Dead Man's Party

Buffy:  "I'd like to find Willow and Xander."
Joyce:  "Will you be slaying?"
Buffy:  "Only if they give me lip."

Joyce:  "You must be starving."
Buffy:  "I was until that four-course snack you served me after dinner."

Buffy:  "Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing around with pointy sticks?  It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye."

Cordelia:  "Come in, Nighthawk!  Everything okay?"
Buffy:  "'Nighthawk'?"

Buffy:  "What if he's mad?"
Xander:  "'Mad'?  Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about you?  Maybe we should wait out here."

Xander:  "Check it out.  The Watcher is back on the clock.  And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a... a looker or a... a seer."
Giles:  "Thank you, Xander."

Buffy:  "I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first."
Giles:  "Yes, yes, of course.  How, how did you find her?"
Buffy:  "Well, I pretty much remembered the address."

Oz:  "Hey, so you're not wanted for murder anymore."
Buffy:  "Good.  That was such a drag."

Xander:  "Did you go to Belgium?"
Buffy:  "Why would I go to Belgium?"
Xander:  "I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you?  Belgium!"

Cordelia:  "So were you, like, living in a box or what?"
Buffy:  "Well, it's a long story."
Xander:  "So skip the heartwarming stuff about kindly old people and saving the farm and get right to the dirt."

Buffy:  "You guys seem down with the slayage, all tricked out with your walkies and everything."
Cordelia:  "Yeah, but the outfits suck.  This whole Rambo thing is so over.  I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe."

Willow:  "We dusted nine out of ten."
Oz:  "Six out of ten."
Willow:  "Six out of ten."

Buffy:  "Well, thank you for the offer, but I think I just wanna' get back to my normal routine.  You know, school, slaying.  Kid's stuff."

Xander:  "Oh, I would, but, uh, I'm kind of tied up."
Cordelia:  "You wish."

Buffy:  "Mom is making an appointment with his ugliness.  I know she can break him."

Joyce:  "But... you can't keep her out of school.  You don't have the right."
Principal Snyder:  "I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school.  I'd describe myself as tingly."

Principal Snyder:  "Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student.  And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry, another tingle moment."

Principal Snyder:  "I'm quite sure that a girl with the talents and abilities of Buffy will land on her feet.  In fact, I noticed as I came in this morning that Hot Dog on a Stick is hiring.  You will look so cute in that hat."

Joyce:  "This isn't over.  If I have to, I'll go all the way to the mayor."
Principal Snyder:  "Wouldn't that be interesting."

Buffy:  "Private school?  You mean, like jackets and kilts?  You want me to get field hockey knees?"
Joyce:  "It's not that bad."
Buffy:  "What about home schooling?  You know, it's not just for scary religious people anymore."

Joyce:  "What if I invited Willow and Mr. Giles and everybody over for dinner tomorrow night.  Don't you think that would be nice?"
Buffy:  "..."
Joyce:  "Since I sort of already did, I was hoping for a 'yes'."

Joyce:  "Run down and get the company plates."
Buffy:  "Mom, Willow and everybody aren't company-plate people.  They're normal-plate people."
Joyce:  "We never have guests for dinner.  Indulge your mother?"

Buffy:  "Next time, I get to pick the mother-daughter bonding activity."

Joyce:  "Do you wanna' say something?"
Buffy:  "Like what?  'Thanks for stopping by and dying'?"

Buffy:  "Am I dreaming?"
Angel:  "I'm probably the wrong person to ask."

Buffy:  "I'm afraid."
Angel:  "You should be."

Joyce:  "I've been on the phone with the superintendent of schools.  At least he seems more reasonable than that nasty little horrid bigoted rodent man."

Buffy:  "A girls school?  So now it's jackets, kilts, and no boys?  Care to throw in a little foot-binding?"

Joyce:  "It's not your fault you have a special circumstance.  They should make allowances for you."
Buffy:  "Mom, I'm a Slayer.  It's not like I need to ride a little bus to school."

Joyce:  "I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a... a superhero.  Is that the right word?  I mean, it's not offensive, is it?"

Buffy:  "Welcome to the Hellmouth petting zoo."

Buffy:  "You know, I wanted forest pine or April fresh, but Mom wanted dead cat."

Buffy:  "You know, I love art talk as much as the next very dull person, but we have work to do, Giles.  Research mode."

Oz:  "It looks dead.  It smells dead.  Yet it's moving around.  That's interesting."

Cordelia:  "Nice pet, Giles.  Don't you like anything regular?  Golf, USA Today, or anything?"

Giles:  "I'm trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave.  It's not as if I'm going to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk."

Oz:  "Well, I like it.  I think you should call it Patches."

Cordelia:  "I'm the dip."
Xander:  "Uh, you gotta' admire the purity of it."
Cordelia:  "What?  Onion dip.  Stirring, not cooking.  It's what I bring."

Oz:  "Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings.  Shindig:  dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage.  And hootenanny:  well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny."

Xander:  "Well, I hate brie."
Cordelia:  "I know.  It smells like Giles' cat."
Giles:  "It's not my --!"

Xander:  "And what'll we talk about at a gathering anyway?  'So, Buffy, did you meet any nice pimps on your travels?  And, oh, by the by, thanks for ruining our lives for the past three months.'"

Xander:  "She doesn't want to talk about it, we don't want to talk about it, so why don't we just shut up and dance?"

Oz:  "Yeah, I think I could supply some dingo action."

Xander:  "Okay, so one vote from the old guy for a smelly cheese night, and how many votes for actual fun, huh?"

Buffy:  "Do you want to see my mom?"
Pat:  "Please--."
Buffy:  "MOM!!!"

Xander:  "Some kind of party, huh?  I guess a lot of people are glad to have you back."
Buffy:  "It seems like people I didn't even know missed me."

Xander:  "I mean, it's great to have the Buffster back.  Isn't it?"
Cordelia:  "Totally!  Except you were kind of turning me on with that whole boy Slayer look."
Xander:  "Was I now?"
Cordelia:  "You bet, Nighthawk."

Guest:  "This party?  Heard it was for some chick that just got out of rehab."

Guest:  "Party Villa.  Can I rock you?"

Guest:  "Yeah!  Fiesta foul!  You gotta' do a shot!"

Giles:  "I need to speak to Buffy!  Now!"
Guest:  "Bunny?"

Guest:  "Sorry, he's not here.  You got the wrong casa, Mr. Belvedere."

Willow:  "You're leaving again?  What, you just stopped by for your lint brush and now you're ready to go?"

Willow:  "Oh no, have a great time.  Oh, oh, and don't forget to not write."

Buffy:  "I'm trying."
Willow:  "Wow, and it looks so much like giving up."

Willow:  "I, I'm having all sorts of... I'm dating.  I, I'm having serious dating with a werewolf.  And, and I'm studying witchcraft and, and killing vampires.  And I didn't have anyone to talk to about all this scary life stuff."

Giles:  "Unbelievable.  'Do you like my mask?  Isn't it pretty?  It raises the dead.'  Americans."

Joyce:  "Buffy, what is this?"
Willow:  "She was running away again."

Joyce:  "You know what?  I don't care.  I don't care what your friends think of me or you for that matter, because you put me through the ringer, Buffy.  I mean it.  And I've had Schnapps."

Buffy:  "Punish you?  I didn't do this to punish you."
Xander:  Well, you did.  You should've seen what you put her through."
Buffy:  "Great.  Thanks.  Anybody else want to weigh in here?  How about you by the dip?"
Jonathan:  "No thanks.  I'm good."

Xander:  You can't just bury stuff, Buffy.  It'll come right back up to get you."

Giles:  "Oh, good show, Giles."

Giles:  "Like riding a bloody bicycle!"

Xander:  "Look, I'm sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles."

Cordelia:  "Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute, okay?  I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right?  Naturally, I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault --."
Buffy:  "Cordy!  Get out of my shoes."

Xander:  "Let her finish!  You at least owe her that."
Buffy:  "God, Xander, do you think you could at least stick to annoying me on your own behalf?"
Xander:  Fine.  You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you."
Buffy:  "Oh, you wanna' talk acting like an idiot, Nighthawk?"

Willow:  "Talking about it isn't helping, we might as well try some violence."
<zombies crash the party>
Willow:  "I was being sarcastic!"

Joyce:  "Are these vampires?"
Buffy:  "Uh, I don't think so."
Willow:  "Buffy, heads up!"
<Buffy catches stake and plunges it into zombie's heart>
Buffy:  "No, not vampires."

Xander:  "Man, this sucker wobbles, but he won't fall down!"

Joyce:  "What do we do if they get in?"
Xander:  "I kind of think we die!"

Giles:  "Cordelia, it's me!  It's me!"
Cordelia:  "How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles?"
Giles:  "Cordelia, do stop being tiresome."
Cordelia:  "It's him."

Oz:  "I think the dead man's party's moved upstairs."

Oz:  "Well, what happens if they get the mask?"
Giles:  "If one of them puts it on, they become the demon incarnate."
Cordelia:  "Worse than a zombie."
Giles:  "Yes, worse."

Xander:  "Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good."

Buffy:  "Not looking.  Not looking!"

Buffy:  "Hey, Pat.  <shoves shovel into Mobani's eyes>  Made you look."

Joyce:  "So, is this a typical day at the office?"
Buffy:  "No.  This was nothing."

Giles:  "I'd like to have a word with you."
Principal Snyder:  "If that word is 'Buffy', then I have two words for you:  'good' and 'riddance'."

Giles:  "You had no grounds for expelling her."
Principal Snyder:  "I have grounds, I have precedent, and a tingly kind of feeling."

Principal Snyder:  "Sorry, I'm not convinced."
Giles:  <grabs Snyder>  "Would you like me to convince you?"

Willow:  "I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch.  That takes years.  I just did a couple pagan blessings, and a... teeny glamour to hide a zit."

Willow:  "I tried to communicate with the spirit world, and I so wasn't ready for that.  It's like being pulled apart inside.  Plus I blew the power for our whole block.  Big scare."
Buffy:  "I wish I could've been there with you."

Buffy:  "You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?"
Willow:  "It's like a drug!"

Buffy:  "I'm the bad.  I can take my lumps... for a while."
Willow:  "All right.  I'll stop giving you a hard time... runaway."
Buffy:  "Will!"
Willow:  "I'm sorry... quitter."
Buffy:  "Whiner."
Willow:  "Bailer."
Buffy:  "Harpy."
Willow:  "Delinquent."
Buffy:  "Tramp."
Willow:  "Bad seed."
Buffy:  "Witch."
Willow:  "Freak!"