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And a Little Bit of this'd Get You Up,
And a Little Bit Of That'd Get You Down...
Part III
by sumner
”What do you mean ‘something went wrong’ here?” Linda hobbled up to her meager sister. “You told me this would all go off without a hitch!”

”I think we found the hitch,” John remained stationary as if he were expecting Katherine to suddenly fix everything with one wave of a magic wand.

A magic wand would have come in handy, but unfortunately, the only tools Katherine had at her disposal seemed to have vanished. I wonder if any of the stores are open she thought, realizing it was a Sunday and reversal pills weren’t yet commonplace enough to be found at just any local drugstore. With jackets and pants and jewelry hanging like displays over everyone’s shrunken bodies, the room resembled more of a kid’s birthday dress-up party, full of precocious youngsters. Katherine knew something had to be done.

Spinning around to face the room once again, Katherine was confronted with a set of generous C-cups at her eye level. Craning her head to nearly 90 degrees, Katherine saw the grown-up face of her daughter, amused.

”Hey, Mom.”

”Oh, Jenna. Is that you? I...uh... the Youthies went a little crazy.”

”So I see. I knew you guys wanted to be younger, but geez, I didn’t know you meant this young.” A smirk crawled across Jenna’s face.

”We didn’t mean this to happen. Something went wrong and--”

”Oh my God,” Jenna exclaimed after catching a glimpse of her father, “who is that?!”

”Jenna, dear, that’s your father. Somehow we overdosed on the Moxodraphin. Don’t worry. Everything will be OK in a little while after this wears off. And what may I ask did you do to yourself?” Katherine placed her hands on her tiny hips.

”Wears off?”

”It better,” Linda huffed.

”Yes, after the medicine runs its course...”

”Don’t you need reversal pills for that?”

”Well, the reversal pills seemed to have disappeared,” Katherine sighed.

”I thought you had to have them for the whole thing. I mean, what happens if you don’t take the reversal pills?”

”Well, honey, I’m not sure. In fact, I was hoping you could possibly go buy some for us.” One of the straps of Katherine’s dress slid down and off, making it resemble more of a toga. Katherine’s right nipple, flat and pink, was no longer hidden behind her curtain-like clothing. “Please.”

While Jenna and her mother conversed, Jason was on all fours, gradually making his way out of the room. He could feel the white plastic around his groin growing tighter. The drink must have been working. The thought then occured to him that the diaper -- his solitary means of clothing -- would soon be too small to accommodate him. Escape preoccupied his mind.

”I don’t know, Mom,” Jenna began to strut around.

”Harold can go with you. He was the only one who didn’t end up at the wrong age.”

”No, I’ll go. You guys wait here,” Jenna headed toward the bathroom.

Once inside, she met with her grandfather, now unrecognizable in his youth. “Oh!” she said, trying to figure out who this child was in front of her. By the quick process of elimination, she concluded it must be... Grandpa?

”Hi,” Roger greeted her.

”Grandpa? Is that you??” she couldn’t come to grips with the boy in front of her.

”Jenna? You’ve grown up.”

”Yeah, I took some reversal pills... by accident. But you’re... you’re so...”

”Young? Yes, that medicine your mom gave me seems to have turned me into a kid again,” Roger looked down at his skinny, boyish legs. “Crazy, huh?” the nine-year-old tried desperately to laugh.

”Yeah, really... ” Jenna said, searching through the closet. She quickly retrieved a red plastic squirt gun.

”What’s that for?” little Roger asked.

”Oh, nothing,” Jenna said, exiting.


Outside, Mark finally decided to make an appearance. Making his way in the back door, he was happy with the commotion he’d caused. Of course, his little hastily thought-out plan didn’t take into account another troublemaker. Not even noticing him, Jenna came out of the bathroom, wielding a translucent mini super-soaker. Secretly, he followed her into the kitchen, where he witnessed the now sexy Jenna Schaffer inserting a tablet and then pouring some water into the squirt gun.

Just then, she looked up and saw a familiar white car stationed in the driveway, and feeling invigorated with her newfound power, ran upstairs and then back down again, carrying a cardboard box. Before Susan could ring the doorbell or even knock, Jenna had the front door open.

”Hello,” Jenna gazed down at Susan, who was a small girl of maybe 5’2” or so.

”Hello... and who--” Susan began.

”Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even introduce myself. I’m... Jason’s cousin.” Jenna enjoyed her new anonymity. “Please, come in...” She stepped aside, letting Susan make her way inside.

Susan, always a polite one, stood with her hands behind her back. “I’m afraid Jason never mentioned having.... I didn’t catch your name.”

”Oh. Gloria. Gloria Donnovan.”

”OK, Gloria, well you see Jason was supposed to meet me downtown and--”

”Really? That’s not like him. He’ll be so sorry he forgot I’m sure.”

”Is he here?” Susan tried to peek into the living room.

”No, well, I’m not sure,” Jenna moved, blocking Susan’s view down the hallway.

”Could you check? Or I can go check if you’d like?”

”Oh, no, you just make yourself comfortable. Sit down,” Jenna opened the refridgerator, “Let me get you something to drink...”


Apart from the living room fiasco, Jason could feel his body expanding once again. His legs seemed to enlarge the fastest, abruptly rendering his diaper an unbefitting piece of apparel. His baby cheeks were fading and his extremeties extending at a good pace, which was encouraging. But as his size increased again, he was forced to use his unhooked diaper to cover his privates, though hardly the coverage he desired. Mark, that little punk.

No mirror was around, so Jason took a cursory glance at himself in the reflection of a glass coffee table. It was hard to tell exactly how old the remnants of Aunt Linda’s drink had made him thus far, but he was still a considerable number of years short of his former age. Checking the entrances to the room out of the side of his eye, Jason tried to calm himself. Yet the panic returned again when he realized the drink’s effect was slowing. He closed his eyes and wished this was all a dream, but a deus ex machina was nowhere to be found. As the familiar sensation wore off, he opened his eyelids and cringed. Frantically, Jason surveyed his arms and legs, and most reluctantly, the area behind his former diaper -- sadly, no indication of puberty to be seen, apart from a few sparse whisps of hair around his groin.

“It’s the end of the world as we know it,” Jason hummed his R.E.M. favorite yet again, testing out his voice; It was the timbre of a child still, the voice he’d had until the Summer of 2013. (His friends often cracked jokes about his penchant for 1980’s and 90’s music, but nevertheless he admittedly “just loved the oldies.”) The tone of his voice cemented it; he had not grown up.

The last drops of Linda’s beverage had only managed to augment Jason to junior high age. Though disheartened, Jason took solace knowing he was at least big enough to perhaps apprehend his cousin Mark and turn the Twilight Zone episode in the living room back to normal. A certain discomfort was still seated in Jason’s mind, however, seeing that he was still on the wrong side of adolescence. But if twelve years was all he had, it would simply have to suffice.

The only suitable object in the room Jason could find was a pillow on the couch, but it wouldn’t cover up much more than the diaper. Why did it have to be this age? he groaned, wishing the drink would have placed him on one definite side of puberty. Instead, he was at his most uncoordinated and awkward, with those oversized teeth he had hated so much. It was, in many ways he decided, his worst age.

”Peek-a-boo,” the voice of a woman could be heard just outside the door. Oh no, Jenna...

Wasting no time asking for permission, Jenna barged in, and stopped in her tracks when she saw her brother, twelve years old and wearing nothing but a throw pillow.

”Jason! What’s going on here? How’d you get older?!”

”I got older because I finished off Aunt Linda’s drink,” he said, already blushing horribly.

”Well, not old enough I see,” Jenna commented.

”Look, could you just find me some clothes?” he pleaded, looking rather sheepish in his current predicament. Somehow, from what Jason had heard from the next room, he knew his sister wasn’t going to comply.

”Get you some clothes, eh? Well, why don’t you go get some yourself?” she suggested, crossing her arms like she was his mom.

”Because... because...”

”Because of this?” she said, whipping the pillow from Jason’s hands and chuckling.

”Hey!!” Jason hid what he could with his hands. “This isn’t funny. We’re not playing games anymore!”

”And why not? It seems like the perfect time to me. Mom and Dad are little kids and it looks like I’m the one in charge now,” she bent over to look Jason in the eye. Of course, Jason’s eye was focused somewhere else, though he tried to fight it.

”Oh, I forgot, you’re little hormones are probably raging right now, aren’t they?” she said, looking down at her own cleavage. “Boys your age can’t stop thinking about it for a second, can they?” It was true. At the moment, Jason was attempting to ward off an oncoming erection. But, like an evil spirit, the stiffy would not vanish until he had either done the deed or turned his thoughts to something else.

”Please,” Jason begged, clutching himself, “can’t you just help me get some clothes??”

”Oh well, if I must,” Jenna finally gave in. Just before reaching the door, she turned and added, “Oh yeah, it almost slipped my mind... your girlfriend is in the kitchen right now.”

”Susan?! Here?”

”Yes, she seemed rather perturbed you didn’t show up for your date tonight,“ Jenna waved her finger at Jason in a “tisk, tisk” fashion.

”Well, what happened? I mean what did you tell her? Has she seen Mom and Dad?”

”No, no, I left her sitting at the kitchen table. Of course, I can bring her in if you’d like to see her.”

”No, please.”

”What’s the matter? Don’t want Susan to get a load of your new look?”

”Not particularly,” Jason said, relieved that his undersized member had decided to shrink back down, at least for the moment.

”I don’t know, Jas. I think you’re pretty adorable,” Jenna inspected her “big” brother more closely. “That face. You know you make a sweet little kid.”

”Well, I’m not a sweet little kid, OK?” he retorted. Admittedly, Jason was a charming little guy, with a face that resembled a young Haley Joel Osment back when he was a child actor.

”Yeah, right now, anyway,” Jenna grinned, “maybe we should give your sweetheart a few doses so she can join you.”

”Don’t even think--”

”I’ll bet Susan was just precious when she was little.”

”--about it.” Jason was teetering on the edge of his breaking point. He wanted so badly to stand up or at least throw some harsh gestures at his unruly sister, but that would mean either resorting to the diaper once again (which he knew would incite even more verbal punishment) or letting his unimpressive poker see the light of day.

A creaking then came from the closet.

”Ahhhh-chooo!” soon followed.

Parting the closet doors, Mark was found, trying to hide behind the vacuum cleaner.

”Mark?!” Jason raised his voice.

”Looks like we have an eavesdropper,” Jenna said, pulling the eight-year-old out from behind the Hoover.

”I was just--” he began with a berage of excuses. “There was-- and I--”

”You little bastard! You’re the one who did all this!” Jason almost forgot to keep his hands in their strategic positions.

”Oh yeah, well I saw Jenna mixing up stuff too! I’m gonna go tell my dad,” Mark pulled hard, trying to escape Jenna’s grasp.

”Oh you will, will you?” Jenna said, aiming the squirt gun squarely in Mark’s direction.

”What the hell are you doing? What’s that?” a perplexed Jason questioned.

”I think a little taste of your own medicine wouldn’t hurt,” Jenna said, sending the stream of Youthie-laced water into Mark’s face and mouth.


”It absorbs either way,” Jenna noted. “I can’t have you blaming me for all this.”

Jason watched as his cousin started to lose his height. Mark’s energetic 2nd grade build soon diminshed to 1st grade... then kindergarten... What was most striking was the change in his general shape. By six years of age, he was far more chubby than his later years would have suggested, his cheeks ballooning with babyfat and his features becoming rounder and softer as the seconds passed. Moxodraphin always worked quicker on those who were already relatively young, and this made Mark’s transformation all the more sudden.

”Stop! I don’t want to be a baby!” Mark implored her, growing smaller and smaller.

Jenna said nothing, nor did Jason, as their older cousin entered early childhood and then infancy. His speech became babble. His balance became precarious. And he dropped to the floor, no older than nine-months in appearance. His shirt wrapped around him like a cloak, Mark was now too young to even get up and walk.

”Jenna, sis, come on, this is getting serious. I mean, let’s not let this get out of hand, all right?” Jason entreated his more mature sibling.

”Shut it, Jason, or do you want to be peeing in your Pampers again?”

Jason indeed shut it. “I’ll be back,” Jenna warned him, as she left the room.

Not knowing the proper protocol in this situation (perhaps because there was none), Jason walked over to Mark and set him in a LA-Z-BOY recliner, and then it was onto other business. Nothing could be farther from Jason’s expectation for the evening than this. Not only having to deal with his twenty-one-year-old cousin as a gurgling baby, but also being twelve and without a stich of clothing no less.

For the second time that evening the word ”shit” left Jason’s lips.


After sneaking upstairs and seeking out apparel, with a great deal of hesitation, Jason entered the living room, wearing his little league shirt and a random selection of whatever else seemed fit. And there was Susan, nineteen and gorgeous as she always was. (Or did she look a little older?) Probably just because I’m so young, Jason reasoned. Though she couldn’t help but be distracted by all the fuss, her eyes locked when she spotted Jason across the room. Even though she had only seen pictures of him as a kid, she didn’t miss a beat.

Wasting no time she sped over to him and bent down. “Jason?”

”Yes, it’s me,” he mumbled, averting his eyes from hers.

”You know, you don’t look yourself tonight,” she tried to cheer up her diminutive beau. She turned his face towards her.

”I was hoping you wouldn’t have to see me like this.” He knew she just had to be staring at his undeveloped physique.

”Well, it seems like your whole family got a serious dose of Youthies. It could have been worse. At least you’re only ten or so it looks like.”

”It has been worse. She made me two years old for most of the night. And I’m not ten. I’m twelve!” He reconsidered, “I mean I think I’m twelve.”

”Gloria told me what happened to you.”


”Yeah, your cousin.”

Jason thought about it for a instant and then whispered, ”Damn it, what is she doing this for?”

Meanwhile, Linda slumped in the most comfortable seat in the living room. She complained of pains. Harold was at her side, faithful even through what now looked like a January-December romance. Frail and constantly on the verge of crying, Linda still could not come to terms with her withered self. Secretly, Harold was wishing he could enjoy his new age a little more. Katherine was on the phone in her bedroom, trying to contact any local drug vendas (drugstores) that might have even a limited inventory of Moxodraphin reversal capsules. John, giving into an instinct he hadn’t had in decades, was napping on the couch, his thumb slowly creeping closer toward his mouth.

”Can you take me to a drug venda?” Jason gazed up at his love.

”Sure, just let me get my purse,” Susan replied, as they moved toward the kitchen. Jenna appeared to be, for the time being, occupied somewhere else in the house.

Jason and Susan both grabbed the chance. As they jumped in the car, an old rhyme Jason’s grandfather used to say found its way into Jason’s mind:

Up is down, black is white,

Summer’s winter, day is night.

”Where should we go?” Susan blinked, momentarily forgetting this pre-teen boy seated beside her was her boyfriend. Does she normally put the seat back that far? he wondered.

”Away,” Jason mumbled, "just away."