Date sent: Wed, 3 Dec 1997 21:00:42 -0500 (EST) From: StevensToy@aol.com Subject: Aardvarks... IV: Revenge of the Evil Stapler and Some Chair Legs TITLE: Aardvarks and Persimmon Trees IV: The Revenge of the Evil Stapler and Some Chair Legs AUTHOR: Heather S. RATING: G CONTENT: Humor!!!!!! DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, and if I did, I wouldn't have to write lots of fanfic. Possible Christmas present, Mr. Carter? Pleeze? I'll give you a persimmon! SPOILERS: None SUMMARY: When Skinner locks the misbehaving Mulder and Scully in his office, they do a little creative redecorating, make a tower of office furniture and eat a peanut-butter sandwich. Skinner turns into a tomato again, but is looking for some other sort of red fruit, as a tomato is not very exciting. *************** Mulder and Scully followed behind Skinner like two obedient dogs, except that Mulder was staging his own private rebellion by imitating Skinner behind his back and humming "If I Only Had A Brain", but substituting in the phrase "If I only had some hair." Scully was unaware of his plot and continued walking along, trying to wring out her hair and her blouse, which Mulder could see right through if he tried hard enough. And he tried very hard. Mulder stopped humming as soon as they reached Skinner's office, and quit imitating him. He was in enough trouble already. He didn't want to have to scrub the toilets, too. Skinner turned to them, still a little angry. "You two go sit in there until I get back from an important meeting with the Director-and remember: Behave yourselves! I'm going to have my secretary look in on you from time to time to be sure that you aren't ripping the place apart. I'll see you in about an hour and a half." He walked out the door, slamming it firmly behind him. Mulder and Scully turned to look at each other, trying not to giggle. Mulder pinched his nose to keep quiet, and Scully crossed her eyes and hopped on one foot. But the sight of the other one doing such silly things made them both burst out laughing until they fell to the floor, exhausted. Scully was the first to speak. "Boy, this carpet is soft," she said, running her fingers through it. "I could take a nap here for a long time." Mulder pondered this. "Okay," he finally said. "I wonder if Skinner has any cookies?" "Mulder-don't even think of it. We can get in big time trouble if we're caught!" "Come on, Scully- live dangerously. Let's take a quick peek. You ARE hungry, aren't you?" Scully nodded, and Mulder got up and walked over to the desk. The top of it was strewn with papers and manila folders and computer printouts, and there was a huge black metal stapler lying on top of the heap. Mulder picked it up, and the bottom part dropped off it and landed on his right foot. "IEEE!" Mulder shrieked, giving his best girly-scream, and jumped around until the pain went away. "Darned evil stapler," Mulder said, replacing it on the desk and going around to the drawers. "Scully, you get the filing cabinets." Together, they canvassed Skinner's entire office in a matter of minutes, and only came up with one peanut-butter sandwich and a Playboy magazine. "Interesting," Scully said. "Maybe you and Skinner could trade collections sometime." Mulder ignored her, torn between the Playboy and the sandwich. "I think I should get half the sandwich and the magazine." "No fair!" Scully cried. "You get more than I do!" "You want the Playboy, Scully?" "No, I guess not. Why don't you put that away and we can share the sandwich?" She tossed the magazine back into the bottom of a filing cabinet and sat down on the carpet. Mulder joined her, and soon only the sounds of contented munching came from the room. After she finished, Scully lay down on the carpet and fell asleep, her tummy full. Mulder looked around, trying to find something to do. His eyes settled on the stapler, and an idea came to him. So he ran over to the desk and, sure enough, there was a big shiny screwdriver! Without waking up Scully, Mulder grabbed the evil stapler and quickly disassembled it. Then he did the desk, and one of the three filing cabinets, and he was starting on the chairs when Scully woke up. "Mulder! What are you doing?!?!" "Uh.finding something to do while you sleep?" "Mulder." Mulder couldn't stop it anymore. "Fine, okay! I was bored! BORED! B-O-R-E-D!!! Ha! I said it, and you can't stop me!" and he waltzed around the room with a chair leg, high on his tiptoes. Scully tried to be the rational one, but Mulder quickly won her over by dangling one last persimmon cookie from the office in front of her face. "Okay, Mulder.let's take it all apart and use the pieces to make Skinner something really cool for a Christmas present!" Mulder agreed, and they set to work, affixing pieces of filing cabinet to chair legs and desk drawers to coat hangers. Soon they had a large *thing* in the middle of the bare room, and only a few spare pieces left over. Mulder threw these into the corner of the room and they stood back to admire their creation. "Well, Mulder, I guess we finally made a tower out of office furniture. Are you proud of us?" "Very. I think the Bureau should give us an award. What should we call it, Scully?" "Well, I think `Pile o' Furniture' is out of the question." "The thing I like about you best Scully is that you're so inventive. I think we should call it `Ode to Soggy Pumpernickel Bread.' Or how about `Cheez-Wiz and Garlic Cloves'? There's always `Slurpees and Fish Paste'. Well?" "Mulder, you're crazy." "And that's why you love me, Scully. Haven't you ever seen `Shine'?" "No, Mulder." They sat down on the carpet again and leaned up against the wall, waiting for Skinner to come and admire their creation. While they were waiting, they both dozed off from the effort of it all, and the first thing they heard when they awoke was: "WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You two are in deep *bleep* bleep* double-bleep!*" "Uh-oh, Scully.I don't think that Skinner likes our creation," Mulder said as Skinner screamed at them, his head turning into a giant tomato again. "No, Mulder, I think not." *************** THE END Okay.So are you going to send me some feedback now? I know more of you read this than I get feedback.Many thanks to the whopping 4 people that sent me feedback on the last one, and a big BOOO!! To those of you that are not going to! Please send some, it gives me strength to keep writing!