winner of our Mod A Banger competion and in just 2 hours we bolted nearly £5000 of top-notch mods, styling and ICE to his shopping car. All You have to do to see how to tune your little sathurday shopping corsa into a road legal cruiser, is follow our comprehensive and exciting guide.

>>1. Suspension: Put your shit Corsa up on blocks and remove the absolutley crap 13inch wheels. With these pieces of crap out of the way you can now go right ahead and rip off what are supposed to be shock absorbers. If they wont come off easily hit them a few cracks of a lump hammer. Then use an angle-grinder to shred any bolts that are still holding them on. Slap on the new, adjustable and most savage shocks and bolt them on where relevant.

>>2. Brakes: Remove the standard, but rather useless discs and calipers. Use force where needed. Get your new drilled and grooved items and use the old screws that you took off 1 minute earlier to hold them in the place they go. Now slide the new calipers over these and make sure you tighten the bolts until they're about to snap as these calipers stop you looking like a complete wanker when you pile into the first bend on the next cruise at Southend!

>>3. Bodykit: To complete the exterior styling, a pukka bodykit is essential. Get your little brother and his mates to help you rip off the bumpers in whatever way possible. Once complete give them money to go to McDonalds, and then tell them to sod off. Put the new bumpers in place and drive a few self-tappers or nails in to hold them in place. Mastic any gaps with clear silicone. Break out your can of paint and lash it over the new bumpers and sideskirts. Make sure its the same colour as the car or it will look absolutley shit.

>>4. Pedals: To save cash for other mods, dont even bother buying new pedals. Just get your battery screwdriver and drill as many 6mm holes in the pedals as you can. Make sure you dont drill too many holes or the pedals could fall apart when you're driving and cause you to hit a brick wall, making you look like the biggest plonker in your housing estate.

>>5. I.C.E: Now its time to make sure your soundsystem is capable of banging out the pphattest choons at the loudest volume in the block. Once again tear out all the standard sound equipment and fling it all at the nearest traffic warden. Replace it with the newest gear available and wire it all up. Make sure the polarity is correct or your favourite trance cd's will sound like they've been scratched by a stanley knife.

Now your corsa should be ready for the next cruise and your mates will think its the bollox, and they wont be slagging you about your shopping car anymore.