The Alley: Part 1

Boston, Mid-September-

"C'mon, Amiga! Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Jane," Daria said as she filled her coffee cup for the third time that morning, "You're the one into physical fitness, I'm not. And I don't have the time for it. I was up all night with that paper, and this is just the first month of my frickin' freshman year."

"It's only an hour every Monday/Wedsnday/Friday, and I bet half the attendees are as out of shape as you are."

"I'm out of shape? What shape am I supposed to be? Anyway, it's just for actors."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is. And last time I looked at our resumés, neither one of us has ever set foot on a real stage before."

Jane looked haughty. "I'll have you know, I was the third daisy from the right in the fourth grade's Spring Play."


"Come on, Daria! I've had an idea," she purred.

"Okay, now I'm worried."

Jane leaned over and whispered something. Daria smiled.

Lawndale, Mid-December-

Chuck gazed around the room, happy with what he saw. He'd never been in this place when it was The Zon, but he was sure it could not compare to this. He considered singles bars to be the culmination of Western Civilization, and the decor here was exquisitely tacky.

He scoped the room. He felt good about his chances here tonight. He'd just got back from his freshman year at Hardesty Tech. How could the hometown hotties refuse him, now that he was a BMOC?

Getting lucky with that cutie from US History to 1865 last week was just the boost his confidence needed, even if he did have to pay her fifty dollers.

"New here, stranger?" said a familiar voice.

Chuck turned and was delighted to see a familiar red-head giving him the eye.

"Why, Quinn Morgendorffer, as I live and breathe, youngest and fairest of the Morgendorffer temptresses, how fairs your night?"

"Oh, um, hee! Pretty fair, I guess," she said, weaving a little on the bar stool. She held up her glass toward the bartender, "More of the same, please!"

"Cool," he said, taking her glass.

"Put it on my tab, my good man," said Chuck, "That is, if you don't mind, my sweet."

"Rrrrrr," she purred.

"Rrrrrrrowrrrr," he echoed.

"Cool," said the bartender.

"And I'll have another whiskey sour," he added.


"And what libation do you happen to be imbibbing tonight, my sweet?"

"Tea," she said winking. "Tea from Long Island." She disolved into giggles and leaned closer to whisper, "Don't you just love the fact they don't look too closely at your ID here?"

"Absolutely," he purred, "It's one of the attractions of this establishmnet."

He leaned on the bar and gazed into the slightly glazed eyes. This was going to be too easy, he thought to himself.

An hour later, they exited the bar, arms linked, Quinn staggering slightly.

Chuck adjusted his ascot. "So, my dear, do you want to continue this night elsewhere?"

Quinn giggled again. "Sure."

"Your place or mine?"

"Mine. Mom and Dad are off on a vacation, so the house is empty, if you know what I mean." She squinched her nose at him. "C'mon, I know a shortcut."

"But my car's..."

"Shhh," she said, "we've been tippling too much to drive and it's really not that far. C'mon."

She turned into a dark alley. "This way."

"Mmmrrrow, perhaps we can stop for a fortaste," he said, trying to draw her closer.

"Ewwwwww, a dark smelly alley," she snapped, then caught herself, "C'mon, Chuckie, you're much too classy for this. Just wait till we..."


They stopped. Daria was there, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"You little back-sabbing slut," she said, finally.

"Oh, Daria, it's like that old General Forrest Gump once said, 'He who does... uh, gets... well, he said something."

"After I poured my heart out to you about how much I missed Chuck, you pull this!?! I could kill you!"

"Oh, come on, Sis, weren't you going to do the same thing to that artsy friend of yours? The one who told you she regretted ever rejecting him and if she had a chance..."

"Yes, Morgendorffer," came a voice from the shadows, "that sounds precisely how I put it." Jane stepped out with a look of shear hatred on her face.

"She actually giggled when she told me," said Quinn with a smirk.

"Now, ladies, I'm sure there's more than enough of me to go..."

"Just like with Tom, isn't it, 'friend.'" Jane's face screwed up and she wiped her eye. "To think I let my guard down and TRUSTED you again! BITCH!!!"

Jane pulled a straight razor and charged Daria. Quinn squeeled and retreated, leaving Chuck rooted in the spot.

"B-b-but, l-l-l-adies..." he started.

Daria ducked Janes charge, the razor whizzing through the air inches above her head. She slipped by Jane, kicking her in the back of the knee.

Jane stumbled but caught herself on the wall. Daria came in and threw a punch that Jane deflected, slashing out with her razor.

Daria gasped, and turned toward Chuck, holding her cheek as the blood ran down her face. "You slut!" she said, shocked. "That hurt! Oh, you have had this coming for some time, Lane."

Daria drew something from her pocked. There was a flash of silver in the alley's pale light as the switchblade opened.

"Bring it on, backstabber!" Jane growled, raising her blade high.

They ran together, Daria grabbing Jane's right arm, keeping her blade from descending, while striking out with the blade straight into Jane's solar plexis. Jane looked startled as Daria drew back her hand and plunged the blade in again, a little lower. Jane staggered back as blood gushed from her wound. She staggered into the wall and with a pitiful look sank to the ground and moved no more.

Daria brushed back her hair, then turned to Chuck. "Did you see where Quinn went?" she growled, giving him a cold, sideways look.

His mouth tried to work, but no intelligiable words came out. Daria took a step in his direction and he turned and ran squeeling into the night.

Daria watched him running off with satisfaction, then gave Jane an accusing look.

Jane returned the look and said, "I didn't move it, you missed."

"You moved it," she said, touching the end of her blade and causing it to telescope back into the handle.

"Did not," she said, getting up, you missed it."

"'It doesn't feel right there, it's poking my boobie,' you said. You moved it." She released the blade and it popped back out.

Jane stood up. "Alright, maybe a little. Sticky crap." She ran her finger through the 'blood' and put it in her mouth. "Mmmm! Sweet!"

Daria gave her a disgusted look, then felt a finger wipe her cheek.

"Mmmm, you're right," said Quinn, "corn syrup. Probably loaded with calories. You guys were great."

"Thanks," said Jane, "though a couple of times, I thought we were going to blow it. Right, Little Sure Shot?"

"You moved the blood pack. By the way, Quinn, the line was 'get there fustest with the mostest.'"

"Whatever. You guys want to get cleaned up and come back? After all that real tea, I've got a taste for some real Long Island Iced Tea and these guys are pretty loose with the carding."

"Only because Jesse's behind the bar. I'm game. How about you, 'backstabber?'"

"Sure thing, 'slut.'"

"Then we can figure out where Tom hangs out."

"And Kevin."

"Ewwwww, he's been sitting behind me and Stacey in English and hitting on us. He'll be easy."

They began to walk off.

"Got to admit, that stage combat class did turn out to be a good idea."

"Told you, amiga."

"Thanks for the help, Sis."

"Anytime, Daria, anytime."

Their voices faded into the distance as the flashing blue lights began to illuminate the alley behind them.