Been some 30 years since
being in the Vietnam War 67-68,
Sitting here wondering why(?)
my marriage is now at its fate?
Seems after all this time and
the PTSD is as though I don't fit in,
Looking back on raising my two
children is all I can do but Grin.
Miss those times when they were
so very young and innocent,
So full of turmoil at this point
I'm not sure my thoughts are decent?
Alone most all the time now,
isolating myself from the outside world,
All is confusion out there and
my state of mind is of pain and boredom.
My wife seems not to want me in
her life, more pain too endure!
Is like this never goes away, I
think I'm doing well and bang wrong,
Thought of suicide but not an option,
has to be a life for me elsewhere.
After all the years I can only look back
in tears, tears of joy raising my kids.
They up and on their own now
and one has made me a Grandpa.
Still look back through the tears
at what devastation my behavior left.
Never knew how to express feelings
just hold them close and tight.
Yes, even the pain and learned to do
that in the War, and the fights.
Know not where I'm headed for, but
want some sense of peace within,
For me at this point Happiness is just
an illusion among all the confusion.
I swallow the big chunks as if they
were mere tiny tid-bits of food,
Then as they hit my stomach its as
though they grow so very huge.
Try not too feel what is inside me
that is real, but can't deny them.
So I put it off not to deal with
what is real such as my feelings.
True you may say Feeling sorry for
himself. Maybe so to a degree?
My feelings are mine and mine alone
and dealing with them is hard.
Life was so much simpler before the
War, miss the soda fountains,
the diner's. Nostalgic? yes. Was good
back in those years gone by.
Feelings will come out in time and
be dealt with and resolved.
But it will not be me leading the
charge it will be the Almighty himself.
Hope some of you that read
will understand, and may I one day
too find happiness as it is meant to be.