From: StevensToy Date sent: Tue, 16 Dec 1997 23:54:34 EST Subject: Aardvarks and Persimmon Cookies 5: All Tied Up; Supersoaker Fun TITLE: Aardvarks and Persimmon Cookies 5: All Tied Up; Supersoaker Fun AUTHOR: Heather S DISCLAIMER: In part one RATING: PG-13 for slight language CONTENT: Humor!!! SPOILERS: None Summary: After Skinner finds the "Tower O'Furniture", Mulder and Scully get tied up, Mulder gets kicked in the ribs, and there is a surprise visit by "Consuela", the evil recyclables woman. Mulder and Scully sat in their office, where they had gotten very tied up. Rather, Skinner had tied them to their chairs with some really cool knots that he learned in Vietnam after finding out what they had done to his office furniture while he was away. "I know this is not Bureau protocol," he began, "But things have gotten out of control. I just want to have a peaceful time the rest of the day today, then I can go home to my wife and drink some brandy and eggnog. So you two stay put until I come and get you at five," he called as he walked out of the office, shutting and locking the door behind him. "Uh-oh," Mulder said as the door shut. "What is it this time, Mulder?" "I have to go to the bathroom." Scully sighed and tried to scoot her chair closer to Mulder's to try and untie him, but her little feet didn't quite reach the ground. Mulder tried to move toward her, but he was distracted by a lone persimmon cookie he saw lying on a manila folder across the room. So he scooted in that direction instead, while Scully called out for him to come back. "It's not worth it, Mulder! Come back!" (She'd been watching that Indiana Jones movie about the Holy Grail the night before). But it was no use, and Mulder disappeared into the shadows of the other side of the office. "Damn it, Mulder! I'm sick and tired of you always putting those cookies before me! Now get over here RIGHT NOW!!!" Mulder, who had found that he couldn't reach the cookie with his feet, was trying to lean the chair back against the filing cabinet to reach the cookie. As Scully shouted, it startled him and he toppled over, banging his head on the cabinet as the chair hit the floor with a loud thud. "Ow, Scully.now look what you made me do!" he said, trying to give her the puppy-dog look. "You got what you deserve!" Scully said, loosening the ropes on her feet enough to scoot over to where Mulder lay on his back in the chair, happily munching on the cookie. As she reached him, she kicked him in the thigh with her high-heeled shoes. "What was that for?" Mulder squeaked, choking on the cookie. "That was MY cookie," she replied. "Well, Scully, what do you want to do now? We could always play some word games or something." he trailed off as Scully kicked him again, this time in the ribs. "Ow." "Shut up, Mulder." Twenty minutes later, they were still in the same position, Scully staring off into space and Mulder gazing at the ceiling of the office, looking at the spitballs he had shot up there last week. Even as he stared, one fell of and hit him in the nose. Scully snickered, but didn't say anything. Mulder tried to shift in the chair to find a more comfortable position, but Skinner had tied the ropes too tight. "Scully," he whined, "can you try and untie me?" "I don't think I will, Mulder.I like you better like that." "Ooh, Scully, getting a bit kinky, are we?" Another kick in the ribs. "No, Mulder. But this way, you can't get into any trouble." "Maybe not, but I can see up your skirt." Scully shifted and tried not to blush, but Mulder caught her. "Ha ha ha! I made you blush! And it wasn't even true!" Another kick in the ribs. "Scully, you've got to stop this, of I'm going to get you when we get out of here. I'm gonna.." He paused to think, and Scully could almost see the little gears overheating. "Well, I'm gonna do something bad to you, like throw you in the shower with all your clothes on and not let you out until you sing something from `Oklahoma' for me! Or, I'll tie you to a tree naked in the middle of town and paint you with edible body paints and charge guys $5 to lick it off." Scully frowned. "Mulder, you're getting stranger and stranger with every minute that passes. I think I'll untie you now before you get too frisky." So she quickly wrangled her way out of her bonds and untied Mulder, who was amazed. "Hey, where did you learn to do that so fast?" "I had a boyfriend in high school who was an escape artist. Problem was, he pulled a disappearing act one day and never came back." Mulder laughed, but then realized that she was serious. So he changed the subject, as most guys do when faced with a serious situation. "So, Scully, how about those Knicks?" This time she kicked him in the shin. "Okay, Mulder, what do you want to do now? We have to be tied up again by the time Skinner gets here.we have about 30 minutes to play before we can GO HOME! Yay!" Scully skipper around the room as best she could, still slightly full from the persimmon cookies, and then sat down in her chair while Mulder raced out of the room to go to the bathroom. She rolled over to Mulder's desk and munched on some of his sunflower seeds, idly flipping through the latest edition of the Lone Gunmen's magazine. She was reading an article on crop circles in Nashville that appeared to be a likeness to Elvis when there was a soft tap at the door. "Who's there?" she called. "Mulder?" There was no answer, so she walked over to the closed door. "Hello?" "Is Consuela," a soft voice replied. "Come for your recyclables." Scully opened the door and was immediately hit with a blast of icy-cold water as Mulder stood there with a SuperSoaker 2000. "Consuela mad at you for kicking FBI man in ribs!" he cried in a high-pitched, Spanish accent. "Consuela taking revenge on pretty red-haired FBI woman! Die, Red, Die!" and he charged after her with the gun pumping away. Scully ran down the hall, shrieking madly and soaked to the skin once more. How much more water could her silk blouse stand without being ruined? Mulder galloped after her, still in the persona of Consuela, the evil recyclables woman. Rounding the corner, she dashed into the stairwell and ran up the stairs with Mulder following after. She went up flight after flight, finding all the doors locked, and when she finally found an open one, she threw herself through it, panting like a racehorse. Mulder, still shooting water, came out of the opening a second later like a hamster through a crawl-tube. Scully ran down the carpeted, deserted hallway, noting that the surroundings looked very familiar, and ducked into the first available doorway. She stopped short as she realized that she was back again in Skinner's office, complete with the Tower O'Furniture and a surprised Skinner. "Agent Scully, aren't you supposed to be tied up down in your office? And where is Agent Mulder?" His question was answered as Mulder rushed into the office, screaming, "Beware Consuela! Consuela is out to get you, FBI woman!" But he stopped short as he found that he had just squirted Skinner with the last blast of water in his gun. "Uh-oh." "Mulder, I think we're in trouble again," Scully whispered, wringing out her hair. Skinner's head swelled up until Mulder thought it would explode. It turned pomegranate-red and his eyes almost crossed, he was so mad. How mad was he? "I am SOO mad at you!" he shouted. "Really mad!" he added, just to make his position on the matter clear. "Can't you two behave even when I tie you up? I want you both to go home now, and don't come back for three days!" Mulder and Scully looked at each other like Skinner was crazy. "Sir," Scully said, "The Bureau is closed for three days, remember?" Skinner was momentarily puzzled. "Good! Then don't come back until we're open again! And I want to see you in my"-he looked around at the Tower O'Furniture-"um, room here, at eight o'clock sharp! And bring me some of those persimmon cookies that your mother makes so well," he told Scully. "Then I might reconsider my decision to give you both a desk job for the next 10 years!" "Yes, sir," they said, slinking out of the office like weasels. Back in their own office, Mulder gathered his things together and headed for the door. "Merry Christmas, Scully," he called out as he walked towards the door. "Merry Christmas to you , too, Mulder!" "See you in a few days," he added as he put his hand on the doorknob. It was locked. They heard a deep chuckling from out in the hall, and keys jingling away towards the elevator. And was that a soft whistle of "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas"? "Uh-oh," said Mulder. "I think we really pissed Skinner off this time." ************************* THE END Ah, it's getting toward that time of year. Presents, trees, crowded shopping malls.how about you give the wonderful gift of feedback to a desperate author? I'd like to give a big YAY!!! To all the wonderful people that sent me feedback on the last one, and a big BOO!!! to those that did not and will not! But happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!