Peace That Passes Understanding

Technically, I 'gave' my ex primary custody in our joint custody, but if you are reading this and are a non-custodial mom, you know how easy it is to be convinced, by others that you cannot adequately provide for your children and that they would be better off with someone else. Although I miss my daugter living with me on a daily basis, God has turned what was intended to break me into good via the hundreds that have been encouraged by my testimony. I have a daughter who is very much alive and I trust God when He tells me that all the time stolen will be restored. I know some of you are grieving. I know that some of you deserve to have your children. I also know that you cannot let this consume your life and I hope that some of what is on this page will help you find the peace that you deserve.

In 1998, when I started searching the Internet for sites for non-custodial mothers, I found almost nothing helpful. The plight of the non-custodial father is well-documented on the Web, and although there are a few more sites up today, largely, the non-custodial mom is still a forgotten woman.

Here, you will find understanding that you are not an 'unfit' mother just because your children don't live with you full time. You will find sympathy and absolutely no condemnation. Most of all though, I hope to help you find PEACE, for without that, we cannot be the best for our children!

God has since expanded this ministry so that it has become far-reaching and the counsel given is not limited to women, but men and anyone who needs to acheive peace in their lives.

In 2002 my second husband and I divorced. I offered him joint custody because that is what I have fought for, "equality in parenting," for all of this time. He refused and took me to court for full custody. This time I was prepared. I was financially stable, and have been the best mother I could possibly be to our daughter. I had an attorney, but I fully participated and directed the course of our case. Knowledge is powerful. In the end, the judge ordered that I (aka "the mother" and "the defendant") was to have both physical and legal custody of my daughter, but my choice is that she can see her father whenever she wants and we have agreed to raise our daughter together as much as possible. Except in cases of abuse or neglect of any kind, the best interests of the child are for them to continue to have a life with both parents.

SO HOW DO I FIND PEACE IN MY CIRCUMSTANCE?

• GET OVER THE GUILT that you have done something wrong, or if you have, put it in the past and get on with the business of living! You have to get rid of the guilt to move on with your future with your children.
  

• LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. If there are things that need fixing, DO IT. Don't put it off another day, your babies are worth it!

• PRAY! Yes, it sounds so simple, and we all have probably done it, but that is the most vital key to peace. Pray and read the instructions, the BIBLE. PROVERBS AND PSALMS are always good places to just open up and let minister to you.
  Here are some verses that always help me:
  
  ~Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.~ Hebrews 11:1

  ~To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven~
  Ecclesiastes 3:1

  ~But those who wait on the LORD
  Shall renew their strength;
  They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
  They shall run and not be weary,
  They shall walk and not faint.~
  Isaiah 40:31

  Okay, now this next thing may be one of the hardest things I will ask you to do, BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT! You must pray for the people who have custody of your children, whether it be your ex-husband and his girlfriend or someone else. I know--- You may choke on the words, and I can't promise it will get any easier, but if we ever want things to go right for us and our children, we have to follow the instructions from the Lord, which are:

  ~Love Your Enemies~
  "You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. ~
  Matthew 5:43-45

  FORGIVE,FORGIVE, AND FORGIVE
  This may seem like the hardest, but it is the easiest if you surrender it to God. Ask him to help you to forgive.

  You are saying, "Yeah, but you don't know my situation..." and you don't know mine. If you will e-mail me I will tell you how I do understand. I won't put the stories here, because the people involved are forgiven and when you do forgive you can't keep on bringing it up. No, you will not forget, but you do have to act like it never happened. When you are raising your child with another set of parents, you have to look at them as another set of parents of your child. You have to deal with them, kindly, civally, and with the love that Jesus shows us. What if Jesus said, "I forgive you, but I can't have anything to do with you. I can't love you. But I forgive you."? Doesn't seem much like forgiveness, does it?

  Here is some of what the Bible has to say about forgiveness:

  ~Matthew 6:14~
  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
  ~Matthew 18:21,22~
  Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
  ~Mark 11:25~
  "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
  HOW DO I FORGIVE?
  Well, the Bible tells us WHY we need to forgive. How to forgive is usually the hardest part. Forgiving others sets us free and keeps Satan from taking advantage of us. (II Cor. 2:10-11). Forgiveness is a choice; a decision of the will. It is something you CAN do.
  

  ~Romans 12:19 "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, 'Vengence is MINE, and I will repay," says the Lord.~ Let God deal with the person. If you do not forgive, you will be chained to the past and bound up in bitterness. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another's sin. You will live with the consequence whether you do so in forgiveness or in the bondage of bitterness. The cross made forgiveness legally and morally right. Do not wait for the the person to ask for your forgiveness. Forgive from your heart. Allow God, and not your flesh (your will, your mind)to bring to the surface painful memories and acknowledge how you feel toward those who have hurt you. He will begin to heal your damaged emotions. Do not allow Satan to take control and cause you to obsess over your situation.

  As I stated above, forgiveness is choosing not to hold someone's sin against them anymore. It also means choosing to treat that person as if it never happened. Take a stand against sin while you exercise grace and forgiveness towards those who have hurt you. Don't wait until you feel like it. YOU WILL NEVER FEEL LIKE IT! Once you choose to forgive, Satan will loose his hold on you and God can heal you.
  

  Pray this: Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive _________ for _______ because it made me feel _________. I choose to not hold onto my resentment. I relinguish my right to seek revenge and ask You to heal my damaged emotions. Thank You for setting me free from the bondage and my bitterness. I now ask you to bless those who have hurt me. In Jesus' name. Amen.
  

  My prayers are with you all.

  GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!

  También hablo español, chasco aquí
  para traducir cualesquiera de mis páginas a español. Usted puede también email yo en español.
  

  Helpful Links

  Non-custodial Moms Site with Forums and a lot of support!
  Bonus Families Website
  Mom's In Touch
  Non-Custodial Mom's Page
  Mother LinC
  Bible Gateway-Search for inspiration
  Non-Custodial Mother's Alliance
  MY HOME PAGE
  

  Non-Custodial Parent Webrings
  
  

  
  

  

  MY HOME PAGE
  

  Email: myspace.com/southrngypc