This page will have no background, no music, and no glaring link. It is merely historical record...a sketch of the Hell that used to be my life, from which I am now free.
I remember the first time I actually spoke to her. We were doing laundry at our apartment complex and she began telling me about how tiring it was to be a single mother working and going to school. Little did I know then, that just a year later, this would be the woman who would put me in that very position. When she married my husband and helped him take my children, I thought I could not care less for any one in the world, but that near hatred was soon turned toward him and the feeling for her was replaced with a sick gratitude when my eyes were opened to the kind of man that she was now chained to.
These are poems from the journal where I would release my anger of the situation, and close them and go on with my life. Since I am now free, I am opening them, and releasing the shame from the pages. May God have mercy on his soul.
"A man's most powerful weapon against a woman is another woman. They just throw us against each other and sit back and laugh, because they know there will always be a woman willing to believe his lies and save his ass." -- Saharyakhi
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Please leave me alone,
I think the begging turns you on,
As does hurting me when I fight you.
I count down the days,
Until I don't have to see you,
Or ever smell your breath again.
As I wash the stink of you off me,
I thank God,
That I am not the one you go home to.
----------------------------------------------------------
You hurt your back.
You deserved it.
You took advantage of my hurt knee.
I am not your wife,
But you tried to pick me up
the way you did when I was.
The joke is,
you are old, and I am heavy.
And now,
Your mother-in-law wants to know
How you hurt your back
Better think fast,
Lie,
Before I,
Blurt out that you,
Were trying to hold me
Against the garage wall.
_____________________________
You told me he hated me.
God, I think, he must,
for all the Hell he puts me through
With his obsession.
I've heard you say that I'm jealous,
That I want him back....
I can't even laugh at that,
Even if I had no choices,
Why would I choose
A dirty old man,
Who exposes himself in parking lots?
_____________________________
I want to scream at you!
All of your suspicions are true!
Yet you continue,
To worship the ground,
That he slithers upon.
I feel sorry for you,
Really I do,
He makes a fool of you,
and your life, devoted to him,
Is really no life at all.
______________________________
They've all seen
They all know.
How long can you
Be their hero?
You convince them
They didn't see
What they saw.....
Or did you?
Children remember,
After all.
______________________________
You always stank of the vile
That lives inside of you,
But now you smell
Of old man too.
Not the pleasant
cherry tobacco smelling
Elderly gentleman,
but of mildewed, unwashed
Derelict on the street, and
you can't wash away that
Stench.
______________________________
Calander pages
Date after date
Just a time and location
NOT a place of celebration,
But more the scene of a crime.
Your truck, or
Ballfield parking lot.
My silence,
My shame,
Texaco, Chevron, Shell,
Month after month,
Year after year.
Apartment, Hoover
Apartment, Decatur.
Three years of Peace.
The retreat.
The return,
Gardendale exit,
Bad Jack Nicholson impression.
My driveway,
"The kids, the kids."
Why don't you care?
Your garage,
Anyone could see,
Would you have blamed me?
The phone calls,
"Can I just talk to them please?"
You, "Not until you talk to me."
My apartment, 2003
Go away.
It's only them I want to see.
Then the Playstation parking lot,
It's your son's birthday,
This has to STOP.
__________________________
Your lies were always long and dark.
The only consequence I have to live with,
Is the child you used to barter for my silence,
But children grow, and time can be restored,
You have to live with the deception you have lived
for a decade? two? your whole life, a lie.
I see how you feed your obsession,
Now that I am no longer afraid,
You watch it eat someome else alive.
