My Page SO I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT
Well I dont have one of them journal things, but I think for the first time Im gonna vent. I F%#^ing HATE WOMEN...I dont care if i get banned for writing this either. Its not like I dont put up with alot, I know i have a short fuse sometimes, but I try when it matters. So someone tell me WHY NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANY WOMAN, MUCH LESS THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING TO ME. I try to make thigs right, I get slammed on, I try to ignore her and it rips my heart out, I try to escape her and shes always on my mind. FINE!!!! Ill live with it, whatever, I dont care. But then, tonight, she accuses me of not thinging of her feelings. Apparently because I wanted to get a little closure after SHE DUMPED ME without warning or giving me a chance to do anything. Then I made the mistake of trying to tell her about my mishap with almost flirting with a 25 year old, because she wants me to treat her like a friend. Ok maybe it was a little overboard, but I told all my other friends about it and it was funny, so I figured Id give it a shot. Its not like anything would have even happened, it was just funny....I wouldn't have told her about anything if I told I was actually gonna start dating anytime soon. BUT SHE ACCUSES ME OF NOT THINKING OF HER FEELINGS. I spend every moment Im awake fighting to keep from thinking of her, I feel like I have a knife jabbed so far into my heart it is sticking out the back. And I cant tell her a damn thing cuz it might upset her a little. But of course, Im a dumb guy, I couldnt possibly be thinking of her benefit. SO forgive me female gender for not measuring up to your high and mighty standards. This is why I hate women, I hate the commitment, i hate then being so damn needy, and I finally find one worth all that trouble, and she treats me like shit. But of course I cant tell her that at all. and of course I live in damn Centereach where everything is fine and happy and everyone has someone else, or just is just a miserable waste of life. Well Im sick of sitting here and smiling. GUESS WHAT?? IM IN SERIOUS PAIN AND HATE MY LIFE....I spend all my time trying to help others and show them why life's worth living, and every day its the same thing. They tell me how great a friend I am and then when the day is done, they go home and I am left all on my own. ITs always the same...no matter what, Im never the one they want to go home to...Im just the guy thats there when they need an ear to listen, or while waiting for the others to show up. So Ill keep right on smiling, but know this, Im not happy, Ive only been perfectly happy once in my life, and that was the 5 months of bliss where I felt completely whole.... a feeling I dont know if Ill ever feel again.......
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