BUFFY: Ha! Touchdown! Oh yeah. Go team me.
RILEY: Anybody ever tell team you the quarterback throws like a girl?
BUFFY: I do? (Buffy frowns, takes a grip on the ball and throws it. It hits Riley in the face and he falls down.)
BUFFY: Ooh, sorry!
XANDER: (watching buffy and riley play football)I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running... Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?
ANYA: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.
TARA: Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.
WILLOW: I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks.
RILEY: Uh, Buffy slayed the football.
XANDER: The, uh, fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.
BUFFY: Willow, check you out! Witch-fu.
WILLOW: I didn't do it! I didn't do it!
WILLOW: Just call me the computer whisperer.
WILLOW: Oh, god. Well, I guess. Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?
GILES: Did that mean yes?
WILLOW: Yeah.
WILLOW: You're ... what? But you can't! You're ... Buffy's Watcher.I mean, in a fired way, but...
GILES: Well, it's become quite obvious that Buffy doesn't need me. I-I don't say that in a self-pitying way, I'm, I'm quite proud, actually.
WILLOW: But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched! Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball.
BUFFY: Well, vamps don't really care what time it is. You know, dark equals dinner bell.
BUFFY: Who are you?
Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
BUFFY:(looks starstruck) Get out!
WILLOW: Xand ... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone.
XANDER: News flash, Will. Everybody knows.
WILLOW: No, this isn't about me and Tara.
XANDER: Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty.
BUFFY: So lemme get this straight. You're ... (in Dracula's accent) "Dracula." The guy, the count.
DRACULA: I am.
BUFFY: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Cause ... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
DRACULA: You know who I am. As I would now without question that you are Buffy Summers.
BUFFY: You're heard of me?
DRACULA: Naturally. You're known throughout the world.
BUFFY: Naw. Really?
DRACULA: Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned ... killer.
BUFFY: Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, killer just sounds so...
DRACULA: Naked?
BUFFY: Like I ... paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember?
DRACULA: Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it.
BUFFY: No. You know what I feel? Bored.
XANDER: Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy.
DRACULA: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
XANDER: No, we're not going to (in Dracula's accent) "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? (As the Count on Sesame Street) Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!
BUFFY: Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula.
XANDER: Wow, really? (Hurries to stand behind Buffy) Hey, sorry, man, I was ... just jokin' around.
BUFFY: Bat! Ooh, bat!
XANDER: And then frigging Dracula's standing right behind us.
WILLOW: And then, he lunges at us, like whoosh!
XANDER: He totally looked shorter in person.
BUFFY: I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? Count Famous heard of me.
RILEY: I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now.
BUFFY: I'm sorry. Am I repeat-o-girl? I was just ... blown away.
WILLOW: Sexy? I bet he made it sound sexy.
BUFFY: Kinda. He of the dark penetrating eyes and lilty accent.
TARA: You thought Dracula was sexy?
WILLOW: Oh! No. He, he was ... yuck.
ANYA: Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko.
ANYA: Well, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from, from a whole ... evil thing perspective.
XANDER: (scoffs) Please. He was no big whoop.
WILLOW: No big whoop?? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome!
GILES: It must have been, yes. I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that.
WILLOW: Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!
WILLOW: Didn't you guys ... think that?
BUFFY: Actually, I was more thinking, 'Bat!'
RILEY: I'm kinda wired. Maybe I should just let you get your rest.
BUFFY: You sure? I mean, maybe if you just lie down with me...
RILEY: (grinning) Nothing you are about to say will lead to rest.
ANYA : You should just mention my name if you see him again.
XANDER: Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private.
ANYA: Oh please, don't tell me you're jealous.
DRACULA: You are magnificent.
BUFFY: I bet you say that before you bite all the girls.
RILEY: Here's a jelly one, you want it?
BUFFY: No.
XANDER: Got it! Got it. Mine, mine.
WILLOW: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.
XANDER: Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master. ...bator.
WILLOW: A lot of it we already knew. Turnoffs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic. Turnons: nice duds, minions, long slow bites that last for days...
WILLOW: He, he can read and control minds... appear in dreams...
BUFFY: Uh huh.
WILLOW: Makes sense. That stare ... he just kinda ... looked right through you. Didn't you feel it, Buffy?
BUFFY: No.... No, I didn't.
XANDER: See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince...bator.
JOYCE: He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale.
WILLOW: A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes.
JOYCE: I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for coffee, it's just ... Oh, when you girls are older you'll understand. It's hard to date. Sometimes you just ... feel like giving up on men altogether.
(Willow and Tara sneak little looks at each other and try not to grin.)
ANYA: How come I have to be here slayer-sitting while the other guys get to look for Dracula?
XANDER: I'm supposed to deliver you to the master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?
BUFFY: Take me to him.
DRACULA: I knew you'd come.
BUFFY: Why? Because I'm under your thrall? (Whips out Mister Pointy ) Well, guess again, pal.
DRACULA: Put the stake down.
BUFFY: Okay. (Puts it down) Right. That ... was not ... you. I did that. I did that because ... I wanted to.
BUFFY: Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing.
RILEY: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?
GILES: Uh, a castle?
RILEY: A big honking castle.
XANDER: Nobody harms my master.
RILEY: Your master?
XANDER: You want him? You come through me.
(Riley punches him in the face. He falls down.)
RILEY: Okey-dokey.
DRACULA: (whispering) You think you know ... what you are ... what's to come. You haven't even begun.
(Buffy looks at his arm and puts her mouth on the bloody wrist)
DRACULA: Find it. The darkness. Find your true nature.
BUFFY: (softly) Wow!( Sends Dracula flying across the table and slides on his back)...That was gross.
GILES: Oh, my shoe. Silly me, I'll just pop-
RILEY: No no no, sir! No more chick pit for you. Come on.
XANDER: Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
BUFFY: He's gone.
XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
BUFFY: Check. No more butt-monkey.
RILEY: It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here.
GILES: I was not making time! I, I was, uh, just about to kill those, uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me.
Riley: Right, You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?
BUFFY: I'm outta here. Riley and I are going to the movies.
JOYCE: Okay. Have a good time.
BUFFY:(looking at Dawn)What are *you* doung here?!?
JOYCE: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?
Buffy and Dawn (in unison): Mommmmmm!
