Date sent: Tue, 2 Dec 1997 23:46:50 -0500 (EST) From: StevensToy@aol.com Subject: Aardvarks and Persimmon Cookies III: Pumpernickel Bread and Soap Suds TITLE: Aardvarks and Persimmon Cookies III: Pumpernickel Bread and Soap Suds AUTHOR: Heather S. RATING: G SPOILERS: None DISCLAIMER: I'm just using them for fun. No infringement intended. Pumpernickel! CONTENT: Humor!!!! SUMMARY: While scrubbing the floor, Mulder has an epiphany and a tour gets an extra surprise. Scully gets no more cookies, and Skinner turns into a giant tomato. ************************* Scully looked up from the floor that she was scrubbing in annoyance as she heard another wolf-whistle. "Shut up, Meyer's," she bitched as he walked into the main hall of the J. Edgar Hoover FBI headquarters and stood over her, laughing. "So is this what working on the X-files has gotten you, huh, Scully? Don't you wish that you'd have went to work somewhere normal instead? Speaking of not normal, where's your partner?" As if on cue, Agent Mulder crawled around the corner of a huge statue on his hands and knees, pushing a bucket of soapy water and using a scrub brush with a vengeance. he coached himself, dragging the bucket behind him as he got closer to Scully, his knees soaking wet and that darned lock of hair falling in his face. "Hey, Scully, can we go now? I finished around the statue, and you've just about done the entire main seal. Please? We can go eat some more cookies!" Scully sat up and put down the scrub brush, wiping the hair out of her eyes with the back of one soapy hand. They had been working for about 2 hours now, and the work was dirty and tiring. "Mulder, you remember Agent Meyers, don't you?" But the man had mysteriously gone while Scully sat watching Mulder come around the corner. "Oh, never mind, he's gone. But no, we can't go until Skinner says we can." "So now you're inventing little friends to keep yourself company, Scully? Better watch out or you'll be as crazy as I am pretty soon." "He was here, but he left. I knew him from Quantico.we were in some of the same classes. I never liked him, he's a snot." Scully sighed, and picked up her brush again. "Scully, I'm bored with all this.I wanna go back to the office and play." Scully frowned and gave him her best Scully Death Glare. Mulder trembled like a leaf in a storm. "Mulder, look what happened the last time you got bored. I don't EVER want to hear that word out of your mouth again!" Mulder nodded, mute, and went back to scrubbing the floor. They worked in silence, undisturbed by anyone walking around, until he suddenly sat up as if hit with a sudden epiphany. "What's wrong now, Mulder?" "Ssh, I'm epiphinating," Mulder replied, and started pondering something that Scully couldn't discern. He sat there for a minute or two, staring off into space, then suddenly splashed dirty water from his bucket at Scully. "Pumpernickel bread!" "Hey! Mulder, don't do that!" Scully shrieked, slapping water back at him. Mulder retaliated by scooping a large handful of water at her, which got into her hair and turned it into a sopping wet auburn mass. Slipping and sliding on the wet polished surface, they continued to throw water at each other, creating a huge mess. Luckily, there was no one around to see them, especially when Scully grabbed the rest of her bucket, which was about half-full, and threw it onto Mulder's head. He shouted in surprise and fell to the floor, taking an annoyed Scully and Mulder's bucket with them. As they lay in a fast-spreading puddle of water, soaked to the skin and shivering, they heard a rumbling noise coming from the door. "What's that?" Mulder asked, squinting in that direction. "Elephants?" Scully, who's vision was sharper, looked shocked. "Oh, no." "What? Aliens?" "No. A TOUR!!!" Scully scrambled to clean up the mess before the tourists got to them, but she kept slipping on the wet surface in her pantyhose. Her shoes were nowhere to be seen, as was her blazer and Mulder's jacket. "I thought there weren't any tours today," Mulder said quizzically as he watched the horde of children, tourists and old people approach, led by an unsuspecting tour guide. "I think that Skinner won't like this at all. Nope." "And this is the Great Seal of the FBI.the seal is inscribed with the motto "Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity" and remains one of the most famous." the petite tour guide trailed off as she came upon the two wet and disheveled agents. "What are you doing here? Who are you?" "Special Agents Scully and Mulder," Scully said, trying to grab her badge, but she couldn't find it anywhere. She looked to Mulder, but he, too, had lost his somewhere. "Sure you are, and I'm Elvis." the tour guide said. Mulder gave her one of his patented Elvis impersonations, and she winced. "Whoever you are, you're trespassing. I'm calling security." She did, despite Mulder's protests, and two armed security guards were on the scene within a minute and had Mulder and Scully handcuffed. And if that wasn't bad enough, A.D. Skinner heard about 2 people caught in the Main Lobby, wet and disheveled, and rushed right down there to find his two favorite agents, Mulder and Scully. "Not you two again!" Skinner bellowed, his whole head turning the shade of a tomato. "What am I going to have to do with you two to get you to behave for the rest of the day? Put you in jail? Set you in my office with coloring books?" "Yeah! Coloring!" Mulder shouted, and Scully elbowed him in the ribs. "Oof." "I think I'll take you back to my office to decide," Skinner said, looking with some embarrassment at the group of tourists gaping at him stupidly. "Come with me. Sorry, folks." "Ha ha.you're in trouble!" a small boy shouted from the crowd, and Mulder stuck his tongue out at him. "Brat," he muttered, following obediently behind Skinner, Scully at his side. In the elevator on the way to his office, Skinner turned to the two agents. "Do you have anything to say for yourselves?" Scully shook her head. "Pumpernickel bread is a good alternative to persimmon cookies when you have a stomachache," Mulder said, and Skinner and Scully both whacked him in the ribs. "Oof," Mulder said. "but I'm not really bored anymore." **************************** THE END So, how are things going? I think I may write a few more in the series before I stop, should I? Suggestions are welcomed and used, and FEEDBACK is always worth a ChocoMulder or two!