Short story

“There’s nothing across the Ocean! You just don’t want to admit that you’re wrong!” said Walnut’s mother.

“Yes there is, Mom! You can’t believe everything you hear. There is something across the Ocean! We just haven’t had the guts to go find out what it is! I’m telling you, there’s land! Alex says that he read about it in a Man-Scratch[1] book. There’s Europe, and Africa, and…”

Walnut was suddenly cut off by his mother: “No, there’s not! There’s no evidence. You have to forget these stupid notions you have and get on with your life!

Walnut knew there was something across the Ocean. But, like he had said, he thought it was suicide to try to get across all that water, until one day he asked his brother Alex, who knew a lot about Man-Scratch, math, and geography.

“Tell me, would it be possible for rabbits like us to get across the Ocean?” asked Walnut.

“Well,” replied Alex, “we could, but we’d have to hitch a ride on what humans call a boat, a thing that can go across water, just like a hrududu[2] goes on land.”

“So, you’re saying that, if I wanted to, I could go across the Ocean and visit Europe?”

“Yes!” said Walnut enthusiastically. “I want to prove to our family that I’m not mental, and that there is something across the Ocean.”

“Okay then. We’ll leave tomorrow. That should give me ample time to research our voyage.”

And so Alex researched. He checked every reference he had, from Compton’s Atlas to a magazine called Boating World.

Meanwhile, Walnut was preparing, too. He packed up some of his belongings, including his lucky silver button, into a piece of cloth he had found outside the family burrow.

“I can’t wait!” thought Walnut excitedly, his heart racing. “Soon, nobody will ever think I’m wrong about anything again! I’ll show them that I’m not nutso…”

The next day, Alex and Walnut arrived at a place called “The Dock”. While Alex was fumbling through some papers, Alex was looking around, admiring all of the boats.

“Okay, here we are!” said Alex, pulling out a paper that had Man-Scratch scrawled all over it. “I planned this all out last night. What we’re going to do is jump onto that boat right over there--you see the one with the red stripe on the back—and we’re going to have other rabbits—and we’re going to eat the lettuces from the food stores--and, and…”

“Whoa, you’re getting ahead of yourself, Alex. Now, I got the part about jumping onto the boat, but what do you mean we’ll have other rabbits with us, who will we have with us?”

“Oh, just a bunch of friends of mine who want to come along for the ride. They say that they haven’t had a good adventure for a while. Speaking of them, they’re late…Oh, here they come!”

A group of 4 rabbits were hopping down the hill at high speed. They were at Walnut’s location in 15 seconds, and immediately stopped at his feet.

“Columbo, Raspberry, Pumpkin, and Dragweed, at your service!” said the biggest rabbit.

“Oh, hey guys. This is my brother, who had the whole idea for this expedition. His name’s Walnut. Walnut, this is Columbo, Raspberry, Pumpkin, and Dragweed,” said Alex, indicating who was who with his paw.

“Now, let’s get started, shall we?” said Alex. “What we’ll do first is jump onto the boat with the red stripe right before it leaves. It’s a pottery trading ship bound for Italy. We’ll then hitch a ride back here on it. We will eat whatever food they have in the ship stores. Is that understood by everybody?”

The red-striped boat was just about to pull out of the harbor. The hydraulics were lifting the cargo gate up. “Now!” Alex shouted. Everybody dashed for the cargo gate and jumped.

“Okay. Now, we mustn’t be seen. Let’s get below deck as soon as possible.”

The next thing everybody knew, they were inside the hull of the ship (after many twists and turns through various passageways barely big enough for a human). The environment was dimly lit by a single lightbulb, making for a slightly creepy ambience.

“The next thing to do is find food,” said Alex, surveying the scene for any barrels. “Aha!” he said in triumph, going towards a barrel labeled “cabbage”. He proceeded by jumping onto some adjacent crates and then jumping on top of the barrel and opening the top.

“Dig in!” he said, tossing a few small cabbage over the side. Everybody dashed for the cabbages, took a bite, and spit it out in disgust.

“What have those funky men done to the noble taste of cabbage!?” exclaimed Pumpkin in disgust. “It tastes like that deturkend they use to wash their removable fur. Trust me, you don’t want to taste that…”

“Oh, they must be pickled,” explained Alex. “We could raid the kitchens, I suppose…”

“yes, let’s raid the kitchen!” said Dragweed. “Otherwise, I’ll die because of poisoning from eating this garbage!”

After another many twists and turns, Columbo’s gang and Walnut had arrived in the kitchen, under a stainless steel sink.

“Alright, here’s the plan. You guys grab the bag of carrots from the pantry, and I’ll squeal if there’s trouble.”

Everybody acknowledged the plan. Walnut and Pumpkin led the way, while Dragweed and Raspberry flanked them. Suddenly, they heard a loud squeaking that sounded like a rabbit…

It was Columbo! He was charging towards them, squealing as if he wanted to alert the men.

“Columbo, what the…” Walnut began, but he was soon drowned out by the shouting of the men.

“Get your .36, Wilbur!” shouted one of them. Then, one of the men left, though the fighting didn’t stop. The remaining chefs and dishwashers were bruising them with frying pans and spatulas.

After a while, the man that had left earlier reappeared with a rifle. He shouted “Eat this, varmints!” and began shooting at the cluster of rabbits.

They were luck he was a bad marksman, because they would’ve been dead if he weren’t.

“Run!” shouted Raspberry to everyone. All the rabbits made a break for the exit, but they heard a shot followed immediately by a squealing noise. “Forget him! Go on!” he shouted.

It was Columbo. He had been shot and was squealing horridly. Walnut tried not to think about it as he ran down the passage to the hull.

“He gave us away! That little rodent!” shouted Pumpkin in rage. “Why did he do that?”

“I don’t know,” replied Raspberry. “But anyway, he got what he deserved. Any traitor deserves to get shot.”

“What happened? What happened?” inquired Alex repeatedly. The foursome explained to him the undertakings of the raid.

“Oh, but I did!” said Alex, motioning to a bag of carrots. “This’ll last us 2 weeks. Alex, how long will it take us to get to Italy?”

“Perfect! This bag of carrots should last us until we reach Italy. Let’s not try any more raid though, okay?”

Everybody eagerly agreed to this suggestion. For a few days after that, no one dared to leave the hull. After the first week had gone by, however, the band of rabbits became curious and explored. Walnut discovered a network of passages that led to different sections of the engine room (which Alex went to a lot), as well as a shipment of bottled water (Alex was the only one who could open the latter, however).

After the two weeks had gone by, the ship had docked safely in the harbor, by which time everybody was sick and tired of life on the ship. Everybody except, of course, for Alex.

“What’s so great about this?” Walnut asked Alex. “I mean, it’s just like back home, except that everything is in a different Man-Scratch. What do you call those again?”

“Languages,” replied Alex. “And yes, it is a bit boring. But, we have a day to explore while the ship restocks and the crew gets a little bit of R & R.”

And so the rabbits explored. Walnut was particularly interested in the little cafés that were on the corners of the streets. He was just so baffled by what they called caffŸ [coffee].

“Because their naked pink butts show. They’re ugly looking. Trust me, you don’t want to see a naked Human…”

“How do you think they work? How can something that big float? One would think that it would sink.” asked Dragweed.

“Well, Alex said something about boy-antsy, but I don’t really know what he means by that,” replied Pumpkin.

After sleeping near the base of a small hill overnight, the bold, intrepid adventurers set out for the ship.

“We can’t miss it! Quick, now, or we’ll be stuck here!” shouted Alex in encouragement to the others. The cargo gate was closing, and they just barely made it again this time.

“Well, it’s another long, monotonous, boring, whatever you want to call it trip back home…” said Alex, dozing off after barely clearing the cargo gate.

The journey home was very uneventful. Everybody explored some more, but no one dared raid the kitchens (except for once on the first day).

“Alex! Walnut! Where have you been!? Your father and I were so worried about you!” exclaimed Walnut’s mother as soon as the two came through the hole.

“Oh, mom, we went to Italy, in Europe! We told you it existed! Look, Alex even drew some pictures with a penhold!”

Walnut showed his mother pictures of Italy. Soon, word spread that he and some other brave rabbits had proved that there was something across the Ocean. Eventually, Walnut and his comrades rose to fame. They stay famous to this day, and will be remembered for their heroic efforts for generations to come.

[1] Human writing

[2] Any land-based motor vehicle