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Worst Analogies in High School Essays
William Shakespeare wrote "My love is like a red, red rose." Alas, high school students often aren't as articulate as ol' Willie, as these samples from a "Washington Post" article demonstrate:
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. - Joseph Romm, Washington
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She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. - Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
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The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.-Russell Beland, - Springfield
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McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.-Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
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From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m. - Roy Ashley, Washington
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Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. - Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
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Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. - Russell Beland, Springfield
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Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. - Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
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Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. - Unknown
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He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. - Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
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The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. - Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
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Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. - Jennifer Hart, Arlington
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The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. - Wayne Goode, Madison, AL
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They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. - Paul Kocak, Syracuse NY
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John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. - Russell Beland, Springfield
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The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. - Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
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His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. - Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
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The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. - Unknown, Samantha Morris
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This, or these, was, or were, taken from the CarTalk website on January 3, 2010. One of them (The politician was gone but unnoticed . . . ) caught my attention as I listened on this first Sunday morning of the year and having not put anything on the WWW for a while decided that it belonged here. A Google search for "High School Analogies" produced 58,100 results so it clearly needs more availability. I'm sure that some of those results are not this bit of humor and a good number of them (with variation) are. |
