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Computers smashed to pieces for being slow
[Ran on page two of Vol. 9, Issue 15.]
By Audrey McCrone
Stater staffers allegedly mangled and disposed of outdated equipment from the Stater office, some time around 1:00 a.m. on March 29. The thieves made their motives clear by replacing each desktop computer with a MacBook.
The Cleveland Stater Advisor Clifford Anthony reported the bizarre robbery to campus police the following day.
Executive Director of Campus Safety Bernard L. Buckner said that Building Maintenance Department officials recovered broken PC monitors and CPUs from a dumpster behind the Music and Communication School building.
“We secured those decrepit systems as evidence,” he said, “but, to be honest, we probably won’t arrest those fed-up [Stater staffers].”
Stater Distribution Manager Matthew Wilder denied any wrongdoing in the matter. “I don’t even know how to work a Macintosh computer,” he said.
Former Miss Ohio and Stater reporter Melanie Murphy said, “I definitely don’t condone mischief, but half of our computers weren’t even working half the time! We also didn’t have enough computers for everyone on our staff to be involved in designing pages.”
Reporter Tara Chalmers said “images of weird. Alien creatures appeared on the screen.”
Her colleague, Christina Sochacky, quipped, “They were viruses.”
Macs reign supreme over the PC, especially for publishing. That the Stater now practices journalism with MacBooks means that we can report remotely, avoiding the bodily overcrowding of press days past, and it means that we are using systems gleefully accepted in the newspaper publishing industry.
“Hey, I had nothing to do with it, but I heard it was lot of fun to take baseball bats those crappy computers,” reporter Gavin Keenan said.
“We at the Stater are grateful to an anonymous donor for putting an end to one of our main press day frustrations,” Anthony said.
“The Stater office was too small for the growing class size, but that won’t be a problem anymore.”
By the way, did you know that today is April 1?
Reach this Stater reporter at a.mccrone@csuohio.edu
