Communication, like in D/s lifestyle play, is essential with humiliation. What one finds erotic, the other may find it hurtful or insulting. If you are getting into humiliation, you must know your sub very well! And the sub should know the Dominant very well! The submissive should be very open about her likes and dislikes. And Dominant should be careful and watch and listen for the submissive's mental and physical reactions.

Even so, erotic humiliation can be a touchy subject for woman who have been degraded in their Vanilla lives. It is an emotional minefield for woman who have serious self-esteem issues. Similarly, male Doms with deep-seated conflicts towards women (hatred, distrust, disrespect for woman in general) probably shouldn't be trusted with a humiliation scene. Erotic humiliation in the D/s context doesn't mean that you call some one fat or tell them they made a stupid mistake. Erotic humiliation, should if both enjoy it, be one of the most intimate scenes D/s couples can do. It is one of the true Total Power Exchanges in our lifestyle. The experience is a feeling of loss of inhibitions, which can be erotically pleasing.

Partners, especially submissives/slaves, think there is something wrong with them wanting to be called, "My little slut" or "slut". No, this is just the beginning. The feeling they experience is pleasing when their Dom calls them that, and this could be the beginning of erotic humiliation. The other end of the bridge, they don't have any idea of what erotic humiliation is really about, they were taught at an early age that humiliation is a bad feeling and it is wrong to say and do bad things to people.

Again, I must say this so it is understood. Erotic humiliation in the D/s context doesn't mean that you call some one fat or tell them they made a stupid mistake. Erotic humiliation is about Total Power Exchange and the intimacy between a Dominant and submissive, that allows inhibitions to be lost and those great dark places to go to that leads to the intimacy of a scene.. Half the fun and excitement in a Dom - submissive relationship is in the amount and kind of erotic humiliation the the Dom can put on the sub. I feel the basic mistake Doms make is in increasing the quantity of physical pain (which some subs like and some don't) and not adding enough erotic humiliation. Some examples of erotic humiliation is, a Dominant ordering the sub to drop naked to the floor, craw across the room to his side, and bark like a dog. Being told to get on your knees and raise your butt in the air and spread your cheeks and expose your orifice, for inspection by the Dominant. . Having the Dominate tell you to masturbate for his pleasure, is another form of erotic humiliation. While he and maybe some others watch. Another form is denial, the sub is not allowed to cum until until the Dominate allows her, this may be a while, Another is the Dominate masturbates for the submissive. To me this is very wicked and the sub feels she is not servicing correctly. A few other's examples, would be not to strip the sub totally naked. The humiliation begins when you strip the sub in such a way that her body still has some degree of apparel but is it useless in hiding the sub's most private parts. For example, have her bra pulled up so the tits are in plain sight but not pulled off totally, or pulling her panties down to her knees or ankles and letting them remain in that position. Believe me this is immensely humiliating for the sub to have a piece of clothing in easy reach but being unable to cover the basic nakedness. Another act would have the sub masturbate and have her fingers soaked with her juices, then tell her to rub her juices on her neck, forehead, between her breast. Then go to dinner, smiling, the sub will just know that everyone will be able to smell her sex. The most common humiliation is ordering the sub to drop naked to the floor, crawl across the room to his side and then lick his leg or even his member but not allowing her to suck or engulf the member, or cleaning his shoes or cleaning his private parts. One final example would be to spank with your hand, don't whip or cane, it is far more humiliating for a sub to feel someone's hand on their bottom than any whip or cane. There are many more examples but I am getting carried away. To some of you what I have describe is minor humiliation, I know it can be more severe but this just the first article.

I think that most (and I include beginning Dominants in this category) are simply turned off by the *vanilla* meaning of the word and haven't yet realized that they may already have done such play and not realized that it fits the term humiliation. I've been asked about guidelines for this type of play... and there simply aren't any because everyone is different, remember this if you remember anything about this article. I stress to everyone who reads this essay that humiliation must be a kind of self-and-partner discovery process with everyone being honest and and no one setting out to hurt the other... after all... this is all about pleasure, isn't it? One final thing I must say here. Like in all sceneing. Be it with flogger, canes, whips, waxing, fire play, bondage etc., there must be after care. After care in humiliation is very important because you are not seeing physical marks you have cause but mental marks. Caressing and cuddling are great for the beatings the sub endures, but after humiliation you must assure the sub mentally. Assure her of her worth and her importance. Talk with her afterwards. Hold her be sure you understand what you have done and that she enjoyed it. Communication and knowing your partner is essential. Please be very careful and enjoy!