What's My Line 1

Buffy: "We're having this thing at school."
Angel: "Career week?"
Buffy: "How did you know?"
Angel: "I lurk."
Buffy: "Well then, you know it's a whole week of 'What's my Line'...only, I don't get to play. Sometimes I just want..."
Angel: "You want what?"
Buffy: "..."
Angel: "It's okay."
Buffy: "The Cliffs Notes version? I want a normal life."

Buffy: "Do I like shrubs?"
Xander: "That's between you and your god."
Buffy: "What'd you put?"
Willow: "I came down on the side of shrubs."

Buffy: "No matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal."
Xander: "Yep. High risk. Sub-minimum wage."
Buffy: "Pointy wooden things."

Willow: "You're not even a teensy weensy bit curious about what kinda' career you could've had? I mean, if you weren't already a Slayer and all."
Buffy: "Do the words 'sealed in fate' ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?"
Xander: "You know, with that kind of attitude, you could've had a bright future as an employee at the D.M.V."

Buffy: "Unless Hell freezes over and every vamp in Sunnydale puts in for early retirement, I'd say my future is pretty much a non-issue."

Dalton: "It could be, uh, 'deprimere ille bubula linter.'"
Spike: "'Debase the beef...canoe.' Why does that strike me as not right?"

Spike: "Well, come on now. Enlighten me."
Vamp: "Uh, well, it looks like Latin, but it's not. I--I'm not even sure it's--it's a language actually I--"
Spike: "Then make it a language! Isn't that what a transcriber does?"

Spike: "Some people find pain...very inspirational."

Drusilla: "Now will you dance?"
Spike: "I'll dance with you, pet, on the Slayer's grave."

Buffy: "Does 'Rest in Peace' have no sanctity to you people? Oh, I forgot, you're not a people."

Buffy: "No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me."

Buffy: "I wish we could be regular kids."
Angel: "I'll never be a kid."
Buffy: "Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbin', creature-of-the-night boyfriend."

Buffy: "My Dorothy Hamill phase. My room in LA was pretty much a shrine. Dorothy dolls, Dorothy posters. I even got the Dorothy haircut, thereby securing a place for myself in the Geek Hall of Fame."

Angel: "When was the last time you put on your skates?"
Buffy: "'Bout a couple of hundred demons ago."

Cordelia: "Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper' or 'motivational speaker'. Neato!"
Xander: "'Motivational speaker'? On what? 'Ten Ways to a More Annoying You'?"

Buffy: "One down, one...gone."

Angel: "Buffy. You scared me."
Buffy: "Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy."

Buffy: "Just stopping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?"
Angel: "Excuse me?"
Buffy: "The pig."

Buffy: "What's up."
Angel: "Nothing."
Buffy: "Well, you don't have a 'nothing' face. You have a 'something' face. And you don't have to whisper. Mom's in LA 'til Thursday art...buying or something."
Angel: "Then...why'd you come in through the window?"
Buffy: "Habit."

Xander: "'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?
Buffy: "So, mark 'None of the above'."
Xander: "Well, there are no boxes for 'None of the above.' And that would introduce too many variables into their mushroom-headed, number-crunching, little world."
Willow: "I'm sensing bitterness."

Willow: "I'm kinda' curious to find out what sort of career I can have."
Xander: "What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
Willow: "You're not gonna' be young forever."
Xander: "Yes, but I'll always be stupid."
Buffy & Willow: "..."
Xander: "Okay, let's not all rush to disagree."
Buffy: "You're not stupid."

Cordelia: "'I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty, or something gross."

Xander: "Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a hand to the rich and pretty."
Cordelia: "Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice."
Xander: "Is murder always a crime?"

Giles: "It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance, most commonly a finger or some other body part from the saint."
Buffy: "Note to self: religion, freaky."

Giles: "Oh dear, oh dear."
Buffy: "I hate when you say that."

Buffy: "Excommunicated and sent to Sunnydale. There's a guy big with the sinning."

Buffy: "I'm guessing it wasn't a Taste of the Vatican cookbook."

Giles: "This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon."
Xander: "And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling League Championships?"
Giles: "Their credo is to sow discord, and kill the unwary."
Xander: "Bowling is a vicious game."
Giles: "That's enough, Xander!"

Buffy: "These assassins, why are they after me?"
Willow: "'Cause you're the scourge of the underworld?"
Buffy: "I haven't been that scourgey lately."

Buffy: "Try it!"
Oz: "Try what?"
Buffy: "I'm sorry."
Oz: "Still not clear what I'm supposed to try."
Buffy: "Nothing. God, I'm sorry, I..."
Oz: "That's a tense person."

Willow: "So Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected to the one you slayed last night? Or, is it 'slew'?"
Giles: "Both are correct, and yes, I'm sure."

Giles: "This article describes an invention of his which he called the Du Lac Cross."
Xander: "Now why go through all the trouble of inventing something and then giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I would have gone with the Cross-o-Matic, or the Amazing Mr. Cross."

Willow: "You and Angel are going skating? Alone?"
Buffy: "Unless some unforseen evil pops up. But I'm in full see-no-evil mode."
Willow: "Angel ice-skating."
Buffy: "I know. Two worlds collide."

Xander: "When you look at me, do you think 'prison guard'?"
Buffy: "Um, 'crossing guard' maybe, but 'prison guard'?"
Xander: "They just put up the assignments for the Career Fair, and according to my test results, I can look forward to being gainfully employed in the growing field of corrections."
Buffy: "Well, at least you'll be on the right side of the bars."
Xander: "Ha ha ha ha, laugh now, missy, they assigned you to the booth for law enforcement professionals."
Buffy: "As in police?"
Xander: "As in polyester, donuts, and brutality."
Buffy: "Uhhh."
Willow: "But...donuts!"
Buffy: "Uhhh!"

Buffy: "First, I have to deal with Giles. He's on this Tony Robbins hyper-efficiency kick. Expects me to check in every day after homeroom. Police?"

Willow: "Ya' didn't check to see what seminar I was assigned to, did you?"
Xander: "I did, and you weren't."
Willow: "I wasn't what?"
Xander: "On the list."
Willow: "But, I handed in my test. I used a Number 2 pencil."
Xander: "Then I guess you must have passed."
Willow: "It's not the kind of test you pass or fail."

Giles: "I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You'd be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were."
Buffy: "Color me stunned."

Buffy: "They had tools, flashlights, whole nine yards. What's that mean, anyway? Whole nine yards. Nine yards of what? Uhh, now it's gonna' bug me all day. Giles, you're in pace mode. What gives?"
Giles: "Um, this vampire who escaped. Did you see what he took?"
Buffy: "No, but I can take a guess and say it was something old."

Buffy: "You know, if you don't like the way I'm doing my job, why don't you find somebody else? Oh, that's right, there can only be one. As long as I'm alive, there is no one else. Well, there you go. I don't have to be the Slayer. I could be dead."
Giles: "That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I didn't laugh."
Buffy: "Wouldn't be much of a change."

Buffy: "So you're saying these vampires went through all this hassle for your basic decoder ring?"

Willow: "Goody! Research party!"
Xander: "Will, you need a life in the worst way."

Buffy: "I mean, you guys are the brains. I'd only be here for moral support anyway."
Xander: "That's untrue, Buffy, you totally contribute -- you go for snacks!"
Willow: "She should go. You know, gather her strength."
Giles: "Perhaps you're right. There may be fierce battles ahead."
Xander: "But Ho-Ho's are a vital part of my cognitive process!"

Buffy: "The Hellmouth presents Dead Guys on Ice. Not exactly the evening we were aiming for."
Angel: "You're in danger. You know what the ring means?"
Buffy: "That I just killed a Superbowl champ?"

Buffy: "God, you act like I picked this gig, but remember, I'm the picked."
Giles: "What you have...is more than...a gig. It's a sacred duty, which shouldn't prevent you from eventually pursuing some more gainful form of employment, such as I did."
Buffy: "But, Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together, like chicken and...another chicken...or two chickens, or...something--you know what I'm saying! The point is, no one blinks an eye if you wanna' spend all your days with books. What am I supposed to do? Carve stakes for a nursery?"
Giles: "Point taken. I must admit, I've never really...well now, there's a thought, have you ever considered law enforcement?"
Buffy: "..."

Willow: "I've never seen Buffy like that. She just took off."
Xander: "Well, she didn't go home. I let the phone ring a few hundred times before I remembered her mom is out of town."
Giles: "Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone?"
Xander: "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone."

Giles: "Perhaps my words of caution were a little too alarming."
Xander: "Ya' think?!"

Willy: "I'm livin' right, Angel."
Angel: "Sure you are, Willy...and I'm takin' up sunbathing."

Angel: "You know, I'm a little rusty when it comes to killing humans. It could take a while."

Giles: "Xander? No, no, I haven't heard from Buffy yet. Look-look, uh, I think you should go to her house and check on her. Well, right a--right away. Uh, I don't know! Get Cordelia to drive you."

Willow: "Don't warn the tadpoles!!!"

Giles: "'Don't warn the tadpoles'?"
Willow: "I...I have frog fear."

Cordelia: "I can't even believe you. You drag me out of bed for a ride? What am I? Mass transportation?"
Xander: "That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind."
Cordelia: "Oh great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag."
Xander: "I like to think of you as my witless foil, but have it your way."

Xander: "Come on, Cordelia, if you wanna' be a member of the Scooby gang, you gotta' be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then."
Cordelia: "Right, 'cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented, homeless man."
Xander: "Buffy could be in trouble."
Cordelia: "And what if she is, exactly? What are you gonna' do about it? In case you haven't noticed, you're the lameness and she's the super chick or whatever."
Xander: "At least I'm the lameness who cares, which is more than I can say about you."

Buffy: "Thanks for the wake-up, but I'll stick with my clock radio."

Buffy: "Come on, don't make me do the chick fight thing."
Kendra: "'Chick fight'?"
Buffy: "You know."

Kendra: "Who are you?"
Buffy: "Who am I? You attacked me! Who the hell are you?!"
Kendra: "I'm Kendra...the Vampire Slayer." Spike: "Trouble? She's the gnat in my ear. The gristle in my teeth. She's the bloody thorn in my bloody side!"

Vamp: "The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?"
Spike: "No, I think it's just enough kill."

Xander: "Willow, what are you doing here? Fly. Be free, little bird. You defy category."

Xander: "I wanna' walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person."
Principal Snyder: "..."
Xander: "Not tiny in the small sense, of course...okay, I'm done."

Principal Snyder: "Where is she?"
Willow: "Who?"
Principal Snyder: "You know who."
Willow: "You mean Buffy? I just saw her--"
Principal Snyder: "And don't feed me that 'I just saw her a minute ago, she's around here somewhere' story."
Willow: "But I did...just see her a minute ago, and she is...around here somewhere."
Xander: "And for what it's worth--"
Principal Snyder: "It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath, an airborne toxic event."
Xander: "Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you."
Principal Snyder: "Fascinating."

Giles: "You're behaving remarkably immaturely."
Buffy: "You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature."

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