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QUITE A LIST HERE - IF I KNEW WHO TO CREDIT . . .
(It came to me as if by magic in the email.)
My reason for posting this page is to make the nice picture of the Sahara a background for Maurice Ravel's Bolero. The picture is named Oasis, Libya. I like the music and think it fits with visions of camel caravans plodding across a desert. You'll have to supply the camels and drivers from your imagination. It's OK to doze while you listen. It's fifteen minutes long and repeats a lot. Since I don't think anyone will sit and read all these rude and vulgar snipets, I put the page on "Auto Scroll." Set you browser to full screen (F-11) then lean back and enjoy.
- I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it
- Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
- I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
- Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
- You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up!
- Don't piss me off...I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?!
- I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
- Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
- I hate everybody and you're next.
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
- All stressed out and no one to choke.
- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
- Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- I can see your point, but I still think you're foolish.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't really care.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
- I'll have my people screw your people.
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I intend to live forever- so far, so good.
- Mental backup in progress- Do Not Disturb.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
- This is a mean, cruel world and I want my nappy and medication right now!
- Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside...
- Earth is full. Go home.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
- Darn tootin' I've been naughty! Now spank my evil butt!
- Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you.
- It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
- I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
- You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
- Okay, okay, I take it back! Unscrew you!
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
- Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
- How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
- Faster, faster, please the master!
- One of us is thinking about sex . . . OK, it's me.
- I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
- Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
- After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
- Stress is when you wake up screaming and you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
- Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
- Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.
- Does this condom make me look fat?
- Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 20 years.
- And just how may I screw you over today?
- Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
- I wish for a world of peace, harmony, and nakedness.
- A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
- I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
- You! Off my planet!!
- Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
- Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
- Well, aren't we just a ray of sunshine?
- Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
- Sorry I missed church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Chaos, panic, and disorder---my work here is done.
- Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving If you touch me?
- I plead contemporary insanity.
- And which dwarf are you?
- I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
- I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
- You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
- Do I look like a freakin' people person?
- Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- Better living through denial.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Back off! You're standing in my aura.
- Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- Is it time for your medication or mine?
- Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
- I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- Gene Police! Get out of the pool!
- Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
- 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
- Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
- You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
- Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
- Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
- Grow your own dope, plant a man.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
- Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
- Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
- GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
- Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
- Boldly going nowhere.
- Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
- The proctologist called, they found your head.
- Just because your head is pointed, doesn't mean you're sharp.
- Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
- A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
- Plagiarism saves time.
- If at first you don't succeed, try management.
- Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
- Teanwork: Never having to take all the blame yourself.
- The beatings will continue until morale improves.
- Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
- We waste time so you don't have to.
- Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
- Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
- A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
- When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- Succeed in spite of management.
- Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.
- Never lick a self-adhesive stamp.
- One of the few things that rivals a sore loser is an arrogant winner.
- Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
- Never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
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