Funny Quotes
"When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me."
"Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny."
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic."
"Friends don't let friends drive Naked."
"Time Flies fast when your in a coma."
"Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them."
"Atheism is a non-profit organization."
" Never wrestle a pig, you'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it."
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? are they afraid somebody will clean them?"
"If a tree falls in the middle of the woods, and no one is around to see or hear it, do the other trees make fun of it?"
"What happens when you get scared half to death twice?"
"When one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others drown too?"
" When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car."
" I love cats, they taste like Chicken."
